by Carmen Caine
I expelled a deep breath, momentarily distracted at what looked like a large cloud of smoke coming out of my nose. Watching my frozen breath strangely made me feel as carefree as a kid. Expelling my breath a few more times, I suddenly bent down, scooped up two large handfuls of snow and turning, playfully threw one straight at Rafael.
Taking him by surprise, it hit his neck and went down the back of his shirt.
“Good one!” Grace shouted at me.
Rafael’s brow lifted in surprise, and his lips quirked in amusement. Tilting his head a little, he advanced, never removing his eyes from mine.
And then it all changed.
Of course, I should have known better than to pick this fight. And of course, I should have known that it would immediately turn into something else, but I had little experience with the powerful emotion of attraction. I didn’t realize how hard it was to contain or control.
One minute, I was picking a friendly snow fight, and in less than thirty seconds, I found myself flirting and focusing on his killer looks and athletic moves.
With heightened senses, I waited until I could feel his breath on my cheek, and then lobbed the second snowball straight at him.
He was so close, I didn’t think I could miss, but he was prepared this time and dodged it with ridiculously graceful ease.
As Jareth watched us in a curiously dark and brooding manner, I ran towards Grace, laughing and screaming at the same time letting Rafael playfully stalk after me all the while picking up snowballs and firing them off with deadly accuracy.
I could sense that Rafael’s awareness had changed too. His eyes held the same look in them as they had right before he’d kissed me in Avalon.
I tried to hide behind Grace, but she started chucking snowballs at me too, and I darted to the side of the clearing, escaping them both.
I paused at the edge to catch my breath and turned to face my opponents. Grace had taken to throwing snowballs at Jareth, and Rafael had disappeared.
Curious, I circled just as he popped up behind me.
The amusement in his gray eyes had grown, and he gave me a bewitching smile that I’d never seen before as he whispered, “Run if you want, little pixie. I’ll enjoy the chase.”
I stared wordlessly up at him, knowing he meant much more than the snow fight. I knew I should stop what I was doing, but it was so very hard to do. My eyelashes lowered of their own accord as I skipped away, but he caught me about the waist at the last second and stuffed a snowball straight down the back of my neck.
I shrieked, shoving him half-heartedly aside, but he pulled me a little closer.
“Tasting the forbidden fruit?” Jareth’s sarcastic voice interrupted. “I thought you were above mistakes, Rafael.”
Rafael lifted his head to lock gazes with Jareth.
I stepped back, feeling ashamed all at once.
What was I doing? I knew we could only be friends. I knew it would be wrong to betray the world for love, but my heart didn’t think it was as bad as my brain did.
But feeling properly chastised, I said, “Nothing’s going on, Jareth. We’re just friends.”
“Friends,” Jareth repeated in a mocking tone.
“Yes, friends,” Rafael confirmed. But after sending Jareth a dark look, he leaned closer to say in a whisper meant for my ears alone, “But you would be a beautiful mistake, pixie.”
With that, he let me go.
Jareth folded his arms and said, “There’s enough strangeness going on here that we’d best stay together.”
At once, my head snapped up as concern overrode all other feelings.
Reading my face, Rafael pointed over my shoulder and assured, “You’re safe, Sydney. There’s no cause for concern.”
I followed his gaze to where I suddenly saw Brock wandering nearby. Ajax was just a few feet away from him, rooting in the snow after an enticing scent.
Subdued, I ran back to the center of the clearing where Grace had flopped back in the snow, moving her arms and legs. “Let’s all make snow angels,” she suggested, wiggling her hands.
Closing my eyes, I joined her, lying back to follow her example and again feeling like a little kid. Or what I imagined a little kid would feel like doing that. I’d never actually made a snow angel before.
Keeping my eyes closed, I took in big gulps of air, savoring the happy sounds of children playing nearby and Grace’s giggling. I’d almost regained my lighthearted mood when something tickled my cheek.
I swatted it away with my mitten.
But it returned, and I finally opened my eyes to discover Rafael leaning over me. His face was mere inches from mine and several strands of his hair had fallen loose from his ponytail to tickle my cheek.
“Al’s on his way back,” he said, his eyes smiling warmly but in only the friendliest of ways. “It’s time to get back to work.”
I let him lift me to my feet, all the while acutely aware of Jareth’s disapproving scrutiny. But then Al reappeared with several children in tow.
“We’ve got a few more recruits!” Al laughed, rubbing his hands together briskly. “Line up, soldiers! Let’s go over the basics of building a shelter, and then you’ll each get thirty minutes to put what you’ve learned into practice!”
As we quickly formed our line, Jareth smoothly inserted himself between Rafael and me. Apparently, he’d appointed himself chaperone. That thought would have been amusing if it hadn’t been so depressing.
Schooling my thoughts, I decided to focus on the task at hand. Besides, it felt good to learn something useful, though I wasn’t exactly sure when I’d need to build a snow shelter. But with my life of late, it wasn’t outside the realm of possibility.
“Shelter!” Al began, holding up his hands to focus our attention. “Look for caves, fallen trees, or even holes to start off with. Always line the floor with branches to keep yourself off of the cold, wet ground and then lastly build yourself a roof by crisscrossing branches and packing a good six inches of snow on top like this!”
Squatting down, he produced a handful of twigs and demonstrated his crisscrossing technique.
It looked simple enough.
Al stood, his blue eyes twinkling as he announced, “Time to concentrate now, soldiers. Your time starts now. Go build your shelters, but stay within sight at all times. Grace, you’re north. Jareth, you’re east. Rafael, you’re west, and Sydney, you’re south. The rest of you young’uns come with me. Now, hop to it!”
We each saluted, laughing a little.
Rafael politely bowed a farewell before moving to his assigned area as I plodded in the opposite direction.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Ajax running in protective circles, his nose still plastered to the ground. I wondered what he was trying to smell through all the snow, but I could tell he was enjoying himself, and that was good news.
It meant there wasn’t a Mesmer on the horizon.
My heart was light, and my exchanges with Rafael had put me in a good mood, even though I knew I should be feeling guilty about it. I couldn’t help but smile as the snow crunched under my feet until I finally stopped before a dense stand of evergreens a short distance away.
I found the foundations of my shelter almost immediately by accidentally tripping over the roots of a half-decayed tree. Floundering a bit in the powdery snow, I struggled to my feet, and blowing the hair out of my eyes, set about gathering branches.
I could hear the others, laughing and shouting and I closed my eyes, enjoying the peace of the moment and deeply breathing the comforting smell of damp leaves. Rafael was definitely wearing off on me, but then, with such peace and beauty surrounding you, I think almost anyone could learn to live in the moment.
It took me longer than I liked to gather my branches, and I wasn’t sure some of them were long enough. But I didn’t want to venture too far away. No matter how chilled out Ajax looked, I still felt safer closer to Rafael.
I began crisscrossing the branches as Al had demonstrated. It was ha
rder than it looked and everything kept collapsing. And after getting slapped in the face for the third time, I lost my temper and shoved the branches away.
Exhausted and red-faced, I sat down to catch my breath. Doing something practical in the snow was harder than it looked. Scowling, I decided to check on everyone else’s progress, peering at Rafael’s site first.
It was amusing to watch him pretend to be inept. He had a hard time letting go of his perfectionism. He clearly wanted to build a castle and probably could have.
Jareth, on the other hand, wasn’t even trying. He was mostly strutting around his area, singing and playing an air guitar and pretending to get stuck at every moment so Grace would rush over and build his shelter for him.
Al was focusing on the group of kids who were only attracting more kids with each passing minute—which pleased Al immensely—but they weren’t building shelters. They were too busy running around in circles and shouting ‘FIGHTS’!
A sudden wind blew across the clearing, and I lowered my chin, burying my face in my scarf. My break time was over. And though I knew I wasn’t ever going to be anywhere near finished, I thought I should try my best.
Deciding my branches were too small, I set about in search for bigger ones. And spying a dense tangle of brush nearby, I headed straight for it, ignoring the fact it was out of Al’s sight.
Crows were flying around a small stand of birches clustered a short distance away, covering their branches like a black blanket.
The sight made me shiver. There was something creepy about it.
Something moved out of the corner of my eye.
Whirling, I saw the white-cloaked figure, but it was walking away from me to where Ajax was pawing and sniffing in the snow. Struck dumb, I watched as the white-cloaked figure reached Ajax and touched his head.
He instantly disappeared in a poof of mist.
I gasped, intending to run back to where Rafael and Jareth were building their shelters, but a chill washed over me.
Suddenly, I couldn’t move.
I heard the sounds of sniffing.
Mesmers.
With shaking fingers I wondered if I could grab a programmable atom out of my pocket, but I didn’t have a chance.
A claw touched the back of my neck, and then something about the size of a cat slithered to perch on my shoulder.
I squeezed my eyes shut, as if that would somehow magically make it go away.
It didn’t help.
I felt hard, hot scales scraping against my coat sleeve, and then the claws locked around my forearm and slid down to my wrist, bruising my skin even through my coat. A tail snaked to hook itself under my armpit and over my shoulder.
It spoke in a horrible voice, worse than anything I could have imagined it to be.
“Creatures of death, some call us,” the raspy voice hissed. “And some of us are.” It laughed a cold, cruel sound.
“Who are you?” My voice cracked. I was surprised that I’d actually managed to ask a question when I was barely brave enough to breathe. “What do you want from me?”
“My name is Blondie,” the voice replied, relishing the fear of my response. “And I feed off of fear.”
I knew that, just as much as I knew I was radiating fear in all directions, making this Blondie no doubt stronger. But once you’re caught in the throes of terror, how do you escape? My heart thundered in my ribcage.
Digging my nails into my palms, I desperately tried to recall Al’s tips, but the only thing I could remember was to run away from fear.
I couldn’t run with my eyes closed.
Opening my eyes was the hardest thing I’d ever done, but I finally did it.
And immediately wished I hadn’t.
It was every horror that I could have ever imagined and worse.
A chupacabra had latched itself on my arm, his jeweled eyes radiating pure evil, eyes that drilled through mine, compelling me to stare straight back into them even as shivers of terror radiated up my spine.
I didn’t want to look at him, but I was caught like a fly in a web. I couldn’t escape. I knew I was being mesmerized, but there was nothing I could do. With each passing moment, my eyes grew heavier until they were so heavy that I could no longer open them.
I heard his deep, rumbling voice, telling me to follow him on a one way journey. I knew it was a final journey ending in my death, and I filled with fear. I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t believe I had any choice.
I felt my body moving forward as Blondie softly cackled in my ear. I willed myself to scream, but my lips were sealed shut along with my eyes.
Deep inside, I began to cry.
I didn’t want to die. I had a lot of things I wanted to do. I wanted to dream of a future where I’d turn my Blue Thread into the ultimate victory. I couldn’t believe that my fate could end like this, being turned into a pawn for the benefit of the lizard people.
Suddenly, I remembered the Light Queen’s voice whispering through my mind, telling me to remember that love was the ultimate power.
I felt myself blindly flailing about in the snow, the chupacabra still clinging onto my arm, but his tail had tightened around my neck. I collapsed to my knees, seeming to have difficulty breathing.
On some level, I knew I was dying and that the chupacabra was strangling me.
Sorrow overwhelmed me. I started thinking of everyone I’d be leaving behind: Al, Betty, Grace, Jerry, Maya, and now Rafael. I didn’t want to leave them. I loved them all. They each filled a part of my life that no one else could replace. They truly were the many shades of love.
From deep inside, something ignited. It welled up into a powerful drive to give me the will to fight.
I couldn’t control my body, but I could control my mind.
And if my mind was capable of creating Tulpas that fed the Brotherhood of the Snake, then my mind could create something that would strike fear into their souls.
I knew I didn’t have long, already my lungs were screaming for air, but I summoned every ounce of will to fill myself with love, imagining what a Tulpa of Love would look like. In my mind’s eye, I saw a creation rise up in a golden light above my head, spreading its powerful gossamer wings in all directions.
"Go away!" I shouted to Blondie. “Go away! You’ll find no fear in me! You’ll find only love!”
I meant it from the bottom of my heart.
The chupacabra’s spell shattered.
Blondie hissed in a horrible rattling sound as he immediately dove off me, and I found myself gasping for air, groveling face down in the snow.
After a few long, dragging breaths, I lifted my head enough to see Blondie perched in the snow a few feet away from me, blowing puffs of smoke through his nostrils. He drew his lips back, revealing many rows of teeth in a macabre laugh.
“Interesting. But you’ll fear again, human,” he rasped. “Humans cannot live outside of fear for long. We’ve trained them too well, and it’s embedded in their very cultures now. From birth you learn to fear in many forms: the fear of differences, of loss, of death, of the unknown, of thinking for yourself. You even fear you don’t look as good as others or that you don’t have enough things. And even when your life is going well, you still fear that you don’t deserve it, that you’re not good enough, or that it will go away. All forms of fear sustain us, and they all have their own unique flavor. We have humanity where we want it, living in a constant state of fear.”
He made a frightening sense, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it. Lifting my chin, I repeated stubbornly, “I’ll not fall victim to that!”
Blondie laughed again. “You generate excessive fear. You’re filled with the fear that you’ll make the ultimate mistake.” Baring his teeth, he snarled viciously, “Enjoy the agony of the inevitable, Sydney, knowing that you’ll bring about the ultimate destruction.”
I panicked at that. There was no controlling the fear that flooded me.
He watched me, his eyes glowing. His tongue flicked out. “Your t
error is particularly delectable! I’ve always enjoyed tasting your fear.”
Desperately trying to regain control, I remembered Al’s words about fate. “You don’t know what’s going to happen!” I challenged in a shaking voice. “No one knows what my fate is, not even you! No one knows until the end.”
He sat still as stone then, before finally whispering in a dark, ominous tone, “You’re wearing our shackle. We’ve imprisoned all of you, both humans and Fae. We know exactly what’s going to happen. You’re going to fail.”
I gulped, looking down at the Fae golden bracelet on my wrist as Blondie’s lips split into a wide, alligator grin.
Somehow, I was running, desperately tearing through the underbrush, tripping on branches hidden under the snow.
I’d barely made it back to my unfinished snow shelter before both Jareth and Rafael were at my side, grim-faced and concerned.
“What happened?” Rafael asked, catching my arm and steadying me.
I couldn’t talk. Not yet. I just threw my arms around his neck and hugged him close.
His gray eyes flooded with deep concern as he hugged me back, and he whispered, “You’re safe now.”
I felt safe in his arms and I didn’t want to leave.
But then a twig cracked, and I broke free of Rafael’s embrace screaming as I whirled around, but it was just Grace arriving out of breath.
“What happened?” She panted, clearly shocked at my response.
“Sydney’s sick,” Rafael explained. “I’ll take her home.”
It was a lame explanation, and we all knew that no one believed it for a second.
“Yes." Jareth nodded. "Let’s go back at once.”
He didn’t look too good himself, but I didn’t have the energy to ask why.
But Grace wasn’t really paying attention. Her face was white and her voice took on a panicky edge as she said, “I thought I saw something. It’s kind of creepy out here now. I want to go home, too.”
Both Rafael and Jareth zeroed in on that.
“What did you see?” Rafael asked.
“Or, what do you think you saw,” Jareth corrected, throwing Rafael a strange look.