by Mic Shannon
“Yeah, I know who he is. Thanks.”
--- 3:31 pm ---
By the time he caught up to Manny, he was more than annoyed, he was angry. He liked the kid, but he hated people touching his things. It took him awhile to calm down. He knew Manny was doing it to help him, so how mad could he be? He just didn’t want him to start looking through his stuff and find the money without an explanation.
“Manny,” he yelled as he jogged toward him, flagging him down, “Manny, wait.”
Manny turned around with a warm smile, “Hey, what’s up man?”
“What did you do with my bag?” he barked, “Where is it?”
“Whoa, relax, what’s going on?”
“My bag, do you have it?”
“Oh, your book bag! Oh, nah, I threw it in the dumpster. Didn’t think you needed it.”
“What?!”
“I’m kidding, calm down. It’s in my locker. Relax.”
“Yo, stop touching my shit!” Michael yelled, “You’re always doing too much! Who told you to grab my book bag?”
Manny looked at him with confusion, clearly hurt by Michael’s brash attitude. He didn’t say anything, just stared at him. He looked away and wiped his eye with the back of his hand.
“Sorry man, I was just trying to help.”
Michael’s expression changed. He didn’t think Manny would start to cry, an immediate reminder that he had only turned 14 a few months ago. His mean facial expression softened as he threw his arm around Manny’s shoulder.
“I know. I’m sorry. Just…I had some important stuff in there that I thought I lost. You understand?”
“So what,” snapped Manny, pushing Michael’s arm off him, “that doesn’t mean come yell at me! I’m always nice to you, and all you do is push me away, like I’m nobody to you. I don’t even know why I wanted to be like you!”
Manny stormed away almost in tears and didn’t look back.
“Wait, Man-Man,” said Michael as he watched the kid walk away, wiping his face and sniffing, “aw, come on, please?”
Manny just kept on walking.
--- 5:17 pm ---
Michael sat in the park by the group home, just him and his thoughts, and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He had spent the last year of his life building a shell around him to block out the world, and today was the first day that he realized that he was blocking out the people that he loved the most. He had no one now. He remembered after his mother died, and the hospital staff had asked him about any friends or family who might want to be notified. He remembered his exact response: “I don’t have any family”. But that day when he returned from the hospital, Ms. Tanya and Manny were sitting out front waiting for him. He still had people who cared. Even Cynthia, although he doubted she cared anything about him anymore.
When he finally arrived back at the group home, the atmosphere was lonely. Manny looked at him, then left the room and went upstairs. Ms. Tanya shot him a look as if she had been there for the whole conversation. She didn’t know exactly what was wrong, but she did know that Manny was hurting and Michael had done it. She came over and sat down next to Michael.
“Boy,” she said to him, concerned, “I don’t know what you did, but you need to go fix it.”
“I know Ms. Tanya, I just…”
“No, you don’t know,” she interrupted, “Manny is a very troubled child. He’s been here for quite a few years so I know how he is. Hard on the outside, but delicate. Whatever you said or did to him, I’m sure in your eyes it was nothing, but to him, it crushed him.”
“I’m starting to see that now Ms. Tanya,”
“Yeah, well, you need to go make it right.”
He paused for a moment, “Ms. Tanya,” he said, “can I ask you a question?”
“Sure honey, what is it?”
“Am I a bad person?”
“Listen,” she said, pausing before her response, “my father once told me that within each of us are two beasts…one good, and one evil. Either one of them could consume you and make you who you are. One will win, and one won’t. It all depends on which one you feed.”
That evening was one of the longest that he could remember in a long time. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he had hurt Manny and Cynthia with his attitude. He had pushed away the people that he wanted to keep close. He wondered if they would ever forgive him.
MON, MAY 1st, 2034
Alexandria, VA, USA
10: 15 am
T he whole weekend dragged on longer than usual. Manny still hadn’t spoken to him, despite his efforts. In the hallway when Manny saw him coming, he had ignored him and walked away as if he didn’t exist. He had never asked Manny about anything he had been through, but he knew that whatever happened in his past was undoubtedly the reason why he was able to hurt him so deeply.
At lunch, he saw Cynthia sitting with her friends. He wanted to say something, but he wasn’t sure there was much else to say. She was still upset with him at the least. But today, the courage of his mother’s words started to overcome his fear. Something had to change.
He got up from his seat and walked over to the table where she was sitting with Bucky and his friends. As he approached from behind her chair, the table got quiet. Someone tapped Cynthia and pointed toward Michael as she turned around to see him standing there.
“Go to prom with me,” he said.
She stared at him, confused.
“What am I doing?” he thought, “This was a bad idea.”
“What?” she asked, surprised and taken aback by his approach.
He looked around at the other kids at the table staring back at him. It was quiet. The whole table looked at Cynthia, awaiting her response as if they had asked her the same question. No one said anything.
“Sorry,” he said, “I’m sorry. I…don’t know. I didn’t mean to bother you.”
He turned around and walked away, anxious to escape the awkwardness at the table. As he walked away he could hear the girls chattering to her. ‘Did he just ask you to prom?’ followed by laughter.
He sat back down at his table and looked at his lunch. There was still about twenty minutes left before his next class, but he got up and made his way over to the garbage can to throw his tray away. He didn’t want to stick around for fear of further embarrassment.
--- 3:15 pm ---
When school let out, he walked out of the front door and down the stairs, glad the day was finally over. Manny stood at the bottom of the stairs with Michael’s book bag in hand. As he approached, Manny tossed it to him and began to walk away.
“Wait, Man-Man hold up. C’mon.”
He turned around, agitated, and stared at him.
“Walk with me, please?” pleaded Michael.
Manny hesitated before he spoke, “Fine.”
As they began to walk, they took a different route than usual. Michael took Manny to his old apartment complex. The same kids were outside, but they weren’t playing childish games anymore. They had taken to stealing, selling guns, and doing prescription drugs, perpetuating violence on the streets as they had seen exemplified by their role models. He led Manny over to a spot where he used to hang out when he didn’t want to be bothered. There was a flight of concrete stairs leading down to a maintenance door which always stayed locked.
“Sit down,” he said to Manny.
They both sat down on the stairs. Michael opened his book bag and reached inside of it. Everything was still there. He looked over at Manny.
“Listen, I’m really sorry about everything yesterday. I didn’t tell anyone this, but when I came to this apartment complex, I was able to grab some of my mother’s personal items. I was afraid of losing them, you understand?”
“Yes,” said Manny quietly.
“You know, Manny, I never told you this, but when my mom got sick it really hurt. First, I was sad. Then, when she got too weak to cook or clean, the state came and took me. It really messed me up, man. It was like my life was over.”
Manny looked down at the ground, understanding all too well.
“I remember when they came to get me,” said Manny, reminiscing in thought, “I was only six. My mom was an addict. She would always be yelling and cussing at me and my older brother. ‘Where’s my stuff’, she would say. ‘Where’s my stuff I need my stuff’. She would always accuse us of taking it or hiding it and then hit us. And then, when she couldn’t find it, she would go out onto my block and that guy, the drug dealer I guess, he would invite her in for about twenty minutes and then she would come back in and throw everything around until she found her pipe. I still remember the smell. It was like…chemicals burning or something.”
“I’m sorry Manny,” he said, placing his hand on his shoulder.
“It’s ok,” he said, “I don’t think about her too much anymore. I mean, those first few years I did all the time. I saw other kids’ parents come home from rehab and fight to get them back. I guess…I guess I just thought she would always come back for me. I used to care about us being together again, but now, I guess I just hope she’s alright wherever she is.”
“Where’s your brother now?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in years.”
Michael sat and listened, his heart softening. He reached over and put his arm around Manny’s shoulders as Manny wiped away a tear. He opened his book bag, reached inside, and grabbed the bag of money.
“My mom left this for me,” he said, “I was thinking that maybe after graduation we could run away and find a better place to live.”
“Holy crap, how much is it?”
“I dunno,” he said, “I haven’t really counted it but I know it’s a lot because it’s all hundreds.”
“You ever been to Florida?” Manny asked.
“No, have you?”
“No. But I’ve always wanted to go. I used to see the flyers with all the happy kids at Disney World. We should go, bro!”
“Deal,” he said. He wasn’t sure if it was enough, but at this point it didn’t matter.
“Michael,” said Manny, looking up at him through tired, sad eyes.
“What’s up buddy?”
“You’re my best friend, man. I mean that.”
“Yeah, well,” Michael paused for a moment, “you’re my only friend.”
--- 5:03 pm ---
As Michael lay back on his bed, he cracked the old dingy book back open. He couldn’t wait to dive back into it, wondering which mysteries of life it would reveal today.
The reality of existence is that we have one purpose
To live, yes
To die, inevitable
But to create a better world for the next generation, that is our true duty
People wander the globe, oblivious to the things that go on before their eyes
Alas, we must learn to love each other
Otherwise, our downfall will be swift and sudden
It comforted him. It was as if his mother knew that he would need these words when she originally wrote them. She was speaking of the nature of people, and their struggles to attain true happiness. It was becoming more apparent to him that his hard shell needed to be cracked open. He turned the page
Whether I am understood or not, there is relevance in my words
I have done my duty to the best of my ability
I’ve always looked to the sky, as all have
Now, in my DREAMS
I will fly away and never come back
On the wings of Truth, Honor, and Virtue
And so, this is my oath
It is not what we do that is known that matters
But what we do in secret
“Hey big bro, what’s up” said Manny from the doorway.
Michael shut the book quickly and scoffed, “You scared me again Man-Man! You gotta stop doing that”
“What are you reading?” he asked, “I’ve never seen you read anything before.”
“It’s my mom’s diary,” he replied.
“Oh snap,” he said, “let me see!”
“Nah, Manny,” he replied, placing the book underneath his blanket, “this one I save for me.”
“Oh…ok. That’s cool man.”
Manny stood in the doorway for a moment, as if he had no particular reason for coming into the room to see him. He walked over and flopped down onto the empty bed across from Michael’s.
“So listen, we’re gonna go down to the park and play again tomorrow. Wanna come?”
“Yeah, I mean…” he looked at Manny’s warm smile, “yeah, of course Manny.”
“Cool, I’ll see you then bro.”
Manny got up and ran out of the room, grabbing the doorway and swinging himself around out into the hall, disappearing in a flash. Michael got up and closed the door, then returned to his bed and flopped down onto his back. His thoughts switched to the journal.
“In secret?” Michael said to himself, puzzled by the entry. What did she mean? If this was a book about thoughts after being diagnosed, then what was she a part of that was a secret? Had there been something amongst the group that she had fellowshipped with? Were they helping other people in silence?
Michael stretched his arms out with a loud, audible yawn, and rolled over to his side, pulling the covers over his body and placing the book underneath his pillow. The thought of his mother and the book still intrigued him. He imagined a covert organization, passing envelopes in public places and contacts giving secret handshakes as they guard the world’s most important information. But of course, that wasn’t really the case.
She was simply a cancer patient, stricken with a disease that left her unable to perform daily functions. The reality was much simpler, and so he checked his imagination, leaning deeper on the understanding that to be a good person is not a chore or a boastful exhibit, but instead should be undisclosed.
TUES, MAY 2nd, 2034
Alexandria, VA, USA
11:21 am
H e spent most of the next day fantasizing about the book. Most of his classes were electives, and the rest were focused on review for finals. He only had about a month before graduation, and so his mind drifted to Florida. That might be fun. Maybe he could find a nice university down there to attend. Meet a nice girl, get married, have kids of his own.
He thought about going to college. Well, not exactly. Realistically, he thought about going to college like his mother. She had attended Cambridge in her early 20’s. An honor she carried with her everywhere.
“I always wanted to be a Cambridge girl,” she’d say, “but Oxford would have done well enough nonetheless. But always remember, my son, knowledge is the key that unlocks all.”
He began to think about the journal again. He wished he could ask her questions, but those days were long gone. Had he known about her memoirs before she died, he surely would have wanted to know more about her in relation to the mysterious book.
He decided he might skip lunch today. Yesterday was a complete embarrassment, and he figured it was best if he just avoided the situation. He wasn’t sure why he thought that girl go to prom with him and be seen by the whole school. As he stood at his locker, he saw Manny approaching quickly.
“Here she comes bro be cool,” he said as he breezed past as if he never said a word and continued down the hall.
When Cynthia approached, he thought about running again. His stomach filled with more and more butterflies as she got closer. He pretended to be inconspicuous, taking his math book out of his bag and placing it in his locker, then taking his math book and putting it back into his bag.
“Hey,” she said with a big smile.
“Oh hey, didn’t know you were coming,” he said as he flung himself around in her direction, immediately regretting his word choice.
“Um, yeah. I was in social studies,” she said, a little off-put by his choice of words.
He stood there feeling like an idiot and trying not to show it. “I shouldn’t have worn this shirt,” he thought, “Why did I wear this shirt?”<
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“So,” she started, a little unsure of her words as she spoke, “I…was thinking. I think, like, it would be cool if we went to prom together…or whatever. Do you drive?”
His butterflies began to get more and more intense. This couldn’t be happening. He tried his hardest not to smile and play it cool.
“Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, that would be…that would be great!” he replied, trying not to sound desperate.
“So, you do drive?” she asked again.
“Oh, umm, no,” he replied, hoping his chances hadn’t just been shot.
“Oh, well…I guess we can figure something out,” she said, laughing as she touched his arm.
He looked over her shoulder and saw that Manny had doubled back and made his way to the other side of the hallway, dancing about 10 feet behind her and gyrating his hips in sexual positions.
Cynthia saw him looking past her and turned around. Manny quickly looked away and started touching the paint on the walls. Michael did his best to hold back laughter.
“Well, anyway,” said Cynthia, turning back around to Michael, “take my number and we will, like, figure the rest out, okay?”
Manny continued his hip gyrations, putting his leg up onto the wall and sticking out his tongue. Cynthia grabbed Michael’s notebook and wrote her number down on the back in the top corner with two little hearts. She handed the notebook back to him.
“Prom should be fun!” she said, smiling.
“Yeah, I’m definitely looking forward to it, or whatever,” he said. He wished he could stop sounding so lame.
Cynthia turned and walked away from him. Michael watched her walk, her hips switching again. As soon as she had made it around the corner, he flipped his notebook over and examined the number on the back.
Manny ran over to him in excitement and grabbed the book, “What?! No freaking way! The hottest girl in the school! That’s my big bro!”