by Rinyu, Beth
“Always,” he replied.
Chapter 22
Lukas
I OPENED MY laptop, prepping to write my recommendation, while Emmeline lay beside me sound asleep. I wasn’t ready to leave, but I was 100 percent certain with my decision, and I couldn’t prolong it any longer. I didn’t want to go home and face the turmoil that awaited me there, and most of all I didn’t want to leave Emmeline. I wanted to be with her every day, every hour, every minute. The thought of her being so far away gutted me inside.
I’d be lying if I said the thought of her moving to Germany and living with me hadn’t crossed my mind a time or two, but then I’d come to my senses. It was just a daydream, a sad, desperate desire of mine that would never come to be. Her whole life was here. She would never leave her father, and I would never expect her to.
These past few months of knowing her had changed me in ways I never thought possible. I wasn’t angry at the world anymore, only with certain people whose placement of that anger was justified. I hated everyone, including myself before I met Emmeline. Now I found I was liking myself a little more each day. I looked down from the screen of my laptop and watched her as she slept. It had been such a great day with her, and I meant it when I told her I’d remember it forever. Her chest rose and fell, and I caught myself just basking in the peacefulness of the moment. Just me and this beautiful woman lying beside me. I tucked a piece of hair that was covering her cheek behind her ear and she mumbled something in her sleep, causing me to chuckle.
The text message that had just come through on my phone flashed across my laptop, breaking me from the trance I was in. Hannah. Suddenly all the calmness I was basking in just a second ago was whisked away. My face heated and that familiar rage began to gnaw away at me. I was transformed back into the person I was before I had met Emmeline. The person I didn’t want to be ever again. I wanted to hurl my laptop across the room, hoping to make that message I refused to read disappear, hoping to make her disappear.
“Lukas.” Emmeline lifted her head from the pillow with her eyes half-open.
“Yeah,” I whispered, hoping the fury I was feeling wasn’t evident in my voice.
“Aren’t you tired?” she mumbled.
“Yeah, I am.” I closed my laptop and placed it on the night table before reaching for the lamp and turning off the light. I knew it wasn’t going to make Hannah or the fucked-up situation disappear, but for the moment, it was the best I could do to put it out of my mind. I lay down next to Emmeline, drawing her as close to me as I could. Resting my lips on the top of her head, I sucked in the floral scent of her shampoo, slowly morphing back to that person I wanted to be. The person I was whenever I was with her. She had a way of chasing away the ghosts of my past and making me forget they ever existed, even if it was just temporarily because tonight it was exactly what I needed.
Chapter 23
Emmeline
“SO, HOW DID everything go with his mother the other night?” Myra walked into the boutique, balancing a stack of papers and her oversized purse in one hand, and a cup of coffee in the other.
I crinkled my nose and shook my head, as I continued to steam the gorgeous silk blouse we had just gotten in. The one I had hoped to see hanging in my closet someday. That wish went hand in hand with the other—that I’d have a job soon that warranted that type of item in my wardrobe. I had come into the boutique early that morning, did some rearranging, updated some displays, and even did a little dusting. I needed to do something to occupy my mind.
The last twenty-four hours I had been battling in my head if I should translate the message I had retrieved from Lukas’ phone. What good would it do me to find out he had a girlfriend at this stage in the game? It wasn’t like I could be pissed at him for lying to me. That would make me out to be nothing but a hypocrite. But when I thought back to how Lukas’ flipped out when his mother mentioned a baby, I was dying to know.
What if he did have a child, and she was the mother? What if she was waiting desperately for him to come back, and here I was, the floosy from New York occupying his time. Maybe this was just a fling for him, and once he was home and settled, he’d resume his normal life with Hannah. But he seemed so genuine with his affection toward me. Every time we were together we were growing closer, and would he have introduced me to his mother if there was someone else? So many unanswered questions. Questions I wasn’t really sure I wanted to know the answers to.
“Oh, no. What happened?” Myra gave her overburdened arms a rest, placing the stack of papers she’d been carrying and her purse on the counter. Still clutching tightly to her coffee, her heels slid across the hardwood floor as she moved closer.
“She’s just different. Not warm. Not funny. And I can’t even really say it was just with me. She was that way to her own son as well. It’s like she was missing that whole maternal, nurturing piece that comes along with being a mother. Everything was about her and her sleazy husband.” I squeezed my eyes shut and shuddered at the mere thought of him. “The whole thing was just awkward.”
“Well, what about Lukas? Did he sense it too, or did he think the way she was behaving was okay?”
“Oh no, he was so sweet during the whole thing.” I smiled. “At first she started speaking in German. You know, to try and make me feel like an outcast, and he snapped at her and told her to stop. Then there was her husband and his wandering eyes.” I pretended to stick my finger down my throat and gag. “Lukas put him in his place really quick too.”
“Geez, honey.” Myra shook her head. “I’m so sorry it turned out that way.”
“Actually, it was okay.” I sighed. “Lukas got angry over something his mother said at the end of our dinner and went storming out, and we had a nice time after that. I feel like I got to see inside of him a little better. I don’t know, like we grew even closer.” My voice wavered.
“Well, don’t sound so disappointed about it,” Myra directed.
“I’m not.” I sighed. “It’s just...”
“Just that once he leaves, you’re not sure of what’s going to become of your relationship?”
I couldn’t keep it from her any longer. I needed to get if off my chest to someone, and if that someone wasn’t going to be Lukas, then Myra would have to do. She listened to the entire fiasco I had gotten myself caught up in without judgement, and by the time I was done, my face was drenched in tears. “He wasn’t supposed to mean anything to me, Myra. And now…God, how did I let this get so out of hand?”
She grabbed the tissue box from the counter and offered it to me. “Honey, I don’t even know what to say. You definitely got yourself into a pickle with this one.”
I nodded and dabbed my face with the tissue.
“Didn’t it ever occur to you when you and Bridgette were cooking up this scheme that it may end badly?”
“No, I just figured he was a one-night stand I’d never see again, so what would it hurt if I used him to help out my dad and my sister? Then he showed up at the bar with my license, and I swore I wasn’t going to go through with it, but I did.”
“And does your father know?”
“No.” I shook my head vehemently. “He likes Lukas a lot. I can’t let him know this. He’d probably never forgive me either.”
“So, let me get this straight. Your father never came out and asked you for financial assistance, you just took it upon yourself to get if for him?”
“Well, you know how my father is. He’s a proud man. Remember how angry he got with me when I helped out with my mother’s medical bills?”
She nodded. “I do. So, my question to you is, why would you think this would be any different, Em?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
“I’m gonna say something, and you may get angry at me, but it needs to be said. For the last year and a half, you have put your life on hold for everyone else. You quit your job, you drained your savings, you gave up your apartment. What has Bridgette done?” She raised an eyebrow, while I remained si
lent. “When your mother got sick, she didn’t lift a finger in any way, shape, or form. Physically or financially. I listened to you make one excuse after another for her when you would drag yourself in here with swollen eyes from crying so hard at the sight of your mother withering away. Half the time you’d look like a zombie who hadn’t slept in days.”
The tears were flowing harder now as she conjured up old memories I had buried deep inside me from a time in my life I’d rather forget. She took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“The thing I’ll never forget is Bridgette showing up here, two weeks before your mother had passed. You understandably looked like a hot mess. She was glowing. Not a hair out of place with a huge smile on her face after just returning from their Hawaii trip. I remember thinking to myself, How the hell can Emme not be beyond pissed at her? She gave up everything of what little she had while this girl who has everything to give refuses to even give a little? She’s a selfish person, Em. I’m sorry. I know she’s your sister, but she used you now, like she used you back then.”
“I know that now. I do realize that she’s all about herself, but I realized it a little too late where Lukas is concerned.”
She nodded sadly, confirming what I already knew. There was no way I could repair the damage that had been done.
“So, I guess I need to tell him?”
“I don’t think you need me to answer that one for you. I think your heart will lead you with that one.”
I nodded and bowed my head.
“Now clean up your face and perk yourself up. I have some news!” She snapped to attention, instantly changing the mood around us.
I managed a chuckle and ran into the bathroom to throw some cold water on my face. I turned on the faucet, allowing the water to stream from the spigot as I looked in the mirror, focusing deeply on my reflection. I needed to tell him. I needed to get out from under this lie and move on…even if it was without him. My throat and eyes burned in unison with that thought. How? How could I move on like we never happened? We had made so many memories in the short amount of time we’d been together. Memories I’d never forget. Closing my eyes, I shook it off and took a deep breath. I cupped my hands, collecting the freezing cold water, and splashed it on my face, hoping it would be like a baptism, freeing me from all my worries—it didn’t.
“Okay, I’m back, and you have my undivided attention.” I returned to the front of the store, trying desperately to put on my best happy face and brush away the melancholy from just a short time ago. A million thoughts raced through my mind. It was no doubt where Myra would be traveling next to find some more gems for the boutique. Venice, Nepal, Madrid? I loved traveling vicariously through her.
“Well, John has been offered a chief of staff position at a hospital in Miami. His kids are down in Florida, as well as his grandson.”
My heart sank. I had a feeling where this was going.
“He’s gonna take it, and he asked me to go with him.”
“Myra, that’s great.” I tried so hard to feign happiness. If anyone deserved this, it was her. She had worked like a dog her entire life. Now it was time for her to reap the benefits of all her hard work, but at the same time I was going to miss her like crazy.
“Now, this is where you come in.”
“Me?” I threw my hand over my chest and cinched my eyebrows.
“I’m not ready to give up this place entirely. I’ve got way too much invested here, a steady clientele, and a great apartment overhead that provides a little extra income.”
I still wasn’t following her. “What is it you’d like me to do?”
“I want you to run this place. I’d become your silent partner.”
I shook my head in confusion. “Myra, I’m honored, but right now I’m in no shape financially to even consider going into a business venture with anyone.”
She placed her hand on the stack of papers on the counter. The ones she had been struggling with when she first walked in. “My accountant is a genius, Em. It’s all here in the paperwork. He’s outlined how we can make this a success. I’ll hold the mortgage for you. After five years, there’s a fairly reasonable amount where you can buy me out, and it’s yours one hundred percent or we can sell and split the profits. And the best part of all, my tenant is moving out next month, so the upstairs apartment is all yours. I’d rather have someone I know and trust living there while I’m so far away.”
This was the opportunity of a lifetime she was offering me. A chance for me to dig myself out of the rut I was in and do something just for me. Of course, that would mean moving out of my father’s place, so I wouldn’t be able to keep such a close eye on him every day, making sure he was eating healthy and taking his meds. Then there was the added stress on him of picking up the slack at the bar because there was no way I’d be able to help out anymore. I’d need to focus my entire attention on the boutique if I was going to take over.
“I want you to give it a complete overhaul, bring it into this generation. Paint, redecorate, rename it. Whatever you got to do. I know I’m leaving it in good hands. Please, Emme, I don’t want to see the doors close on something that was my dream. I want to pass it on to the person who’s like the daughter I never had, and maybe one day you can continue the tradition. What do you say?”
“Oh, Myra! You’re gonna make me cry again!” I threw my arms around her. What on earth was I going to do without her?
Chapter 24
Lukas
“HEY, YOU.” EMMELINE squinted up into the bright sunlight when I reached her at our favorite spot in Central Park. She had texted me earlier in the day, asking if we could talk.
“Hello.” I sat down next to her and skimmed her cheek with my lips.”
She smiled, and I couldn’t help but notice her trembling hands. I placed my hands over hers in an effort to calm her down from whatever was troubling her. Although I was pretty certain I knew what it was. It was more than likely the same thing that had plagued my thoughts for the past few days. Leaving here. Leaving us.
We never spoke about how we would maintain our relationship past that point or if we even would. But after the past few months of being with her, I knew for certain I didn’t want to lose her. Surely, something as trivial as four thousand miles between us could be overlooked if we really wanted it to. I just wasn’t sure if that was the direction she wanted to take. She was such a hardhead. I thought I had her all figured out when we had first met, but now I realized she was so much more complex than I had originally pegged her out to be. She tried her hardest to be stoic for everyone. Her father, her family, and now with us. I wanted to be the one who initiated the dialogue and address the elephant in the room we’d both been avoiding, in hopes of making it a little easier on her.
“I’m leaving in a few weeks.”
She dropped her gaze to the ground and nodded. My hand moved under her chin, forcing her to look at me, wishing I hadn’t when I looked into her tear-filled eyes. “Emmeline, I know we never had the conversation about what was going to happen with us after I was done here, and to be honest with you, when we first met I thought it was a conversation that could’ve been avoided. But now that I’ve gotten to know you, you’re all I can think about. The only person I want to be with is you.”
She was silent, staring at me as if she had become lost in my words. I threw my head back and focused my attention on the bright blue sky, the same shade of blue as Emmeline’s eyes. The white puffy clouds scattered about were so reminiscent of the teardrops that occupied those same eyes at the moment. What the hell was happening to me? I never played all my cards with any woman, not even Hannah. I never allowed her to know exactly how I was feeling on the inside. Always keeping that coat of armor on. Maybe that was part of the problem, and the reason she did what she had was because I wasn’t able to give myself emotionally to her the way I wanted to with Emmeline.
I must’ve really been losing it. I was actually trying to justify Hannah’s despicable actions. I had come
this far, and I couldn’t stop now. I had to lay it all out on the line and the worst Emmeline could do was tell me she wasn’t feeling the same way I was. At least it would put an end to my endless thoughts of how we could work out a future together. I willed myself to meet her eyes once again.
“I’m sorry. I feel the need to be one hundred percent honest with you. I don’t want to lose you, Emmeline. I love you.” I definitely didn’t want to say those last three words even though they were the truth, and exactly how I was feeling. I wasn’t sure if she was ready to hear them just yet. Her bottom lip quivered with more tears filling her overburdened eyes and rolling down her face.
She threw her arms around me, letting out a deep sob and resting her head on my shoulder. I pulled her closer, allowing her to melt into my arms. “I love you too, Lukas. So much,” she whispered. “Just promise me you’ll never forget that.”
Chapter 25
Emme
I WAS READY. I was emotionally there. I was going to tell him everything. Then he had to go and mutter those three little words. Three little words a girl who had fallen so deeply for someone would be thrilled to hear under normal circumstances, but my situation was anything but normal. Now I had dug the hole deeper and was beginning to wonder if I’d ever escape from it or if I should just bury myself for good.
Myra had been out of town for the past few days, house shopping in Miami. She left me in charge, which was something I’d have to get used to if I was going to accept her offer. I told her I’d have a definite answer for her by the time she got back. I still hadn’t said anything to my father yet because I knew he’d tell me to go for it out of his own guilt. Lukas had been the only one I had confided in, right after he had stumped me with his I love you. I wasn’t sure if he was happy or disappointed that I was afforded this opportunity, but he was genuinely supportive of me accepting it. I never did give him a chance to discuss how we would work things out once he was gone. Instead, I used my bit of news about the boutique as a distraction from facing a future with him that would never happen.