It took me a moment to find my voice. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? Gods are not sorry.”
“I’m not a god,” I said.
“If there were not a god within you, I would have killed you. May I look at you?”
“You are looking at me,” I said, but then I felt something cold wrapping around my leg. It slithered up my spine, around my neck and, like a nightmare, wrapped around my face. I grabbed onto it, but it was formless and smooth and wherever my fingers grabbed, it changed and was suddenly somewhere else. I felt my eyes roll back as something flashed, bright and dark at the same time, and I felt the fire rise up in my belly, spreading out, growing stronger until I wasn’t in the water any more. I was above the water, above the thing that had grabbed me, above everything.
I moved without seeing, I knew without looking. There was a world and it was mine, and I knew how everything in it was made, and how it so easily could be unmade. There was a heat that ran through the world. Not like the heat inside me, these creatures could never stand that. But little pieces of my heat among these beautiful things. They had started so low, and knew how to rise so, so high. They created, they loved, they felt, and they died for passion. I felt overwhelmed as I saw it. Saw it all. Saw it, felt it, loved it.
I gasped for air as the creature released me. I fell back into the water and clawed at my face for something that was no longer there.
“What the hell was that?” I gasped. “What did you do?”
“I did nothing,” said the voice that rattled my teeth. I couldn’t tell if it was speaking out loud or straight into me.
“What was all that?” I said.
“That was your potential, little creature. It will be yours very soon. Or it will be yours to give away to save yourself the trouble. Either way, I will not harm you. Even if I could, you must not be harmed. You are very important.”
“Important to what?” I said.
“To the end of the world.”
“What? No, that’s not right.”
“The beginning, then. This one,” the voice said. Its eye blinked, its eyelids sideways. “You will need this creature. For what you must do. Or what you do not do. It will be a choice and the choice will be him. Do you like him as a wolf? Or as a man?”
“What?” I said, confused. “I want him back the way he was. As a man. Can you help him?”
“I can. If you will it.”
“I do. I will it.”
Lucifer rose into the air, lifted and carried by something strange and ethereal and not completely there. If I squinted it looked like a snake wrapped around the wolf’s body. Lucifer didn’t move, didn’t stir.
“What’s wrong with him?” I said.
“Nothing. He is not like us. But he is significant.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I said. “What are you going to do to him?”
There was silence for a moment. When finally the creature god spoke it was was nearly a whisper, sending a shiver up my spine.
“I am fixing him. I will make him whole.”
“Can you do that?” I said.
There was no answer, but a darkness was suddenly around us. I heard Lucifer groan.
“You mustn’t watch,” said the god. “It would be terrible for you.”
I cried as I heard the howls, the yips, and then the screams. Then there was silence, which was the worst of all.
“What’s happening?” I said. I was so weak that it was difficult to pull myself out of the water. I finally managed it, and tried to peer through the smoke. “Is he all right? Why can’t I hear him?”
“The boy lives as well,” it said. “He will come to you when you are ready.”
“Ready for what?” I said. “Let me see Lucifer. Please.” I could barely breathe. I knew somehow that this creature was powerful. More powerful than me, perhaps more powerful that the Creator had been. If he wished to, he could kill us. Or he could help us.
“Please,” I whispered.
A wet, cold wind blew over the surface of the water, carrying the inky darkness with it. The eye was peering down at something in the rushes. I felt my heart beating in my ears. It seemed everything had gone still. The eye rolled up to look at me.
“Remember what I have done for you, little creature. Remember for that which you carry. I will ask for payment someday. But not today. I grant you safe passage.”
The water bubbled and roiled around my feet and I watched the eye sink back under the water. The murky surface stilled again. A frog croaked.
The rushes twitched.
I dragged one foot forward. Then the other. I was running, sloshing through the water, falling and getting up again. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t talk. I stopped at the stand of rushes. I pushed the plants to the side and looked inside.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
For a moment I couldn’t move. It could be a trick, another being messing with my mind. Maybe the Grace had followed me here and were toying with me. I would reach out to touch him and they would all appear and laugh and laugh. I stared at the figure lying among the plants. He was naked, and I had a momentary surge of embarrassment for him. But then my eyes fell on his face and I felt like my heart stopped.
“Lucifer,” I breathed.
He was whole, himself again. And as he stirred, I knew he was alive. I fell to my knees beside him, water soaking my clothes, and watched as he slowly opened his eyes. I put my hand over my mouth, trying to stifle the sob. My tears ran over the backs of my fingers and my body shook as he blinked, trying to focus. And then he was staring at me, some sort of realization dawning on his face.
“Niki?” he said, his voice hoarse and weak. He looked around him, sitting up quickly, the water above the roots of the rushes splashing. He looked down at himself, at his wet hands. He looked at me, unable to comprehend what was happening. I reached out, but pulled my hand back as he clambered quickly to his feet, stumbling back out of the rushes, nearly falling into the dank water. I followed him, not willing to pull my eyes away. Finally he looked at me again, his chest heaving.
“It was real,” he said.
I took my hand from my mouth, calmer now. “Yes,” I said. I felt like crying again and I didn’t understand why.
“I don’t…” He looked back at his hands again, frowning. “I thought I was gone.”
I didn’t even feel myself go to him, but suddenly I was there, touching his warm skin, wrapping my arms tight around him, and when I kissed him it tasted of tears. He kissed me back, hungrily, pulling me in and holding me to him. We were breathing heavily, when I pushed him away.
“Don’t ever do that again,” I said, looking right into his eyes.
“What?” said Lucifer. “Kiss you?” He was getting his bearings now, and I could see my own anger and confusion in his eyes.
“Leave me,” I said. I could feel my lip trembling, but I forced myself on. “Don’t you ever leave me behind, Lucifer. Don’t you ever do that again.”
“Niki,” he said, “I was trying to protect you. I thought—“
“You thought wrong!” I said. My body was shaking. “You thought wrong, and you left me and I didn’t know where you were. I didn’t know where you’d gone or if you were coming back.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I should have told you.”
“I don’t need goddamn protecting, Lucifer,” I said, my voice low and strange. I’d never felt this before. This vulnerability. Not like this. Never this intensely.
“Then what?” he said, sounding exhausted. “What do you need, Niki? Because I’ve tried everything and there’s nothing you want. There’s nothing you need. I’ve given you everything that I know how to give.”
“I don’t want everything!” I said, my voice echoing in the dark swamp. For a moment the frogs stopped croaking before starting up again. I wiped the tears angrily from my face. I looked at him and it was hard to breathe again. “I don’t want everything,” I said, almost a whisper. “I just want you.”
&nb
sp; “Why?” he said.
“Because,” I said, my voice matching his weariness.
“Say it,” he said.
“No,” I said. “This isn’t a damn fairytale, Lucifer. We don’t get a happy ending. We are what nightmares are made of.”
“You’re wrong. We are what worlds are made of. If you want a happy ending, then you make a happy ending. Because do you know who has the power in a nightmare? The monsters.”
“That’s crazy,” I said.
“Say it, Niki.”
“It hurts,” I said. “It hurts so much.”
“It’s supposed to hurt.”
I swallowed. I looked at him, his nakedness seeming to mirror how I felt right now, at this moment. All the bandages had been ripped away, all the masks and jokes to hide behind, all the anger and rage and pain had been peeled away. It was just me standing here, staring at this man. This beautiful, mad, dangerous man.
“I love you,” I said. He was immediately there, kissing me, crushing me, cradling me. And for a long time, I couldn’t tell either one of us apart.
* * *
“So,” said Matthew, averting his eyes. “You were a giant wolf, and now you’re a giant naked dude?”
Lucifer, who was far less self-conscious than I could ever be, frowned. “I don’t really remember much about it. It was more of a blur of sights and smells. There was a lot of blood.”
“You attacked Leda,” I said.
“Good,” said Lucifer. “I doubt she’s dead, though. She’s far too powerful to die. She was stronger than me when she did this to me. There's something more potent than archangel magic going on with her.”
“What happens now?” I said, looking at Matthew.
“I can take you anywhere,” said Matthew. “I…”
“What is it?” I said. Looking at him made me think of his mother, her body hacked at the neck and blue from the cold. Her ghost sobbing because she couldn’t help this boy. Matthew was tall and lanky, with bright green eyes that flashed with intelligence.
He looked at me, apprehensive. “You’re really who they say you are?” he said. “You’re really Death?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Did you see her?”
“Your mom?” I said. “She cried because she couldn’t help you. She was an amazing woman.”
“Is she okay now?” he said. “I mean, is she in pain or anything?”
“She’s sleeping,” I said. “At rest with all the other souls.”
He nodded. “Good. Okay.” He kept staring at me like he had something to say.
“What is it?” I said.
“You should probably know,” said Matthew. “The dragon wasn’t the only…thing.”
“What do you mean?” I said. I looked at Lucifer, who looked bone-weary. He was watching Matthew.
“I mean, they didn’t just make me open up holes in Hell.”
“The World?” I said.
“If you mean the regular world, then yeah,” he said. “Like five or six times. They can just move around, did you know that? The witches, I mean. I didn’t even have to take them anywhere. They shoved me into this sort of gash in the air and then we went through this weird, dark place.”
“The Unsung,” I said. “I can do that too.”
“Well, they made me do it. I don’t even remember it happening until I was just staring into this big hole that was closing. Every time it was like that. No matter how hard I try, I can't remember what came out of those holes.” He looked at me and suddenly looked so frail. “People were screaming,” he said.
“Leda probably possessed you,” said Lucifer, grimacing. “She loves doing that.”
“She did that with Eli,” I said.
“I killed him,” said Lucifer, meeting my eyes. “I remember.”
“He was trying to kill me,” I said. “Even before he got possessed I think he was planning on hurting me.”
“Then I’m not sorry,” said Lucifer.
“Yeah, so, back to the monsters,” said Matthew. “Can you help them?”
“The people?” I said. He nodded. “Maybe. But we need to stop the Grace more than anything. They’re trying to release the gods.”
“Gods?” said Lucifer. “Which gods?”
“All of them,” I said. “But they were talking about one in particular. They never said his name.”
“That would be Typhon,” said Lucifer. “They’ve tried bringing him here before. It is why I cast them into the Pits. They tried to raise him. I should have killed them.”
“Who is he?” I said.
“A very dangerous god,” said Lucifer. He shook his head. “This could be even worse than we thought.”
“I’ve never heard of him,” I said.
“He was worshiped by the Greeks,” said Lucifer.
“Like Zeus?” I said.
“Before Zeus,” said Lucifer. “Before the Creator. Typhon is the father of monsters. It is said he cannot be killed.”
“Can we talk about this somewhere else?” said Matthew, raising a soaking wet Converse.
“Yes,” I said. “Take us to Lucifer’s tower.”
“Why?” said Lucifer.
“Because you’re naked,” I said. “You're exhausted and won't be able to help anyone if you don't rest. And I need to talk to Bobby. ”
“Just tell me where it is and I can take us there,” said Matthew.
* * *
It was easier to walk out of the hole Matthew made in the world than it was to travel through the Unsung. It was a bit like taking a step through a dry syrup. Like a membrane. It felt sticky and thick, but in a moment we were on top of the tower. After a few moments the hole closed, making the ground vibrate and giving off the smell of sulfur.
I looked across the decimated ruins of the city in the direction of the road that led to Sheol. I remembered my dream.
Sacrifice.
They all said it, but they wouldn’t tell me what that meant. Sacrifice what? They’d said everything, but I didn’t know what that meant. Everything I knew? The world? The monsters, gods and witches? What?
Let them burn.
No. I refused to do that. I was going to save everyone who could be saved.
“Niki,” Lucifer said. I turned to find him staring out at the city. “What’s happened here?”
The city was still in ruins, but at least there were no more fires. There was movement below as demons cleared the rubble away. The thin, high sound of a child crying wafted up. It looked like there had been a war.
“There was a creature,” I said. “It was a dragon. I think.”
“The Grace,” he said.
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry,” said Matthew and we turned to look at him. “I didn’t have a choice.”
I smiled at him. “We’re not blaming you, Matthew. It’s not your fault.”
Lucifer nodded. “Go down those stairs, boy. Stay to the left. Ask the demon girl to make you some food. They’ll make whatever you want. Tell them I’m home now and I sent you.”
“Demon girl?” said Matthew.
“It’s okay,” I said. “They’re just another kind of people.”
He nodded, looking unsure, but his hunger must have outweighed his trepidation because he was soon through the door and I could hear his steps descending the stairs.
Lucifer looked out at the city. His city.
“I was supposed to protect them,” he said. “I was here to do only that. I have no other function here. How many died, Niki? How many died because I was off trying to play the hero?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said.
“Of course it matters,” he said quickly. “How many?”
“Twelve thousand,” I said. “Last I heard. Bobby was injured along with many others. Ash brought the wounded here, to the tower.”
“They think they are indestructible,” said Lucifer. “The Grace. These were my people. Most of them hated me, but I loved them. I kept them safe.” He looked away in disgu
st.
“We’ll stop them,” I said. “We’ll put them in the Pits again.”
“No,” he said. “The time for mercy has come to an end. It was mercy that sent them to the Pits before. Now, when they see my face again, there will be no mercy in my eyes. I can be cold, and I can be monstrous. When they see my face again, they will see their fate.”
“Their fate?” I said.
“You are not the only one who can carry death with you, Niki. I have torn enemies apart for less.”
“Lucifer, what’s going to happen?” I said. “What can they possibly achieve by releasing Typhon?”
He looked down at me, and blinked, the cool rage dissolving when he focused on me. For now. “The Grace have always only wanted one thing,” he said. “Hell. All of it. They want it for their own. Before, they were trying to bring forth a great number of foul creatures to take out the demons. A cleansing, they called it. The demons are a race older than time, but for whatever reason, the Grace deems them unclean. They want to wipe them out and make Hell their own.”
“So, releasing Typhon does what?” I said.
“When I went to them, when they transformed me, Leda took time to mock me. She said soon Hell would be hers and the World would be her master’s.”
“And everything there?” I said. “What will happen to the people?”
Lucifer met my eyes. “If Typhon emerges, nothing will survive. He has an insatiable hunger, and he consumes everything. What he does not consume...he is cruel. You cannot even imagine. The last time he walked the World, he infested it with monsters. His children, he called them. That’s why the Grace are obsessed with the creatures. The Yuki-onna,” he looked out at Erebos and his eyes darkened. “Whatever did this. Typhon's favorite thing about the humans, the Creator's pride and joy, is to hear their screams. Typhon is the reason the angels do not leave Heaven. The reason the Watchers were sent to the World. The reason the shinigama were created to imprison the gods. There was a time when all the gods walked the World.”
“What do the Watchers have to do with this?” I said.
“The Watchers were the only beings strong enough to fight the gods,” said Lucifer. “If they had turned against the Creator, they could have been gods. But they remained loyal. And for their efforts, they were singled out and slaughtered one by one by Michael's order. He was afraid they would cast him down, I hear. And they would have. On their own, Watchers are strong, but not unbeatable. Together they possessed a power of immeasurable strength.”
The Devil's Backbone (A Niki Slobodian Novel: Book Five) Page 12