by Amy DeMeritt
“Please, don’t die. Janell, please.”
“She’s stable.”
I break free from Sara and I rush to Janell’s side to take her hand. She looks weak and in pain and it’s breaking my heart. Sara walks over to me and places a hand on my back.
“It’s a girl.”
Janell gives a weak smile as she looks at her tiny baby girl the nurse is holding up for her to see.
“Name her Eerin with two e’s. It’s the name of the only woman who was like a mother to me. She died last year. Kayla, please take care of my girl.”
“I will. I’m going to take care of both of you. You’re going to be ok.”
Her eyes close and the machines go off again. They start working to revive her again, performing chest compressions and using a defibrillator machine.
After the machines stop beeping, the doctor says, “Ok, she’s stable. We need to get her into the OR. Page cardio. We’ll close in the OR. Move it people.”
Nurses pull me away from the bed and Janell is quickly wheeled out of the room. I try to follow them, but Sara wraps her arms around me, pulling me onto her chest. My body shakes as emotion overwhelms me and I break down crying in Sara’s arms. She holds me tightly and runs a hand over my head, trying to calm me down.
“Kayla?” I lift my head at the tentative voice and quickly wipe my eyes. A nurse walks over with Eerin wrapped in blankets. “Would you like to hold her?”
I swallow back my emotions and nod. “Yes, please. Did you get her name down correctly?”
“We did. Meet, Eerin Powers. She’s seven-pounds-four-ounces, and twenty-one-inches long. Her heartbeat is strong.”
“Is Janell going to be ok?”
“I don’t know. You can stay here and we’ll keep you posted. I’m going to get you a bottle so you can feed her.”
“Thank you.”
Sara and I take a seat and I adjust the blanket so I can see Eerin’s face. She’s beautiful. Her skin tone is medium brown – not quite as dark as Janell’s coffee bean skin tone, but not as light as Symone’s chocolate milk skin tone. She has a small round nose and cute round ears. Her head has a decent amount of soft curly black hair. I rub my thumb over her cheek, and she stretches out and yawns, before settling and doing a cute sucking motion with her mouth.
“Here you go.”
The nurse hands me a bottle and stands back. I gently coax Eerin to part her lips around the nipple and she immediately starts sucking on the bottle. The nurse smiles and rubs Eerin’s head.
“Ok, I’ll be back to check on you soon.”
“Are we allowed to have our family come to the room? We were stuck in traffic when we saw Janell on the sidewalk. They’re supposed to be meeting us here.”
“Yes, of course. So, you just happened to see her on the sidewalk and carried her here?”
“Well, yeah, she needed help. Traffic was horrible, so running on foot was the fastest way to get here.”
“That was really wonderful of you. Do you know if she has any family we can call?”
“She said she was in foster care her whole life and doesn’t have any family. She also said she was raped on vacation in Mexico, so she doesn’t know who the father is.”
“That’s terrible. I’ll be back.”
The nurse leaves, and Sara pulls her phone out. She takes a picture of me and Eerin, then shows it to me with a smile.
“She’s really beautiful.”
Sara nods. “Yeah, she is. That curly hair is adorable.”
I smile and kiss Eerin on the forehead. “Yeah, it is.”
“I sent a text to Keira to let them know what room we’re in. They’re parking now. Kayla, I know you don’t want to think of this possibility, but are you really going to adopt this baby if Janell doesn’t make it?”
“Yes, if they let me. We found her for a reason. If what Janell said is true, we’re the baby’s best hope for a good life.”
“That’s true. I’m proud of you.”
Sara ruffles my hair and sits back to look at her phone.
It’s amazing how life works out. If we hadn’t been stuck in traffic, would Janell have made it to the hospital in time? What would have happened to her and Eerin? I hate “what-if” scenarios, but I can’t help thinking about them right now.
After about fifteen minutes, everyone walks in, and Awenasa asks, “How is she?”
I stand up with Eerin and prop her up more on my arm so they can get a better view of her. “This is Eerin, with two e’s. Janell was rushed off to surgery about twenty minutes ago. She’s not doing good. Her heart kept giving out or something.”
I explain to them what happened and the promise I made to her. Awenasa smiles in a sad way and kisses my lips.
“Your huge heart never ceases to amaze me, puppy.”
“Are all of you ok with…?” Before I can finish, all of my wives’ answer, “yes”.
I smile and give Eerin a kiss on her forehead.
“What does her name mean?”
“I don’t know. She said it was the name of the only woman who was like a mother to her.”
Sam pulls her phone out and her already pale milky skin whitens as she looks up with wide red eyes.
“What?”
She looks around the room, and her eyes settle on Sydney for a moment. Sydney seems to understand, and says, “I’ll step out into the hall for a minute.”
After Sydney walks out, Sam quietly says, “Eerin is a common Australian girls name that means small grey owl.”
I gasp and look down at the Eerin. Emotion wells up in my chest and tears streak my cheeks. I kiss Eerin again and sit down with her on my lap. I prop her up on my leg so I can look at her and rub my hand over her small face and head.
“Excuse me, Kayla Johann?”
I look up and quickly wipe my eyes. A woman in a business suit walks in with a stack of papers. I quickly stand up with Eerin cradled in my arm.
“Hello, I’m Ruth Baker and I’m with the hospital’s social services.”
“No, you can’t take her. I told Janell I would protect her. Where is Janell? What’s happening? I haven’t heard anything new in twenty minutes.”
“We need to talk. Please take a seat.”
As I sit down, my chest tightens with dread and anxiety. Everyone shuffles around the room trying to give us some space. Ruth pulls a chair over to sit across from me.
“Janell is not doing well. We have lost her twice. She’s fighting, but we don’t know if she’s going to make it. Before she was put under anesthesia, Janell signed over her parental rights to you, in the event that she dies. Janell has no known living relatives. I need to know…”
“Yes, I will accept full responsibility for Eerin.”
“I need you to sign these papers then. In the event that Janell dies, you’ll have full custody of Eerin Powers and the state of California will have no financial obligation to the baby.”
“Sara, can you hold her?”
Sara takes Eerin and I accept the stack of papers from Ruth. I skim the pages, then sign each section she has marked.
“This doesn’t mean you’ll stop trying to save Janell, right?”
“No, of course not. The hospital will do everything possible to keep her alive.” She accepts the stack of papers, signs her sections, then gives me the duplicate pages so we both have a signed copy. “We’ll keep you posted on her progress. Remember, this is only in the event that Janell doesn’t pull through.”
“Ok, thank you.”
I honestly don’t know why I’m thanking her, but I have no idea what else to say. What am I supposed to say? We were just going to the beach and now a woman I met by chance is fighting for her life. And if she dies… if she dies, I’m going to be… my wives and I are going to be the mothers of her newborn baby girl. Janell didn’t even get to hold her. She only had a few moments to look at her and name her. That’s not fair.
After Ruth leaves, I take Eerin back from Sara and motion for Awenasa to come over.<
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“Can you bless her?”
She nods and places a hand on Eerin’s head. She speaks softly in Cherokee, giving Eerin a blessing of love and protection. Eerin finishes the bottle as Awenasa finishes her blessing. I give her soft kisses on her cheeks and forehead before laying her over my shoulder to burp her. I lightly rest my cheek against her head and try to push my spirit into her from my hands.
Quietly, I tell her, “I couldn’t save my baby that Shane took from me, but I’m going to always make sure you’re provided for, no matter what. The spirits brought us together, so you will always be able to count on me for anything.”
Awenasa rubs my head and bends down to kiss my lips. Her eyes have teared up and she looks very moved. “Can I hold her?”
I give Eerin a kiss and allow Awenasa to take her. Our wives and friends huddle around her to get a better look at Eerin. Keira smiles and brushes a hand through her curls.
“She’s so cute. Was the man Mexican? She’s much lighter than her mom and her hair is very soft.”
“I would assume, but I really don’t know. We didn’t really get to talk.”
“You could easily find out with a DNA test, if, well, you know.”
I nod and rest my elbows on my knees while taking a few deep breaths. Jaime runs her hand over my head so I wrap my arms around her slim waist and lay my head on her flat warm stomach. She has Malana on her hip, and our baby girl thinks it’s funny that I’m snuggling with Jaime. She pats my head a few times and laughs. I look up at her and tickle her stomach, making her wiggle and giggle more.
I stay wrapped around Jaime for a while, and she continues to run her hand over my head and back in a soothing way. Even Malana’s little hand gently strokes my head, as if she understands that I need comfort.
After about half an hour, the nurse who had brought me the bottle walks in, closely followed by Ruth, the social services worker, and a doctor. Sydney walks in behind them and leans against a wall looking sad and nervous. Her eyes meet mine and I can tell – she already knows what they’re about to tell me. She must have heard something while she was standing in the hall. My heart starts pounding out of my chest and I feel like I can’t breathe.
The doctor steps forward, and she says, “Mrs. Johann, I’m sorry.” My arms drop from around Jaime and tears streak my cheeks as I slump back in seat. “We did everything we could, but Janell Powers’ heart stopped and we were unable to revive her.”
“Why did this happen?”
“Janell suffered from peripartum cardiomyopathy. It’s a rare kind of heart failure that happens during or shortly after delivery. Pregnancy requires a great deal of blood flow pumping and delivery is the most laborious for the heart. Basically, the heart muscles weaken and the heart becomes enlarged, preventing the heart from pumping blood to the body. Then, the heart just gives out.”
“What happens now?”
Ruth steps forward, saying, “As of this moment, you now have full custody of Eerin Powers. Would you be willing to claim Janell’s body for a burial or cremation?”
“Yes. Does she really not have anybody? Like friends or anything?”
The three of them look uncomfortable, and Ruth says, “We don’t know that. We did confirm though that she was raised in foster care, so she doesn’t have any known relatives. We’ll need to take the baby to have the pediatrician look her over. If everything looks good, you’ll be able to take her home today.”
The nurse takes Eerin from Awenasa and places her in a clear basinet type cart to push her out of the room. The doctor follows her, but Ruth hangs back.
“I’ll be back with some paperwork for you so you can make Janell’s arrangements. Janell didn’t have an emergency contact listed in her file, so I’m not sure how to help you locate any friends she may have had. Her records show she moved to Los Angeles about three months ago. Janell signed a records release for you, so I’ll put some information together for you, just in case it helps. You probably have a couple of hours at least before you’ll be able to leave. You may want to figure out a car seat. I’ll have someone put some things together, like diapers and…”
“Thank you, but we can take care of all of that.”
“Ok, I’ll be back soon.”
“Sara, do you think you could…?”
Sara stands up, cutting me off, saying, “Yeah, we’ll run to the store and get a bunch of stuff. Do you need anything before we leave?”
“No. Here, take my…”
I start to pull my wallet out of my pocket, but Sara shakes her head and holds up a hand. “Forget it, baby sister. I got this. I know you can afford it, but you don’t need to do all of this alone.”
“Thank you. And, uh, thanks for being by my side through that scary delivery.”
Sara pulls me up into a hug, and says, “I’ll always be by your side, baby sister. I know I already said it, but I’m proud of you. We’ll be back as soon as we can.”
Sara, Keira, Tonya, and Jade leave, leaving me with my wives, our babies, Sorina, and Sydney. I offer the few chairs available to Jaime, Symone, and Shannon, who are holding our babies, then walk out to the nurse’s station to request more chairs.
“Yes, we’ll get you more chairs. Can I just tell you how wonderful it is what you’re doing? You really are an angel.”
I smile as my eyes tear up. “Thank you for saying that, but really, the baby is the angel.”
“Yes, she is.”
Chapter Ten
Awenasa runs a hand over my head and lifts my chin to look up at her. She bends down and gives me a soft kiss on my lips, and whispers, “It’s time to get to work, puppy.”
“I don’t want to leave her. Can’t all of you come with us?”
I look down at Eerin sleeping in her crib, and Awenasa runs her hand over my head again. “You should let her sleep. We can come up to the studio after the babies wake up. Come on.”
She takes my hand and leads me out of the nursery. We find our other wives leaning on each other on the couches looking very tired. Sydney and Sara are sitting in the armchairs sipping on travel mugs of coffee looking only slightly more awake.
Shannon walks over with a small cooler, quietly saying, “Here, sweetie. I packed you some tea and lunch.”
“Thanks, babe. I guess I’ll see you later. Is she going to be ok?”
I look down the hall that leads to the nursery, and as I start to walk, Awenasa grabs my shoulders and kisses my lips.
“We’re going to take very good care of our new baby girl. Don’t worry, my love, she’s going to be ok.”
“I know. I just… I don’t know. She was just born yesterday. I’m not ready to leave her.”
Awenasa gives me a soft kiss on my lips and pulls me into a hug. “Do what you can. If it’s too much today, then talk to the director and see if you can get a couple of days off. I’m sure they’ll understand. But I think you can do this.” She presses her lips to my ear, and whispers, “Sydney worked hard on getting sober this weekend so she can perform today. She is depending on you to get her through this.”
“Ok, I’ll try. Do you think Janell would be upset with me for leaving her?”
“No, not even a little bit. You are temporarily leaving her with her other mothers. We are all here to love and protect her. You are temporarily leaving her to go to work so you can provide her with a wonderful life – the wonderful life you promised Janell to give Eerin.”
“That’s a good way to look at it. Ok, thanks, baby. I love you so much.” I give her a kiss and squeeze her really tight. “God, I love you so much.”
“I love you too, puppy. Be careful. I’ll text you when the babies wake up to see if it’s ok to come to the studio.”
“Ok, thank you.”
I give all of my wives a hug and kiss before reluctantly leaving with Sydney and Sara for the studio. I really hope I can focus on filming today. The big news the producers had on Friday was that they approved a sequel to the film. They presented us with an amazing contract with
almost double the pay I’m receiving for this film. Sydney was also presented a contract that is contingent on her performance today. If anything goes wrong today, Brett will cut her from this film and she’ll lose the deal for the sequel, which puts a ton of pressure on me. Sydney’s character in this first film only has about fifteen minutes of screen time. But in the sequel, the two of us will be the main characters with major screen time. This is a huge opportunity for her – the biggest of her career.
I close my eyes and lean my head back taking a long deep breath through my nose. Even after spending the weekend together, I feel like I barely know Sydney – hell, my wives spent more time getting to know her than I did because they basically had her in private counseling sessions most of Friday and Saturday. But I made a promise to help her get through today. I hope I can push down the shock and pain of yesterday so I can help her stay focused.
Nothing feels real right now. In a couple of months, it will be a year from the date I learned that Shane inseminated herself with our semen and then took the morning after pill to prevent a pregnancy. And yesterday, like something out of a twisted, scary dream, a pregnant woman I met on the sidewalk died after delivery, after naming her baby “small gray owl” and entrusting her baby’s life with me. Small gray owl – it was a small gray owl that a hawk dropped towards our fireless firepit and landed in my hands to die, around this same time last year, only a few months before Shane killed that vial of living semen – killed our child.
Sydney doesn’t even know any of that history, so if I screw up today, she won’t understand how deeply personal and painful yesterday was for me. Janell wasn’t just a stranger on a sidewalk that I helped get to the hospital to deliver her baby. Something brought us together. Something placed Janell in my life – placed Eerin in my life. This time, the small gray owl is alive and well and it’s my responsibility to ensure she stays that way. Eerin is my responsibility, my child. I have another child. I have another baby girl. I have four children.