“She's scared already,” Mia said, unaware of the emotion of the moment. “I'll hold her hand. She'll be okay,” the child reassured Colin.
“Take good care of her, Mia,” he said, as the two disappeared through the apartment door.
“I will, Papa!” Mia called back.
Colin laid his head against the cool wooden door. He took several deep breaths to steady himself. Suddenly he heard a voice behind him.
“Are you all right?” Rosario asked.
Colin turned to the woman behind him and nearly gasped. She barely resembled the woman from the restaurant, and he was impressed by the attempts she'd made for their dinner together. Her skin had a sickening pallor, and her eyes seemed to be receding into her warm brown face.
“I'm all right,” Colin said softly. “How are you doing?”
“Not well,” she said, moving slowly into the kitchen, and taking a chair at the table. Colin sat beside her.
“Is there anything I can do?” Colin asked, feeling like a fool. He didn't know what more he could do, other than offer his friendship.
“I think it's almost time for the hospital, Colin,” Rosario said, dropping her head into her hand. “It's the part I've been dreading, even more than what's really coming.”
“I have another idea, Rosario,” he said. Rosario looked at him and he reached for her hand.
“I rented a house today. It's nice and it's in the right school district for Mia. We can move in on Sunday, and I plan to do that. I also talked to hospice, and I've arranged for someone to come as soon as we need them. I'd like you to be able to stay at home. Would you like that, Rosario?”
Her only response was a gentle sobbing, and Colin squeezed her hand.
“I'd really like that, Colin. Thank you so much. I never imagined you'd take such good care of me. I knew you'd take care of Mia, but I never imagined anyone would care for me as you have. I know it's only been a few days since we first talked, but you have done so much for me, more than you'll ever know.”
“I'm happy to do it,” Colin said softly, meaning every word. He felt confident in his knowledge of medicine, but he was learning more about life. He said as much as he continued to hold Rosario's hand.
“You've done a lot for me, too,” he whispered, and she smiled slightly.
“I have?”
“Yes. I thought I had a full life, Rosario. I thought I knew about life, and about death, but I never really knew. Not until now.”
“I heard Mia call you Papa. Is that all right?” Rosario asked.
“It's nice. I like the sound of it. Is it all right with you?” Colin asked, and Rosario nodded.
“Yes. She loves you, and she's doing better than I expected, although I'm still not sure she understands. She doesn't remember when my husband died. She was too young. I'm not sure she realizes I'll be gone.”
“I think she does, but we can talk to her more about it,” Colin said. “It will be better with all of us together.”
“I think so, too,” Rosario said. “I'm not sure what to do with all of this stuff,” she added.
“Caren will help you pack what you want. I'll arrange for someone to come get what you don't want.”
“She sounded nice,” Rosario said, of Caren.
“She is. She was a nanny for years. She's missed it terribly.”
“She'll be good for Mia,” Rosario said, and although it wasn't a question, Colin nodded. “I know you'll really be there for her.”
“I'm here for you, too,” he said, and she smiled the weak smile once more.
“I know. Thank you, Colin. I mean that. Thank you for everything.”
He responded with nothing more than a gentle smile. He hadn't lied. He was learning more about life. It was a good lesson, one that would serve him well.
Thirty-eight
Caitlin knocked softly on the door of Ella's hospital room. A soft voice replied, and carefully Caitlin pushed the double stroller into the room.
“Oh my, what do we have here?” Ella said with delight, and Caitlin smiled.
“Say hello to Grandma, babies,” Caitlin said, and Ella beamed.
“Oh my Lord, I'm not sure I've ever seen anything so precious. This is one of the most wonderful moments of my life, Cate. Thank you so much for bringing them.”
“You're welcome, Ella,” Caitlin said, leaning over to kiss Ella's cheek. “How are you feeling?” Caitlin asked, and Ella smiled.
“Not too bad,” she lied, and Caitlin looked concerned.
“Are you telling me the truth?”
“No more lies,” Ella promised, although she hadn't been entirely honest. It was a fib, nothing more. She didn't want anything to mar the glorious moment with her grandchildren. Caitlin reached into the stroller, and emerged a moment later with her daughter in her arms.
“This is Hannah Margaret. Would you like to hold her?”
“Oh, I'd love to,” Ella said enthusiastically. Caitlin gently laid the baby in Ella's arms, and stood back watching as two tears slid down the older woman's face. “She is an angel,” Ella whispered.
Rogan chose that moment to let out an agonizing squeal.
“Oh, dear boy. Are you jealous, little man?” Ella said. “There's room for two babies in this grandma's lap. Bring him over.”
Caitlin did as asked, and laid Rogan in his grandmother's arms. “This is Rogan William. Rogan, baby, this is Grandma.” Ella looked at Caitlin and whispered softly.
“Thank you, Cate. You'll never know how much this means to me.”
“You're welcome,” Caitlin whispered, suddenly worried. “Are you sure you're okay?”
“I'm wonderful,” Ella said, leaning down to shower the babies with kisses. “They are a miracle, aren't they?”
“They are,” Caitlin said softly.
“Can I tell you something, Cate?” Ella asked, and Caitlin nodded.
Ella's eyes grew dark, and Caitlin watched as her expression changed. “I was afraid to be your mother, because I didn't know how. I barely knew how to live without my sweet Charles. I gave you away because I was scared, not because I didn't want you,” Ella said, as she began to cry. The older woman's shoulders began to shake as sobs racked her frail body. Caitlin sat beside her and held her tightly. “I’ve always loved you, Cate. I’m so glad you know the truth now.”
“I've always loved you too, Ella, and I think maybe deep down I did know. I knew there was something about you, something different, but maybe it was easier not to know. Maybe I was scared to know.”
“Don't let fear govern your life, child. Don't let it paralyze you and keep you from living,” Ella said, laying her head against Caitlin's arm. “I want you to have a good life.”
“I have a good life.”
“Then live a great life.”
“I will. Ella, are you all right?” Caitlin asked.
“I am. I'm just a silly old woman suffering a bout of nostalgia.”
“Are you sure?”
“Stop asking me. Just let me enjoy this moment with my family.”
“Promise me you'll let me know if something is wrong, if you're feeling worse.”
“I will. How are you feeling?”
“Better today. Rita did night duty last night. I didn't want to let her do it, but I'm really glad I did. The sleep was wonderful, and these guys only seem to want to sleep when I can't.”
“Oh, you little buggers,” Ella said, her tone lighter. “Are you keeping Mommy up at night?”
“At least half of it so far,” Caitlin said.
Ella looked at the babies she still held. Caitlin sat beside her.
“Now you sleep,” Caitlin whispered, as Ella looked over her shoulder.
“Rita, my friend. Come here with us,” Ella said, as Rita appeared in the doorway.
Rita Hollings crossed the room and planted a kiss on the left cheek of her best friend.
“Hi, sweetheart,” Rita said. “You look awfully pale. Are you all right?” Rita asked, and Ella looked frazzled.
“Stop fussing over me. I am all right.”
“You'd tell us if you weren't?” Caitlin asked, and Ella looked cross.
“Stop it, girl!” Ella chastised.
Several moments passed, as all three women looked at one another. Finally Rita broke the silence.
“Caitlin, would you mind getting me a coffee?” Rita asked.
“Of course not. Ella, can I get you anything?”
“I could have a soda. No sugar, no caffeine, per the diet police,” Ella said, and Caitlin smiled.
“I'll get one for you. Oh, shit!” Caitlin said abruptly, and Ella gasped.
“Now, now!” Ella chastised.
“Sorry. I left my purse in the car.”
“I have money,” Rita said.
“I need my phone.”
“So, go to the car and get it,” Rita said.
“I'm going. Sorry about the outburst. I'm just tired,” Caitlin admitted.
“It's okay. I'd love to go get your purse out of the car, Cate, but I'd have to drag all this shit with me,” Ella said with a chuckle, as she glanced at the myriad of machines surrounding her.
Ella and Rita watched as Caitlin disappeared into the hall. “What's your ulterior motive, my friend?” Ella asked Rita, who shrugged.
“No motive.”
“Liar.”
“You do look like shit, El. What's going on?”
“I feel like shit today. The doctor said it's all the drugs. He says I'm better. They're going to operate and fix my heart next week.”
“You have the best heart of anyone I know.”
“That's not what the doctor said.”
“I'm sorry you're going through this,” Rita said.
“So am I. I'd rather be someplace else,” Ella said, sounding wistful. “Thank you, Rita,” she added in a whisper.
“For what?”
“For everything. For the flowers, and for telling Caitlin the truth. It's meant a lot to me.”
“Don't talk like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you're not going to get better.”
“What if I don't?” Ella asked, as Rita leaned over to take Hannah, who had begun to cry.
“Stop it.”
“I had a good life, Rita.”
“There you go again with that talk.”
“Sorry,” Ella said in defeat.
“It's okay,” Rita said, taking her friend's hand. “I've had a good life with you too, Ella. You're the best friend a woman could ever have.”
“So are you,” Ella said softly. “Promise me one thing?”
“Anything.”
“If I croak, I'd better have some bad ass flowers.”
“What's with the language?” Rita asked through a laugh.
“Just feeling spunky all of the sudden.”
“Promise you'll hold onto that spunk?”
“Like my life depended on it.”
***
Caitlin wound through the hospital to the lobby doors. She stepped out into the evening, which had grown cool with the sun's departure. She crossed the Visitor's parking lot, toward Rita's SUV. Caitlin popped the lock with the remote. She was surprised to find her hands were shaking. Was she scared? No. She was terrified.
She had put it off all day long. She had to call Colin back. She knew before she reached for her purse, that this time when she dialed him, he would answer. She leaned against the car with her purse held tightly to her chest. Breathe.
A minute passed, and then another, and finally she reached into her purse and pulled out her cell phone.
“Please give me strength,” she whispered into the night. The shadows claimed her words, and they disappeared into the darkness.
Carefully she dialed Colin's number, and as expected, he answered. He sounded groggy.
“Hi, did I wake you?” she asked, and several seconds of silence ensued.
“Yeah, but it's okay. My knee is killing me and it's been a heck of a day.”
“Tell me about it,” Caitlin said, surprised by how quickly they fell into an easy banter.
“You hurt your knee, too?” Colin asked, sounding sleepy.
“No, but it's been a heck of a day,” Caitlin said, smiling.
“Life has gotten a little crazy,” Colin lied. A little crazy? That had to be the lie of the century!
“Yeah, here, too,” Caitlin replied, matching his lie. “I'd like to see you, Colin. Can I see you?” she asked, trying to sound like she wasn't begging, when in reality, she'd been prepared to.
“I need to see you, too. There are things I need to tell you, and I can't tell you over the phone. It's complicated.”
“It's complicated here, too,” she replied. She was finally starting to relax, but she felt just a hint of fear as she recalled the beautiful woman and the little girl. She was wondering if they had anything to do with the complications he mentioned.
“I'm tied up for the weekend,” he said, and Caitlin nodded without thinking.
“So am I.”
“How's Monday?” he asked.
“Monday's good.”
“You had Cliff's coffee lately?”
“Only once,” she said. It was in the hospital, the morning after I delivered your twins. She eliminated that part.
“Want to meet me there? Maybe we can take a walk.”
Caitlin wasn't prepared to let him know she wasn't living in the city at present. It would only open things up to a myriad of questions she wasn't prepared to dodge on the phone. “That's fine,” she decided to say, and did.
“How's 10:00 on Monday morning?” he asked.
“How's 11:00?” she asked, “I have something to do first.” I have to drive two hours for Cliff's coffee. She left out that part, too.
“Eleven is good,” he said. Neither said anything for nearly a minute, until Colin spoke again.
“I have really missed you, Cate.”
“I have really missed you too, Colin.”
“I can't wait to see you,” he said.
“Neither can I.”
“Okay, Monday then.”
“Monday,” she said, searching for more to say.
“See you then,” he said. “Thanks for calling, Cate. It's good to hear your voice.”
“It's good to hear yours,” she said, which wasn't a lie. She stood in the parking lot with tears streaming down her face. It was wonderful to hear his voice, and she had no idea how much she had truly missed him.
“Goodnight,” he said, and she listened as the phone clicked.
She whispered, “I love you,” into the night, and several miles away, he did the same. Three words that meant more than any other were whispered into the darkness, by two people who had only begun to realize the true value of love. They were words spoken from the heart, words of hope, words meant for each other but spoken only to the universe. Hopefully the universe was listening.
Thirty-nine
Friday passed with a manageable level of chaos. Caitlin had spent another afternoon at the hospital, taking turns with Nathan, as they alternately sat with Ella. After promising to return on Sunday, Caitlin left the hospital at 3:00, drove the nearly two hour trip back to New Hope without incident, and pulled into Rita's driveway as evening was approaching. A familiar Mercedes sat beside her.
“Secret's probably out,” Caitlin muttered, as she grabbed her purse and stepped out of Rita's SUV. Gravel and leaves stirred beneath her feet, and she could hear voices through the open door.
“Was there something you wanted to tell me?” Maria asked, as Caitlin stepped into the kitchen. Maria sounded stern, but there was a glimmer in her eyes.
“Actually, no!” Caitlin said.
“How could you not tell me?” Maria said, rising from the chair to take her best friend into a warm embrace. Maria smacked her red-painted lips against Caitlin's cheek, and swatted her backside playfully.
“I didn't tell anyone, Maria. Please don't take it personally,” Caitlin said, defensively
.
“Why? I can't say I know a hell of a lot about being pregnant, but I can guess it's not something you want to do alone,” Maria said, and Caitlin shrugged.
“She had me,” Rita said, and Maria laughed.
“I'm sorry, Rita. You know I mean well,” Maria said, crossing the kitchen, and pulling Rita into a hug.
“I've gotten a lot better,” Rita said in her own defense.
“She has gotten better. Lots of things are better now,” Caitlin said, sharing a smile with her mother. “Did you see them?” Caitlin asked, and Maria shook her head.
“We were waiting for you for introductions, Cate,” Rita said.
“I need coffee. Badly. Do you mind?” Caitlin asked.
“I'll tell you what. I'll get the babies, and you get a coffee, and I'll be down in a minute,” Rita said.
“Thank you, Mom!” Caitlin said, reaching for the coffee pot.
“You look pooped, kiddo,” Maria said, and Caitlin nodded without turning.
“Yeah. A lot has happened.”
“Yeah, it looks it,” Maria said.
“There's more.”
“There is? What's happening, Cate?”
“How much time do you have?” Caitlin asked, and Maria arched a brow.
“Complicated?” Maria asked, as Caitlin sat beside her at the kitchen table.
“You couldn't begin to imagine. Let me try the condensed version. Rita isn't my mother.”
“Holy shit!”
“Yeah, no kidding. You remember her friend Ella? The lady who works in the shop.”
“The rose lady?”
“That's the one,” Caitlin said with a smile.
“She's your mother?”
“Yeah. My real father died before they were married, and shortly after that, Ella found out she was pregnant. Rita and Daddy adopted me.”
“Amazing shit,” Maria said, and Caitlin smiled.
“I had a sister who died. Mom and Daddy were devastated. Ella says I saved their lives.”
“Jesus, Cate. Anything else?”
“Nope, that's about it.”
“That's fucking crazy!” Maria said, louder than she'd intended.
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