by Fiona Ford
Without waiting for a response Alice walked across the graveyard towards Jack. The closer she got the more agitated she felt; yet the moment his face lit up when he saw her, all those nerves melted away. It pained her to admit it, but Alice felt a pang of longing as she took in the scent of his musky aftershave. The scent tugged at her heart, and she realised she had missed him more than she would have imagined possible.
‘Alice.’ He smiled warmly. ‘I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to see me, but I wanted to come when I heard what happened to your poor sister. I wanted to pay my respects.’
‘That was very kind of you.’ Alice meant it. ‘It’s really nice to see you again.’
‘And it’s really good to see you too,’ he said gently.
‘How are you? Are you still stationed in London?’ Alice ventured, moving on to safer territory.
Jack nodded, the sunshine highlighting his eyes. ‘For the moment at least, yes.’
‘And how’s Jack Junior?’
‘Getting bigger by the second, according to my sister.’ He laughed, reaching into his pocket. ‘She sent me a picture of him – you wanna see?’
‘Of course!’
At the sight of the little boy, she felt a bubble of happiness rise up inside. It was clear that Jack’s sister had taken the boy to a professional photography studio for the snap, but like all little boys at his age, his hair was mussed up and his clothes ever so slightly dishevelled. But the way he grinned right into the camera, his eyes sparkling, meant that his excitement at having his image captured on film was right there for everyone to see.
‘That’s one gorgeous little boy!’ She beamed as Arthur grinned in delight at the picture too.
‘As is this little guy. He’s grown!’
Alice rolled her eyes. ‘He’s heavy too. You want to hold him?’
‘You bet I do!’ Jack scooped Arthur into his arms, and then pretended to drop him because he was too heavy. ‘Boy, you’re a handful. Just like your mom.’
‘Oi!’ Alice teased.
Watching them for a moment she felt a jolt of surprise at how right they looked together. For a brief moment she wondered what it would be like if she, Jack and Arthur became a family. Would it be as perfect as this picture in front of her?
Then just as quickly Alice banished the thought from her mind. It was wrong to think that way. No matter what was going on between her and Luke they were still married and, besides, it wasn’t fair to lead Jack on like that.
‘I’d better go and start saying goodbye to people,’ she said, taking Arthur from his arms. ‘We’re having a wake at the pub after work for Joy. You’d be welcome to come.’
‘I can’t. I’m on duty tonight. Maybe see you another time?’
‘That would be nice,’ Alice said firmly. With that she turned to go, until an idea sprang to mind. ‘Actually, we’re having a bit of a party at the store on Saturday night.’
‘Saturday night?’ Jack looked at her quizzically.
‘Yes, it’s the fashion parade,’ Alice explained. ‘We were supposed to hold it at Mayfair House the night it got burnt down so Mr Button suggested we hold it in the store after all. Everyone’s welcome; we’re going to toast Joy and the other girls that died in Mayfair House. It would mean a lot if you would come.’
Jack looked at her and then scratched his chin. ‘All right. I’d like that very much.’
‘So would I,’ Alice replied gently.
Chapter Fifty-Five
It wasn’t until Alice found herself sandwiched between Dot and Flo in the pub around the corner from Liberty’s that she felt the knot of tension she had been carrying in her shoulders all afternoon start to disappear.
Arthur was being cared for by Doris from next door again, and now, in the bosom of her friends, with adult company, and a port and lemon inside her, she finally felt she could relax.
‘To Joy,’ she said suddenly, raising her glass.
‘To Joy,’ everyone echoed, clinking their glasses against hers.
‘She will be missed,’ Rose said quietly.
‘She will.’ Alice agreed. ‘Which is why I only want us to remember the good times with her.’
‘That won’t take long,’ Dot muttered under her breath, earning herself a reproving glare from Alice.
‘I know we say it all the time,’ Flo began, changing the subject, ‘but what with Aggie’s death and now Joy’s it really does make you realise how short life is.’
Mary nodded. ‘I was thinking exactly the same thing myself. Joy’s death has put things into perspective for me.’
‘How do you mean?’ Flo quizzed.
Mary paused for a second. ‘I mean I’ve done some thinking and I’ve decided to write and tell David that I want us to get married as soon as possible and apply to adopt Mrs Matravers’ baby. After all, once we’re married I will be the child’s aunt.’
‘Mary, that’s wonderful,’ Flo gasped in delight.
‘I think you’ll make a lovely mum!’ Alice beamed. ‘Well done, Mary, I know you won’t regret it.’
‘Thanks, girls.’ Mary flushed. ‘I mean we obviously want to go on to have our own children, but we want to give David’s niece a real home.’
‘So have you heard back from David yet then?’ Alice asked.
Mary shook her head. ‘I only decided last night so I posted the letter before the funeral. I keep picturing his face when he reads it.’
‘He’s going to be so thrilled,’ Flo exclaimed, the evening light dancing on her chestnut mane.
‘He is.’ Rose nodded. ‘But I suppose that means you’ll be leaving Dad and me now?’
Mary looked confused. ‘Why?’
‘Well, you’ll be getting married, you’ll want your own place,’ Rose reasoned.
Mary patted Rose’s hand. ‘Not for a bit yet, I don’t imagine. We don’t know when David’s coming back or even if they’ll let us have Emma. I mean although Mrs Matravers is in prison for the foreseeable, she might object.’
‘If she does, she’ll want her head testing on top of everything else,’ Dot said darkly.
‘Well, I think it’s great news.’ Flo grinned. ‘We should use Joy’s death as an example to us all to try and carve out a bit of happiness for ourselves while we can.’
‘I certainly have been,’ Rose said quietly. ‘I’ve been thinking too and I’ve realised that the first-aid nights made me happy. I’ve spoken to Mr Button and he says I can start them up again if I want to.’
Alice felt a flush of joyfulness. ‘That’s wonderful news, Rose.’
‘It certainly is,’ Flo agreed. ‘We’ll help you any way we can.’
‘Just say the word,’ Mary added.
‘And can I just say it’s about time you came to your senses, Rose, love,’ Dot said sagely. ‘All that law-breaking never suited you. Stick to what you’re good at.’
At the older woman’s searing honesty the girls broke into raucous laughter before raising their glasses again in a toast.
‘To happiness,’ they cheered in unison, and Alice found herself nodding fervently in understanding as she took a sip of her drink. She had been thinking about her own idea of happiness for some time now. She had wasted so much time trying to create the perfect family life and it had all been for nothing; perhaps she too needed to consider taking a different path.
‘And I’ve got some other news too!’ Rose’s excited voice pulled Alice from her thoughts.
‘Oh yes?’ Alice grinned expectantly.
As Rose took a sip of her drink before she spoke, Alice took a moment to observe her friend. The cuts and bruises on her face were healing nicely, and the sprain in her wrist was almost better as well. Best of all she had some colour in her cheeks, as though she was no longer weighed down by the burden of living a life filled with unhappiness and resentment.
‘Come on then, out with it,’ Flo urged. ‘You look like the cat that got the cream.’
Rose blushed shyly. ‘I heard from Tommy this morning. He
wrote to say he’s coming home next month. He’s got the compassionate leave I kept saying I didn’t want him to take.’
At that the girls broke out into a loud and happy cheer for their friend.
‘How long is he home for?’ Flo asked above the noise.
‘Just seventy-two hours, but I couldn’t be happier. I’ve missed him so much all these months, I should have said yes before, but I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone.’
‘You weren’t a burden at all,’ Flo put in loyally.
‘Except when you were playing silly beggars with Joy,’ Dot said, earning herself a shake of the head from everyone at the table. She shrugged. ‘Don’t look at me like that, you know I’m telling the truth.’
There was a series of good-natured groans then as Mr Button approached the table. ‘What did I miss?’ Mr Button called over the racket. ‘And would any of you fine ladies like a drink?’
‘Ah, Mr B., I’m glad you’re here. Perhaps you can keep Dot in line.’ Alice chuckled, before spotting Jean standing behind him. Immediately she shuffled along the bench so there was room for the young girl to sit down.
A smile played on the store manager’s face. ‘I think the man that can keep Dorothy Hanson in line is a braver man than I am. Now, drinks, girls?’
As the girls shouted their orders Alice turned to Jean and was astonished to see how unhappy she looked. ‘Are you all right?’ she asked sharply.
The younger girl nodded.
‘Then why do you look as if you lost a pound and found a tanner?’
‘No reason,’ Jean replied, her gaze fixed firmly on the table.
‘Now you know you’re amongst friends here, Jean,’ Mr Button said firmly as he returned with the drinks and set them on the table. ‘I’m afraid I found her outside crying,’ he said to the rest of the group.
‘I’m going to be homeless,’ Jean muttered.
‘Why?’ Flo gasped.
‘The landlord’s kicked my sister and me out. He’s putting the rent up and we can’t afford it. We’ve got a week to find somewhere.’
‘Oh Jean, what will you do?’ Mary asked in concern.
‘I don’t know. I’ll sort something out.’
‘Will you go somewhere else together?’ Alice tried again.
‘I want us to,’ Jean said in a small voice.
‘Then why don’t you move in with me?’ Flo suggested out of the blue. ‘I’ve got plenty of space since Aggie’s gone and I could do with the company.’
‘So does that mean you’ve decided to give up the singing and open up a guest house like Neil wants?’ Alice asked.
Flo sighed. ‘I don’t know. All I know is I’ve got space, I’m taking it one step at a time and it’ll be a pleasure to have Jean move in.’
Jean’s face had lit up in surprise. ‘Are you sure, Flo? I don’t want to be no bother.’
‘Why would you be a bother? Like I said, you’re doing me a favour. Why don’t you and Bess move in on Sunday?’
‘We’d like that.’ Jean grinned happily. ‘Thank you.’
‘Seems we’re all setting up homes for waifs and strays.’ Dot grinned. ‘I said I’d take in Violet from next week.’
‘Vera’s girl?’ Alice said, looking puzzled. ‘Why?’
‘She’s got a job up Marks and Sparks, ain’t she,’ Dot explained, slurping her stout. ‘I said she could stay with us. That’s what Vera wanted to butter me up about. Even brought me half a pound cake ’n’all. Dry as a bone, mind, but cake’s cake.’
Mary frowned. ‘But where will you put her?’
‘In the little box room, I suppose, on the put-up bed,’ Dot replied. ‘It was good enough for Joy for a few weeks.’
Alice made a pshawing noise. ‘You can’t do that. She’s your family. She should have a proper bed.’
‘She’ll be all right, she’s young yet. She could sleep on the floor and still have a good night.’
‘Unlike the rest of us.’ Mr Button chuckled authoritatively. ‘But Alice does make a good point, Dot. You can’t let the girl live indefinitely in the box room.’
Dot bristled. ‘It’s a perfectly good room.’
‘And I was perfectly happy in there,’ Mary added, not unreasonably.
‘That’s as may be but it’s not a good solution long-term, is it?’ Mr Button pointed out. ‘Perhaps you should think about moving somewhere a little larger, Dorothy.’
Dot raised an eyebrow as Mr Button met her gaze. ‘Like your little house up Galleywall Road you mean?’
Mr Button shrugged. ‘It’s bigger than yours. I’m only making a suggestion.’
Alice hid a smile and decided to have some fun. ‘But surely you’re not suggesting Dot move in with you now, Mr Button? I mean the two of you aren’t married. What would people say?’
Dot shot her a warning stare. ‘That’s enough out of you, lady.’
‘What have we missed?’ Flo asked innocently as she sensed mischief and wanted to join in.
Mr Button leaned back in his chair and observed the table. ‘Absolutely nothing, Flo. I have been merely looking for ways to convince Dorothy here to allow me to make an honest woman out of her.’
‘And I told you we would have this conversation another time,’ Dot replied firmly. ‘We’ve hardly been back together five minutes and you want me down the aisle already.’
Mr Button reached across the table for Dot’s hand. ‘Only because I don’t want us to lose any more precious time,’ he said softly. ‘All I’m asking you to do is think about it.’
Dot pulled her hand away and smiled before giving Mr Button a shake of the head. ‘I will think about it.’
Alice said nothing as she grinned at the couple sitting across from her. They were made for each other; anyone could see that. Why Dot was so reluctant to marry again, she wasn’t sure. It could be the chance at a wonderful fresh start. Alice drummed her fingers on the table and thought for a moment. All around her things were changing. Perhaps it was time for her to start making some changes too.
She cleared her throat. ‘Actually I’ve got some news of my own.’
As the girls and Mr Button looked at her expectantly she felt suddenly hollow. The news she had been expecting and dreading in equal measure had arrived squarely on her doorstep that morning, and she had spent most of the day pondering the contents.
‘I had a letter from Chris this morning,’ she announced. ‘He wanted to say how sorry he was about Joy.’
‘That was kind of him,’ said Dot.
Alice nodded. ‘It was. He also wanted to tell me, because he thought I deserved to know, that Luke has gone back to France.’
‘What!’ Flo gasped. ‘Why? How?’
‘To be with Hélène,’ Alice said with a courage she wasn’t quite sure she felt. ‘He said that Luke had told him he was sorry but that the war had shown him he didn’t want to live a life of misery with me and his son when he could be living a life full of happiness with the woman he loves. I imagine that even though France is occupied, as he got out, and has his friends over there now, Hélène would be able to arrange his re-entry just as easily.’
‘But won’t the RAF be upset? Isn’t that desertion?’ Mary tried again.
Alice shrugged her shoulders feeling helpless. ‘I don’t know if he’s told them what he’s done or if it doesn’t matter because he’s on sick leave. I suppose I’ll find out if the RAF turn up on my door asking where the hell he is in a few months’ time. For now, all I can do is try to deal with everything that’s happened.’
‘Alice, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,’ Mary said soothingly. ‘I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel.’
‘You’re better off without him,’ Dot said sagely. ‘He was a changed fella the moment he came back from France. Alice, darlin’, I know the path you’re on now won’t be easy, but trust me, this is better in the long run.’
‘But what am I going to do?’ Alice cried, all her bravado from moments earlier gone in a heartbeat. ‘I don’t know if I�
�m supposed to divorce him, let him go or what? The shame of it all!’
‘It could be more shameful to live with a man who treats you badly,’ Rose said wisely. ‘You deserve better than Luke, Alice, and I think you know that.’
Alice nodded. ‘The thing is, in my heart of hearts I’ve known for some time that I don’t love Luke. I did love him but he hurt me too badly.’ She paused, taking another sip of drink for courage. ‘The truth is I’ve fallen in love with someone else but I know I can’t do anything about it.’
‘Why?’ Dot frowned. ‘After all Luke’s done to you, you’re still worried about betraying him? I think that ship’s sailed, darlin’.’
‘It’s … it’s not Luke,’ Alice said haltingly, ‘it’s Arthur.’
‘Arthur?’ Mary quizzed.
‘Because of the shame all this would bring him,’ Alice admitted with a heavy sigh. ‘Not only does he come from a family full of criminals but his father’s an adulterer. All I ever wanted was to give my boy the family I never had – well, I’m making a right bad job of it. Falling in love with another man would be the cherry on the cake. What would people say?’
‘Bugger other people,’ Dot snapped, banging her fist firmly down on the table. ‘They don’t count for tuppence when it comes to your happiness – you and Arthur are the only ones that matter. And I tell you something else, my girl: you keep saying how you wanted to give your boy what you never had? Well, you already are. You’re giving him love.’
‘Dot’s right,’ Flo agreed. ‘I’ve never seen a mother more in love with her child.’
‘You dote on that boy,’ Mary said firmly.
‘Better to have one wonderful parent than two bad ones,’ Mr Button added, looking a little awkward amongst all this emotional talk. ‘I think you’re being far too hard on yourself, Alice.’
‘I know you are,’ Dot insisted. ‘I take it this fella you’ve fallen for is Jack?’
‘Yes. I think I fell for him the moment I met him, but all this time I’ve pushed him away. He might not even want me now.’
Mary snorted. ‘Then he’s as big a fool as Luke.’
‘If there’s one thing I’ve learned throughout the past year, Alice,’ Rose said quietly, ‘it’s that life is short and happiness is hard to find. As well as agreeing to Tommy coming home, I’ve decided to make the most of every drop of happiness that comes my way from now on and I suggest you do the same. The thing about happiness is you never know when it’s going to come around again.’