What a power. I’m so lucky.
It is then I think back to the cabin where I left Jimmie, Griffin, and Celia, and the horror overcomes me once again. I start shaking and can’t stop; it takes everything I have just to keep upright. The crash of the waterfall is loud and consuming. It makes me think about the time so long ago when I fell over the railing and Lev saved me. I never thought I would believe it was a mistake. But now I have a different perspective, a viewpoint I’d give anything to put out of my mind.
“Elizabeth? What are you doing?”
I turn, already well aware of Lev. And it doesn’t take much for me to realize just how happy he isn’t. When I see his eyes, I find the blue is harder, almost angry, like the ocean with roiling, white-capped waves.
“I’m finishing this so you don’t have to.”
He strides toward me and grabs my arms. “This isn’t the way, and you know it. All this is going to do is infuriate the Triune and leave them no choice.”
I jerk the hair from my face. “In case you haven’t realized it, there is no choice. There never has been, but you have been so stubborn. You won’t listen.”
His fingers press hard, but I don’t think he’s aware of it, not judging by the painful expression on his face. “I’m trying to save your life. Don’t you understand that?”
“Maybe it isn’t yours to save. Maybe every time you do that it only gets worse.”
Lev is trying really hard not to react, but his jaw clenches, and his nostrils flare slightly, giving him away. “You don’t know what you’re saying.” He drops his hands and glances at the falls. “Where is Celia? I told her to keep you under wraps until we could get this figured out.” He shakes his head. “Now the Triune is on its way over here, and I don’t know that I can keep it under control.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t try,” I whisper.
“What are you talking about?” He folds his arms across his chest. “You’re not making sense.”
“The power is too dangerous, Lev. I can’t control it. I know Evan thought I could, but I can’t.” I swallow hard.
“You just need time.” His voice is soft and forgiving. He tries to pull me into his arms.
“No, I don’t. This power needs to go, one way or another.” I chew my bottom lip.
“You don’t know what you are saying,” he whispers. His face is suddenly pale, and he closes his eyes as though trying to forget what I’m telling him.
“Yes, I do, Lev—I know exactly what I’m saying. If the only way to get rid of it is to get rid of me, then so be it.” I nod to the tree destroyed by the ball of energy. “I did that. Me. The girl you’re in love with. That’s what I’m capable of it.”
Lev’s gaze follows mine until he happens upon the charred ruins of what was once a beautiful tree. An image of Celia’s face pops into my head, and I flinch.
“It was a tree, Elizabeth. Just a tree.”
“No, it’s not. It’s Celia, Jimmie, and Griffin, too.” I start to run, but Lev is quicker.
“You’re talking crazy,” Lev whispers, and I know he’s trying to calm me down, but I don’t want to be calm.
I pull away. “No, I’m not. That’s what you don’t understand. You weren’t there; you didn’t see them on the floor. All I wanted was to get away and find you, and Celia did what you asked; she tried to stop me. The next thing I knew, the three of them were dead. So you still think I need to be protected? Personally, I think you should just let the Triune do whatever it is they’re here to do and save everybody the grief of pretending things are going to get better. They aren’t, Lev, and deep inside I think you know that.”
“Celia is dead?” His voice is hollow, and he staggers backward slightly.
I swallow hard, trying to keep the tears far enough back I can’t feel them. “Yeah, and…the others, too.” I’m shaking so hard it feels like I’m going to come apart.
I turn away, suddenly too tired to talk about this anymore. Lev grabs my arm and tries to lead me.
“Come on. We have to get you out of here. You are in no shape to face the Triune.”
I try to pull away, but he refuses to let me go. “They came here for me, Lev, and they came for a good reason. If I can’t be fixed, I don’t want to be like this--even if it means that I won’t be at all anymore.”
He takes a step and drags me with him. “I’m not going to let you do this, Elizabeth. We don’t have time to talk this through. The angels from the Triune are on their way. I don’t think Evan can hold them off much longer. So I need to get you out of here.”
“No!” I snap. Then I realize the danger inherent far too late. My vision starts to switch to that monochrome world of light and dark. I know what that means, and it makes me try harder to break away. “Let me go!”
“Stop fighting me!” Lev argues, gripping me even tighter.
“The power, Lev! Please--I can’t control it! It will take you, too!” I know I’m screaming at him, and I’m fighting him as hard and fast as I know how, but I can’t get loose. My hands start that ghoulish glowing as the energy ebbs toward them, but in a matter of minutes the flow will quicken and the ball will form in my hands, waiting to be discharged.
“It’s okay, Elizabeth! Calm down. No one is going to get hurt.”
By now I’m still screaming, but there are no words for what I feel. I just keep thrashing, thinking I’ll get lucky against his supernatural strength, but he holds me fast so easily, as though I weigh nothing at all. My good hand tries to grip his and jerk the fingers from my arm, but his grip is like a vise. Although he’s not hurting me, I can’t break free, either no matter how hard I try.
Lev’s gaze snaps to the sky. “Elizabeth, stop! Please. The Triune is coming. We have to leave.”
The glowing ball is brighter, bigger, and far beyond my control. I stare at it and try to think of a way to mute it. The blanket technique isn’t working. The ball just keeps getting bigger and bigger. And I know who will end up being the target, no matter what I do.
Chapter Seventeen
I try to buck away from Lev, but that only results in his grip tightening. My vision has completely shifted to the two tones of light and darkness, which is probably why I see the four bright auras descending from the sky not far from us. They land behind us. At that moment, I stop struggling because I know it’s too late for Lev to save me, and I know what I have to do. I think the trouble is going to be convincing Lev of what needs to be done.
“Why do you hold her like that, if she is of no consequence?” a strange, musical voice asks.
Lev stiffens. He leans close to me. “She’s upset. I was trying to calm her down.”
I look at my hands. The glowing is about the size of a grapefruit, and the one thing I do understand about this power is that there is enough energy there to discharge now. I don’t know if it will keep building or leap free; I just know what can happen.
“You need to let me go,” I whisper to Lev. “Please.”
“No,” he argues, leaning close so he can whisper in my ear. “If I do that, the angels will kill you. I’m not going to let that happen.”
I stiffen. It’s one thing to think you know what’s going to happen, but it’s quite another when someone tells you point blank you will die. “I know that, Lev. But look at my hands. Really look at them.”
He leans closer, and a gasp comes out , painfully. “You have to stop it,” he whispers.
“I can’t. The power is beyond me. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” Tears choke my voice. “If you don’t get away from me, I will kill you, and I can’t live with that. So please—let me go.”
My body shakes convulsively, and my breathing is ragged and uneven. I keep trying to get loose, but he won’t let me go, and I don’t have the strength to just break free.
“I can’t, Elizabeth. I know you want me to, but I can’t. You taught me far too well.” His voice is low in my ear. “And I love you more than I will ever love myself.” He kisses my ear. “So whate
ver you must face, you won’t be alone. Ever.”
“Turn the girl around,” a different musical voice commands. “I want to see her.”
“Why does it matter what she looks like, Lepail?” Lev asks, holding me protectively. “She’s human like all the others you really don’t care about.”
“The others do not concern us. They have not taken a holy artifact and stolen its power. She has. Now turn her around.”
“You will never be alone,” Lev whispers, lifting my body so he can turn me. His hands cover mine, trying to hide the glow from the other angelic eyes. As he turns me, I see the bright auras, and they blind me so I have to close my eyes. Even that doesn’t shut out the light completely. It’s like having my eyes closed and tilting my head toward the sun on a bright summer day. The glow finds its way in around my eyelids.
Lev’s arms remain draped around me, and for a moment or two, I’m glad to feel him so close. Then I think back to the danger and wish I knew a better way out of this mess, one that would allow me to be with Lev; I can’t imagine an existence without him. I don’t really want to be in any realm where he’s not, but then again, I don’t recall anyone asking me, especially not the huge glowing angels right in front of us, all three of whom are staring raptly at me, I’m sure.
“What have you to say for yourself?” a third musical voice chimes in.
“Do you really think anything she can say will justify the atrocities she has committed, Turnoc?” I hear Lepail ask. “She is a human who had no business meddling in the affairs of angels.”
“Shouldn’t she at least have a chance to speak on her behalf before you levy judgment against her?” Evan asks. “She did not ask for any of this. I keep—”
“Silence,” Lepail demands. “I will let the girl speak, not that it will sway what needs to be done. But as you have been assigned a similar task, Evan, I will adhere to your advice.” The glow steps closer, and he seems so large and frightening I find myself backing up into Lev’s embrace all the more because I’m terrified.
“Well,” Lepail demands. “What have you to say for yourself, girl?”
“Now is your chance,” Lev whispers in my ears. “You have to convince them you meant no disrespect and weren’t trying to steal the power from the dagger. That it just happened.”
“I meant no harm. I never wanted this power, and I’d give it back, if I could.” The words are simple enough and completely true, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t matter here.
“Then why do you have the power? Surely you went seeking it, or you would not possess it.”
My body tenses, and I feel the first flames of anger licking at the kindling inside me. “You assume because I have the power I wanted it?” I can feel the heat in my hands, and I know the fury is dangerous. But I can’t seem to stop myself. Knowing something is bad and being able to stop yourself from giving in are two vastly different things.
“There is no other assumption to be made. Humans are self-absorbed and without remorse. Your actions speak for themselves.”
He steps back. “I think we’ve spoken enough.”
“Do you?” I ask. “I never knew the dagger’s power when I used it—and the only reason I did was to save Lev’s life. That was all that mattered. I did not ask for this, and I wish you could just take it back.”
The heat is too much, and even though I’m not looking down, I see the expanding glow from my hands. I know what’s coming. The ball of energy leaps out, striking Lepail squarely in his chest. He falls back.
“You dare!” Lepail yells, quickly forcing himself to his feet.
“Get away from me, Lev!” I snap, trying to pull free of his steel grip.
“No. My place is with you.” He is so calm and steady.
“You aren’t supposed to die with me.”
“I’d rather die with you than live without you.” He strokes one hand across my cheek even though I keep trying to pull away, and free him from this death sentence I’ve left Lepail no choice but to carry out.
“Step away from the human, Lev. Our quarrel is with her, not you,” Turnoc says.
Lev shakes his head. “I won’t let you destroy her. She is innocent.”
Evan walks up beside Lev. “He’s right. She did not ask for this. It happened only as a result of her sacrifice for Lev’s well-being. You cannot destroy her for those things she cannot change.”
“You question my judgment?” Lepail demands. “I trained you, Evan, yet you suddenly believe you know better than I do what this mortal deserves? Do you understand that the perfect magic in the weapon is now housed in an imperfect vessel? It is unstable and will break down, destroying many more humans than you seem insistent on protecting. If I do not destroy her, she will destroy many others, and you cannot allow that, no matter if she meant to take the power for selfish gain or not.”
“Lepail is right,” I whisper to Lev. “I cannot control it. There is no other way.”
Evan leans close. “You must listen to me, Elizabeth. Lepail will use his power against you. You must wait until he strikes and strike back. It is the only way.” Evan touches my hand, trying to reassure me. Instead it reminds me of the power which has started this whole mess—the power I’d gladly return to the triune if I could.
“Move aside!” Lepail orders.
Evan reluctantly steps back. “This is on your conscience, Lepail. Remember that.”
“I forget nothing.”
I wait for Lev to move aside, but he holds me even tighter. “You have to go,” I whisper, trying to detangle myself from his arms.
“I said I would be with you until the end, and I meant it. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Step away from the mortal, Lev,” Lepail orders in a hard tone. “This is not judgment against you, after all.”
“You can’t do this,” I say, struggling harder against his impossible grip. “He will kill you, too.”
“You’re wrong, Elizabeth. I can’t not do this. So close your eyes and lean against me. Remember what Evan said because you will only have a couple of seconds before the pain takes you.”
“Step away!” Lepail demands, his voice louder.
“No,” Lev says. “I will stay with Elizabeth.”
“You can do nothing for her,” Turnoc says, stepping closer. “Do not destroy yourself like this.” His tone is urgently troubled, and I wish Lev would listen to someone.
“Evan, tell him to leave,” I say, still struggling to separate myself from him. The fire is building in my hand again. Why won’t it stop?”
“I cannot order him away, Elizabeth. Even angels have free wills.”
Tears prick my eyes as I realize Lev has no intention of saving himself. If he cannot save me, he will not abandon me to my fate, either.
“This is the last time I warn you, Lev. You will die with her if you do not step aside.”
My body trembles so hard it’s like I’m shivering except the cold is all in my mind. “Lev—”
He slips his finger over my lips. “Shhh. No more. Just remember Evan’s words and hold tight.”
For a few more seconds we just stand there, waiting. Time slows to the gallop of my heartbeat, and I try to measure my life, weighing what it was before Lev and what it became after. There’s no question I would take the after every time. I don’t remember that I was really alive until I met him.
One moment I’m staring at the angel glows ahead; the next I see a streak of white-hot light lance toward me. The pain cuts through me. It’s a good thing the power is now a reflex because it jumps from my hand through Lev’s body and out towards Lepail. The light changes colors from a whitish-blue to red. Somewhere in the chaos of my thoughts, I hear myself scream. Lev, too. The world is on fire, and I burn with it. It seems like forever that we stand there. The pain sears everything, and even when I think there is nothing left inside of me, the light keeps flying from my hands and wrapping itself around Lepail.
Lepail falls, and the pain stops. But it feels as though elect
ricity has torched the inside of my body. For a second I don’t even know the white light is gone. My knees buckle, and I find myself falling. A passing thought of Lev catching me floats through my mind, but his grip is so weak.
“What has she done?” Turnoc demands.
“Only what was necessary.” Evan replies.
My vision is still weird. But I feel Lev weakly wrap his arms around me, one hand interweaving his fingers with mine. Then he clumsily lifts me into the air as he struggles to fly He’s making this wheezing sort of sound as though he’s struggling to breath, and the movements of his wings is rough and unsteady, nothing at all like Lev’s usual fluidity. As he takes me into the sky, I look at him, expecting to find the brilliant glow which always surrounds him. Instead, I find a fleeting, flickering light that’s dim at best. The sun above is so much brighter than he is now.
Lev, my angel, is dying—for good, this time.
Fear cuts through me, and I try to understand how this is possible. How am I still alive and he is weak? Where is the justice in any of it? Why am I not dead? No answers. I blink repeatedly, trying to clear the faultiness of my vision so I can look upon Lev’s face. All the time I thought our moments were infinite. Now that my cup is empty, I want one last chance. Whatever is going to happen, I want to see him one last time, to memorize his face. I don’t know if that memory will transcend my death, but I want it just the same. Just in case. It seems to take forever before I see the outline of his faces gradually filled in. Of course, I see his tattered and burned wings behind him before I see the painful expression on his face. His wrecked expression betrays the pain he cannot hide.
Lev gasps sharply, and I feel the sudden free-fall claim me as we start to plummet. Lev’s fingers stiffen slightly and release me. He doesn’t seem to be aware of anything anymore as he, too, begins to fall, wings first, his arms splayed wide. His eyes are open, and I see his blue eyes blaze with white flame. His head lolls to the side, and his lips part in a shocked “O.”
Anathema (Sojourner Series Book 4) Page 17