by Silla Webb
She bounces around the bar and pulls me into a tight embrace, which sends my lungs pleading for air. Her tears are falling freely now as she sniffs her snot on the shoulder of my hoodie. Thanks for that, Sis. Really. “Carly, I’m so happy for you. Have you told Colton yet? I bet he is just ecstatic!”
“He was there last night when I took the test. He is thrilled.” I tell her blandly.
“You’re not? Carly what’s wrong? You should be beaming with excitement. Hell, you’re not even glowing! Talk to me. What’s bothering you?”
“I screwed up, Savannah. I royally screwed up and I don’t know if I can fix it.”
“Okay, well, now you’re scaring me. How did you screw up? You and Colton are gonna make absolutely terrific parents.”
“What if he ain’t the daddy? What then?”
Savannah stills, and just glares at me. I chew on the inside of my lip, until I can taste the blood oozing from the bite. “Wh-what do you mean? Who else is there, Carly?” She mumbles.
“It’s a really long story, Savannah. When I broke things off with Colton after his accident, I didn’t have any other way home. It was late, so I called Luke to pick me up. When he dropped me off I didn’t want to be alone so I asked him to stay. After we started drinking one thing lead to another. I regretted it as soon as I woke up next to him the following morning.”
“Carly, this is bad. Oh my gosh I can’t even begin to tell you how bad this is!”
“Shit, like I don’t know this already!” I yell, tears falling down my face. Savannah grips my hand in hers and shushes me.
“It’s okay. I see Dr. Staton, let me call and see if I can get you an appointment. I’m sure they can work you in.” She tells me as she walks to the other side of the kitchen to get the phone.
“I already have an appointment with Dr. Staton, but they can’t see me for two weeks.”
“That’s okay. That will give you time to let it all sink in. If you can remember the last time you slept with Colton and when you slept with Luke, they may be able to sort out the daddy dilemma when they give your due date. Just don’t panic yet. Have you told Colton about Luke?
“Hell no! Why would I do that?”
“You need to be honest with him, Carly. If there is any chance of this baby being Luke’s, it could take a few months before they can run the paternity test. You can’t lead him on like that.”
“I won’t, Savannah. I just don’t know what to say. He’s gonna hate me.”
“You don’t know that and it may not even be anything to worry with. You remember when you slept with Luke, so if it’s longer than that, you’ll know the baby is Colton’s. Just don’t worry about the what-ifs just yet. Do you want me to go with you to your first appointment?”
“Thanks Savannah. I’m sure Colton will go to my first appointment with me.”
“Glad to help. Just take my advice and don’t go around sleepin’ with anyone ‘til you know who the daddy is, okay. Can you at least do that?” She asks, snickering. Great, my sister must think I’m a slut.
“Hell yeah. I plan to avoid them both like the frickin’ plague, although Colton will be a little harder to hide from than Luke.”
“Do you think the baby is Colton’s?” She ask with a hopeful look on her face.
“I’m prayin’ like hell that it is. I think the world of Luke. He is a great guy, and my best friend. But he ain’t Colton. Colton is so excited, and he wants to start telling everyone NOW. He is gonna be crushed if this ain’t his baby, Savannah. I can’t imagine shattering him like that.” I say as my eyes fill to the brim with tears.
“Don’t let your emotions get the best of you, Carly. You’ll figure all of this out. You may need to put a little distance between Colton and yourself, until you are ready to tell him about Luke.”
As bad as I hate to admit it, I think she is right. Until I’m ready to be honest with Colton about what happened with Luke, I think I need to put some space between us. Maybe then if this is Luke’s baby, it may soften the blow.
We sit and make small talk for an hour, sipping our sweet tea and just enjoying some sisterly time together. Braden sleeps the entire time during my visit. Savannah tells me that he has the stomach bug, and I remember how vicious the virus is from when Heidi Jo was sick a while back. After I’ve over stayed my welcome, and Josh’s incessant glares and huffs have pierced my skin enough, I decide to make my way home for a quiet evening.
Chapter 4
Returning home from Savannah’s that evening, I check my voicemail to find two messages from Colton. I know he worries about me on any given day, but I’m positive that now that I’m pregnant he will be even more over protective. I kinda hate that. I like my independence. I don’t reply to his messages. I miss him, and hearing his voice, feeling his touch would soothe me immensely right now. But I need to separate myself from him over the next few weeks, just like I have over the last month. He knows I’m scared about the pregnancy, so maybe he will give me some breathing room. Ah who the hell am I kidding?
I clean the house from top to bottom because God knows nothing settles my rambled nerves like staying busy and the smell of Lysol. After the house is spotless and sparkling brightly, I soak in a scolding bubble bath. The scent of Japanese cherry blossoms fills the room and it reminds me of the first shower Colton and I took together after our first very passionate and seductive evening together. We had just unleashed Hell’s fury on each other and hadn’t spoken in over a week. We both were hurting, invisible wounds cut deep enough to cause us to bleed to death. When he showed up on my door step, he had no words. But he had actions. He showed me just how badly he was hurting and how he wanted to erase all of my heart ache and make me whole again. I replay the last few months over and over in my head and hate myself more for being such a selfish bitch.
As the bubbles fade and the water turns cool, I climb out to get dressed. I towel dry my hair, then pull one of Colton’s old t-shirts on over my chest and slip on a pair of hot pink boy shorts. I go downstairs to lock up for the night when I realize I haven’t eaten today. I’m scared really to even try, but I know I need the nutrition if not for myself, but for the baby. I pull a bowl of white seedless grapes and a bottle of water from the refrigerator, then carry my tired legs back up to my bedroom.
I flick the TV over to The Late Show with Jimmy Fallon, then settle into my comfy bed, covering my legs with the thick, down comforter. I snack on the grapes and laugh my ass off at Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake doing their History of Rap. The two dance and rap in sync to some of the best rap songs of the 90’s. When that part of the segment is over, Justin tells Jimmy about his 20/20 Tour and of course the hour is filled with tons of laughs. These two need a show together. They’d kill the Nielson ratings for sure. When the show is over, I flip the TV to Sirius, turning the volume to a soft level before pulling the pillow over my face to succumb to sleep.
The next morning I’m awake with my head over the commode as the alarm blares around the room. And this isn’t my first bout morning sickness for the day. I was awake at three AM vomiting, then again at five, and now at six. I brush my teeth to erase the acidic taste from my mouth, then pull a hoodie on over my camisole and slip into some baggy boot cut jeans. I toss my caramel waves into a messy pony tail, forgetting about makeup all together. Trudging down the stairs, I grab my things before heading out the door. I don’t want to cause too much of a commotion at work with my absence, and I’ll be taking time off occasionally for my OB/GYN appointments. So I force myself to suck it up and go into work as if everything is fine.
When I get into my office, I’m surprised to find a vase filled with an assortment of beautifully arranged flowers- lilies, hot pink tulips, yellow and baby pink roses, and baby’s breath. All my favorite flowers. My heart constricts a little, seeing the sweet endearment. Colton is doing whatever he can to make me feel his love. I set my bags beside the desk and remove the card from the arrangement.
~Miss you Beauts
No signature is need
ed. I’ve avoided Luke since I last saw him in December. No point in stringing him along with false hope…or so I thought. I debate on how to properly thank him for the flowers, but can’t settle on contacting him just yet. I place the vase on the bookshelf behind my desk, then start out my day as I normally would, submerging myself in emails, productivity reports and safety reports. I have a dozen messages and a pile of mail to sift through so I lay those aside to look through later.
Colton comes in a short while later, closing the door behind him. His smile is splayed brightly across his tan face, flashing his gorgeous beaming smile. “How ya feelin’ this mornin’?” He asks, taking a seat in front of my desk.
“I’m okay. How are you?” I reply, not looking up from my work.
“Just worried about you as usual. Texted and called ya a few times last night, but you never answered.”
“Sorry, I went to Savannah’s for the evening, and my phone died on the way home. I didn’t turn it on until this morning.” So I tell a little white lie. He knows it too, but he doesn’t call me out on it. Looking past me, he eyes the bouquet of flowers.
“Well, you’re birthday ain’t til May, so what occasion did I miss for someone to be sendin’ ya flowers, darlin’?” He asks with a cocked eye brow. I’m sure he knows who sent them, but he’s just gauging me for honesty, which I’ll happily give him at this point.
“Oh those?” I shrug. “They were on my desk when I came in this morning. I think Luke may have sent them, but the card doesn’t say.”
“Well if it doesn’t say who the sender is, what makes ya think Ashton sent them?” He stands, and walks around to the bookshelf, removing the card. “Beauts, huh? That his little pet name for ya?” He asks peering at me, his fierce brown eyes have darkened in anger.
“Friends, Colton. I’ve told you this.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard it til I’m sick of hearin’ it. Friends.” He sputters with a chuckle.
“I’m not tied to anyone, if you don’t recall. I can have friends as I’ve told you before. Hell, I haven’t even talked to Luke since before Christmas, Colton, when he was here in the office.” Colton’s eyes cast down, as his lip form a hard line. He flexes his hands at his sides, then walks to around the desk.
He stops mid stride, turning to look at me he mumbles, “Are you really gonna do this, Carly Jo?”
“What am I doing, Colton?” I sigh, turning away from my work to focus on him. Thick tension clouds the room, and I have to remind myself that keeping my distance from him for now, will possibly guard his heart.
“You’re pushin’ me away ‘cause you’re scared. I told ya yesterday, I want us to be a family.” He accuses, and he’s right, but it’s the only choice I have in this very moment. I take a minute to think, choosing my words carefully.
“I’m not pushing you away, Colton. I just found out I’m pregnant. We have so many issues to work through before we become anything. I’m just not ready to rush into things.”
“So what has changed since yesterday?”
“Nothing has changed, Colton. I love you, you know this. But I just need to figure out everything before I commit to you.”
“Well, you let me know when you got your shit together.” He rips the door open and storms out of my office.
For the last week, I’ve kept my distance from Colton, only speaking to him when absolutely necessary-work related. The tension between us is mutual. He senses my fear of becoming a mom and moving forward with him, but he thinks I don’t trust him with my heart. And he’s right…part of me doesn’t trust him with my heart, but that’s only because deep down inside I know that Colton Weston could destroy me simply by his touch. I’ve always had a weakness for him, it ain’t something that vanishes with ease. Not when you love a person with every ounce of what you are.
Harboring an explosive secret, one that could potentially destroy several lives is enough to tatter any nerves with anticipation and fear. I hate treating him like a rag doll, but in the end when my secret is exposed, I can only pray that he will understand why I tried to protect him.
I still haven’t worked up the courage to talk to Luke, although I don’t expect his reaction to be as ragingly out of control as I expect Colton to react. Thankfully one of the two men in my life knows how to handle me with gentle ease.
Dr. Staton’s office called yesterday and told me they had a cancellation in the schedule for today, so I didn’t even bother going into Simon Energy. Savannah agreed to go with me for my first appointment, and I couldn’t be more grateful for her during this stressful, agonizing time. On the drive to the hospital she gives me a run-down of what to expect for my first appointment. A burst of laughter bubbles from her chest and passes over her lips as she takes in the contorted look of horror on my face as she explains the Pap-Smear process.
“You ain’t gonna pass out on the exam table are ya Carly?” She asks jokingly. I hide my anxiety with a fake smile and small laugh.
“Well let’s just hope for the best.”
“I’ll hold your hand, little sister.” She giggles.
After I’ve checked in for my appointment and filled out the pages of questions asking for my medical biography, I wait impatiently under shaky legs that don’t seem to stop jumping nervously. I’ve bit a hole in the corner of my lip, pinched a hole in the thick vinyl seating from my death grip, and zoned out any conversation and audible noise that stirs around me.
The thin flesh of my under arm pulls and I flinch at the sensation. Savannah snaps her fingers in front of my face, pulling me from my trance. “Ya alright there, Sis?” I nod. “Let’s go, they’re ready to see you.” She motions to the nurse holding the door open that leads back to the exam rooms. My eyes zoom to the size of saucers as her words register. She gives me a nudge, and I stand on wobbly legs and make my way over to the nurse. She has a small, inviting smile on her face as she introduces herself to me.
“I’m Kaylee. We’ll be seeing a lot of each other.” I smile in return, but can’t find any words to speak. “Go ahead and step up on the scale so I can get your weight, and we will do vitals and a urine test next.” She smiles, peering down at me. After Kaylee has noted my chart, she leads me back to an exam room where she tells me to dress in a rough paper gown. Savannah waits in the hall, and once I’ve put on this glamorous, itchy paper towel, I knock on the door letting her know I’m ready.
Savannah enters the room with Kaylee and Dr. Staton on her heels. I’m a bit taken aback by Dr. Staton’s youth. She is average height, taller than me at 5’5, maybe 5’6. She has long dark blonde hair with caramel highlights, olive toned skin, and light hazel eyes that glisten when her smile reaches her eyes. She can’t be much older than thirty. She stretches her hand out as she introduces herself, and I accept with a warm, clammy hand.
“A bit nervous are ya?” She asks with a twinkle in her eye. I don’t even have time to reply, before she continues. “That’s to be expected. So, Kaylee tells me that you performed a home pregnancy test that was positive, to which she was able to confirm with a test in office. We will do some routine blood work to check your HCG levels, CBC levels and so on.” I nod, cringing over the thought of needles penetrating my skin. “Now lay back, and let’s get this show on the road. Won’t take just a minute.”
Laying back against the cool vinyl table, I pull in a deep inhale of air as Kaylee lifts my legs into the stirrups. Savannah is seated next to me. She laces her fingers in mine and gives a slight squeeze as Dr. Staton snaps hot pink gloves over her hands. “Take a deep breath and think about the beach. Always did the trick for me.” Savannah whispers.
“Okay Carly, you are gonna feel cool steel, then you will feel your vagina stretching as I open the speculum to dilate your cervix. Just take a deep, calming breath.” Pinching my eyes shut, I pierce my teeth through the corner of my lip until I can taste the metallic that seeps through the small cut. I fill my mind with the swooshing sound of the ocean waves crashing against the shore.
“Sis, it�
��s over.” Savannah says, tapping my shoulder. I spring my eyes open wide, taking Kaylee’s hand as she helps me to sit up.
“Okay, now that that is done, it looks from your last menstrual cycle that you are just over seven weeks pregnant. Your expected due date is September 6th. Kaylee is gonna draw some blood. You’ll need to take these pre-natal vitamins daily and drink plenty of water. We will see you back here in 2 weeks for a follow up, where we’ll do a trans-vaginal ultrasound. Do you have any questions, Carly?” She says turning to enter notes into my file on her laptop.
“Actually, yes. I’m concerned about the paternity of the baby. Are there any tests that can be done to determine the paternity prior to birth that aren’t intrusive to the baby or myself?” Dr. Staton turns to face me, lacing her fingers together.
“I see. There are a few tests, but only one I would recommend. There is a Pre-natal Paternity DNA test. It’s quite simple, really. We collect a blood sample from you and the possible fathers, then compare the DNA. However, the test isn’t conclusive until 14 weeks gestation. If that is something you need to consider, we can discuss it at your next appointment after you’ve talked to these men.”
“Thank you Dr. Staton, you’ve been very helpful.” She shakes my hand and leaves the room with Kaylee and Savannah, leaving me to get dressed. When Kaylee returns, she has a container filled with alcohol pads, vials, needles of various sizes, tape and band aids. Placing the tourniquet around my arm, she tightens it with a quick snap as the rubber slaps my flesh.
“You ain’t gonna get woozy on me over a little blood, are ya girl?” Kaylee asks in amusement. I’m sure my pale skin and labored breathing has only given me away to my fear of needles. “Deep breath.” She says as she slides the butterfly needle into my vein then connecting the vial. I pierce my eyes shut, not wanting to see any sight of blood. I can feel the blood drain from my body, and I sway as my head begins to feel light and airy. Savannah wraps her arms around my shoulders, holding me upright, as Kaylee finishes up. “There, all done; and you managed to stay with us the whole time.” She jokes. My eyes flutter open and I sigh in relief that she has already bagged the vials of blood, out of my sight. “You got a little flushed there, Carly. How ya been handling the morning sickness?”