by J. N. Baker
“It’s not you, Josh.” I tried to think of a valid excuse, anything to make him feel better about my rejection. “It’s just…I’m still dealing with what happened to me, what that fucker did to me. Physical contact is still difficult for me.”
It was a half-truth, at least. While physical contact in general wasn’t hard, merely nonexistent, I did still struggle with what had been done to my body in that damned parking garage. I couldn’t even get past that hurdle with Alec in the almost six months we’d spent together training. A small voice in the darkest corner of my mind said I could get past it with Josh. I quickly pushed the thought away, blaming it on the many beers.
Regret twisted into pain on Josh’s face until I had to turn away from him. Maybe it wasn’t the right lie. Clearly Josh still blamed himself for what had happened to me. I hated hurting him, but I had to push him away somehow. He couldn’t get close to me, not anymore.
“Yeah,” he said with a sigh, “you’re right. It was a stupid idea. Forget I asked. Just forget all about it…”
I listened as he moved over to the small sofa, grabbing the blankets from the corner and lying down.
“Goodnight, Zo.”
“Night,” I whispered, turning off the lights and crawling into my suddenly very lonely bed. I closed my eyes and buried my face in my pillow. I just had to forget about it.
Right.
And that’s exactly what I’d done. Forgotten. I’d pushed the memory away into the farthest corner of my mind like it never happened…like some sort of beautiful nightmare.
Until now.
Josh hovered over me in the center of the large stone formation, his eyes burning with that same forbidden fire that they’d had five years ago. But this time things were different. This time he saw me—the real me. The monster. A hunger grew from somewhere deep within me, a hunger I’d never allowed myself to feel. One I’d always kept safely locked away. But I didn’t think I could keep it contained any longer. Hell, I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
His lips were so close that I could almost taste them. I fought the urge to arch into him, biting back a sigh as his chest brushed against mine ever so slightly. Josh’s fingers traced along my jawline, dipping down over my fluttering pulse and to the hollow of my neck. His touch only fueled the growing need within me until it was too damn great to resist.
His fingers lingered on the clasp of my cloak and I worried my bottom lip, sensing his sudden hesitation. We’d come too far to turn back now. And if we turned back, I knew we’d never have another chance. Josh exhaled, his shaky breath caressing my sensitive skin as he whispered my name.
I could take no more.
I snaked my arms around his neck, fingers tangling in his messy brown hair as I pulled him to me. Our lips connected and I gasped as a flash of white exploded behind my eyes, heat rushing throughout my entire body in spite of the snow. Josh moaned deeply in his throat, amplifying the need within me until I thought I would spontaneously combust.
His muscles flexed under my hands as they slid down his back. I balled his shirt in my fists, pulling him closer. I savored the sweet taste of his lips, the feel of his solid body pressing into mine, the way our mouths moved in perfect harmony as if they’d been waiting for this moment for our entire lives. Maybe they had. One of Josh’s large hands gripped my hair at the base of my skull; the other dug into my waist, keeping me from pulling away. As if I ever would.
A fire raged between us, burning through both of our bodies until I swore I heard the snow sizzling beneath us. If Alec was the flame, then Josh was the goddamned sun. I couldn’t pull away from him if I’d wanted to. I needed him like I needed air in my lungs. How long had we been in denial?
Too long.
Josh rolled, his lips never releasing their hold on mine as he pulled me out of the snow and on top of him. He kissed me with a need so strong that I thought it would consume me. His tongue danced with mine, deepening the kiss until I couldn’t see straight and my body screamed for more.
He sat up, my legs falling to either side of his as I straddled him, resisting the urge to grind against him. My hands roamed his body, fingertips tracing his muscular chest, slipping over the ripples in his abdomen until he shuddered under my touch. I melted into him, nails digging shallow holes in his shoulders as his large hands slipped down my spine, finding the small of my back, his fingers massaging my naked flesh. I felt dizzy—intoxicated by his touch. A whimper escaped my lips and I clung tightly to him, letting him ground me as the world swayed around us.
There was a desperation in his kiss, one that reflected how long we’d waited for this moment, and how we knew it wouldn’t last. My hands fell to the button of his pants and he grabbed them.
“Not here,” he growled against my lips as if it pained him to speak the words. I knew it sure as shit pained me.
Reluctantly, his lips broke away from mine, returning almost instantly—once, twice, three times. I could still taste him on my lips as he finally pulled away.
“Holy shit,” he breathed, his voice husky with desire.
“Yeah…”
His eyes found mine. “I’m sorry, Zo, but I couldn’t live out the rest of my life without having at least kissed you once.”
“Josh, I—”
Someone cleared their throat and I gasped. I was standing in a split second, leaving Josh still steaming in a puddle on the ground. He scrambled to his feet, stepping in front of me as Alec moved around one of the massive stones. He folded his arms over his broad chest and glowered at Josh. And the standoff began. Shit.
I took a step forward, trying to be as graceful as I possibly could on legs made of jelly. “Alec, what are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” he said, never taking his eyes off Josh. “It’s dangerous to be out alone. Especially with everything you’ve been going through. You should know better.”
“She isn’t alone,” Josh retorted.
“I wasn’t talking to you, human,” Alec spat. Before I could stop him, he was on Josh, his hand wrapped around Josh’s throat. Josh did his best not to react, not giving Alec the satisfaction.
“Zoe, you need to go back,” he said, his eyes never leaving Josh’s face.
“Alone?” I choked, whipping my head around to Alec.
“Yes,” he said. “Your human and I need to have a little talk.”
He was going to kill him. I could see it in his eyes, in his body language. It was written all over his damn face. I grabbed firm to Alec’s arm. “No.”
“Zoe,” Alec almost snarled.
“No,” I said again, my fingers digging into his forearm until he actually flinched. I was getting stronger. “You and I will go back—together.”
Alec squinted hard at me for a minute and then released him. Josh wrapped a hand around his neck, rubbing the already bruising skin.
Snatching up my cloak where it lay in the snow, Alec tossed it at my chest. I didn’t even have time to put it on before Alec grabbed my upper arm and towed me out of the stone formation toward Josh’s horse.
“No, Alec,” I started, trying to pull out of his grip. “If we take his horse, he’ll have to walk back.”
“And I care because?”
“Because he’ll fucking freeze to death!”
Alec grunted, damn near throwing me onto the animal’s back before jumping up behind me. Without a second look, he grabbed the reins, caging me in with his arms as he kicked the horse into a run. I let my cloak fall to the snow.
Two hours later, Alec shoved me into my bedroom chamber, chucking a few more pieces of wood into the massive fireplace. The flames hissed and crackled and warmth poured into the icy room. Though, I wasn’t sure if it was cold because of the temperature outside or because of Alec.
“Come here,” he ordered.
“Do I look like a dog to you?”
“No, but you look like you’re turning blue. Come here.”
He didn’t wait for me to respond. He stormed over to me and g
rabbed my wrist, dragging me closer to the flames. The heat felt heavenly on my freezing limbs, not that I’d ever tell him that. I hadn’t noticed my teeth were chattering until they finally stopped.
I didn’t look at him, but I heard his heavy footsteps pacing across the bedroom behind me, his heart beating loudly in my ears. His anger slipped under my skin and came to a boil next to the fire.
“I don’t want you hanging around that—that human anymore.”
“What are you talking about?” I snapped, spinning around to face him.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You will not hang around him anymore. I won’t have it. You are mine,” he growled.
“Don’t talk about me like I’m something for you to possess, Alec. You’ll learn quickly that I hate that. And I’m not your slave. I don’t take orders from you.”
Alec ran his fingers through his messy blond hair and sighed. His shoulders relaxed as the anger fizzled away, if only slightly. “I just hate the way he looks at you, Zoe,” he said, his voice softening. “Like he would do anything to take you away from me, to have you for himself.
“But he can’t have you because the truth is you are mine. God has given you to me, no one else. There is something between us and I intend to protect it—with my life, if that’s what it takes. I can’t and won’t lose you now that I’ve finally found you.”
I was just about to tell him that he was being ridiculous, that Josh would never have me, and then I stopped myself. Because the truth was, Josh almost had, and Alec damn well knew it. My heartbeat quickened when I remembered Josh’s hands running over my flesh, his lips moving against mine. Heat rushed to my cheeks and I quickly turned away from Alec.
“Why don’t you look at me the way you look at him?” Alec asked, sounding almost hurt. He was right behind me, standing no more than a foot away. I could feel his breath scalding the nape of my neck.
“I don’t look at him in any special way,” I insisted, keeping my eyes glued to the orange and yellow flames flickering in front of me.
“Zoe…”
“I do not look at him any special way!” I shouted, my words echoing off the stone walls.
“Do you love him?” he asked. It was the question I’d been avoiding for years.
I paused a second too long. Alec spun me around, searching my eyes. “No,” I said hastily, as if I couldn’t get the word out fast enough. “Of course not, Alec. There’s nothing between Josh and me.”
“Do not lie to me,” he warned, his hands gripping my shoulders so tightly he drew blood. “I saw the two of you out there. I saw!”
“Fine!” I yelled, tearing his hands from my flesh. “There’s something there! Is that what you want to hear, Alec? There is something between Josh and me, something that’s probably always been there. I don’t know exactly what it is, but you know what, I want to. I want to see what it is. I want to see more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my whole damn life. It’s all I want.”
“He is a fucking human, Zoe!” Alec roared. “He’s going to grow old and die and the maggots will feast on his flesh.”
“Then I guess you won’t have to wait that long, will you?” I snapped.
Alec took a step back as if I’d physically struck him. His jaw tightened as he stared at me with empty eyes. He turned away without another word, walking to one of the windows on the other side of the room.
I exhaled, lowering my eyes to the floor as the guilt reared its ugly head. “I’m sorry,” I breathed. “I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, you did,” he said over his shoulder. “But I’m sorry as well. I shouldn’t have been so harsh with you.”
I moved to the foot of the bed and sat, patting the space beside me. Alec hesitated before taking the invitation, sitting next to me. I could feel his eyes on my face, but I couldn’t meet them. Not yet, at least.
Alec placed a hand over mine. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt by a life you can no longer live. And if you pursue this, that is exactly what will happen. You’ll get hurt, Zoe. Chosen and humans are not meant to be together.”
“I know,” I whispered, biting back the tears that threatened to fall. It seemed that since the dam had broken, there was no repairing it. “I’m not stupid, Alec. I know that he’s human and I know I’m not. I know that he and I can never be. He knows it too.”
He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me gently to his side. “You got it out of your system. That is all that matters. Now we can move on.”
“Just like that?” I asked, unable to keep the shock from my voice.
He placed a kiss on the top of my head and sighed. “You might not believe it, but I do still remember my human life. I understand what it’s like to want to keep it. But take it from someone who held on too long: let it go, Zoe.”
“What if I can’t?”
He tipped my head to the side so I was forced to look at him. His rich honey eyes found mine, all the anger gone from them. “You asked me how I killed my own brother. I did it because I couldn’t let go of my human life. William tried to make me leave but I fought him—rebelled. I thought I knew better. I stayed with my brother and one day we got into a fight. I went to push him, but instead of pushing, I ended up throwing him through two walls, breaking his neck. Trust me. You need to let go now, before it’s too late. For both of you. For all of us. We live in a different world than the humans do for a reason.”
My eyes fell to my lap with the weight of his words. That could have easily been Josh back at the stones when I attacked him. I could have killed him because he was still in my life, because I was too selfish to let him go.
“I’m not trying to upset you,” Alec said, running a hand down my back. “But I love you and I don’t want you to have to go through what I went through. Whatever it is you think you feel for the human—for Josh—you need to let it go. You and I are what’s right, Zoe. Deep down, you know it’s true. I know you do.”
And then his lips were on mine. His mouth moved over mine wildly as if he were trying to claim me. I found myself sinking back into the bed as Alec rolled on top of me, his hands finding my face as he deepened the kiss.
Just as I was about to tell him to slow down, a hard knock came to the door and Alec growled, shoving his fist into the bed beside me. “Who is it?” he shouted.
“William.” The deep voice traveled through the thick wooden door. “I need to speak with you, Alec. It is urgent.”
Alec sighed. “I’ll be right back.”
The light from the fire shimmered across the bed, flickering erratically. It warmed the sheets and I burrowed into them, waiting for Alec to return. A small part of me hoped he wouldn’t, savoring the time alone. After nearly an hour, the door to the chamber creaked back open and then shut quietly. A dark figure walked soundlessly across the room, heading straight for the bed—for me. And then he stood over me, flames dancing in his ice-blue eyes.
Josh’s eyes never left mine as he dropped my cloak from his shoulders. He reached down and peeled off his soaking wet shirt, tossing it to the floor before kneeling on the bed. His chiseled body glistened in the firelight as he crept toward me and my mouth watered. He reached out, pulling me into his lap to straddle him and my breath hitched in my chest.
“What if he comes back?” I whispered.
“Who?”
“Alec,” I started, “he’ll kill you if he finds you here.”
“Let him try.”
I exhaled a shaky breath, running my hands up his smooth chest and down his muscular arms. I leaned forward, trailing soft kisses along his jaw and down the side of his neck to his shoulders. His skin tasted of salt and sweat, like a man’s skin should taste. I breathed in his masculine scent, digging my fingernails into his arms as he nipped at my neck.
“Josh, this is wrong,” I breathed. “You’re human…”
“So?”
I struggled to remember my point. It was there somewhere in the back of my lust-filled mind. Something about protecting
him, and immortality, and Alec. I quickly pushed the thought away.
Josh found the bottom of my shirt, long fingers playing with the hem as his eyes found mine. As if I could read his mind, I lifted my arms and he pulled the black shirt up and over my head, tossing it aside. He laid me back on the bed and climbed on top of me, his lips finding my skin once more.
He kissed the hollow of my neck, his lips sliding across my collarbone and down the lace fabric of my bra before landing on the new marking nestled between my breasts. Goose bumps raced across my exposed skin and I thought I saw a smirk dancing on the edge of his lips.
He rasped his teeth over my stomach and I bit my lip to stifle the moan that tried to escape, tangling my fingers in his dark hair. His hands made quick work of the buttons on my pants. He placed soft kisses along my inner thigh as he oh-so-slowly slid the cargo pants down my legs. I shuddered under his touch, every nerve ending on my body coming to life until I felt as if the flames had jumped out of the fireplace and onto my skin.
Josh made his way back up my body, his hands slipping over my bra and molding to my breasts. He ran his fingertips along the lacy edge and I thought I’d die. I was sure I’d laugh about that later.
His lips found mine and I pulled his hard body onto me, desperate to be as close to him as I possibly could. This was a side of Josh I’d secretly dreamed of for so many years, the side that had been forbidden to me. If this was all we got, I was going to damn well make it count. I wanted the taste of his lips to linger on mine forever. And forever was a long time.
He ground his hips against mine and I gasped for air, my head spinning. Was this what I’d missed out on all those years ago? I silently cursed myself.
My fingers fumbled over the button of his jeans. Josh quickly took control, grabbing both of my wrists in one large hand and pulling them over my head with a strength I didn’t know he possessed. He kept them pinned there, overpowering me. Or perhaps I let him. The idea of being completely helpless and at his mercy thrilled me. He wanted me to trust him and I did. God, how I trusted him. I squirmed against him, desperate for more. As if answering my prayers, he deepened the kiss as if it were the last kiss we’d ever share.