CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I didn’t remember passing out, but when I awoke I was in bed and the room was dark. The screams were still in my head. They would not stop and I couldn't save them. I felt the presence of someone else in the room.
“Who’s there?” I said. “I can hear your heart beating.”
“Niki,” said Lucifer. I heard the creak of a chair and then one of the sconces on the wall burst with light. He looked disheveled, almost gaunt. I wondered if he’d looked like that since the swamp god had transformed him. I hadn’t noticed. I’d been too overcome with relief to notice how he’d looked. Also, he’d been naked, so it was a little hard to focus.
He was leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, hands clasped as if in prayer. I sat up.
“We have to go. We have to get to the Backbone.”
“I know. It’s only been about an hour.” He smiled sadly at me. “He told me. Your friend.”
“Aki isn’t my friend,” I said.
“Whatever he is,” said Lucifer. “Is it true? Are you with child?”
I frowned. “I don’t know. He claims I am.”
“The shinigama can sometimes see things that we cannot,” said Lucifer quietly. “This power in you, he says it’s the child’s.”
“That’s what he says.”
He was silent for a moment, his dark eyes glittering in the warm light. “Is it mine?” he said finally, his voice strange.
“I don’t even know if I’m pregnant,” I said. “But if I am, how could it be anyone’s but yours? How could you even think that?”
“Niki,” he said, his voice thick. “Think.”
I remembered the Creator as a teenage girl. A gift. His gift.
“Oh my God,” I said.
“Exactly,” said Lucifer.
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter either way,” I said. “I can’t have a baby.”
Lucifer opened his mouth but no words came out. He drew in a shaky breath. “Not even if it was mine?”
“You didn’t see it,” I said, my voice a low monotone. “The World. It wasn’t monsters that Matthew let out.”
“It was gods,” he said. “Aki told me that too.”
“But did he tell you that they’re everywhere?” I said. “Did he tell you that they’re the size of buildings across the whole world? That they are, right now, tearing humanity apart? Did he tell you how the entire human race was shrieking in pain? And…their souls…”
“What about their souls?” said Lucifer.
“I couldn’t feel them,” I said.
“That makes sense,” he said. “Every god takes their own souls. It is the difference between gods and monsters. The souls give the gods power. Sheol was for the Creator. There are other places, hidden places, all over the worlds where other gods have sent their brethren.”
“So, they just get to keep them?” I said. “What will happen to them?”
“Whatever the gods want to do with them.”
“And if the gods hate them?” I said. “If they consider them abominations?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “Maybe nothing. Maybe just sleep. Forever. Maybe…something else.”
“Eternal damnation.”
“We have that too,” he said. “It’s not new.”
“They’re all going to die,” I said. “All of them. Every human in the World. They’re dying horribly and painfully and there’s a coldness to the world. There’s no hope. I don’t even have hope for them. They don’t get a chance, Lucifer. After they die. There’s always been a chance that they will come back. That Judgment Day is real. That Heaven is real. They don’t know that God’s abandoned us all.”
Lucifer stared at me. “It’s you.”
“What’s me?”
“You’re their chance,” he said. “The baby is their chance. You’re not just carrying a baby with the Creator’s power. You're carrying a Creator. The new Creator.”
“That's creepy.”
“You’re the way He’s coming back.”
“No,” I said. “He left us. He’s not coming back. He made that clear.”
“Niki,” said Lucifer. “If it's the Creator, if it's not our child but His...”
“So you'll just stop caring for me if it's His baby?” I said. “Just like that? I didn't ask Him to put His weird hands on me, Lucifer.”
“Calm down,” he said wearily. “It's not that.”
“What then?”
He looked at me with circles like bruises under his eyes. “Do you remember what happened to His vessel? Back when you and Sam had to find Him during Michael's war?”
I swallowed. “He didn't make it. He was...”
“Incinerated?”
I nodded. “He had children. A family. A good man. I searched for them to tell them what happened, but they were all killed that day.”
“Do you think,” Lucifer said slowly, “that carrying the Creator would be something you would survive?”
“I don't know,” I said. “If it's not Him, though, what will happen? Aki said he could see it. It's holding me together.”
“A child feels love,” said Lucifer. “A god does not.”
“The Creator loved humans.”
“Pride is not love,” said Lucifer. “Nor is envy.”
“So which is it?” I said. “Death or life?”
“There’s only one way to find out,” said Lucifer. He stood and loomed over me. “Lie down.”
“What? No. What are you doing?”
He sat next to me and I saw the emotion on his face. “Let me feel,” he said. “Please. I won’t hurt you. I could never hurt you.”
I took his large hand in mine. I looked into his eyes and put his hand under my shirt. His skin was warm and I felt his fingers spread out over my belly. He closed his eyes. I felt the fire rise up, but only gently. Lucifer gave a little gasp and his eyes shot open. He stared at me, shock in his eyes. I raised my shirt and looked down. Tiny white flames were flickering out of my skin, licking his hand.
“Does it hurt?” I said.
For a moment he couldn’t talk. He shook his head. “No, it doesn’t hurt.” He smiled, a sudden and unexpected thing. He was laughing but his eyes filled with tears. “It doesn’t hurt,” he said thickly.
“What is it?” I said.
“It’s a baby,” he said. “It’s our baby. Infused with the power of the Creator.”
“How do you know?” I said.
“Because she told me,” he said. “Can’t you hear her?”
“Her?”
“Our daughter, Niki.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I said. “Even if I am pregnant, it can’t be more than a month. A baby wouldn’t even have a developed brain yet.”
“Does everything have to have a reason with you?” he said.
“If this is true,” I said, “if it’s really yours, then that means the Creator did the same thing that my father did to me. He stuck a power in her that didn’t belong. He ruined her.”
“Is that how you see yourself?” he said. “Ruined?”
“It’s not how I see myself,” I said. “It’s what I am.”
“You’re an idiot,” he said.
I narrowed my eyes at him and pushed his hand away. He flexed his fingers like he could still feel the fire on his skin.
“Would you maybe like to reconsider what you just said?” I said, gnashing my teeth.
“You are an idiot, Niki, if you think you’re anything less than incredible. Anything less than the most perfect being I have ever met in thousands of years of existence. We made a child together. We were made for this, Niki. And if you can’t see that, you are indeed an idiot.”
My anger dissipated and I was suddenly filled with a numb chill. I shook my head. “I can’t. Everyone is going to die. I can’t stop it.”
“Not everyone,” said Lucifer. “Not you. Not me. Not our child.”
“Is that enough?” I said.
“For now,” he said.
“Then ease their pain,” said Lucifer.
“How?” I said.
“Release the Scourges.”
I felt my jaw drop. I stared at him, but his face didn’t change.
“No,” I said.
“Even if it will end their pain?” said Lucifer.
“They’re people, Lucifer. How could you even think that?”
“The Grace are people, too. They would perish along with everyone else. And their summoning of Typhon would come to an end.”
“There’s another way,” I said, aware of how naive I sounded.
“Maybe there’s not,” said Lucifer. “They are releasing Typhon, Niki. Do you know what that means? It means nothing is safe. Not you, not the other gods, not the world. He will fill every world with monsters. He will consume the gods. He won’t kill the humans, though.”
My voice sounded weak when I spoke. “Why?”
“He won’t kill the humans because he likes to play with them,” Lucifer said, sounding bitter. “He is like a child pulling the legs off insects. He will impregnate the women with slimy beasts that are living nightmares. He will put an end to death so he can do it over and over again. He is the reason that the Watchers exist. The other gods were extras. It was Typhon, it was always Typhon. The Creator didn’t create the Watchers because of hubris, Niki. He created them to save humanity. To save the world. Your world. But if Typhon emerges, it won’t be just your world. It will be every world that ever was. Every species, every god, every living creature anywhere. Do you understand what you’re dealing with?”
“Why do they want me?” I said. “The Grace have done everything they can to try to get me to the Devil’s Backbone. Why? What do they want?” I realized I was gripping Lucifer’s arm tightly. I let go, and there were small moon shaped burns on his arm. Lucifer’s mouth twitched.
“Sorry,” I said.
“I don’t know why they want you, Niki. But they can’t have you. Release the Scourges and this ends now. It ends the suffering, and it ends the Grace.”
“And it ends Bobby Gage,” I said softly.
“Yes,” he said, his mouth tight. “There is that.”
“You know, Sam told me once that if one life, one single life is a good one, then everything is worth it. He was full of shit a lot, but that time he was right. The Creator couldn’t even kill Matthew. He could have stopped it all, but He didn’t. So how can I kill everyone?”
Lucifer nodded. “It’s a lot,” he said. “I know it’s hard, Niki. But you’re not killing them.”
“Really?” I said. “It sounds a lot like killing.”
“You have the Creator’s power,” he said. “You can make it all happen. I can help you.”
“Help me what?” I was getting angry. Mostly because I could see that Lucifer might be right. If ever there was a time for the Scourges, this was it. End it quickly. End the pain and fear and suffering. But I didn’t have the right to do that. Despite my power, I wasn’t God. I couldn’t make that decision.
“Begin again,” said Lucifer. “Wake them up. Rapture.”
“I don’t even know if I can do that,” I said. “What if I can’t?”
“Then they’ll sleep,” said Lucifer. “And you won’t have to suffer their screams.”
“No,” I said.
“Niki, if you just—“
“No!” I said.
Lucifer sighed. “All right. So we fight, is that it? We fight and we die.”
“Unless we don’t die,” I said. “What if we win? We always win in the end.”
“It’s different this time,” Lucifer said, and there was an empty hollowness to his voice. “If we lose, we lose everything. There’s not going to be anyone to give you a soul to bring you back. There’s no Creator to save us. You can’t fight your way out of this.” He took my hand. “You can’t save our child if you die.”
“I’m not going to die,” I said. I tried to smile but it faltered. “We can’t die, remember? You promised. We would just go on and on forever. The two of us.”
“I will give up everything for you, Niki,” he said. “But there are no promises here. I understand that you love Bobby Gage. He’s like a brother to you. But if we go to the Backbone, I don’t know that we’ll ever come back.”
“I can’t kill him,” I said, the prickle of tears behind my eyes. “How do you kill someone you love? Bobby’s the only human friend I have left. He has never looked at me like I’m a monster. To Bobby, it’s just me. He’s the only one holding me here, the only thing that keeps me human.”
“You’re not human,” Lucifer said. “You have to accept that.”
“I can’t,” I said. “If Bobby dies, I don’t know what I’ll be.”
“Are you saying that I’m not worth it?” he said. “You gave up everything to save me. Do you regret it?”
“No,” I said with finality. “Never. I would still give up everything for you.”
“Except for him.”
“He’s innocent,” I said. “How can I kill him? He trusts me. He loves me. We’re family.”
“But if you die, what does it serve? If I die, if the baby dies…”
“We’re not going to die,” I said. “We’re going to win.”
Lucifer nodded. “Okay, Niki. Let’s go win, then.” He turned away from me and I saw him wipe his cheek with the palm of his hand.
Sacrifice.
No, I thought. There will be no sacrifice. I’d sacrificed enough. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing anyone ever again. It seemed silly, since I knew everyone in the World was dying as I sat here. Pineme, Ron Smithy, even Yuri. All those people I’d seen in Happy’s Pub. But not Bobby. I could save him. Cassandra’s ghostly face flashed in my mind, though, her expression cold and empty. Like someone who had the chance to have everything, and had lost it. I watched Lucifer close the door behind him and for what seemed like the tenth time in a week, I lowered my face into my hands and cried.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“Niki, check this out,” said Bobby Gage when I found them in Ash’s study. “We’re going to combine Casting. It’s like yin and yang. Strong stuff.”
“Bobby, I'm sorry I knocked you out. It was a shitty thing to do.”
“It's okay, I get it,” said Gage. “You get worried and weird.”
I glanced at Lucifer. He shook his head. He hadn’t told him yet.
“What’s up, Niki? You worried about the Grace?” Gage was looking at me expectantly. I needed to tell him. I wanted to tell him.
“Yeah,” I said. “Typhon’s pretty strong, from what Lucifer says.”
Gage glanced at Lucifer and caught him glaring at me. Gage raised an eyebrow.
“Something I should know about?” he said.
“Tell him,” Lucifer said. “It’s not right to keep him in the dark.”
“Said the devil,” I muttered.
“Tell me what?” said Gage. His face went serious. “What’s happened?”
“Where’s Matthew?” I said.
“Safe,” said Ash. “I have put him in the stronghold of the tower with twenty guards.”
“Twenty guards won’t help him if we lose,” I said. “The Grace have the Arches’ power.”
“There is a…spell in place,” said Ash. “They will not take him.”
“What kind of spell?” I said.
“If the guards die, the kid dies too,” said Gage. “Matthew knows. He agreed to it. I told him he’d be with his mom. You know, peaceful.”
“I guess that’s best,” I said.
“We all gotta make sacrifices,” said Gage.
“What did you say?”
Gage eyed me. “What’s with you, Niki? What’s going on?”
I looked at Lucifer who glowered at me.
“It wasn't monsters that Matthew let out into the World,” I said. “ It was gods.”
“Gods?” said Gage. “Wha
t does that mean? Like the Creator?”
“Oh,” breathed Ash. He looked from me to Gage. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“What?” said Gage. “What does it mean?”
“It means…the end,” I said.
“The end of what?”
“The end of humans,” said Lucifer. “I’m sorry. Truly.”
Gage narrowed his eyes at me. “You weren’t going to tell me?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” I said. “There’s been enough damage.”
“You didn’t think I’d find out at some point?”
“I wasn’t really thinking that far ahead,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“You mean you wanted me at full power, don’t you? To fight the Grace. Isn’t that it, Niki? You using me like the angels used us?”
“No,” I said, suddenly angry.
“Then why wouldn’t you tell me that my species is dead?”
“Not dead,” I said. “Dying. And it’s my species too.”
“No, it’s not,” said Gage. “Maybe once. But not anymore. You’ve changed.”
“No, I haven’t,” I said. “I’m still the same.”
“No,” he said. “You used to at least have hope. Now you’re just around death so much that it’s become a part of you. You don’t know how to feel hope anymore.”
“There isn’t any hope, Bobby,” I said, my voice high and tight. “Not for humans. Not for the World.”
“You said they weren’t all dead,” he said. “That means there’s a chance. But you can’t see that, can you? You spend so much time in pain or with those cold dead bastards that you’ve forgotten how to feel. You just use and use and use. Just. Like. Them.”
“Enough,” said Lucifer, his voice quiet, but somehow filling the room. All eyes turned to him. “I forced her hand to tell you the truth,” he said, looking at Gage. “She’s not trying to use you, as much as you’d like someone to blame. She cares for you. Deeply. So deeply that she would risk her own life in order that you may continue yours. And mine as well, for what it’s worth, because I will always follow her. You are allowed to feel sadness. You are allowed to feel grief. But whatever you feel should not be anger at Niki. She is risking everything to save your life. One life. Yours.”
Gage stared at me for a moment before he spoke. “Why?” he said.
The Devil's Backbone (A Niki Slobodian Novel: Book Five) Page 14