by Jill Sanders
“Cooper has a couch I can stay on until I find a place of my own.” Rick stuck a fork into a steak and set it on his plate.
Cooper was their cousin, one of Wes and Haley’s twin sons. Conner, Cooper’s brother, was currently serving overseas. He’d joined the army two months after graduation while his brother had gone on to start his own construction business in Tyler.
Emma nibbled on her roll and tried to hide that the news had taken a toll on her mood.
For the rest of dinner, she let her family talk and ask Trace questions. She knew that Trace was most likely getting overwhelmed by all the attention, but her heart just wasn’t into saving him when her own heart was breaking.
She barely touched her steak and when her brother reached over and took the rest from her plate, she didn’t argue. Instead, she asked to be excused and carried her dirty dishes into the kitchen and headed outside.
When the warm air hit her, she stilled and took a deep breath, soaking in the familiar smells and sounds. Why would anyone ever want to leave all this behind?
First her cousins had gone their separate ways, and now that she’d finally gotten her brother back home, he was taking off again. She stepped off the back porch, and both dogs followed her as she made her way towards the barn.
It was the one place on the ranch that she knew she could go to be alone in the evening. Well, if you didn’t count the horses and other animals.
Flipping on the low lights, she walked over to Sugarplum’s stall. The horse poked his head out to greet her.
“Hi, baby,” she said, laying her forehead against his. She hadn’t realized she was crying until one of the tears dropped on her hand. She wiped it away. “Damn it,” she sighed. “Why does everyone I love always have to leave?”
“You don’t know the half of it,” a deep voice came from behind her.
Glancing over her shoulder, she wiped her eyes again to see Trace leaning against a post, watching her.
Sighing, she straightened up and turned to face him. “I suppose you think it’s silly.”
“What?” he asked, moving over to run his hand over Sugarplum’s neck. Her horse leaned into his touch, which told her that they had already met and become close friends. Sugarplum was friendly enough, but the amount of attention he was demanding from Trace told her that he’d made up his mind about the man already. “That you’re sad your brother is moving an hour away?”
“Two hours,” she corrected. “And yes.” She nodded and straightened her shoulders a little more. “After all, it’s not like he’s moving to another country.” It might as well be, she thought, since he would most likely only be home for holidays and special occasions.
“No.” Trace stopped giving attention to the horse and turned towards her. “I don’t think it’s silly.” His eyes bore into hers. “Actually, I’m jealous.”
“Of?” She almost laughed.
He shrugged and moved towards the barn door. Curiosity caused her to follow him outside. She waited while he glanced up at the stars. The full moon hung in the night sky, lighting up everything. Its rays bounced off the fields, somehow making the view even more enjoyable.
“How about a walk?” he asked, suddenly. “I don’t think I’ve had that big of a meal in…” He shook his head. “In a while.” The corner of his mouth turned up and she felt her heart skip. At that moment, she would have agreed to anything.
Nodding her head, she fell into step with him as he walked down the dirt road. Halfway between the barn and the ranch houses there was a large oak tree with a swing attached to one of the thick branches, so Emma steered them in that direction instead of the pathway that led towards the main road.
“This is nice.” He motioned around them. “All this. You were extremely lucky to grow up here.”
“I was,” she agreed. “You grew up in the city?”
“Tulsa,” he answered.
“I’ve never been,” she admitted. The fact was, she’d only been to a handful of other towns, two cities, and once, for her senior trip, out of the country to Mexico.
“You’re not missing much.” He glanced down at her. “I bet this place is nice in the winter. When I stepped off the train in Tulsa, I’d forgotten how cold the snow can be.”
She smiled. “I’ve always wanted to see snow.”
He stopped and turned to her. “You haven’t seen snow?”
She shook her head and shrugged. “We planned a trip up to Colorado one winter, but then Rick got the flu and…” She started walking again. “When you have all this to run, it’s sort of hard to take time off.”
“But you don’t run it,” he mentioned.
She glanced over at him. “We all do our part. Saddleback wouldn’t be what it is today if we didn’t pitch in. I started helping around the ranch when I was five.” She smiled at the memories. “Mucking out stalls.” She chuckled. “Of course, I wasn’t any good at it, but… I also fed the chickens, weeded the garden, and…” She glanced sideways at him. “Anything else my parents would allow a five-year-old to do.”
He was silent for a while. “When I was five, my mother went into rehab. The first time I can remember. She dropped me off at Rod’s place. His parents were still together back then.”
Something in the tone of his voice made her ask, “You don’t like Rod’s parents?”
“His mother was cool, but his dad…” He stopped under the large oak tree and just looked around. “That’s when we became best friends. Rod and I.”
“Where is Rod now?” she asked, moving over to sit on the swing.
Trace leaned against the tree trunk, crossing his arms over his chest. “Dead,” he said.
“Oh.” Her eyes flew to his. “I’m so sorry.” She felt her heart break a little for Trace. “Did he die in the marines? You mentioned you had both joined up at the same time.”
Trace swallowed and she could tell that he was having a tough time talking about it. She wanted to tell him he didn’t have to answer, but something told her that he needed to. Whatever he was holding inside needed to get out.
“Yes and no. He’d gotten word that he was going to be kicked out of the marines…” He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the trunk. “It was the only life either of us knew at that point. There wasn’t anything waiting for us Stateside.”
“Why was he getting kicked out?”
Trace’s eyes opened and moved to hers. She could tell he was judging the way she would react to his next words.
“Rod was gay. We’d gotten word that the top dog was implementing new… policies that would force men like him into being pushed out. If they went through, he was going to be escorted back to the States with his discharge papers.”
For the second time that night, her heart dropped. “Oh my god.” She felt tears rolling down her cheeks again. “I’m so sorry.” She stood up and moved to him, laying her hand on his shoulder.
“He was my best friend first. I didn’t always agree with his love life; in that one area we went separate paths. But he was my best friend. We’d been through hell together. We were more like brothers.” She wrapped her arms around him when she heard the pitch in his voice. “I never got to say goodbye. One moment he was apologizing to me, telling me how sorry he was I was going to be alone. I was stupid enough to believe he was talking about him having to leave.” He shook his head and laid his forehead against her shoulder. “The next moment, he had his revolver in his hands and…” His breath hitched and she held him tighter.
My god, his best friend had killed himself in front of him. And moments ago, she’d been crying about her brother moving two hours away. How stupid could she be? It really put things into perspective.
“He loved you,” she said softly, running her fingers through his hair as he continued to breathe heavily next to her. She didn’t know if he was crying, but something told her it would take a lot to knock this guy to his knees. “I’m so sorry.” She knew she was repeating herself, but she didn’t know what else to say, h
ow to make his pain go away, other than to be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.
Chapter Nine
He didn’t know what had caused him to open up to Emma about Rod. It was probably that seeing her pain during dinner about her brother moving away had reminded him of his own pain about his best friend, the only person he’d ever thought of as a brother.
Now, feeling Emma’s small body next to his, he realized he’d exposed too much. He hadn’t meant to show any emotions. He’d learned over the years, starting at a very young age, that opening that door usually allowed stronger people to control him.
She must have sensed his change in thought because she pulled back slightly. Her green eyes searched his. He was thankful he’d caught himself before letting out too much. But still, now she knew what kept him up at night. Well, part of it.
“You okay?” she asked.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” He glanced towards the house in the distance. The lights were on inside, making the place almost glow in the darkness. “All of you?”
She took a step back, dropping her arms from around him. He felt the loss of her softness instantly.
“It’s just who we are.” She sat back down on the swing. “Actually, most people in Fairplay are like that. I can’t tell you how many people came into the bookstore today asking how you were doing.”
“Me?” He frowned. “Why would they ask about me?” He moved closer to her as she started to sway on the swing.
“Because they’d heard about your accident and were concerned,” she answered easily.
“But, I’m…” He stopped himself from adding nobody. “I’m a stranger,” he finished.
Instead of defending it, she shrugged and smiled. “It’s one of the perks of living in a small town in Texas.”
“I’ve been through a lot of small towns lately. None of them have welcomed me like this.”
She stood again and dusted off her jeans. “Guess you didn’t go to the right small towns.” She glanced off towards the house, then abruptly turned back towards him. “Oh, with all the… announcements, I’ve forgotten to tell you the good news. I ran into Sophia.” Emma bit her bottom lip and his eyes narrowed. He’d picked up on the subtle move as a sign she was hiding something earlier during dinner when she’d congratulated her brother on his new job. “I happened to mention that you’d be sticking around town for a while, and she practically begged me to convince you to sing on the weekends. She says that the place is all yours for the next month, if you want it.”
“Really?” He felt his heart jump at the thought of a steady job besides the work he would be doing on the ranch. Just knowing he could continue singing had him forgetting all about his earlier mood.
“Yes.” Her smile brightened, and he wondered what it would take to keep that smile there.
“I’ll take it,” he said quickly. He hadn’t thought that her smile could get any brighter, but it did.
“I’ll tell Sophia tomorrow during my lunch break. She says that Fridays and Saturdays are all yours and, if you want them, Sundays mid-afternoon when she opens her doors to anyone eighteen and younger for after-church dancing lessons. She was hoping you’d like to play then as well. Course, she doesn’t think you’ll make much on tips with the younger crowd, but…”
He nodded. “You’d be surprised. Kids have more money than you’d think. They babysit, mow yards.” He thought back to his childhood and how he’d survived on his own. “And they don’t have bills of their own.”
Emma giggled. “I guess you’re right. I’ve been working at the bookstore since before I turned sixteen.”
“I bet you didn’t think twice about spending it on anything you wanted.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’ve been saving it.”
“All of it?” He balked.
“Well, I did need new tires on the truck last year.” She shrugged. “But I told myself I’d pay it back. It took working weekends for me to do so.”
“You surprise me,” he said suddenly.
“Why?” She started to walk towards the stream that backed the row of ranch houses. “Because I like to save my money?”
He followed her and when they stopped at the edge of the water, he glanced over at her. The moonlight was bouncing off her hair, making it almost shine like the surface of the water. He wanted to reach out and touch it but tucked his hands into his pants instead.
“Because you live here”—he looked across the field towards the brightly lit house, her shining castle— “like a princess, yet work like a pauper.”
She laughed. “I hardly call my job that of a pauper.” She motioned around them.
“I mean…” He sighed and ran his hand through his hair with frustration.
“I understand,” she broke in, touching his arm gently. “I think. Most people don’t really understand what it takes to run a ranch this size.” She crossed her arms over her chest in what looked like a protective move. He wanted to reach out and assure her but held back, needing to keep the distance, since he had already allowed himself to be vulnerable once with her. It wasn’t like him to allow the slip, and he couldn’t let it happen again.
“This ranch has taken not only blood, sweat, and tears from my family”—she turned to him— “but lives.”
He frowned and waited.
“My grandmother died in a tornado a few yards from here, saving the lives of my mother and aunts.” She motioned back towards the house. “Then my grandfather… well, he worked himself until, one day, his heart up and gave up while he was mending fences in the fields.”
“You love this place.” He didn’t know what had caused him to say it out loud, but even when she talked about the death of her family members, there was something close to admiration in her tone.
“Of course.” She tilted her head at him. “It’s home.”
Once again, that sinking feeling hit his gut. He’d never felt that way about a place before. He’d never even thought of the house he’d grown up in—when his mother had been around—as home. It had always just been the place to return to. The place he could get off the streets or hide in.
“You must have had someplace,” she broke into his thoughts. Her voice had lowered, and he could hear curiosity and something else hidden in the softness.
“My mother had a house.”
“But it wasn’t your home?” she asked.
Suddenly, there was a loud whistle and, in the distance, both dogs started barking.
“That’ll be my cue.” She sighed. “My brother’s checking up on me.” She rolled her eyes. Then to his surprise, she lifted her fingers to her mouth and let out a high-pitched whistle in return. A brief moment later came two smaller bursts. “Ten minutes before he comes out here and makes sure that we aren’t doing it.” She laughed.
“You got all that from…” He was impressed at the unspoken language. Then what she had said dawned on him. “Wait, what? Doing it?”
She laughed even more. “I’d better go.” She touched his arm. “Thank you for the walk and lifting my spirits.” She leaned up on her toes and placed a soft kiss on his check. “And for confiding in me.”
Before he could respond, she had turned and disappeared into the darkness, back down the dirt road.
He stood there by the shore of the brook listening to the water trickle over the rocks and dirt while he replayed their conversation from start to finish.
What had caused him to say what he had? To open up to her. Sure, she had a trusting personality, not to mention she was hotter than any woman he’d ever come across. But it was the look in her eyes that told him that she wouldn’t judge him.
When he stepped inside the ranch house, he knew he had some calculating to do. Pulling out a piece of paper and sitting at the small kitchen table, he wrote out the pros and cons for staying in Fairplay. Fifteen minutes later, there were almost a dozen more pros than cons.
Sighing, he walked over and opened the fridge and was thankful he’d grabbed
a case of beer. Pulling a can out, he opened it up and went back outside to drink the thing while the cool night air soothed his mind.
He was enjoying spring in Texas, but he’d heard plenty of stories of how hot things got around here come summer. Then again, if he stuck to a strict regimen, he would be long gone before the summer heat came around.
His eyes moved back over to the bright house. Some of the lights had gone out for the night, and he wondered just which room was Emma’s. He tried to calculate it, knowing she was the second door on the right of the stairs, but the place was too far away, and his eyes were too tired.
He still had a slight headache from the accident last night, which the beer was helping with.
Then he remembered what she’d said about him playing at the bar and any pain he had went away. Leaving his beer, he grabbed his guitar and went back out on the porch. He doubted that there was anyone close enough to hear him practice, and he had always enjoyed playing under the stars.
As he tuned his guitar, he thought about all the songs he’d learned over the past few months. When he stood up on the stage, he played and sang other people’s tunes.
But he’d been working on a few of his own songs in the past few weeks. Maybe this would be his chance to play them in front of others. After all, he doubted that a bunch of teenagers learning to dance would mind if he strummed his own songs.
Taking his time, he worked out all the kinks in two of his own lyrics until he could play each song by heart.
When he finally crawled into the double bed, his fingers were cramped, and his head was dull. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d fallen asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.
Maybe it was because the bed was softer than any he’d ever slept in, or just the fact that he’d had a full meal for the first time since living with Dorothy.
The sunlight woke him, and he turned away from the window. A soft banging noise woke him a few moments later.
It took him a few minutes to realize that the sound was coming from inside the house. Sitting up, he frowned and rubbed his eyes as he tried to remember where he was. When he did, his first thought was that someone was trying to steal his guitar and equipment.