by Fiona Ford
Alice closed her eyes in despair. She felt horribly selfish. If only she had thought for just one moment, stopped herself from opening her big mouth, then perhaps the one man who had always treated her with kindness and respect wouldn’t be looking at her as if he wished she had never darkened his door.
‘Truly, Mr Button, I know I keep saying it but I am sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted as I did. I know I have let you down.’
Mr Button nodded. ‘You have let me down, Alice. That’s the incredibly sad thing about all of this. You were a staff member I relied upon – but no more. Now go home, report to me next week while I think about what happens next.’
Chapter Forty-One
When Alice got home all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and weep. She had made such a colossal mess of things; she had no idea how she was ever going to make it better. It was half past four and by rights she should still have been at work, but now with her job in limbo she had nowhere else to be aside from the Bell Street terrace.
Sliding her key into the lock she hoped she would have the house to herself. Sadly, as she stepped into the hallway she realised that was unlikely because she could hear Dot and Luke having a heated exchange.
Pausing just for a second in the hallway, she toyed with the idea of slipping out of the front door and running away. She felt too tired to deal with any more arguments today. But then, as she peeled off her coat, Alice realised with shocking clarity that the reason she was in this mess was because she hadn’t behaved as well as she should have. Now was the time to put that right.
‘What’s going on with you pair?’ she asked wearily, stepping into the kitchen.
Luke and Dot both turned to look at Alice, thunder in their eyes. Standing opposite one another, either side of the kitchen table, they looked for all the world as if they were about to go into battle.
‘I’ll ask again, what’s happened?’ Alice said evenly.
Dot was the first to speak. ‘This young man of yours thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to bring his mates around to my house, sit in my kitchen and drink beer in the afternoon while I’m looking after his child.’
‘And I’ve told you until I’m blue in the face that three servicemen, injured like me, discussing how we’re going to get back to doing what we’re good at over one bottle of beer each is not something to be ashamed of,’ Luke roared.
‘You’ve been in this house, under everyone’s feet, feeling sorry for yourself for too long now,’ Dot continued as if Luke hadn’t spoken. ‘And although I appreciate it’s difficult for you, lad, it’s high time you sorted yourself out and made a fist of being back here.’
‘Dot,’ Alice cried, stepping forward in Luke’s defence. ‘Don’t be so hard on him. He’s trying.’
‘Whether I’m trying or not should be of no concern,’ Luke said, his voice taking on a steely edge. ‘What should matter to you is that I am the man of this house and I know best.’
At that Dot let out a knowing laugh just as the sound of Arthur wailing from upstairs echoed through the room. ‘Is that right?’ she said over his cries. ‘Alice, talk to your husband while I go and sort out the little ’un. I hope that when I come down he’s come to his senses and got a bit more respect about him for who’s actually paying the bills around here.’
As Dot pushed past him to walk up the stairs, Alice glanced at Luke and saw his hands were balled into fists. A red flush of anger crept up his neck, and she knew that it was a blessing Dot had walked away.
She pinched the bridge of her nose. Despite everything that Chris had told her she did feel sorry for her husband. He had always been a proud man and returning from whatever had happened in France, with his leg injured and his job – his reason to get up in the morning – all taken away from him while his wife and landlady provided would no doubt take its toll. Alice eyed her husband carefully. The last thing she wanted to do was anger him further. She had known him long enough to know sympathy was the very last way of getting through to him.
‘Luke, sit down,’ she began crisply as Arthur’s cries continued to echo overhead.
‘I’m fine where I am,’ he said through gritted teeth.
Nodding as if expecting that answer, Alice pulled out the chair next to him and sank into it. Rubbing her hands over her face she thought of what to say next. ‘Luke, you’re a good, and proud man,’ she began, lifting her chin to look at him. ‘And I know how hard you’ve worked to continue to provide for this family, even when you weren’t here.’
Luke’s face softened at the compliment. ‘I have always worked hard,’ he growled. ‘I have always faced my responsibilities, and that woman’ – he jabbed his forefinger on the table as if to emphasise the point – ‘that woman upstairs has no right to judge me.’
‘I know that,’ Alice said, doing her best to remain calm. ‘You know Dot – she was just lashing out. Perhaps she’s had a bad day with Arthur. You know how he kept us up last night. She didn’t mean anything by it, I’m sure.’
Luke sighed and shook his head. ‘I was just letting off some steam with some old RAF friends. I don’t see what’s wrong with that?’
‘There’s nothing wrong with that,’ Alice said carefully. ‘I understand that you feel you need to get together with your RAF pals. I’m the same with Liberty’s – those girls see me day in, day out, they know the ups and downs. No doubt these blokes will appreciate what you went through in France far more than I ever will. I’m not stupid, Luke. All I ask is that we try and remember this isn’t our house as much as we might want it to be. We’ve both got to be respectful to Dot. She does enough for us both as it is.’
‘And I suppose that’s my fault, is it?’ Luke snapped. ‘I’m that much of a failure I can’t even provide a roof over my head for my own wife and child now?’
‘That’s not what I mean,’ Alice said wearily. ‘What I’m saying is that this war has put us all, rich and poor, in shocking situations, situations some of us could never have imagined. People who were bombed out like we were are living all over the place and we’re lucky to have a roof over our heads at all when so many don’t. It’s got bugger all to do with providing for your family, Luke, and everything to do with getting through these dark days. We’re here, we’re together, that should be enough.’
As Alice trailed off she could still hear Arthur crying. More than anything she wanted to go to him; she had a feeling she knew how to reach her baby son far better than she knew how to reach her husband at that moment. She tried to read his expression, to see if any of her words had hit home. But his face was blank and Alice had no idea what else to say. Deciding to do what she knew she was good at, she got up to tend to Arthur, only for Luke to reach for her arm. At his touch she turned round and saw such despair in his eyes, she felt a flash of sorrow.
‘Help me,’ he begged. ‘I’m drowning without the RAF. Truly, it’s as though I don’t know who I am any more. I want to serve my country, but I don’t know how.’
‘If you really want to serve your country then why not find something else do?’ she suggested hesitantly. ‘The RAF may not need you at the moment but there are plenty of others that would.’
‘Who?’ Luke scoffed.
‘The Home Guard for one. A young man like you would have a lot to offer.’
There was a pause then as Luke’s expression changed. For a moment Alice thought she had finally got through to him, but he turned back to the table and swept his hand right across it, sending half-full cups of tea and the pot crashing to the floor.
Alice leapt to her feet. ‘What are you doing?’ she shrieked, standing well back from the shards of china that flew into the air.
’The Home Guard?’ he said, his voice dangerously low. ‘You honestly believe that I, a flying officer in the RAF, should join the Home Guard? I’m used to life on the front line. It’s where I belong, not in the bloody Home Guard with a bunch of old codgers. Christ, Alice. You’ve got no idea.’
There was silence then as Alice looked a
t the debris that surrounded them and then back at her husband. Her whole life was chaos, she realised. Her job, her marriage, her ability to be a good mum. As for the man standing before her, she had felt for some time Luke was little more than a stranger but right now he was unrecognisable. The old Luke would never have lost his temper like that.
In that moment Alice felt another stab of frustration. She felt as if she was failing on all fronts. Right now she wanted to hit her husband where it hurt. ‘And I suppose Hélène did understand, did she?’ she spat, unable to hold back any longer. ‘I suppose Hélène would never have suggested you do something useful for your country like join the Home Guard.’
Luke’s jaw dropped with shock. ‘What did you say?’
‘You heard,’ Alice growled. ‘I know all about your affair with your French tart. If you want to go and lay down the law I suggest you go and do it with her.’
Luke just stared at her and for a moment Alice couldn’t tell if he was going to hit her or apologise. In the end he did neither, instead he pushed back his chair and went to walk out of the door – only to bump into Dot.
‘Far be it from me to pry, but is what I heard right?’ Dot gasped. ‘You were carrying on with some woman in France rather than returning to your wife and child?’
Shaking his head in fury, Luke tried to push his way past the landlady but Dot was having none of it. Squaring her shoulders she stood, hands on hips in the doorway, making it impossible for him to pass.
‘What have you got to say for yourself, eh?’ she snarled. ‘You’ve a lovely wife and kiddie and you’ve treated them appallingly.’
Luke bent down and pushed his face into Dot’s. ‘Everyone around here acts like you’re the oracle, like you know better than everyone else, but I know different. You’re a dried-up bitter old widow with no family of her own to interfere with so you meddle in everyone else’s affairs. I feel sorry for you.’
By now Alice had heard enough. This stranger, this imposter, this man was not her husband and she could barely bring herself to look at him.
‘Get out,’ she snapped. ‘Get your things and get out of this house. I can’t bear to have you near me.’
Luke’s head whipped round. Eyes contorted with anger, hair stuck out at angles, he was lost for words. ‘What?’ he eventually spluttered. ‘You can’t throw me out. I’m your husband.’
Alice took a step towards the man she had thought was the love of her life. ‘In name, perhaps. I’m tired of your lies, your deception and your attitude since you got back. I don’t know who you are any more, Luke Milwood, and I want you gone.’
‘And where am I supposed to go?’ he growled. ‘Not a lot of call for injured ex-servicemen like me.’
‘I’m sure you’ll find somewhere,’ Alice spat. ‘I’m sure Hélène will have you.’
At that Luke went white with shock. He took a step towards Alice and made to grab her arm, before catching himself. Taking a step back, he pushed past Dot, opened the front door and slammed it shut, all without ever once looking back.
Chapter Forty-Two
After Luke’s shock departure, unsurprisingly, Alice and Arthur had barely got a wink of sleep. So when someone started banging on the door before dawn broke, Alice found she was wide awake. Padding down the stairs, doing her best not to wake Dot – an unlikely feat, she knew – she threw open the door and found Joy standing on the doorstep.
‘What are you doing here?’ she gasped.
Smartly dressed in her Mayfair House uniform of black dress and matching shoes, Joy looked both defiant and sympathetic. ‘I won’t stay long,’ she said in hushed tones. ‘I just wanted to let you know that Luke turned up at the hotel last night.’
Alice glanced furtively to her left and right, looking for flapping ears. The houses were tightly packed on Bell Street and while she knew it was unlikely that she could keep her business to herself forever, she wanted to keep the fact she’d thrown her husband out quiet for a few hours at least.
‘Come in,’ she said quietly. As Joy stepped inside, Alice hugged Arthur close to her, as though her son could protect her from whatever news Joy had to impart.
‘I just thought I’d let you know that Luke arrived at the hotel last night begging board and lodging.’
Alice blinked at Joy in surprise. ‘I thought the hotel would have been the last place he would have gone.’
‘Apparently the bed and breakfast Chris stayed in was full and he didn’t know where else to go,’ Joy said matter-of-factly.
‘I’m amazed you said yes.’
‘He is your husband, Alice.’ Joy sighed. ‘I may not like him, but that doesn’t mean I won’t help him – he’s family, remember. Dad taught us that: you always help out family and no matter what he’s done he is still Arthur’s father.’
Alice felt a pang of love for her sister. There were times when Joy surprised her with the compassion that she was capable of showing. ‘What was he like?’
‘Angry,’ Joy mused. ‘In fact, he was shaking he was so furious. Kept going on about how you had humiliated him, how he was a man, how it wasn’t right that he had been thrown out by his wife.’
‘Shouldn’t have been messing about with another woman in France then, should he?’ Alice fired.
Joy blanched. ‘He told me that there had been a misunderstanding, he didn’t say he had been cheating on you with other women.’
‘Just one woman to be precise.’ Alice recounted the painful details of Luke’s time in France. By the time she had finished, Joy’s eyebrows were hoisted so high Alice wondered if she would be in a state of disbelief forever.
‘I’ll get rid of him,’ she fumed. ‘He asked me to vouch for him with the manager, which I did. Thanks to me he’s got free bed and board in exchange for a bit of hotel maintenance. Had I known what he had really done I’d have kicked him out on his ear as well.’
Alice shook her head before reaching forward to hug her sister. ‘I know that, and I’m grateful. But if you don’t mind I think it’s better he stays with you. Like you say, he’s Arthur’s father.’
‘Are you sure?’
Nodding, Alice gave Joy a watery smile. ‘I am, darlin’, but I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you coming round to let me know, thank you.’
‘You’re welcome,’ Joy replied quietly.
There was a pause then as the sisters looked at each other; the love that ebbed and flowed between them was not lost on either of them.
‘I think you’re being very brave, Alleycat,’ Joy said softly.
The nickname had Alice choking back tears as she spoke. ‘Not brave, just practical.’
Joy shrugged. ‘I’d have torn him limb from limb for betraying you like that.’
‘The thought did cross my mind, but it’s not the right thing to do.’
‘But he didn’t just lie to you, Alice,’ Joy seethed. ‘He tried to make a fool out of you. You can’t stand for that! You have to teach him a lesson and get revenge.’
As Joy stopped speaking, Arthur started to cry. Doing her best to quieten her son, Alice shook her head at her sister. Joy had absorbed so much from their father, including the mantra that one of the greatest crimes of all was humiliation, something you never could or should forgive.
‘Joy, I don’t see it that way and neither should you,’ Alice said as quietly as she could over Arthur’s cries. ‘Dad had some warped, twisted ideas – getting revenge on someone for humiliating you was one of them.’
‘It’s not warped,’ Joy said firmly. ‘It’s about honour. Luke has treated you and Arthur appallingly!’
‘He has,’ Alice agreed. ‘But the best form of revenge is to move on.’
Despite Mr Button’s insistence that Alice see him at the beginning of the working week, due to meetings, schedules and other commitments that seemed to get in the store manager’s way, Alice didn’t actually see him until the following Wednesday morning. By then she was still feeling more than a little shell-shocked. She had no idea what he
r store manager would have planned for her, but for the first time in her working life she found that she didn’t care. Saturday evening’s episode seemed so long ago now that she struggled to even remember precisely what had happened or why. As Mr Button encouraged her to take a seat, Alice found she was moving but it was as if she were in someone else’s body; she couldn’t quite focus but as the store manager started to speak Alice did her best to concentrate.
‘I have given this a great deal of thought,’ Mr Button said gravely, leaning forward in his chair as he addressed her. ‘As I said, you are a highly valued member of the staff here at Liberty’s but I have to set an example and show that insubordination will not be tolerated. That’s why I think the best thing to do is send you back where you started.’
‘Sir?’ Alice frowned, unsure as to what he meant.
‘I mean that I think the best way of setting an example is to send you back to the bottom of the ladder – a bit like snakes and ladders, if you’ll permit the analogy.’
Alice shook her head. She couldn’t think straight.
‘I mean I’m sending you back to the stores. You’ll work with Mr Wilmington again.’
At the mention of the word ‘stores’ Alice felt very much awake. While she was happy to take on any role Liberty’s deemed fit, a return to deliveries and loading, where she had started her working life at Liberty’s, wasn’t just a demotion but, it seemed, a humiliation too.
‘Sir? The stores?’ Alice tried. ‘I’m a sales assistant. At the very least allow me to work on the shop floor.’