by Sara Allen
A knock sounded on my door and I rushed to wipe away the traces of my anguish.
Fixing my voice I called out. “Come!”
“Oh, hey, Rowanne,” Mags walked into my office, “this just came for you.” She held out a plain brown envelope with my name scrawled across the front.
I looked at it like it was a snake and refused to reach for it. “What is it?”
“Girl, I don’t know,” Mags snapped, “open the damn thing yourself.”
She watched me hesitate and became flustered, laying the small square on the table in front of me. “I don’t know what is wrong with you, but if it’s that fine-ass man, then you need to get a grip,” she gave me attitude and a dose of her advice, and I didn’t want either one of them.
“Leave me alone, Mags,” I said with defeat. “I’m not in the mood.”
“You better snap out of it.” Her mouth was a firm line of disapproval. “Ain’t no dick good enough to make you lose your senses like that.”
I was an idiot sitting there bawling like my life was over, just because I hadn’t seen that fool for two weeks.
“Bitch, you better not be crying over some chump who forgot you.”
“It’s not that,” I sniffed and wiped my nose with a tissue, “I don’t even know where the hell he is.”
“Then that’s all the more reason to forget about him and move it along.”
Everything she’d said was right. I could feel it in my bones. But just because it was right, didn’t mean it was right for me.
“I’m sorry, Mags.” I pulled myself together. “I know you mean well, and I’ll deal with it. I promise, but just not today.”
She gave me a look, then came around the desk and threw her big arms around me, hugging the life from my bones. “You’re too good for him, you know that, right?”
I nodded, choked up that she would think so highly of me.
“Now,” She stood back and regarded me. “get yourself together and get your life on track.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I threw her a weak smile and reached for the small envelope.
Mags closed the door and left me to myself. The envelope contained a hard object that would only be revealed once I pulled the flap open. With a sigh, I slid my finger along the sealed edge and looked inside. Inside, I found a car key and a folded note.
Go down to the garage.
My heart thudded in my chest, and I rushed out of my chair without thinking. Mags looked at me as I flew past her desk with her mouth open in shock. I pressed the lift call button, but it was taking too long and my impatience wouldn’t allow my feet to stay still. I ran for the stairs and burst through the door, taking the steps two at a time in my haste. If I didn’t slow down I was going to take a spill and all this rushing would be for nothing.
Finally, I burst through the last door into the underground garage and stood panting, scanning the dim corners for a sight of the man who’d disappeared on me. I walked out to the center and searched both sides, but could see nothing of him. My heart sunk in despair. My eager hope that he was waiting for me, left me in a rush and for a moment, I felt worse than I’d felt before.
The key was still clutched in my fist, and I looked at it, and pressed the unlock button. I heard a double beep from a ways up from where I stood and saw a flash of yellow light. Walking towards it and I pressed again, to aim my search. The lights had stopped by the time I reached the place I thought they’d come from, so I pressed a third time and was rewarded with a blast on my left.
“Took you long enough to find me.”
“You bastard!” I accused. “How could you do that to me?”
“Row… Baby…”
He held out his arms, welcoming me in, and with a sigh of relief I flew into them without thinking.
14
Her
It had taken me a couple of days to organize the time off for the four-day vacation we were taking. But once Thursday evening came around, we jumped into the Porsche Cayenne Ash had bought me and took off. The sleek lines and privacy windows were just the thing for being inconspicuous. As Ash was always saying, he didn’t want to share me with anyone. But the feelings bubbling up inside my chest wouldn’t let me settle with the gift. It felt like he was trying too hard to apologize for something he’d done wrong, and my mind shied away from an indiscretion that would affect me.
So, while I was happy he’d returned, he hadn’t told me where he’d been or why the enforced break. That hurt, but I swallowed it and put a fake smile on my lips, burying that pain deep down in my chest along with the others, where I hoped it wouldn’t resurface.
I sat in the passenger’s seat of my own car and let the boss drive. He claimed, that what kind of man would he be if I had to drive myself everywhere? But the way I saw it, wasn’t that the purpose of him buying the vehicle in the first place?
We were headed into Scotland and the weather was forecast as changeable. It was lucky that I enjoyed my job so much, as the accumulated vacation days would work for me if we weren’t able to return in time. I secretly hoped we’d get to spend a few extra days away together and reconnect on a deeper level, but as always, I couldn’t voice my needs and shut them away, content with what I had.
“So,” I asked, “what’s the plan?”
“Sleep.”
“What?” I laughed. “Is that all you want to do?”
“It’s a start.”
I reached over, covering his hand with my own. Boredom had me in its grip, yet every time I tried to begin a conversation, Ash deflected with his one word replies. The pitch-black roads showed nothing on either side and the headlamps lighting our way into the unknown were like two eyes in an empty landscape. It wasn’t long before I drifted off into dreamland, the sounds of my favorite slow jams soothing my ears with their crooning.
When Ash finally pulled up at a remote cottage and shook me awake, I yawned and stretched, twisting my body to remove the kinks in my shoulders and back.
“Every time you do that,” Ash said quietly, “I wonder how it’s possible for you to look so good right out of sleep.” He was silent for a minute. “You are so damn beautiful when you wake up. I want to wrap you inside my body and take you with me everywhere.”
I glowed. The smile that spread my lips wouldn’t be denied. If I followed what he was saying, then he had to have deeper feelings for me than he was letting on, right?
“Thank you, sweetie.” My hand reached out and cupped his rough chin. Rewarding him with a quick taste of my mouth, my eyes spotted the house we’d stopped at. “Is this where we’re staying?”
Ash opened the door and stood looking up at the night sky. “It’s quiet here, Row. I think we can spend a few days without getting bored.”
It felt perfect despite the stone of doubt that dropped into my stomach. My desire for the days we’d spend here to be the best they could be fluttered through me. After all, we were here alone with no disruptions to distract either of us. So, I couldn’t understand why it felt like there was something missing.
Him
It had been hours since we’d arrived at the remote cottage and settled in as best we could. I hadn’t wanted to use any of the hotels or guesthouses the Sherwin's and I frequented in the past, as my intention had been to avoid contact with everyone, so I could disappear and spend a few days in peace. Being without Rowanne over Christmas vacation had almost broken me so much so that I’d demanded a week off before the plane had landed on the tarmac.
The necessity of playing nice and jovial when I felt anything but, had grated on my soul. My need to reconnect with Row was so strong that it was a miracle I'd not flown back from Barbados under my own steam. When the plane landed, I’d taken off without a backwards glance. Jim Sherwin had given me a nod of consent and a word of advice, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember what it had been.
The car was an extra touch I'd purchased in the weeks leading up to the holidays. I hadn’t wanted to give it to her without being able to see her f
ace. Yet the reaction she’d given in that garage told me so many things I hadn’t even expected about Rowanne that I knew the car was a minor point. She’d missed me more than I’d thought she would and it had shaken me a little to realize that.
Glancing at her wrapped in sleep after satisfying us both with food and a healthy dose of loving, I let her rest for now. Both our needs had barely allowed us to remove our clothes first, and I’d felt that desperation almost as much, if not more, than she had. The need to hold on to her as tight as I could left me with an ache in a place I didn't know possessed the ability to feel. Yet I couldn’t for the life of me find a reason why she’d want to stay with me after our holiday came to an end. My yearning for Rowanne was such that I craved a motive for the both of us to stay together.
Reaching for my phone on the dresser, I checked a few places that catered to what I had in mind. I only hoped Rowanne wouldn’t be too pissed when she woke up in the morning and realized the plans I’d made for us. In all honestly, I really hoped she appreciated the efforts I was putting forth to ensure we could have a semblance of normality in the abnormal world that was my life.
This last break with Andrew had been the turning point. I’d wanted to get out on my own for a number of years, but hadn’t found a good enough reason to do it. Now that Andrew was finally settling down with Sam, the house Rowanne had designed and was in the process of building for him and his own changes, it seemed he’d finally found his own little niche. The motivation to calm his ass for a while. Whatever he did after that wasn’t going to be my problem.
I’d spoken to Jim Sherwin about going out on my own, and although he’d been positive about my proposal, he wanted me to wait awhile. As he’d said, at least until after Drew’s wedding. Jim suggested I wait until Drew had already flown off on his honeymoon, so I wouldn’t have to put up with his tantrums for the weeks it would take everything to settle down.
The security detail that Andrew now had didn’t need me to head it up, A calculated move of mine over the last few years, where I’d slowly extricated myself from the forefront. Although I'd never promised to stay indefinitely, there’d never been a reason for me to leave. That was before I found Rowanne.
Spilling my guts to Jim had been harder than I’d thought it would be. I respected the man so much that to show him any weakness hurt my pride on a level I wanted to avoid. He’d done so much for me that I couldn’t repay him even if I lived a thousand lifetimes. Accepting me into his family, he’d seen to it that I was off the streets, had a warm bed and clothes on my back, food in my stomach, and never have to live in fear again.
Despite the Sherwins having their fair share of enemies, Jim had strived hard to stay on the outskirts of any serious involvement. They were far removed from a ruling family, and threats to their lives were always minimal, just the way Jim liked it. But that didn’t mean the big bosses weren’t in the habit of coming around requesting favors for favors past and always with a velvet-covered fist. Jim wasn’t able to say no, but he made damn sure his son never had to take a knee for any of those fuckers.
Andrew and I had been educated in costly, top-notch schools and academies, the best that London and the counties had to offer. That day I’d run into him, thinking he was much older than me, was still a running joke between us. He’d been the only fifteen-year-old I’d ever seen driving themselves around in a sports car without a valid license, or being the right age to hold one for that matter. But Andrew did that and anything else he could get away with.
I also learned early on not to surpass him. The jealous little bastard wasn’t as bright as all that, and a technical problem that took me two minutes to work through would take him an hour, if he didn’t give up before that. Where he had to struggle with the academics, I sailed through. It became necessary for me to dim my light in order to stay in Andrew’s shadow.
Purposely doing just enough to stay in the same classes as Drew, and be eligible for the same courses at university had me running the same route through life as he did. It hadn’t bothered me, being Andrew’s ghost, it was what I was paid for and rewarded enough that I was able to set aside a pretty penny to start my own business a few years later. The only person aware of everything I’d done was Jim Sherwin, and what I was planning for Rowanne the next day would be with his full approval, once I got home and told him.
Waking from a troubled sleep had me jittery with nerves. Anxiety that had me fidgeting so much that the pancakes I focused on flipping couldn’t hold my attention. I’d already burnt half a loaf in the toaster with my inattentive ass.
“Breakfast too?” Rowanne said, approaching from behind me. She peered around me at the frying pans on the stove and whistled. “Well, look at you.”
“Don’t get used to it.” I flipped over a pancake. “I don’t look as good as you in an apron.”
Rowanne patted my ass. “You look fine.”
I turned my head and gave her a look. “You want to try that again?” I waved the spatula in my hands. “My hands were full.”
Biting the side of her mouth, she approached cautiously. “How can I resist an invitation like that?”
“But I have to warn you.” I placed the utensils down and slowly loosened the apron ties. “You’ll be warming the food when we come back out here again.”
“There’s a microwave in the corner.” Her eyes dipped, scanning my body before they flipped up to gaze at my mouth with unbridled lust.
Her breathing had hitched, becoming shallower as she came closer. The vulnerability marked on her face melted me. I reached out and pulled her into my chest and felt her heart beating against my ribs. There was no way I could make it back to the bedroom, so I lifted her onto the kitchen counter and eased the hem of the shirt aside with eager fingers. Nothing blocked my fingers from exploring the apex between her thighs, and I marveled that she could be so ready for me with just a look and a sigh.
My throbbing cock slipped from my sweatpants where it bobbed with a life of its own just as eager to taste Rowanne again as I was. As I pulled her forward, I pushed hard, entering with an exhaled breath and a groan of pleasure that rippled through my chest. Rowanne gasped, and I held still, waiting for her body to relax and become accustomed to the intrusion.
“Why are you waiting?” she panted. I knew she was hurting because her fingernails dug a little too deep for passion alone.
“Relax, Row.” I kissed her forehead. “You know I’d never hurt you.”
“Then move, goddamit!” She gritted her teeth and rested her head on my chest.
“As the lady wishes.”
I held on to her hips and pulled back, before slamming into her again with a grunt and a hiss of pleasure at the tightness that encircled me. Rowanne squeezed my waist with her thighs, tightening everything below her waist in a delightful mix of passionate play that almost had me spill my load. Pushing her hips back, I took a breath and looked at her half-lidded eyes. I saw everything there that I needed: trust, hope, forgiveness, and love so deep that I pulled her in hard and finished in a rush of grunts and screams that left us both panting and clinging to each other.
Whatever happened today, I knew that I was doing the right thing.
“Go shower, baby.” I cupped her face in a large palm. “Let’s go out and explore.”
“I want to explore you,” she said without so much as batting an eyelid.
“And you will.” I put her feet back on the floor. “But first, let’s get out of the house for a while.”
15
Her
If I was to go by the lovemaking alone, I could say that Ash had missed me just as much as I’d ached for him. But there was still a part of him that he kept to himself, a hesitance that scared me, making me cling to him like a life raft. I wondered if I let go would I sink and drown.
The hungry desperation of the morning had dulled slightly, but not nearly enough for me, and I felt at a loose end as we dressed and left the house. I didn’t know how to approach my fears or if I sho
uld, and the need not to fill our short break with the anxiety that ate away at my happiness left me gazing out the window as the car sped down the narrow, empty roads from the cottage to wherever Ash wanted to go.
I hadn’t asked too much because the questions that sat behind my teeth would spill out if I opened my mouth at all. Content to sit in my seat and enjoy the rolling green moors and clear blue skies that greeted us, was enough for me. The air was crisp and cold, burning the back of my throat when I breathed it in. It was a welcome change to the exhaust-charged London streets that I was familiar with.
My interest piqued, and I sat up slightly as Ash headed towards a gated entrance between two dark-gray, stone pillars. The sign above the entrance read, The Mill Forge, and I was intrigued enough to gawk at the grounds as we passed through. Well-tended lawns were lush and green with vitality, and flowerbeds still over-flowed with seasonal blooms and green plants. The place appeared deserted until we pulled up in front of a shiny black door, the wheels crunching on the gravel driveway announcing our arrival to whoever waited on the other side.
A portly woman in a crisp, dark-blue suit popped her round face through the door and beamed at us.
“What are we doing here?” My suspicions were roused by the over excited expression on the woman’s face.
Ash turned, an expectant smile curling his lips upwards.
“What?” I asked. Apprehension had thrown butterflies around my stomach to bounce off my ribs. My palms felt clammy in the warm interior of the car.
Ash stared at me, his mouth drooping into a firm line. “Rowanne,” he started. “I realized something these last two weeks.”
“What was that?” My heart beat throbbed in my throat, suffocating me. I almost told him to shut up and take me back to the cottage. For some reason, I didn’t want to hear what he had to say.