It was over. Their friendship. Everything.
“Dude.” Tyler approached, resembling a grinning Golden Retriever, causing Hawk to feel illogically jealous. “Having a good time?”
“Absolutely,” Hawk replied, trying to appear all casual. “Great party. And congrats, again. I haven’t had a chance to say that today.” He extended a fist, waiting for a bump that didn’t come.
“Where’s Ashton?”
Hearing the name made his pulse throb in his temples. “Don’t know.” He slid his hands in his pockets and glanced away. “Been a crazy few hours.”
“I was talking to her earlier.”
Hawk knew this, of course. He’d followed her every movement during the ceremony and reception like a damn stalker.
“Yeah?”
“She’s really upset.”
“Yeah.” Hawk was well aware of that, too, but ignored the ache in his chest.
“Weird enough, it’s because of a guy.”
Sourness and bile filled Hawk’s mouth. He did not want to hash this out with Tyler. Neither of them deserved to be brought down, especially not the groom.
“She’s messed up about it, worse than last time, I think. But it’s like it just happened, which got me thinking…” Tyler tilted his head. “Who has she been with all week?”
Trapped like a street rat, Hawk couldn’t move. Dammit, after all his scheming, he was about to be busted after all. And for no reason now.
“We’ve been friends a long time, man,” Tyler said. His stern look kept Hawk pinned in place. “And I always thought we had an agreement about my sister. No, don’t say anything. Seeing Ashton hurt and knowing who’s responsible makes me very… Let’s just say, whoever this moron is, he’s lucky it’s my wedding day, or there’d be so much hell to pay for not being straight with me when I asked. I can handle anything if I know the truth. Do you get what I’m saying?”
Hawk nodded, feeling like a total asshat. “Yeah.”
“Look, we all have past relationship garbage, and it sucked of me to throw yours in your face the other day. Mistakes happen; I know you’re a good guy.”
The weight of a cannonball pressed against Hawk’s chest, making it hard to breathe. “I should’ve told you how I felt about her,” he confessed. “But I didn’t think anything would happen. She’s so stubborn, so damn opinionated.” Despite the pain, Hawk couldn’t help feeling a smile twitch his lips. “For years, she’s made me want to…just—”
“Stop.” Tyler waved his arms in front of Hawk’s face. “I don’t want to know what happened between you two. Though I do know you’re obviously being a colossal douchebag to not fix it.”
“It’s complicated. Sometimes I don’t get her, or understand what she’s thinking.”
He loved her, though. And dammit, he knew she loved him. She was just too scared and tenacious to admit it. That wasn’t his business anymore, and he couldn’t force her to do anything. Another reason why he loved her—her obstinate opinions and loud, beautiful voice.
What if he never heard it again? Never witnessed one of her outbursts? Who the hell cared if that somehow unreasonably cast him in a less favorable light in the eyes of Knickerbocker and Preston-Ivy? Or his father, for that matter.
In a way, Ashton had been right about that. Preston-Ivy was exclusive and pompous. And maybe too conservative and traditional to prepare today’s youth for life in the real world. But it was the goal he’d always wanted to reach. His father had drilled that into his head his entire life.
But could Hawk, now, faithfully stand behind antiquated values when he knew there was a better way?
“I gotta head out,” Tyler said, shaking him awake. “Whatever happens with Ash, don’t make it worse, okay?”
Hawk nodded, feeling restless and empty. “Okay.”
“Since I knew using your car was out of the question, I asked if she needed a ride to the airport,” Tyler added. “She’s usually against accepting favors like that, but she did promise to let the car service take her in the morning.”
Hawk’s whole body flinched. “She’s leaving?”
“First flight out of Bangor. Says she’s going to Switzerland early.”
“But not for a few weeks.”
“Change of plans—this week.”
“Why?”
Tyler put both hands on Hawk’s shoulders, another piercing glare weighing him down. “Because some dickweed broke her heart.”
His oldest friend probably said goodbye, they might’ve even hugged, but Hawk felt nothing.
Ashton was leaving? Really leaving?
The blood in his veins seemed to thicken, slowing his heart to a sickeningly heavy beat. Then his entire head started to pound, gut twisting.
To stop from shutting down completely, he pictured her face. Her eyes and smile. The way she brightened a room and made him want to be wherever she was. He imagined her mouth, the way she kissed him. So full of life and passion and magnetism…aimed at him.
He knew he had to be right about that. None of that was a lie. She’d made a mistake, but they both had. The words he’d said to her—incredibly judgmental and unkind and so hastily untrue. How could he say he loved her, and not love all of her?
It was him who’d been living the lie.
They also both had big, important decisions to make—ones that had to be made soon, and would affect their imminent futures.
Knowing her stubbornness, and her anger at him, he knew if he went to her again, he’d have one chance—if that.
What would he be willing to sacrifice if given the chance?
He didn’t stop to think, and ran full speed out of the reception tent, into the house, and took those ridiculous grand stairs two at a time.
“Ash!” he called, pounding on her door. “Ashton, it’s me, open up.” He listened, but heard not a sound. He knocked again, not caring if she was asleep. This couldn’t wait another second. “Dammit, Ash. We need to talk. Let me in.” Holding his breath, he listened again. Nothing.
So he grasped the doorknob, ready to kick the damn thing in if it was locked.
It wasn’t. The room was dark. Dark and still and empty. Though her scent filled the air, making him dizzy and anxious. Then he noticed the wrinkled spot on the otherwise pristine bedspread where last she sat.
He pulled out his phone and dialed her number. Straight to voicemail. He swore, hung up, then tried again. Voicemail. The message he left was rambling and probably inaudible, but he had to try.
After ending the call, he sat on the bed, head aching with confusion, helplessness, regret, and so much love that it felt like he was on fire. While holding his head between his hands, staring down at the patch of carpet between his shoes, Hawk realized without a doubt what he had to do next.
Chapter 11
Without a doubt, Ashton knew what she had to do next.
There was no choice, really. As she gazed out the open window, the rush of morning air smelled fresh and sweet, the start of a new day. It usually made her feel optimistic, but today, it was more than that. She was determined.
Sick and unsure of what might happen, but determined, nonetheless.
“You can pull over here,” she told the driver who had chauffeured her all the way from Virtue Cove to Bangor before most of the guests were awake. Her neck ached from falling asleep in Bits’s immaculate “doggie palace.” But even the self-prescribed therapy of crawling under a pile of warm puppies with fluffy puppy paws and dry puppy noses hadn’t made her feel better. “Thank you so much. You don’t have to wait. I don’t know how long I’ll be.”
Maybe twenty seconds, she thought as she climbed out of the car. After what I did, he might not want to see me at all.
She deserved his mistrust. But she had to do this last thing—the compromise, giving the one thing only she could, the one thing he needed. If he’d let her, she could help. Despite her personal beliefs that were wavering like leaves of an aspen, she would do and say whatever necessary.
For him.
No strings.
The bell on the glass door jingled as she pulled it open. Just like before, the small restaurant smelled of blueberries. A heavenly aroma before; now it smelled like heartbreak.
Through begging and coercion, she’d managed to drag from Tyler that Hawk’s final interview with Knickerbocker was at ten a.m. She could only hope it was at the same place as before.
It was 9:30. She was early, but couldn’t take the chance of not catching Hawk and explaining her plan before Phillip arrived. After all, her whole plan hinged on it.
The place was packed, and she noticed a handful of wedding guests who had also snuck out on the post-wedding brunch. After waiting five minutes, a table in the back opened, and the server brought her water and a blueberry Danish she didn’t touch.
Another five minutes passed. She kept her eyes on the door the entire time—no sign yet of Phillip or Hawk. As her stomach spun with nerves, she took a sip of water, and thought about ordering a ginger ale.
Maybe this was a huge mistake. Maybe being here would only make matters worse. That was the last thing she wanted, to hurt Hawk more than she already had.
She was about to flag down her server, pay the bill, and take a cab to the airport when someone spoke her name.
Even though she’d been waiting for him, her breath caught in surprise.
“What are you doing here?”
Hawk looked tall and handsome, smooth-shaven, with perfectly pressed clothes. For her part, she’d managed to salvage her most conservative outfit, and even pulled her hair into a sleek and presentable topknot.
The perfect fiancée for the future teacher at Preston-Ivy Academy.
He looked amazing, smelled amazing, was amazing. Which made her heart ache with regret all over again. She’d so totally blown it with this guy. The one man who actually got her.
Didn’t matter: she was there for him, not for herself, and not to apologize and win him back, beg for another chance.
“Ash?” He lifted a brow, waiting for her answer.
“I’m here for you,” she said, simply. “For your interview with Phillip.” She tried to slow her breathing and sound calm and normal, even though her racing heart made her voice shake. “Ty told me about your final interview this morning. It’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you.”
He looked totally confounded. “That’s why you’re here?”
She fidgeted to tuck some hair behind her ear, forgetting it was pulled up. “I know Phillip liked me. Which seems weird considering how I mouthed off when we first met. But…no accounting for taste, right? Anyway, I figured if I was here again, just for a minute, that maybe it would help you get the job. I know how much you want it, and if I can help, well…that’s why I’m here.”
“The interview is over.”
“What?”
Hawk gestured at the empty chair across from her, and Ashton nodded for him to sit. “I called Phillip last night and asked if we could meet early.”
“Oh.” The one thing she could do, and now it didn’t even matter. Depressed and defeated, she let the air painfully slide out of her lungs. “How did it go?”
“Not very well.”
“He didn’t offer you the job? Seriously? That pompous imbecile…” she muttered. “Oh, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“He did make the offer, but I turned it down.”
“Hawk, that doesn’t make sense. This job is your dream!”
“No, it’s not.” Before continuing, he repositioned the salt and pepper shakers. “When I dream at night, it’s never about being at Preston-Ivy.” He placed his crossed arms on the table and leaned forward. “Tell me why you’re really here.”
“I told you—”
“To be my fake fiancée?” He shook his head. “That’s a gesture, which I appreciate, but that’s not the reason. I need you to tell me the truth.”
The truth? What truth was he after? That she was sorry? That she’d do whatever it took to make it right? Give anything to have him in her life again, even if only as a friend? Though that thought was about as unsatisfying as the edge crust of a piece of pie.
“The reason I don’t want to work at Preston-Ivy is because you were right.”
She blinked, trying to understand his words.
“No matter how it may seem like the right next step in my career, in good faith, I can’t endorse such exclusive, restrictive regulations. It’s not right, and it’s not what the future needs. For a while, I was blinded by the prestige, and pleased that it’d make my father happy, but what you said the other night forced me to stop and think.”
“I had no right to say anything. It’s not my place.”
“It is.” He stared down at the table. “Your opinion means more to me than anyone’s. You’re my best friend, and knowing what you thought, how…disappointed you were in me, I couldn’t take it.”
Her heart pounded with a tiny fraction of hope. “Hawk.”
“Why are you really here?” he repeated for a third time, staring into her eyes with such strength and intensity that she couldn’t look away. “Tell me why you’re not on an airplane flying the hell away from me.”
Her heart beat harder and faster. And though it was painful, just thinking about what she wanted to say, what she knew she had to tell him, made the pain almost welcomed.
“Tell me, please.” After a moment of silence, his expression changed from hopeful intensity to disappointment, and he drew his hand back from where it was almost touching hers. “Anyway, thank you for offering to help with Phillip. I’m sure he would’ve—”
“I love you.”
The words came out in a soft whisper. But she knew Hawk had heard, because she heard his sharp inhale of surprise. “What?”
“I said—”
“I heard you.”
For a long, delicious, lingering moment, they only stared at each other from across the table, the busy restaurant around them melting away. Then Hawk smiled, he beamed, and it soothed her aching heart to know that finally telling him the whole truth had caused that.
“I’m sorry for talking about you when I promised I wouldn’t, especially to Laurel. I have no excuse, except”—she paused to shrug—“habit. You’re always on my mind. Always. And I’m sorry for saying all those things to you. So sorry.”
“You were right—mostly.” He grinned self-deprecatingly, sliding his chair beside hers. “Sometimes the truth hurts.” He reached out and took her hand, sandwiching it between his. “I’m sorry, too. So very sorry, Ash. Your passion, the light you bring into my life, to everyone around you, it’s one of the reasons I’ve always loved you. Just because I can be a little buttoned up doesn’t mean you have to change. You are what you are, and I might not agree—”
“I want to be with you, Hawk,” she blurted. “Not just for one night. Never meaningless. But strong and true, committed. Respectfully. I respect your opinions, too. And I’ll never, ever embarrass you that way again.” She took his hand and pressed it to her mouth. “Because love trumps everything. Even science.”
The picture of Hawk’s mouth literally hanging open made Ashton laugh. “Shocked much?”
He shook his head as if waking from a daze. “Mildly. I never imagined I’d hear those words coming out of that gorgeous mouth.”
“We’re both full of surprises.”
“This might not come as a surprise…” Without finishing the sentence, Hawk leaned over and kissed her. It was sweet at first, so sweet and reassuring and forgiving. Exactly what she needed. Then, despite being in a room full of people trying to eat breakfast, Hawk combed his fingers through her hair, released the top knot, then kissed her again, hard and passionate, making her neck pop back, her toes curl, her whole body light up like a beacon.
Love and desire flooded her bloodstream, stole a bit of each breath. And suddenly, it wasn’t him who’d been contained all this time. It had been her. For all these years, when it had come to Hawk, she’d kept her emotions locked up
tight, protected, clean and sterile.
Only George Hawkins could unleash the real Ashton James.
“I love you,” she whispered the moment her lips were free.
Hawk cupped her cheeks. “I love you, too.” He kissed her forehead, her temple, the spot below her ear. “Before we get arrested for PDA, I happen to know a little place around the corner that always has a vacancy.” Grinning, he ran a hand up her arm, inside her sleeve, sending delicious shivers.
Following his lead, Ashton was on her feet, hoping her wobbly knees wouldn’t give in.
“I only hope they rent by the hour.”
Ashton giggled and playfully swatted his stomach. “Hawk!”
“Too improper for you?” He winked, left a stack of bills on the table, then put a warm, strong arm around her as they left the diner. “I only said that because late this afternoon, we have planes to catch, separate flights, unfortunately. You back to Virginia, and me to Detroit. By the end of this week, we’ll be together in—”
“Hawk, wait.” She had to cut in before he got too far. “I’m… I called the dean last night. They’re saving a spot for me to start teaching a month early. I’m flying out Friday.”
“I know all about that.” His grin was so sneaky, so bright and sunny. “You’re not the only one with a plan. After I decided to turn down Preston-Ivy, I got my job back at Carter-King.”
“You did?”
When he nodded, warmth pooled in all her pores, making her quiver with happiness. This was the George Hawkins she knew and loved. “They need you in Detroit,” she said. “You change lives there, improve the future. You’re important to every single student at that school. I just…I couldn’t be prouder of you, Hawk.”
After dipping his chin, he took her hand and kissed it. “It means so much to me that you feel that way.”
“Of course I do. You’re amazing.”
He gave her hand another kiss. “I did give one condition to the superintendent. I told them I can’t start until January.” He stopped walking right in the middle of the sidewalk and put both arms around her. “I’ve always wanted to see Geneva in the summer and fall.” He twirled a strand of hair around a finger. “If it’s okay with you?”
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