by J. N. Baker
Josh looked down on me with hollow eyes. “One day you’ll understand,” he said, backing into the shelter of the trees. “One day.”
The crackling sound of a fire burning scratched at my ears. I stirred on the hard bed until I finally found the strength to open my eyes. The large fire blazed only a few feet away, radiating a comforting heat. I lifted a poorly bandaged hand to my throbbing head, the rough fabric scratching at my skin.
For a moment, I thought I was in a hospital. In a way, I guess I was. The medical chamber must have seen quite a bit of action during battle. It smelled of blood and death. Mostly death.
I threw back the sheets and looked over my body. A trail of crudely-made stitches ran down either side of my stomach where the Sythen had sunk its teeth into me, and all the way across where the beast had ripped me open. The skin was puckered and pink beneath the stitches. It itched as it began healing. I yanked the sheets back up.
“I thought you were a goner, Fido.”
I cringed as I tried to sit up, the pain in my abdomen still very present. I fell back against the stiff pillow and turned my head in the direction of the voice. Cody was sitting in the bed beside mine, leaning against the wooden headrest. He tried to smile but failed miserably.
“What happened?”
“You were lucky, dude,” he said, turning away from me. “Really lucky. Hell, we both were.”
My fingers traced each stitch, tallying them until I lost count. There had to be over five hundred on my stomach alone. I knew there were more hidden under the bloodstained sheets. There was so much blood. It couldn’t have all been mine, could it? I winced as my flesh fused back together. I could feel my muscles reforming beneath my skin, organs pushing back to their proper place.
“How long have I been in here?” I asked.
“You’ve been out for a few days,” he replied. “The nurse and William worked for a long ass time to save you. Halfway through the battle, the nurse ran out of room in the cellar and was forced to come out and treat people in different rooms in the castle. I was put in the kitchen—guess they knew how much I love food. When things settled down, they moved me up here. The nurse is a shift and understood that I should be with you.”
“She’s a shift?”
“Yeah, and a badass one at that. I heard she had to fight off that one-eyed fang face when he came looking for Red.”
I practically growled at the mention of Roland. He was at the top of my kill list, right under Baldric. “Wait, Red?”
“Yeah, you know—Annie.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised, Cody always did love pet names. “Who did we lose?” I finally forced myself to ask.
“We lost Markus,” he said, his head hanging. “Actually, we lost a lot of people. The remainder of the group is pulling through quite nicely—all one hundred thirty-eight of us.”
“But that would mean…” I found myself trailing off. Had we really lost nearly eight hundred of our people? Cody had to have been joking. But the grim look etched into his usually jovial face said otherwise. “Where are the others?”
“I think they’re still trying to bury the dead,” he answered. “Ryuu told me that between our own dead and Baldric’s, there were over three thousand bodies to collect and dispose of. Our people spent the night after the battle going through the dead and chopping off every head. I ain’t envious of that job. But it had to be done. Couldn’t take any chances that one of Baldric’s vamps would be missed and heal.”
“Where are they putting them all?” I whispered.
“They had to expand the cemetery up onto the hill. It stretches damn near to the tree line now. Our people decided to burn Baldric’s dead. They’ve been carting them over to the other side of the lake and making a big ass pile. We took out a good chunk of his army, but I’m sure there’ll be more where those came from. Anyway, William’s sending out a search party to see if there are any survivors left out in the world. You know, beef up our numbers? I think they’re gonna take the plane.”
“And Baldric? Is he—”
“Dead? Afraid not. He’s alive and well, less a limb or two. If you ask me, that dude got off easy.”
“Josh?”
“Zoe…” Cody’s voice cracked as his glassy eyes met mine.
Of course, how could I have possibly forgotten? Josh was dead.
I bit down on the corner of my lip to keep from hyperventilating, gripping the sheets with white knuckles. “I’m glad that you’re all right, Cody,” I finally said. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you too.” A single tear slipped over my cheek as my eyes fell away from his. I had a feeling it would be the last tear I’d ever shed.
“It’s okay, Zo. You don’t have to be strong all the time. I won’t tell anyone,” he said, smiling weakly at me. He lay back in his bed, wincing as he crossed his long arms over his chest. There were deep red stains showing through his bandages. He’d risked his life to save mine on that battlefield. I’d never forget that.
“You’re all I’ve got left,” I whispered.
“We’ve got each other. And don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere for a long time, Fido,” he assured me, stretching out his arm to pat my shoulder with his fingertips. It was as far as he could reach. The contact was comforting, nonetheless. “Besides, I need you. Who else would feed such an ugly cat?”
I glared at him. “Mr. Whiskers is not an ugly cat. Josh gave him to—” I stopped short, losing my breath. “Josh gave you to me.”
“Yeah…”
“Did he—” I paused, trying to catch my breath. “Did he know about you this whole time?”
Cody chuckled and then winced. “No. William—not to mention the entire shift community—would have kicked my ass if I started blabbing about our existence to a human. I knew the only way you’d keep the cat was if Josh was the one who gave him to you. When I heard he was coming to see you, I left him a message that I’d found a cat but couldn’t keep it. I told him that, knowing the animal lover you were, you’d probably take it and that he should give it to you as a gift. It worked.”
I went silent, taking a deep breath. My hands trembled at my sides. It seemed like so long ago, right after William took me out of isolation. It was the first time I’d seen Josh in over a year. The first time I’d smiled since Alec had left—since I’d lost everything. I didn’t think Cody realized how much his furry presence meant to me those five long years. Most days, that cat was the only thing that kept me going.
“She’s awake!” Jade shouted, stepping into the medical chamber.
“Oh, thank God,” Alec said, releasing a weighted breath as he followed her into the room. He rushed to my side, sitting next to me on the bed and running his hands over my forehead and cheeks, probably making sure there was no fever. I resisted the urge to push his hands away.
“I washed and mended your clothes for you,” Jade said, a smirk dancing on her lips. “After all, I know how much you love this outfit. Wouldn’t want you to lose it.”
I glowered at her, clutching the clothes to my chest. “Thanks,” I sneered. I held up the black shirt—what was left of it—and shot her a look.
“Oh, yeah. The shirt’s a little shorter than it used to be. You probably shouldn’t make a habit out of trying to feed yourself to giant bloodthirsty monsters anymore.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I muttered.
“The color’s finally coming back,” Annie pointed out. She smiled sadly at me, patting the back of my hand. Her emerald eyes found mine. I’m sorry, Zoe. I’m so sorry.
“Where’s Ryuu?” I asked, pushing away her thoughts.
There was a moment of silence until Jade finally spoke up. “He’s still helping with the graves.”
I had a feeling there was more to it than that, but I let it go…for now.
Alec peeled back the sheets and his hands brushed the stitches from my skin. “Almost completely healed. Finally,” he sighed, “I was so worried about you, Zoe. You could have died! What happened to
you? Why didn’t you heal?”
“Leave her be,” William said from the large doorway, saving me from having to answer. “She still needs her rest. She has lost a lot of blood and our bodies are not accustomed to such things. It will take some time to replenish itself.”
I clenched my jaw as William’s deep blue eyes bored into me. He alone knew the truth. He would always know what really happened that day, just as it happened with Gwen so many years ago.
William would always know I gave up.
“Josh?” I breathed as I opened the apartment door. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
Before he could answer, I flung myself into his arms. He was just as warm as I’d remembered and smelled just as good—like sandalwood and amber, with a hint of muskiness from the long drive. He wrapped his strong arms around me, holding me tightly to his chest. I felt like I was home again.
His breath was unsteady, his hands shaky as he clung to me. “Zoe,” he whispered my name into my ear like a damn prayer. “I thought I’d never see you again.”
If William had anything to do with it, he probably wouldn’t have.
“H-how did you find me?” I asked, reluctantly stepping out of his warm embrace.
“Cody called and told me that he’d found you. I left as soon as I could,” he said, running his hands up and down my arms.
It didn’t seem real. And yet, here he stood.
“I brought you something to keep you company,” Josh continued, turning away from me. I had to restrain myself from leaping after him, worried that I’d lose him all over again. When Josh turned around, he held a large cat carrier in his arms. The orange tabby peered up at me with his big golden eyes and giant whiskers and gave a loud meow.
Josh laughed. “He’s a talkative one. I swear we had a full conversation about you all the way here.”
“Mr. Whiskers,” I said, peering into the crate with a decisive nod.
“How original,” Josh teased.
I stuck my tongue out at Josh as I took the crate from his hands and let the large tabby loose in my apartment. I squatted down and reached out to pet the cat as it rubbed against my leg. “So, what did you and Josh say about me, hmm?”
The cat gave a loud meow in response and I laughed. When I looked up, I could have sworn Josh was blushing. Before I could question him, Josh pulled me back into his arms. A gentle hand brushed stray hairs from my face, ice-blue eyes locking onto mine.
“I can’t believe it’s really you,” I said, my fingers tangling in the back of his shirt. Now that I had him back, I didn’t want to ever let go.
“I missed you, Zoe,” he breathed. “More than you’ll ever know.”
Mr. Whiskers meowed at my feet and, in that moment, I knew everything would be okay.
Cody was up and moving long before I was. Apparently, shifts also healed, though not nearly as fast as the Chosen, or even vamps. But still a whole hell of a lot faster than humans.
My own healing had nothing to do with my staying in bed and Cody knew it. Which was probably why he never strayed too far from the medical chamber after the nurse had discharged him. Sometimes, he’d come into the room, barking at me to get out of bed and stretch my legs.
Other times he just sat beside me, telling me crazy stories about shifting, most of which I was convinced were made up. Cody the python breaking into his own apartment from the toilet because he’d locked himself out and then accidentally ending up in the wrong toilet at the wrong time? Yeah, right.
The shift woman, Holly, came in to change Cody’s bandages for him every other night, though I wasn’t sure why he wore the bandages at all anymore. His once deadly puncture wounds now looked more like shallow cuts. I suspected he kept the bandages for the attention, if his shameless flirting with the petite shift was any indication.
The sound of their laughter was like rubbing salt into a wound that no one could see. And yet, still, I was happy for Cody’s distraction. I had a sneaky feeling Holly was going to be the one who got him through this bloody nightmare.
On the tenth day, I lay on my side on the uncomfortable bed, staring out the closed window, waiting for the sun to return. Of course, it never did. I sat up as one of the heavy wooden doors to the medical chamber swung open and my own would-be distraction walked into the room.
Alec made a beeline straight for my bed, his eyes raking over me as if I were a tall glass of water and he’d just walked the entire Mohave Desert. He acted like he hadn’t seen me in days instead of the mere hours it had been. Alec knelt beside the bed, gently picking up my hand and placing a soft kiss in my palm as he’d always done. “You are beautiful,” he purred. His breath was hot against my skin. It sent shivers down my spine.
“You’re not so bad yourself, dude,” Cody snickered.
Alec shot him a warning look and Cody held his hands up defensively.
“Don’t worry. I’m leaving, I’m leaving,” he said, exiting the room. His laughter echoed throughout the narrow corridor as he disappeared.
“I’m fine,” I blurted out, already sensing his question. My eyes stayed glued to my hands as I fidgeted with the crisp white sheet that pooled around my waist.
“Zoe,” Alec started, but I just shook my head. I knew what he was going to ask next. If I was fine, then why was I still holed up in the medical chamber? We had this same conversation each time he visited me here and I still didn’t have an answer for him. Not one he’d like, at least.
I could have left the medical ward days ago, if I was being honest with myself. But that meant going back to my and Annie’s room, and I wasn’t ready for her constant looks of pity. And, more than that, stepping out of this room felt a whole lot like moving on—and I sure as shit wasn’t ready for that.
“Some of our people who have served in the military told me about the self-isolation and depression that sometimes accompanies war,” Alec finally said, straying from his usual script. “PTSD I think it’s called. I experienced something similar after I killed my brother. I didn’t want to be around anyone. I kept reliving the event in my mind. It consumed me. It took William literally dragging me from that dark place to find myself again. I think…maybe you’re in that same dark place now.”
“Yeah, maybe,” was all I could say.
Alec stroked my arm rhythmically. I couldn’t deny that the small motion comforted me. “Zoe, let me help you. Whatever it is you’re going through, let me go through it with you. Please, it’s killing me to see you like this. Let me be the one who drags you from the darkness,” he said, his voice full of desperation.
I looked up and met his golden eyes and the pain I saw almost took my breath away. Pain that I had put there.
“Please, Zoe, let me help you,” he said again, and I felt something twist and break within me.
“Okay,” I whispered.
Alec’s face lit up a little. He wasted no time, wrapping his arms around me. He pulled me gently into his hard chest, his lips finding mine. They moved with such love, such passion. “I love you,” he murmured into the corner of my mouth.
“I know…”
Markus was right. Alec was a good man. A really good man. And he was right here, on his knees, ready to love me. And while I wasn’t sure I was ready, I knew there was a part of me that loved him too. We were of the same kind, after all, created for one another—mates. I was fairly certain that, with time, we could be happy together…that I could be happy with him, despite settling.
Alec didn’t know I’d chosen Josh, and now he never would. I couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty, though. My heart would never belong to him…not fully. It didn’t belong to anyone anymore. That was if I ever had a heart to begin with.
He pressed his forehead to mine and exhaled the breath I was sure he’d been holding. “From here until forever,” he whispered.
“From here until forever,” I echoed.
Alec stood, holding his hand out to me. “Come on,” he said, flashing me an encouraging smile. I placed my hand in his.
He lifted the sword high above his head, panting heavily. Something moved through the trees in front of him. His hands tightened around the sword’s hilt and he growled.
“You can’t have her,” he raged. “She doesn’t belong to you. You will not control her anymore!”
Alec charged into the darkness, his blade coming down hard and fast.
Stumbling back onto the bed, I tore my hand from Alec’s.
“Zoe, what is it?” he asked, worry flashing across his face. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head, trying to catch my breath. I looked down at my hand. It still tingled. “I-I’m not sure,” I breathed.
“I know that face.” Alec wrapped his large hands around the back of my head, forcing me to look up at him. “A vision. What did you see? Is it Baldric? Is he coming back?”
I shook my head slowly.
“Then what?”
“I don’t think it was of something to come,” I started, “I think it was something that already happened.”
He paused. “What do you mean? What did you see?”
“You were attacking something or someone,” I tried to explain, the details not making much sense to me. “You were telling them that they couldn’t have me…”
“The Sythen,” Alec said with a nod. “The one whose blood poisoned your body. Has this happened to you before?” He sat beside me on the bed but did not touch me.
“No,” I whispered. I was grateful that was all I saw. I didn’t want to see Josh die. I’d already imagined it enough times in my own mind. It would haunt me forever. And damn it all to hell and back if forever wasn’t a long ass time.
“Maybe it’s the medication they gave you,” he offered. “Or the blood loss. You’re still weak and your gift is probably not at its strongest right now.”
“Please don’t tell the others.” I hated how small my voice sounded. “It would just worry them more.” And make Jade and William that much more suspicious of me. But I left that part out.
“Of course,” he assured me. “Let’s keep it between us, at least for now. And you be sure to let me know if it happens again. But I’m sure it was nothing.”