by Toni Aleo
Piper nodded, but he could tell she was still worried. “Okay.”
“All right,” he said, tapping her knee. “See you in two weeks, okay? Don’t worry, everything will be okay.”
Piper gave him a small smile and nodded as he left the room with another wave. He could tell she was upset and he didn’t understand why, so he asked, “What’s wrong? Can the baby not come early?”
“He can, but it makes me nervous.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to talk about that right now. I want to know, what the hell was your problem with Dr. Richards?”
Erik glared. “You mean the Abercrombie and Fitch model?”
“Oh, come on!”
“You need another doctor, like a female one.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t like the idea of that guy’s hands up inside you,” he snapped back.
“Oh my God, Erik! Not only have I known him for years and he is a good friend, but he is also gay.”
Erik paused.
He knew that guy was checking him out! Biting his lip to keep from laughing, he looked over at the stages of pregnancy poster that was hanging on the wall. “So where are you on here?”
“Oh no you don’t! You don’t get to change the subject! Why does it matter, Erik, if he has his long, gorgeous hands up inside me?”
Erik whipped his head back to her and glared. “That’s not funny.”
“What? I’m just asking.”
When he didn’t say anything, she giggled as she leaned into him, giving him a wide smile. “Are you jealous?”
“Hell no. I have nothing to be jealous of.”
“Oh, is that right?”
Erik nodded before giving her a heated glance.
“Yup, because you’re coming home with me, and when I’m between your legs, giving you the most unbelievable pleasure you have ever experienced, the last thing on your mind will be Dr. Richards and his long hands. So, no, I am not jealous.”
Piper bit into her lip and with a breezy smile said, “I like this look on you; it’s sort of hot and makes me forget about everything I’m worried about.”
Erik shook his head.
“I’m not jealous.”
He would never admit that he was jealous, but he was. Erik had never been jealous a day in his life, and that made him realize he felt more for her than he thought. He had wanted to keep his feelings in check but apparently they had a mind of their own and he was falling for her fast and hard.
* * *
Sitting on the couch, Piper let out a long breath as she held her stomach. She was so nervous now, knowing that the baby could come early. Because if he did, Erik would leave and she wasn’t ready for that. Glancing up from her Kindle, she watched as Erik played his war games, shooting and stabbing people in the head. She wanted him to turn to her and tell her he was staying for the long haul, but she was starting to lose hope.
She thought by now there would have been some kind of declaration, some kind of reassurance, but there hadn’t been. Her stomach turned at the thought of him leaving. How was she supposed to readjust her life if he left? He was a part of her life now. Her heart was completely invested, she loved him, and she was starting to feel like a fool. Looking over at him, she let out a long breath as she shook her head.
She was an idiot.
“You ready to tell me what has been bothering you?”
Her eyes widened as he turned in his seat to look at her. When she didn’t answer, he stood up to come sit beside her. Taking her legs in his hands, he drew them over his legs and looked over at her expectantly.
“I know something is wrong.”
She shook her head; she didn’t know how to tell him that she was scared he was leaving her. Would he confirm her suspicions, or would he deny them? So much was scaring her, and she felt like she was drowning in it all.
“Tell me,” he said encouragingly.
Letting out a long breath, she said, “I’m scared.”
“Scared? I don’t believe that. You are fearless.”
If only he knew. She shook her head as she looked down at where his hands held hers.
“I’m scared that I’m going to be a horrible mom, Erik. I’m afraid he is going to hate me. I’ve never done this before and I have no clue what I’m doing. Harper is still broken over her miscarriages and I know that if I ask her to help me with the baby, she will want to raise Dimitri and then I’ll never be able to be a mom.”
“Piper,” he said with a shake of his head, “you know that will never happen. Don’t get mad, but you are just really emotional right now, and that What to Expect book said that things like this will come up. It’s normal; just calm down.”
She looked up at him. “You read my book?”
“I glanced through it. I worry about you.”
Her heart expanded as she held his gaze. He had to care about her, love her even, so why couldn’t he just tell her that?
“That book has a lot of information, Erik, but it doesn’t tell me how to reassure myself that you aren’t leaving. That’s what I’m most afraid of,” she said softly, and watched as he looked away.
“Piper, why are you even thinking about that? We don’t have to worry about that right now.”
She shook her head as tears gathered in her eyes. “No, I have to worry about it now because I have to prepare myself for you leaving. I don’t want you to go, Erik. I want you to stay.”
He cupped her face, bringing it up to look at him. “I can guarantee you that I don’t want to go, but I can’t say I’ll stay.”
“What does that even mean?” she asked as the tears started to fall. “Either you want to be with me or you don’t.”
“Piper, it’s not that easy.”
“How do you figure? I am invested here. I feel like this is a one-sided relationship.”
“That’s not true,” he said, shaking his head.
“You have never reassured me about us at all; you won’t even have sex with me!”
Erik shook his head as he let out a long breath.
“You don’t have sex, Piper. You make love and I don’t. I do it for pleasure and until I know that I want more than that, I can’t touch you that way. I am thinking of you. It’s going to be hard if I leave but don’t you think it would be even more difficult if we were having sex?”
Piper nodded. “Yes, but I need some kind of reassurance that you do want me, that you don’t want to leave me.”
“Even if I do leave, I’ll always be there for you; maybe not the way I am now, but I will be there when you need me.”
“I want you to stay, Erik, with me and the baby,” Piper said, moving her hands out of his to wipe her tears.
“I can’t guarantee you that, baby. Training camp is about to start and then I’ll be traveling for preseason. I have never been so nervous about that in my life, but I am now because I’m not sure if I’ll hurt you or not. I don’t want to break my promise to you but I don’t know what it is going to be like when I’m back playing hockey. It’s easy now. I am with you all the time, but when I’m gone, I don’t know what will happen, if I can be faithful.”
Piper had a look of disbelief as she shook her head. “That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You don’t know if you are going to cheat so that’s what is keeping you from committing to me?”
“Yes, and it isn’t stupid. I care about you, and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You are hurting me because I don’t know what is going to happen and I’m scared.”
“I told you I was trying,” Erik said, looking into her eyes. “You said that was enough.”
“I don’t know if it is anymore.”
Silence filled the room. She didn’t know what she just said, but it might have been the start of a breakup. That wasn’t what she wanted but maybe it was what was needed. Something needed to change, someone needed to make a move and she felt like if she didn’t, he never would.
“I don’t know w
hat to say,” he said softly.
“I don’t, either,” she said with a shake of her head. Moving her legs off him, she stood up and when she reached for her Kindle, he took hold of her wrist.
“We are not okay, are we?”
Looking up into his eyes, she shook her head. “No, we’re not.”
Pulling her wrist out of his hand, she turned and left the room. Once in her bedroom, she shut the door softly, leaning her forehead against it as the tears fell down her cheeks. Taking in a shuddering breath, all she could think about was:
What had she done?
Chapter 20
The car was going slow as they headed to Lamaze class. Glancing at the speedometer, Piper noticed that Erik was doing the speed limit, which was unusual because he always drove fast.
So what was going on?
Looking back at the road, she knew she needed to say something. He was visibly upset and she hated that, but before she could, he said, “I want you to know that I’ve been thinking a lot about what was said last night.”
She looked over at him and nodded. “Me, too.”
He went on: “I understand that I’m not giving you everything you want, and I know it must be hard, but this is all I’ve got right now, Piper. I want to give you more, believe me I do, and I hope you can be patient with me, but if not, I completely understand.”
He paused and took in a deep breath as she said, “Erik—”
“Let me finish, okay?” he said, looking over at her. She nodded as he went on. “I want you to know that you are the only girl that I want. I have been through a lot of females, we both know this, but none of them have done what you do to my heart. I want you to know that my day isn’t complete until I see your face, and I want you to know that it took me twenty-four hours to have the balls to say all this.” Her face broke into a grin as she nodded, her eyes clouding with tears. “I can’t promise you forever, Piper, not yet, but I hope I can soon. Just give me some more time to figure things out.”
Piper nodded as she reached across the console and took his hand in hers, “Some people are worth waiting for, and I believe that you’re one of those people. I am so sorry for the way I acted last night; it’s just been a tough month.”
“I know, baby,” he said, kissing the back of her hand. “I know it’s hard to be with me.”
She smiled over at him and when the car came to a stop, he leaned over and kissed her lips softly. Parting just slightly, he whispered, “Don’t ever question if I want you, either. Believe me, Mrs. Titov, my dick stays hard around you.”
A giggle escaped Piper’s lips as her body caught on fire. “Well, believe me, Mr. Titov, I stay nice and wet waiting for you.”
Closing his eyes, she smiled as he groaned, “You’re killin’ me, Smalls.”
As he pulled himself away to drive, she laughed as her heart beat happily. She loved this man and nothing was ever going to stop her love for him. She knew that they were going to be okay.
She just had to have faith in him.
* * *
Erik was glad he had a chance to talk to Piper. He felt horrible all morning as they seemed to avoid each other before heading out to the Lamaze class. She actually seemed surprised he was still going with her. He told her he would, and he was trying to keep his word.
“This is stupid.”
Erik nodded as he looked over at Lucas.
“I don’t even know why Fallon wanted to come; she’s already had a kid, she obviously knows how to do this,” he said with his arms across his chest. “I mean look at these jokers; they all look scared shitless. Birthing a baby can’t be that hard.”
Erik wondered if he looked like the scared-shitless guys, because he sure felt like one. Dimitri’s due date was around the corner and Erik had no clue what was going to happen. Piper liked watching those birthing shows but once the women started screaming, Erik usually left the room.
“I think we all need this,” Tate said with a shrug. “Audrey will need me, and I want to know what I have to do.”
“Hold her hand and hope she doesn’t rip your head off,” Lucas said with a laugh. “If Shea Adler can do it, we can do it.”
“Shea is a beast, Lucas, you know that. He is the Chuck Norris of baby-making and life; you don’t mess with Shea,” Tate said with an awed look on his face.
“He is not! You know if you weren’t marrying my sister-in-law, I would think you had a bromance with our captain.”
Tate scoffed. “Don’t hate me because he likes me more. I actually respect him.”
“No, you suck up, that’s why he likes you,” Lucas said with a laugh.
Erik chuckled as he shook his head. “This is going to be great.”
Lucas laughed as he nodded. “It sure is. Did you get a look at our instructor? She decided to climb down her tree and come help us out today.”
Erik held in his laughter as he looked across the room, where the midwife stood with Fallon, Audrey, and Piper. She was as tall as him, superskinny and hairy. It was kind of scary but apparently she was the best in the state. Since Erik and the rest of the guys wanted the best for their wives and babies, Mrs. Tree-Hugger would be their instructor.
“You are an ass, Lucas,” Tate said with a shake of his head. “I got a hundred bucks that says you don’t make it through the class.”
“You’re on, my friend.”
The two shook on it. Looking up, Erik noticed that everyone was sitting in a circle and that Piper was calling him over.
“Showtime boys, let’s go,” he said as he threw his cup of soda in the trash before heading over to Piper. He sat down beside her and looked around.
“This is going to be fun,” he whispered and she laughed.
“Oh, I know. Hopefully we learn something.”
He nodded. “I hope so, too.”
“Welcome, everyone!” their instructor said loudly.
* * *
A half hour later, Erik stood out by his car with Piper, Audrey, Tate, and Fallon. Lucas was inside throwing up and Fallon was pissed. She wouldn’t even speak as Audrey and Piper retold what happened for Tate, since he apparently missed the whole thing. It was hilarious and fun to reenact but Erik was sure that Fallon was not happy.
“So, BFF, have you decided what you want to do for your birthday?”
Erik glanced up and looked over at Piper. Her birthday was coming up?
“I don’t know. It isn’t like I can go to a club or drink, so I’ll probably just hang at the house.”
“We could go to dinner, maybe shop?” Audrey suggested. “Or do you have something planned, Erik?”
Erik froze. He didn’t have anything planned because he didn’t know it was her freaking birthday! Shaking his head, he said, “Um, not really, still working out details.”
“Oh, cool, well keep me in the loop; I want to do something because we are all about to get stupid busy with these kids, so we need to enjoy our free time together.”
Piper nodded as they hugged tightly. “I’ll let you know,” she said. “We are going home. I’m starving.”
Erik was stewing; he hated being out of the loop, especially when it was something important, like her birthday. Saying goodbye to Audrey and Tate, Erik helped Piper into the car before climbing in the driver’s seat. They were almost to the highway when he asked, “When is your birthday?”
She glanced over at him as she shyly said, “Thursday.”
It was Saturday. Fuck.
“Thanks for letting me know.”
“It’s no big deal. I probably won’t do anything. We have dinner tomorrow with my parents and sisters. We’ll celebrate tomorrow, and then maybe go out to dinner with Audrey and Tate on the actual day.”
“I didn’t even know that was why we were going to your mom’s house; I thought it was just for dinner. I would have looked really stupid, Piper, thanks.”
She bit into her lip and nodded. “I know, I’m sorry, we’ve been so busy and all. It really isn’t a big deal.”
> “It’s your birthday.”
“I know, but don’t worry about it. We will just do what I said, no big deal.”
It was a big deal and Erik found himself irritated the whole way back to Sweetbriar. When they got to the house, they made their way inside and settled in for the night. When Piper was cuddled up in her blanket, Kindle in hand, Erik snuck out to the back of the house and called Shea. He answered a few seconds later.
“What’s up?”
“Hey, how fast can your sister plan a birthday?”
Erik might be too scared to fully commit, but he was ready to let her know how much she meant to him.
Chapter 21
Someone was shaking her.
Opening one eye, she peeked out of the covers to see Erik grinning at her. Making a disgruntled noise, Piper covered her face and muttered, “Go away.”
His chuckles filled the room as he wiggled his way under the blanket. His hands were warm against her exposed skin as he pulled her close to run his nose along hers. “Good morning.”
“I’m sleeping,” she muttered again as he kissed her nose.
“Well, excuse me for being rude but I want to kiss the birthday girl.”
She opened one eye again and set him with a look. “I have morning breath.”
“I don’t care, now kiss me,” he said against her lips. She didn’t even have time to smile or say no; he smothered her mouth with his own. She had to admit it was a great way to wake up. As he pulled back, Piper opened her eyes and smiled sweetly at him.
“Happy birthday.”
She snuggled closer to him. “Thank you.”
“Do you want to get up or am I going to have to drag you out of this bed?”
“Why on earth would you do that?” she asked in mock horror.
He laughed. “Because Stanley and I made you breakfast and you have gifts.”
Piper thought for a moment before saying, “I do like food and presents.”
“I thought so. Why don’t you crawl out of bed and come on,” he suggested as he kicked the blankets off.
“Ugh,” she complained as she sat up, looking around the room. “I look a hot mess. I don’t want to do birthday stuff, Erik. I suck, I know.”