by Kip Nelson
“Even if he didn’t know, he soon will,” Greg said. “He sounds like he's some kind of overlord.”
Tillman smiled at the video game reference, but the chaos Khan could create was very real.
“That's what he wants to set himself up as. He talked about being a king. He thinks the world is open to be dragged by the scruff of the neck, with only the strongest left standing. He thinks of himself as the strongest. I'm sure that he's promised a lot of people glory and whatever he can give them. Food, flesh,” he looked at Jessica as he said this, remembering how Khan had wanted to make her his queen.
“Should we leave?” Ana asked.
“No,” Fernando said before Tillman could answer. “We do not run away from our problems. This is my home, and I'm not going to let a man like Khan drive us away. If we run now, then we'll always be running, and that's not the kind of life I want to live.”
Tillman swelled with pride when he heard his father speak like that. He started seeing what his mother had meant about them being similar, for he had echoed similar sentiments to Greg and Penelope.
“It's not going to be easy, though. I don't know how many men he has, but even Khan himself is a formidable enemy. It was only by good fortune that I was able to drive him off before,” Tillman said.
“And mace,” Anthony said, smiling at Jessica.
“So, he's basically like a. boss at the end of the level. Thinking about it, he looks a bit like Bowser. That doesn't sound too hard. We'll just have to come up with a plan,” Greg said, adding “unless anyone wants to try jumping on his head?” with a wink
“What's going on? Who is he? What does he want from us?” Morelle whimpered.
“I don't know who that man was, but Khan is a man who thinks of himself as a king,” Tillman said bitterly. He shook his head and clenched his fists. He thought he would have been safe at this ranch. He thought that he could shut the rest of the world away and bide his time.
“People think that just because the world is over they can do whatever they like. He thinks he can dictate terms to people, and just because he's strong and powerful they'll have no choice but to do as he says. He's just a bully.” Tillman said.
Morelle didn't seem reassured by his words. Jessica moved closer to her mother and tried to offer her some comfort. Ana moved around the room, offering some food, trying to be helpful. Tillman could tell that she was scared as well. Penelope was silent, probably thinking about the kinds of men they had run into already, and how they wanted their pound of flesh. Greg seemed surprisingly enthusiastic about the whole thing.
“This is one of the dangers of the new world,” Tillman said, getting everyone’s attention. “It's just another thing we'll have to deal with, but I know we can deal with it. Khan may think he's strong, but he and his allies are held together by fear. There's no true loyalty between, not like there is between family and friends.”
Small smiles appeared on everyone’s faces. “We'll find a way to deal with him, and we'll make him regret ever having come here to trouble us.”
“Damn right we will. Every man has a weakness. We just have to find his,” Greg said.
“I just hate the way this world has collapsed so quickly. We're supposed to be working together, aren't we? Why are there suddenly men like Khan trying to take advantage of the rest of us?” Morelle said.
“There always have been men like Khan,” Fernando said before Tillman could open his mouth.
“This world has not bred him, our society did, our species did. As long as there have been humans there have been people like him, and it's always important that there are people, good people, who can stand against him. He is a bully. From the way Tillman describes him he's a vicious person. We cannot allow him to get away with this. A man cannot declare himself a king, and a man cannot rule through fear alone. Tillman is right. We must stick together and show this Khan that the bonds of love are stronger than anything he can muster.”
Fernando spoke with real passion, and it took Tillman by surprise. He couldn't remember his father ever being that worked up about anything, other than when the two of them were arguing. Fernando always had been a placid man, generally, taking everything in stride, but it was clear to Tillman now that Fernando had just as much pride in his principles as Tillman had.
Tillman suddenly realized that he was a lot more like his father than he had assumed, and he wasn't entirely sure how he felt about that.
There still was some enmity remaining between them because of their history, but slowly Tillman was coming around to respecting his father again. In a way, he had no choice, for they were stuck together in this world and had to learn to get along for the sake of the sanity of everyone around them. The way he was reacting to Khan echoed Tillman's reactions, and it was clear that Tillman's moral center had been an inheritance from his father.
“What do we do, Fernando?” Ana asked, her voice trembling with fear. Tillman understood that his parents hadn't dealt with anything like this before. Tillman and Fernando glanced at each other.
“Tillman and I, and anyone else who's interested, will meet and discuss plans in the kitchen. Everyone else should try living life as they normally would. The one thing about men like Khan is that we can't let them win. We can't let them strangle us with their fear. Tillman, do you remember when you were younger and you were convinced there was a monster hiding in the shadows in your room?”
Tillman blushed a little, but then smiled at the memory. He had been very young and suffered from an overactive imagination. After the lights went out he'd always been convinced there was a monster lurking in his room, waiting for him to fall asleep before it would strike and devour him.
“I do,” he replied.
“And what did I tell you?”
“That the monster fed on fear, and the only way it's going to come after you is if you hold onto that fear. The monster won't hurt you, and in fact it's going to be afraid of you if you confront it. I taught you to look directly into the shadows and see that there was nothing there. The same principle holds true with Khan. If we challenge him, if we show we cannot be intimidated, he ultimately will realize that we're not worth the trouble,” Fernando said.
Tillman wasn't entirely sure he agreed with his father, for Khan was actually real, whereas the monster in his room hadn't been. But it was an easy analogy for the rest of them to understand.
“Life has changed in many ways, but in the important ways it's still the same. We have to be true to ourselves and to each other. We have to work hard to keep ourselves alive, and we must not let other people dictate their terms to us,” Fernando said. As he spoke, Morelle dipped her head in shame. She had done exactly what her father said nobody should do, and she had let her life be ruined by her past with Javier.
Tillman would have to have another talk with her.
Fernando nodded to all of them and then made his way to the kitchen. The others murmured among themselves. Tillman followed his father out.
“I understood what you were saying in there, and I feel the same way,” Tillman said.
“I thought you might,” Fernando said. A sad smile appeared on his face, and Tillman noticed how his eyes were glistening with tears.
“What's wrong?” Tillman asked.
Fernando chuckled and wiped his eyes, then patted Tillman on the shoulder.
“I hadn't thought of you as a boy for a long time. It reminds me of the fun we used to have. I suppose, well, I suppose I was just thinking about how the wheels of fate turn, and what could have been if we both hadn't been so stubborn.”
Tillman didn't think he had been stubborn at all, but he certainly wasn't going to argue with his father at the moment. Not when he had concerns of his own.
“I think I made a mistake when I encountered Khan earlier,” he admitted. “I should have killed him then. I was weak. I have to be more ruthless. When we see him again, I won't hesitate.”
Fernando sighed. “You never need to apologize for not killing someo
ne. It is a sad state of affairs when murder is an acceptable course of action, but if that must happen to defend ourselves, then it is something we will have to do. But I wish to protect your mother, Morelle, and Jessica from this as much as possible. I do not want them to have to suffer the burden.”
“I know what you mean,” Tillman said. “I'll do it, if it comes to that. I've killed already. I know what it's like.”
A strange look came over Fernando as his hand rested on Tillman's shoulder. He hung his head a little and breathed deeply.
“I must tell you something, Tillman, something that you never can repeat to your mother, your sister, your niece, or anyone else.”
Tillman tilted his head in confusion. He was too shocked to say anything, for he didn't know what secrets his father had to confess. In fact, he never had considered his father to be the type of man to have secrets. He always had spoken of honor. So Tillman’s mind whirling. Was he about to confess to an affair? No, that didn't seem to fit the context, and he never could imagine his father with a woman other than his mother.
But then what was this crime that his father had to confess? What could he possibly say he had done that was worse than Tillman killing a man? Fernando always had been a straight, stubborn man who took his principles seriously. He worked for the government. Tillman couldn't ever imagine him breaking the law, because he never even broke from conventional norms.
Tillman couldn't imagine what his father had to confess, but he was curious.
Chapter Seventeen
Fernando pulled him into the study and shut the door behind them. The morning sun streamed in through the window. Fernando gestured for Tillman to take a seat, so he perched himself on the edge of a leather armchair. Fernando leaned against the desk.
“What's going on?” Tillman asked.
“The burden of murder is one that both you and I share. I wasn't going to tell you this because it was something better left in the past, but I can see that you're struggling with it. I know well how it can play on a man's mind, and I want you to know you're not alone,” he said.
Tillman was a little taken aback.
“What do you mean? Did someone come around here? Did they threaten you?” Tillman asked.
Fernando ran his hand across his jaw and shook his head.
“No, this happened a long time ago. You know I'm a very principled man, Tillman, and I take the laws of this country seriously.” Tillman nodded, but he didn't say anything, feeling that his father needed to speak without interruption so he could organize his thoughts properly.
“But sometimes the principles of a man and the laws of the country do not align, and what are we to do then? I have struggled with that question myself many times over the years, most of all with your sister.”
Tillman started to have a sense of where this was going, but he remained quiet all the same.
“Whenever anyone close to you gets hurt there's always a feeling that you could have done more to stop it, that you could have done something to prevent it, especially when it's your own daughter. I was blinded, Tillman. We all were. I trusted my daughter's judgment, and I trusted Javier. Perhaps part of me just wanted to ignore the warning signs so I didn't have to face the truth. I tried telling myself that things were as great as Morelle said. I'm sure you feel the same.”
“I do,” Tillman admitted. “I wish I had been around more to help her, and to stop him. He's a monster. I keep telling myself that I had my own life to live, but it never makes it any better.”
“No, it doesn't. We all have to take care of ourselves, but then we feel selfish when someone close to us is hurt. Morelle never has been the same since she met him. It's like he stole the light from her life and it never has returned. I had hoped that, in time, she would reclaim that which had made her special, but I fear she never will be the daughter I remember, and it's because of him.”
Fernando's body bristled as he spoke about Javier.
“But what does this have to do with anything?” Tillman asked, still a little confused.
“Do you ever wonder why Javier never came back? Doesn't it strike you as strange that someone like him would not want to see and torment his wife?”
“I guess I just assumed he was afraid of what would happen if he showed his face again.”
“Oh, he was afraid, in the end. I saw to that.”
“Dad, what did you do?” Tillman asked warily.
“I killed him, Tillman. I tracked him down and I killed him for the way he treated my daughter. I dragged him out to the woods and I buried him deep in the ground, where nobody ever will find him. Nobody cared about him. Nobody came looking for him. I rid the world of a monster, and I would do it again. You know what he did to Morelle. I had to do something. I couldn't stand by, knowing that he was out there, waiting for the day when he would return. Because, mark my words, he would return, and he'd not only make Morelle's life hell, but Jessica's as well. I was not going to let that happen,” Fernando said, with the fury of an angry god.
“You should have asked me. You shouldn't have done that alone.”
“No, Tillman, you were off living your life. This was a father's job. But you see, don't you, that sometimes we have to do these things that go beyond the boundaries of morality. I have carried this burden with me all these years, and I know that you feel it too. What I am trying to say is that you shouldn't regret defending your family or your loved ones. If we do not stand strong and do what is necessary to protect them, they will be hurt or killed, and I would regret that more than anything. If Khan needs to die so that we can be safe, then die he must.”
Tillman looked at his father with a new sense of respect. He couldn't believe that Fernando had kept this secret for so long, nor that he would have taken matters into his own hands. He'd done what Tillman always had been so hesitant to do. He realized then that his father had not lived an easy life, and that he wasn't uncaring. He simply didn't want to let the truth out.
“All this time I thought you were blind to the way he treated her. I thought you gave him too much respect,” Tillman said.
Fernando scoffed. “Respect? I never respected him. I just knew Morelle had to make her own mistakes. I thought their troubles were the same kind as any couple goes through. It was a mistake not to interfere. I won't make that same mistake again.”
“Jessica isn't her mother, and Anthony isn't Javier,” Tillman said, following his meaning.
“They mean a lot to each other, and they take care of each other. I wouldn't try pulling them apart. People are going to need each other, and they're going to be good for each other,” Tillman said.
Fernando shrugged, conceding the point, although he clearly wasn't happy about it.
“Can I ask you a question?” Tillman said. Fernando straightened his back and looked at him directly. He opened his hands and spread his arms, indicating for Tillman to continue.
“Why were you so hard on me? Why did you never approve of my career, even though it became clear that I was making a success of myself? Why did you push me away? You always told me that you valued people who made something of themselves, who were self-reliant, but you always seemed to make an exception for me.”
“I think we've shared enough for the day,” Fernando said, standing up from the desk, making a beeline for the door.
Tillman wasn't about to let him get off that easily, though. He knew that if he let his father leave now he'd never get him in a mood this honest again. The room they were in was like a sanctuary, and the truth shared here was a product of this one conversation. Once they left, the topic would turn to Khan and how to defeat him, and it would be almost impossible to get his father to open up to him about this again.
Tillman shot up from the chair and pulled his father back.
“I need an answer, Dad! I've been wondering about this for too long. Tell me why you've been so opposed to my career choices. Even when I was younger you hated that I was gaming. Why? Why did my enjoyment bother you so much?”
“Because it took you away from me,” Fernando said tersely. Tillman let his hand fall from Fernando's arm, and he staggered back a little, surprised by the force of his father's words. Fernando inhaled deeply and stiffened, and when he spoke he did not look at Tillman.
“When you were younger I enjoyed the things that you and I could do together. I loved being a parent. I loved teaching you about the world and thinking about you growing into a strong man. But then you discovered gaming. It was this whole world that I had no blueprint for. Up until that point we had shared everything, but gaming was your own thing. There was no place in that world for me.”
“You could have tried,” Tillman said.
“I did try. But I never felt comfortable there. It was a place for kids. I couldn't share it with you, and then I realized that it only was going to take you away from me. It seemed like a fad. All I wanted was for you to have a reliable career, one that wouldn't collapse from underneath you. I was wrong about that, but for all this time it's been a part of your world that I haven't been able to share. It took you away from me.”
“Dad, it never took me away from you. You pushed me away. If I had known...all these years...I could have taught you. I could have shown you all manner of games. I never wanted to make you feel like you weren't part of it. I don't know why you never just asked.”
“Probably because I'm an old fool who is stuck in the past,” Fernando said with a smile.
And with that smile, years of icy tension had been smashed. No longer did Tillman feel like his father was a stranger or an enemy. With these truths revealed, he felt as though he and his father could have a good relationship again, one that was founded on trust and respect. He walked closer to his father and opened his arms. It was strange embracing him again, and it only lasted a moment, but it felt as though the two of them had walked over a bridge together, and were team again, as fathers and sons should be.