by T. L. Haddix
After a little chaos and some more teasing, the men departed, leaving Ben and Ainsley standing at the back of Ben’s truck, looking everywhere except at each other.
“They’re nice, your family.” Her voice was soft, and her arms were crossed. “And you look just like your dad.”
“I’ve heard that a time or two,” he said with a small smile. “I guess I’d better head out. Will you and Byrdie be okay?”
She pushed back a loose strand of hair. “Yes. I’ll probably jump in the pool and get the worst of this off me, and then we’ll go into town or something.”
He checked again to make sure the tailgate was closed securely, even though he’d checked it twice already. “I guess I’ll see you around?”
“I hope so.” She bit her lip, then stepped up to him. Rising up on her tiptoes, she cupped his face with her hands and brushed her lips across his. Before he could grab her and pull her close for a longer kiss, she moved back. “See you soon?”
“If you want to.”
“I do.”
He nodded. “Then we will.” Touching her arm lightly, he went past her and got in the truck. He waved at Byrdie, who was waiting patiently in her car at the foot of the driveway. When he reached the main road, he headed toward the homeplace. He could use the time unloading the wood to think.
Ainsley’s reluctance to make their relationship known to his family gave him chills. He wanted desperately to believe this time was different, that she wasn’t just using him. But he knew his judgment where she was concerned was skewed. That was one of the reasons he was hoping she would say yes to his father’s invitation to dinner, so he could talk to them later about their impressions. He didn’t need their approval to have a relationship with her, but he was so confused. He didn’t want to reach out to her and risk getting his heart ripped out again if there was no chance she had strong feelings for him.
“You need to grow a pair and just ask her, Benjamin,” he told his reflection in the rearview mirror. “For God’s sake, you’re nearly twenty-five years old. It’s time to grow up.”
The thought of facing Ainsley and simply asking her the truth about how she felt and about why she’d left made his stomach clench. The last time he’d felt that particular sensation, he’d been standing in her living room, waiting for her mother to tell him where she was. He had no desire to repeat the experience, in any shape or form, but he had the feeling he was going to have to if he wanted answers.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Against what was probably his better judgment, Ben went back to Ainsley’s Sunday evening. He spent the night and left her sleeping peacefully before the sun came up the next morning.
He had some hard decisions to make, and not a lot of time to make them. The clock was ticking. He would be living in Lexington for the next four years, and she would be just down the road. So it wasn’t as if they were going to be at opposite ends of the country. But his gut was telling him things would play out before she left.
By that Friday afternoon, he was a little closer to figuring out what to do than he had been. He’d spent every night that week with Ainsley, and the night before, a quietness had come over her as the evening wore on. She kept fidgeting on the couch as they played cards with Byrdie, causing the older woman to shoot her a concerned look.
“What’s wrong?”
Ainsley rubbed her arm and shrugged. “I’m okay.”
Byrdie raised an eyebrow. “Baby girl.”
She sighed. “I think it’s time to call Jonah.” The women exchanged a look Ben didn’t understand.
“Call Jonah why?” he asked quietly.
Ainsley’s face was red, and she wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Remember what I told you, about managing things after Mexico?”
It took him a few seconds to put two and two together. When he did, his own face grew hot. “Oh. Your period.”
“Yeah.”
Byrdie got up from her chair, mug in hand. “I need a refill. Do you want me to call him for you?” She stopped beside Ainsley and brushed her hair off her forehead with a motherly hand.
“Do you mind?”
“Of course not.”
“I’ll do it.”
“So how does this work?” Ben asked as Byrdie went into the kitchen. He held out his hand. When Ainsley took it, he used it to ease her into his arms, nestling her into his chest.
“It will probably start tomorrow or the next day. Then for four or five days, I’ll basically be incapacitated. I can’t drive, won’t leave the house. He’ll give me just enough medication to manage the pain and then wean me off as things taper down. The whole process takes about a week.”
“How can I help?”
She smiled up at him and touched his face. “You don’t have to do that.”
He drew in a deep, shaky breath. “I know. I want to.”
That night when they went to bed, he intended to only hold her. But Ainsley was having none of that.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
She kissed her way down his throat. “You won’t. I need this.” She took over after that, and he let her. When it was over, they clung to each other limply, damp from sweat and utterly sated.
The echoes of her soft laughter and the vision of her smiling as she teased him followed him into Friday. Since it was his last day working for Kyle, Ben dropped off the mowing equipment at the shop, then headed to the bank to cash his check. He got to the branch just before it closed and was the last one in line. A man he’d seen only once before, but recognized immediately, came up on the other side of the window. He spared a glance for Ben, but his attention was on the teller.
“Linda, did you get that report printed out for me?”
“Sure did. Here it is.” She handed him a file folder, and he thumbed through it. “Need anything else?”
“Nope, this is fine. Thanks.” He started to walk away, but Ben stopped him.
“Elliot, right? Ainsley’s cousin?”
He turned, his face rigid. “Yes. Have we met?”
Ben’s expression wasn’t pleasant, he knew. “A long time ago. Once was enough.”
A condescending smile crossed Elliot’s face. “I remember now. You were her ‘beau’ that summer. I thought you left town.”
“I finished college. Now I’m back.” The jackass didn’t need to know he would only be back for a few more weeks. “She told me the two of you weren’t on speaking terms.”
The teller passed Ben his receipt, looking at him nervously. “Do you need anything else, Mr. Campbell?”
“No. Thank you.”
Elliot’s eyes narrowed. “You’ve seen Ainsley? Actually talked to her?”
“I have.”
The other man gave a bark of laughter. “I’ll be damned. You’re seeing her again. After what she did to you, I must say, I’m surprised. Come on back to my office. I’d like to hear this.” He went to the gate that separated the reception area from the desks and unlocked it.
A whisper of foreboding teased Ben’s mind, but he went. He looked at Elliot’s expensive slacks and dress shirt, then his own dirty, worn jeans and T-shirt. He still had grass on his boots. “I’d hate to get your office dirty.” His tone told the other man he couldn’t care less about that, but he followed him.
“It’ll wash. You drink, Campbell?” Elliot asked as he closed the door behind Ben, then walked over to a small wet bar in the corner.
“Not today, thanks.”
“Well, I’m off the clock, so I’m going to have a little liquid libation. So how long have you been seeing my dear cuz?”
“We met again a couple of weeks ago. What did you mean out there? About what she did to me.”
Elliot eased into the plush leather chair behind his desk. He took a sip of the amber liquid he’d poured. �
�When she first started seeing you, all those years ago, I really thought she had feelings for you. Love and all that mushy shit women love to pour down our throats. It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I realized just how devious she truly is. She’s her mother’s daughter, that’s for damned sure. Doesn’t it bother you that she used you as a stud and was going to use your child to secure another man’s future? Or is the sex just that good?”
Ben shook his head. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Ainsley. She used you to get pregnant.” He paused, the whiskey halfway to his mouth, and took in Ben’s expression. “My God. You didn’t know.”
Ben’s vision narrowed to Elliot’s face, everything else graying out. “What precisely are you talking about?” he ground out between clenched teeth, sitting forward.
Elliot set the glass down. Serious, he rubbed his jaw and gave a little shake of his head. “Man, I didn’t know you weren’t aware. I’m sorry.”
“If you don’t start talking and tell me what it is you thought I already knew, I’m going to come over there and rip your head off.” He rose, planting his hands on Elliot’s desk.
“I’m not going to tell you anything with you looming over me like some Neanderthal.”
Somehow, he managed to rein in his temper, and Ben sat. “Talk.”
“Aunt Geneva wanted Ainsley married to Doug Scott. So she made the arrangements. The marriage would be beneficial for both families. Auntie would get the prestige and financial boost she wanted, and the Scotts would be able to hide the truth about their faggot son from their friends. When you happened along, she and Ainsley saw their chance, and they took it. The Scotts were pretty happy just to have him married off to someone, but when Ainsley told them she was pregnant, that put a pretty little bow on the deal. Auntie crowed about that for weeks. Until Ainsley had to go and mess things up by losing the kid.” He finished the whiskey.
Ben’s heart was pounding. “You’re lying.”
“No. I’m not. I wish I was. I didn’t put it together until Ainsley quit drinking and the little perv was dying. He had AIDS, you know. When she told me he was gay, that’s when I put what they’d done together. Everything made sense then, her seeing you, insisting it was love. That’s what she had to tell herself, I’m sure. It isn’t like the two of you were a good match on paper. No offense.”
Ben thought there was a very real chance he was going to empty his stomach all over Elliot’s expensive rug. He didn’t remember coming to his feet. All he could feel was pressure on his chest and the churning in his stomach. Turning his back on Elliot, he left the bank without another word to anyone.
Ever since she’d told him about the miscarriage, something just hadn’t sat right. Some little part of his mind kept twitching—a niggling question that he couldn’t quite figure out. He realized now it had been the timeline of things. He’d put it together that Ainsley had to have gotten pregnant fairly quickly after leaving Hazard, but he’d guessed it had been a few months. Otherwise, her addiction and recovery story just didn’t make sense.
But all the puzzle pieces fit so well that it made his chest tighten with betrayal and grief. He thought back to when they were intimate the first time around, and how she’d used love and being on the pill as an excuse to not have to use condoms. He’d not had a second thought then, thinking that if she was the kind of woman who would deliberately get pregnant in order to trap a man, she would trap someone who wasn’t a rice-and-beans poor college student.
Now, he realized his sperm had been the commodity all along.
“Ben, you’ve got to be one of the stupidest men to ever walk the planet.”
He sat in his truck, trying desperately to figure out a way around what Elliot had said. He thought if he sat there long enough, he might be able to come up with a reason for her treachery. But did he really need to do that?
“No. No I don’t.”
He drove to her house. Two unfamiliar cars were parked in the driveway, but he didn’t stop to consider whom they might belong to. More angry than he’d ever been in his life, he stalked to the front door and rang the bell.
“I’ll just ask her,” he told himself as he waited for someone to answer. “I’ll ask her, and I’ll see it on her face. I’ll know. And then we’ll be done with this.”
John and Hershel had almost concluded their business with Ainsley when the doorbell rang. She’d called and asked if they could come to her for their scheduled meeting, as she was feeling a bit under the weather.
“I’ll get it,” Byrdie told them, leaving the dining room.
When his brother stormed in a few seconds later, fury etched in every line of his body, John rapidly came to his feet and went halfway around the table, stopping a few feet away from Ben. Ben didn’t even glance at him, just focused on Ainsley, who was still seated at the head of the table. His fists were clenched at his side, and he was breathing hard, as though he’d run up the hill. When he spoke, his voice was so rough, so full of pain, it hurt John just to hear it.
“Was it mine?”
“Ben, what’s going on here?” John took a step toward him, but Ben stopped him with a hate-filled glare. Hershel and Jonah, who’d also been seated, were on their feet. Hershel sent a concerned look to John, who gave a single shake of his head. The question hadn’t made any sense to John, either. Jonah and Byrdie, however, seemed to understand, if the dismay on their faces was anything to go on.
Ainsley started to stand. “Ben, let me explain—”
“Was. It. Mine?” He shoved John out of the way and moved closer to her, until only a few inches separated their faces. “When you left here and married another man, were you pregnant with my child?”
John wasn’t sure whose indrawn breath was the loudest. “Sweet Jesus,” he whispered.
Ainsley’s face was so pale that he thought she might pass out. A single tear tracked down her cheek, and she swallowed convulsively. He waited for her to deny the charge, but instead, she slowly nodded.
“Yes.”
Ben flinched as though she’d slapped him. “God damn you.” He whirled around and pushed past Jonah, then past Byrdie, and was out of the dining room before John could react.
“Shit. Ben, wait!” John ran after him. He caught up to his brother halfway across the front yard, on his way to the driveway. “Stop for a second, damn it.” John put his hand on Ben’s shoulder, then had to move quickly to duck the fist that came swinging.
“Don’t you touch me. Don’t any of you ever touch me.”
John got in front of Ben, his hands held up in supplication. “Okay. But you’re not getting in that truck. You can’t drive like this. I’ll take you wherever you want to go, but I’m not letting you get behind the wheel.”
Ben stopped walking, and for a few seconds, John thought he was going to rip him limb from limb. He’d never seen Ben this angry. Ever. He would have been perfectly happy to never see him that way again.
After a couple of seconds, his brother dug into his jeans and pulled out his keys. He threw them at John and then went around him to the passenger side of his truck.
Hershel had come out of the house behind them. John looked at him with an apology. “I have to go.”
“Don’t worry about it. Take care of your brother. Good luck.”
They didn’t speak until they were at the main road. “Where do you want to go? Apartment? Farm?” John asked.
Ben turned to him, and John could see the anger was turning quickly into pain. He jerked his head to the right, in the direction of the farm, but he didn’t speak.
The whole drive, Ben barely moved. He could have been carved from stone. John didn’t try to talk to him, understanding that Ben needed to be left alone. He’d barely brought the truck to a full stop before Ben was out, heading for the woods at a fast clip. He didn’t
even close the door on the truck before walking away.
Sarah came out on the porch, dishtowel in hand. John shut off the truck’s engine and went to greet her.
“Hey, handsome. Where’s your brother?” she asked as they hugged.
“Walking. He’s hurt, Mom.”
Sarah frowned. “Hurt how?”
“Ainsley.”
“Oh, no.” She brushed an imaginary speck of dirt off John’s sleeve. “I was afraid of this.”
“Where’s Dad? The girls?”
“Your father’s in the studio. Amelia and Rachel are at a friend’s. Do we need to go after Ben?”
“No. He needs space. You’d better call Dad in, though.”
“It’s that bad?”
John thought about the look in Ben’s eyes. “Oh, yeah.”
“Come on in, then. Do you need to call Zanny?”
“Probably. I think I’ll be here a while. I don’t know what kind of state Ben’s going to be in when he comes back, and he may need me. If he comes back.” At that point, John thought it was a distinct possibility Ben would go so far that he wouldn’t be home for days. He could understand his brother’s anger and hurt. He knew there had to be more to the story than just the black-and-white facts, but he just hoped there was enough of Ben to piece back together when the opportunity came.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ainsley would have fallen if Jonah hadn’t stepped in to catch her. Her knees simply gave way, all her strength melting as her world collapsed. She wanted to go after Ben, but she knew there would be no point, even if she could walk.
“How did he know?” she whispered. “Who told him? God, Jonah, his face. He was so hurt. I can’t bear it.”
“I know, sweetie. I know.” He cradled her like a child, making soothing noises as she sobbed.