by Laura Pavlov
I tangled my fingers in her hair, skimming the soft skin on her neck. “That’s not what I asked you.”
She pushed me back and tucked her hair behind her ears. “Stop complicating this. It’s been five years.”
“My point exactly. Time to move past this shit.”
“I already have.”
“Bullshit, Laney. You feel this pull between us as much as I do. It’s always been there. Always will be.”
“So, what? It doesn’t mean anything. Once I leave, we’ll go another five years without seeing one another.”
“And why is that?”
“Because my life is elsewhere now,” she said, squaring her shoulders and holding her chin high.
“Your home is here, and you know it. I think you’re scared of how much you feel when you’re here. But you can’t run from it.”
“That’s rich coming from you. You’re the one who told me to leave.”
“And I’ve explained to you why I did that,” I said.
“It doesn’t matter anymore. We’re both in different places. I’m glad we can put it behind us and be friends.”
A friendship was better than her hating me.
“I’m good with that. So, we can finish our conversation over lunch this week. Friends eat lunch together, right?” I smirked.
“You’re exhausting. I’ll be back at work on Wednesday.” She rolled her eyes.
The door flew open and Jack stood there with a wide grin spread across his face. “Hey, Cock’s getting antsy and wondering where you are.”
Laney huffed and stormed past my brother. “His name is Charlie, Jack-ass.”
Jack’s laughter boomed and I couldn’t help but join in. Laney wanted to be friends—no problem. I’d already held that title most of her life.
I’d found a way in, and I wasn’t backing down this time.
Chapter Seven
Laney
I brought Mom a tray with toast and tea and set it on the bed before fluffing the pillows and helping her lie back.
“Honey, will you stop fussing? I’m fine.”
“Are you sure you’re okay with me going to the winery? I’ll just work for a few hours.”
“I’m positive. Dad’s downstairs, too. And, if I’m being honest, I want to read a book and just relax. All this attention is a bit much.”
“Okay, well, I’m just up the road if you need me.” I turned toward the door. “Hey, there’s something I wanted to ask you.”
She reached for the teacup and took a sip. “Sure. What is it?”
“Did you announce my engagement in the paper?”
She set her mug down and dabbed her mouth with the napkin. “I did.”
“Did you announce it in the local paper here in Napa? Or just the one owned by the Montgomerys?” I placed my hands on my hips and studied her.
“Nope. Just the one paper.”
I moved to sit on the edge of the bed. “Why would you do that?”
“Because you weren’t going to tell him. And, well, I thought he should know.”
“Why? What would possess you to think that was a good idea?” I was annoyed. Not that Harrison knew—of course he was bound to find out. But I didn’t like that he found out that way. It was cold. I’d assumed he’d just heard from someone in town. Although, I didn’t know why it mattered how he found out.
“I’d just found out I had cancer. I hadn’t told you yet, so I didn’t know all of this would bring you home.” She paused and reached for my hand, wrapping hers around mine. “You haven’t wanted to come home since you and Harrison broke up. I know that you both have a lot of hurt over what happened. I guess I just decided that life is short—and I wanted to make sure you were marrying Charlie for the right reasons. I knew if Harrison saw the announcement, it would allow him the time to do something about it before it was too late, I guess.”
“It is too late, Mom. Where is this coming from?”
“I don’t know, sweetheart. Call it mother’s intuition. Something changed in you after you left and went back to school on your own.”
“Yeah. He dumped me and I was heartbroken. But I moved on,” I said, fidgeting with my engagement ring.
Charlie had asked what the story was with Harrison after my ridiculous ex-boyfriend basically growled at him in front of everyone. I told him more about our history, which wasn’t that hard to figure out after he saw the shrine in my bedroom. If I’d known he was coming, I would have put everything away, but maybe it was good that I was forced to tell him more about what we’d shared. I couldn’t tell him everything, because then he’d know that I never really got the other half of my heart back after I gave it away the first time. Charlie was marrying a woman with half of a heart, and he seemed okay with it. He listened, and he nodded, and he asked a slew of questions—and then we just moved on. He trusted me. A part of me wondered if it was normal. Charlie didn’t have a jealous bone in his body, and neither did I when it came to him. Was something missing? The passion? The emotion? I was wrestling with all that I was feeling. Being here, back at home—it was proving more challenging than I could have ever imagined. I thought I’d moved on from Harrison Montgomery, but in truth, I’d just moved away. And the sooner I got out of here—the better.
“That wasn’t it, sweetheart. Now, I own my part in this. Dad and I encouraged you to return to school because we thought it was best for you. We never thought you needed to end things with Harrison. We just wanted you to finish school and spread your wings a bit. But you changed after that. You lost your light. It was more than a broken heart; it was like a part of you—I don’t know—like a part of you died. And I feel partly responsible for that. Dad and I adore Charlie, and if he makes you happy then you have our blessing to marry him. But if there are any doubts, or if he isn’t the one—I encourage you to find that out now. I’ve seen a change in you in these few weeks since you’ve been home, and it makes my heart explode to see you happy.”
Tears streamed down my face and I pushed to my feet. She was right. I had lost my light. I’d been trying for a long time to get it back. So many secrets. So many words that I couldn’t bring myself to say. Not to anyone.
I nodded. “I am happy, Mom. I promise. And I understand why you posted my engagement now. But there’s too much water under the bridge with Harrison. I’m glad we’re friends again. I did miss having him in my life. But too much has happened. Too much has changed. I’ve changed. Charlie knows me, and he loves me.”
“And you love him?” she whispered.
“Of course. Yes. I do. I love him. I do love Charlie. What’s not to love?”
“Who are you trying to convince, honey? Me or you?”
I rolled my eyes. “I love you, Mom. I need to get to work.” I reached for a tissue on the nightstand and swiped at my tear-streaked cheeks.
“Laney Mae,” she called out. She only used my full name when I was in trouble, but this time, her tone was soft.
I stopped in the doorway, but I didn’t turn around to face her. This conversation had already dredged up more than I could handle at the moment. “Yeah?”
“It’s okay to not know what you want, to say you need more time, to question and explore things. This is the time to do that, sweetheart. You only get one shot at this life, and you deserve to be happy.”
I nodded and walked away. I didn’t know which way was up anymore. But I’d agreed to marry Charlie, and he was a good man. There was no question about it. He understood me. He allowed me to take space when I needed it. He didn’t make me talk about every single thing on my mind, and I appreciated that. Charlie didn’t push me. He let me be. And maybe that’s what I needed in my life. Maybe everyone was different, and we didn’t all want the fireworks and the passion.
But sure, watching Ford and Harley say their vows did leave me wondering if something was missing between Charli
e and me. That feeling like you couldn’t live without the other. All-consuming. There was so much love between Ford and Harley as they spoke to one another, you could feel that deep love that lived there. I didn’t feel that same connection to my fiancé. So yes, I had some reservations.
And then I reminded myself that he’d flown here to support my mother through her surgery. He didn’t question me or sulk when I said I wasn’t comfortable having sex under my parents’ roof—after we’d been apart for weeks. I’m the only one who knew that I’d had sex in this house quite a few times in the past. Well, I suppose Harrison knew that as well, since it had been with him. We couldn’t keep our hands off one another at that time in our lives. We’d sneak off just about anywhere we could to be together. But that’s what kids do. That’s puppy love.
I didn’t need that intensity in my life. Marrying Charlie would be like marrying my best friend. He’d never hurt me. And there was something to be said about that.
I arrived at the winery and pushed the thought out of my head as I made my way to my office, settling behind the desk and turning on my laptop. I left the door open, and Monica popped her head inside.
“Good morning, sweetheart. I saw your light on. How’s your mom doing?”
“She’s doing well, better than expected. The doctors think they got everything, but we’ll wait and see. She’s still got a long road ahead of her with reconstructive surgery, but I think she’s just taking it one day at a time.”
Monica dropped down in the chair across from me. “She’s lucky to have you here with her.”
“Thank you, that’s sweet of you to say.”
“I mean it. And I wanted to thank you for all the work you put into Ford and Harley’s wedding. It went off without a hitch. It was such a great day,” she said.
“I was just the wingman. Theresa did all the hard stuff.” I chuckled. “Thank you for making this position for me—giving me an office and making me feel like part of the team.”
“We’re lucky to have you. You know, if you ever decide to move back home, there will always be a spot for you here.”
I smiled and fought back the tears that threatened again. What was wrong with me today? It just all felt like too much. I shook my head, but no words came, and I covered my face with my hands and tried to pull myself together. Monica came around the desk and bent down in front of me.
“Are you okay, Laney?”
I nodded as the dam I’d tried to keep at bay opened, and tears streamed down my face.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s just been a lot lately. Being home. And remembering all that I left behind.”
She rubbed my back with one hand and placed the other on my cheek. “You didn’t leave anything behind, sweetheart. You just took a different path for a while. I understand that, sometimes it’s necessary. We don’t always choose our journey, Laney. Life has a way of doing that for us.”
I swiped at my face with the sleeve of my cardigan, trying to swallow over the enormous lump lodged in my throat. “I feel like I’ve lost myself somewhere along the way.”
“You didn’t lose yourself, honey. Do you know that when I met you and you were just five years old, I told Ford Senior that I thought you were an old soul? I’d never met a child that was more empathetic and caring than you in my life. I believe that’s why Harrison was so drawn to you. Your warmth and your goodness—it’s contagious. And I think you had your life mapped out early on, and your world got flipped on its side. You did what you needed to do to survive. It doesn’t mean you’re lost. It means you’re finding your way. And we’ve all had to do that over the past few years.”
“I never thought about it that way. It’s just hard to be back when so much has happened. Having Charlie here made me realize that he doesn’t know much about my life before him. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because I haven’t shared it with him. I just don’t want to for some reason.” My words broke on a sob. “And Harrison, he doesn’t know anything about my life after I left. No one does. I feel like my two worlds are colliding now and I don’t know how to handle that.”
“Talk to them. Keeping things bottled up isn’t good for anyone. You’re not hurting them by telling them these things—you’re hurting yourself by keeping it bottled up, sweetheart. You don’t need to carry the world on your shoulders. You have a lot of people who love you.”
Monica wrapped her arms around me, and I fell into her. Needing all that warmth and comfort. I’d been so focused on Mom and Charlie and Harrison—and it felt good to just let it all out. We sat like that for a few minutes before I finally calmed my breathing and looked up at her, sitting back in my seat.
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“Always. I love you, Laney,” she said, pushing to stand and reaching for the tissue on my desk. She handed me a few and I cleaned my face up.
“I love you, too.”
Someone cleared their throat in the doorway and we both turned to see Harrison standing there.
“Everything okay?” The look of concern on his face nearly brought me to my knees. No one in the world knew me better than Harrison Montgomery. I didn’t like admitting that, but it was the truth. Hell, there were times I thought he knew me better than I knew myself.
“Yes. We were just having a nice chat about Ford and Harley’s wedding. You come see me later, okay?” Monica said, and a warm smile spread across her face as she winked at me before walking out the door.
“I will. Thank you.”
“Hey.” Harrison raised a brow in question. “Is everything okay with your mom?”
“Yeah. Come in. She’s doing well.”
He dropped down to sit in the chair across from me. “You sure?”
“Yep. I asked her about the engagement announcement, and she is the one who posted it. Just in your newspaper. Nowhere else.”
“Is that right?” He smoothed out his fitted dress pants as he stretched his long legs out and crossed them at the ankle.
“It is. She wanted you to know before I got hitched, I guess. In case we had anything to work out between us.” I chewed the inside of my cheek after the words left my mouth.
“That was nice of her. Do we?”
“Do we what?” I asked just above a whisper.
“Do we have something to work out?”
“I guess we never got closure. Maybe this is our time to do that.” I dabbed at my eyes one last time with the tissue and tossed it in the trash.
“All right. There’s no harm in us being friends, right? That’s how we started out. We can finish the conversation we started that night at the barn, answer a few questions, and hang out like old times.”
“Okay.” I let out a long breath. Maybe I owed this to myself and to Harrison. To really put this behind us both once and for all.
“Come on. Things are slow today. I want to take you somewhere.”
I didn’t question him. Monica’s words repeated in my head, it’s all part of the journey. I pushed to my feet and followed him to the door. I didn’t ask where we were going because it didn’t really matter. I couldn’t move forward with my life until I closed this chapter, and that’s what I intended to do.
“Where are we going?” I finally whined after our third turn down a side street. I swear we’d walked close to a mile already and I yanked off my cardigan as the sun shined down from above.
“You want a piggyback ride, for old times’ sake?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder to look at me. Butterflies swarmed my belly, as his dark gazed locked with mine. Damn. Harrison Montgomery had managed to get better looking with age, and he’d already been the best-looking boy I’d ever seen when we were together.
“No,” I huffed, tying my cardigan around my waist. “But it’s hot as hell out here.”
“Not sure why you’re wearing a sweater in the summer.” He smirked.
Wiseass.
“The winery is freezing,” I huffed.
“We’re here.”
“Why in the world would we come to St. Vincent’s?” I rolled my eyes. I’d gone to school here most of my life. My parents worked here, well, when it wasn’t summer break like it was now. Although my dad still taught a few summer classes at the high school.
“For once in your life, can you just not question the why? Just follow me. Have a little faith.”
He opened the gate to the elementary side of the school. I hadn’t been on this side of the campus in years. “I have faith in lots of things. But that doesn’t mean I won’t question where I’m going.”
He laughed and stayed a few steps ahead of me before coming to a stop on the playground. He dropped down on one of the swings. The ground beneath the playground equipment used to be filled with sand, but for hygiene purposes, it was now covered in black mats.
“Take a seat, Laney.”
“Why are we here?” I moaned, dropping to sit in the swing beside him.
He reached in his pocket and pulled out a sandwich-sized baggy filled with white sand and handed it to me. “You can throw sand in my face if you need to. But we’re going to talk.”
My head fell back in laughter. “You brought sand?”
“I sure did.”
I took the bag from his hand and unzipped the top, running my fingers through the soft granules. “And if I don’t like what you say, I can throw handfuls in your face?”
“It wouldn’t be the first time, so yes.” He leaned back in the swing and looked at me.
“I’ll keep it close by,” I teased. “So, what did you want to talk about?”
“The conversation we started at Ford’s wedding.”
My head fell back in frustration. “Yes, the one my fiancé interrupted. I mean, what’s the point, Harrison? The past is in the past. Let’s just leave it alone.”
“What are you so afraid of?” he asked, his feet keeping his swing moving at a steady motion.
“I’m not afraid of anything.”