by Davis, Mary
He had to refrain from laughing and sobered his expression. “Miss Hayes, I don’t normally tutor my students.” He almost couldn’t maintain his façade with her eyelash batting. “But in your case I could make an exception, if it will help.”
She broke down and laughed first. He joined her, relieved to see her bounce back so quickly.
❧
Friday after Garth left, Lori headed for bed early. She hadn’t slept well since Raymond Kent had invaded her life again. And when she did drop off, the nightmare came unrelentingly. She was so tired she had to sleep tonight.
“Lord, please take all thought of that man away from me and keep the nightmare away. I just want sleep.”
“Forgive him.”
What? She couldn’t do that. He didn’t deserve to be pardoned. She would not free him from his chains, not as long as she still suffered.
“Forgive him.”
No. It was too much to ask. If she was forced to endure this pain the rest of her life, then so should he.
“Your unforgiveness holds you captive.”
He didn’t deserve it.
“Set him free. Set yourself free.”
Forgiveness may set Ray Kent free, but she would still be held hostage in the body he mangled—and to the memories.
“Why are you here?”
She had asked herself that same question.
“Forgive him.”
Is that why the Lord had brought her here, so Ray Kent could find her? So she would be forced to face him and finally let go? Could she let go of a bitterness she had clung to so tightly all these years?
Fourteen
The next morning Lori pressed the disconnect button on the phone then dialed information again. She picked another name on the map. Sooner or later she would find the right town. “I need Your help, Lord. This isn’t working.” He lived somewhere in this state. Another dead end. She slammed down the phone and scribbled off another dot on her map.
She saw Garth’s shadow darken the breezeway and opened the door before he knocked. An anxious look was on his face. “I tried calling several times, but your line was busy.”
“I’ve been on the phone.”
Garth picked up her map. “What did this poor map ever do to you?”
She glanced at it. “I’m looking for someone.”
“Who?”
Could she even say the man’s name to him? She took a deep breath. “Raymond Kent.”
Garth’s brows pulled together. “Why do you want to find him?”
“I don’t want to; I need to. I need to forgive him. I think that’s why God brought me back to Michigan.”
Garth put his arms around her waist but held her so he could still see her face. “I thought you came back because of me.”
Maybe she had. She didn’t know. But one thing was certain; she must forgive the man, whether she wanted to or not.
“Are you sure about this?” Garth asked.
“Positive. I just can’t find him. I think maybe I should hire a private investigator.”
“That won’t be necessary.” Garth pulled out his wallet and handed her Ray’s slightly mangled business card, with one corner charred.
She stared at it. “I thought you burned it.”
“I tried, but a little voice warned me not to. I guess this was why.”
“Thank you.” She threw her arms around his neck.
He held her close. “When are you going?”
“Today.”
He let go of her. “Now?”
“The sooner I do this, the sooner I can sleep at night.”
He cupped her face. “I’m going with you.”
“I was hoping you would.” She gave him a weak smile. “I don’t think I could face him alone.”
He held her close, and she clung to him.
“I love you so much. I’ll do almost anything for you,” he whispered in her ear.
Though his words comforted her, they also caused her insides to tighten.
❧
Garth turned onto April Court, where several cars were sitting in front of a tan house. He pulled up the street and parked two doors away.
“Are you ready for this?”
Lori took a deep breath. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
They walked back down the street. Lori stopped at the end of the cement walkway and stared up at the house. He was inside, and she must forgive him.
Oh, Lord, give me strength.
“Are your feet stuck to the pavement?” Garth said.
“I think so.”
“The worst has already happened. All you have to do is say, ‘I forgive you.’ You don’t even have to go inside.”
“I know. I’ve told myself the same thing a hundred times.”
Garth pressed gently on the small of her back to prod her forward. They could hear voices inside before they mounted the porch.
“Do you want to ring, or shall I?” he asked.
She reached out and pressed the button. Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach.
A brunette woman opened the door. “Hello. May I help you?”
Lori’s mouth went dry. His wife? She couldn’t speak. Say something, anything. Hello would be good.
“We’re here to see Ray Kent,” Garth said on her behalf.
Bless his heart.
“Ray’s not here at the moment. Would you like to come in and wait for him?”
“No, thank you,” Lori managed to squeeze out of her tightening throat.
“Let me get his wife for you,” the woman said and left.
“How are you doing?” Garth asked.
“Okay.” Now she knew how Ray had felt when he came to her, nervous and reluctant to step inside.
A moment later a woman with long blond hair stood at the door with an infant on her shoulder. “Come in, please. I don’t want the baby to get chilled.”
Reluctantly Lori stepped inside, and Garth closed the door behind them.
“I’m Kim, Ray’s wife. Ray ran to the store. Is there anything I can do for you?” The house was crowded with people.
“This looks like a bad time. We can come back later,” Lori said.
“May I tell Ray what this was about?”
“Auntie Tim.” A little boy pulled on her sleeve. “Tan I have a tookie?”
“Go ask Aunt Dotty.”
“We’ll come back later.” Lori could almost feel the walls closing in on her. She turned and moved around Garth to get to the door. To escape.
“Are you Lorelei Hayes?” Kim asked in a rush.
Lori’s hand froze on the knob. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t talk. All she could do was stare at the white door with dirty little handprints on it.
“Yes, she is,” Garth said.
“Please don’t go,” Kim said softly and placed her hand gently on Lori’s shoulder. “Ray will be very disappointed if he finds out he missed you. He has been praying for this opportunity for years. Please.”
Lori released the knob and faced the woman.
“Thank you,” Kim said to Lori then turned and spoke to the room of people. “Can you all take your party downstairs, please? I need the living room.”
As they left the room, the other people nodded a greeting to them.
“Please have a seat. Would you like something to drink?”
Lori shook her head.
“I’ll have some water,” Garth said as they sat on the worn beige love seat. The kitchen chatter moved to the basement, as well.
Kim returned with the water. “Are you sure I can’t get you anything?”
Lori shook her head again. She wasn’t sure she could hold on to a glass right now.
Kim sat on the sofa opposite them. “You don’t know how much this will mean to Ray. He should be back any minute.”
They sat in awkward silence.
“What’s your baby’s name?” Garth asked.
“Rachel.” Kim moved the sleeping child from her shoulder so they could see her.
“She’s cute.” Lori stared at the baby, who was squishing up her face at having been disturbed. Adorable. Ray Kent had a baby. . .a home. . .a family. He had everything that had been taken from her.
“Would you like to hold her?” Kim offered Lori.
“No, thank you.”
Garth took her lead and declined, as well.
The room was blanketed in silence once again, except for the low din of voices and laughter coming up the stairs.
“Ray doesn’t drive; they took his license away because of the accident; he could petition the courts and probably get it back, but he says it’s a small price to pay considering all you had to go through.” She finally took a breath. She was as nervous as Lori and grasping at anything to say. Lori felt sorry for her. “My brother drove him to the store.” Kim paused.
“But good things can come out of bad. Ray became a Christian through the prison ministry. He hasn’t had a drop to drink since and won’t even allow it in the house.”
Lori didn’t want to hear his life story; she just wanted to get this over with and leave. The man who took everything from her had everything. She stared at the baby. Once more, silence stretched out between them.
“I don’t know what could be keeping them. They should have been back by now.” She seemed to need to fill the silence. “That day we went up to your place, he was so disappointed; but he understood. Really he did.”
Finally the back door opened and closed. “There he is now.” Kim jumped to her feet and headed out of the room.
“Ray, you have visitors in the living room,” Lori heard another woman in the kitchen say.
“I had a whole house full of visitors when I left. What did you do with them all?”
“Ray, Lorelei Hayes is here,” she heard his wife say then. There was silence in the kitchen then feet scuffling down the stairs.
Lori’s mouth went dry. She grabbed Garth’s water and took several swallows, but it did no good.
Ray and Kim came in and sat on the sofa together. Kim held her husband’s hand in support as Garth was holding Lori’s. No one spoke for a moment. They all seemed to know this was the moment of truth. And it was all up to Lori. They were waiting for her to impart forgiveness.
I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this!
“Yes, you can,” a soft inner voice said.
I don’t want to do this.
“Ah! There’s the truth. It always comes down to your will or Mine.”
Then Ray said, “I know it’s a small thing to say I’m sorry, but I am truly, truly sorry for all the pain I caused you and your family.”
I don’t have any family, thanks to you!
“Be strong and know that I am with you,” the inner voice assured her.
“I feel some sense of relief being able to say that to you,” Ray said. “And I know it’s a lot to ask, but”—he took a deep breath—“would you forgive me?”
She recalled a verse from Isaiah: “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
A peace washed through her, taking her anger and bitterness away. “I forgive you.” She was surprised she actually meant it. She felt a heavy burden lift from her. Garth squeezed her hand.
“Thank you. I know how hard that was for you, and I don’t deserve it.”
“No one does, but our heavenly Father forgives us freely with a lot less trouble.”
They spoke for a few more minutes; then Lori and Garth left.
“You did well, sweetheart.” Garth stopped beside his SUV. “I’m proud of you.”
“I didn’t realize how heavy the burden of unforgiveness was until I let it go,” she said. “Thank you for coming with me and for saving that card.”
“I’m glad to help in any way I can. Are you ready to head back up north?”
“Not just yet. Would you mind taking me to the cemetery where my parents are buried?”
Garth drove to the cemetery and parked. “Do you want me to come with you?”
“No. This is something I have to do alone.” She walked across the snow-covered ground to her parents’ graves, leaving fresh tracks in the inch of fresh powder.
“I did it. I forgave him. Not only for what he did to me but for you, too. I feel as if I can say good-bye to you now. Even though I have no one, I know it is going to be all right. Well, I do have Garth—for now anyway. I love him, but he doesn’t know all about me yet. I’m afraid to tell him, afraid he will leave. Right now I feel vulnerable and need someone to cling to.” Finally her life could go on.
She heard the snow crunch a short distance away and turned to see Garth standing nearby. When she looked at him, he came the rest of the way to her. “I didn’t mean to intrude. I wanted to be here to help you if your hip hurt from being out in the cold.”
She smiled up at him. He was always so thoughtful. His care and concern warmed her, but sadness clutched her heart.
He gazed at the side-by-side graves. “I wish I could have met them.”
Lori echoed his sentiment, not just because it would mean everything would be different, but because she knew her parents would have loved Garth almost as much as she did. “I’m finished here.”
“Do you want me to carry you?”
“No, I think I can walk.” He patiently remained at her side as she hobbled along painfully, his arm firmly around her waist for support. “I guess I was wrong.” Before she finished her sentence, he swooped her up in his strong, loving arms.
Fifteen
Two nights later Lori grasped her cup of cocoa as she listened to the wind howling through the trees. Up and down. In and out. It woke her, and rather than lie awake listening she got up to do something, anything.
She knew the roar of a hurricane, but this moaning that sounded like a mother mourning for her lost children crept inside her. She had to take her mind off the agonizing groaning, so she chose an upbeat tune from one of the CDs. Softly at first then louder to drown out the wailing. She slumped down on the couch.
The wind punished the rain, lashing it against the windows, turning it into ice and sleet, and whipping it across the roof. The lights flickered. She held her breath for a moment, glad they didn’t go out.
The music soothed her, though she could still hear the storm in the background. She sipped her cocoa and relaxed a little. Deep even breaths. Another flicker, then suddenly she found herself in terrifying silent blackness except for the freezing rain and ice pelting the windows. Her cup hovered halfway between her lap and her mouth, and her blood ran cold. Her hands began to tremble, spilling cocoa on her lap.
Garth! She would call Garth. It was pretty much a straight shot across the cottage to the phone if she remembered to step around the coffee table.
Darkness had enveloped her the night of the accident, and darkness came as smoke the night of the fire, suffocating her. She couldn’t breathe; it was so hard to breathe.
Her hands shook more violently now, but she managed to feel the buttons and dial Garth’s number. She hoped Garth wouldn’t mind being awakened in the middle of the night if he knew she had no electricity.
The phone wasn’t ringing. She hung up to dial again but couldn’t get a dial tone.
NO!
The phone couldn’t be out, too.
Behind the curtains, pellets of sleet drummed against the rattling windows. She realized her isolation. No one else could help her. The storm worsened with each passing minute. Lord, help me.
All she needed was a little light, and she would be fine. She rummaged through a nearby drawer then remembered seeing a flashlight in the cupboard, a silver one. She knocked out a small basket with pens, pencils, and a pair of scissors. She heard them scatter as they hit the floor.
The flashlight also careened to the floor, bouncing off the counter. She fumbled for it but couldn’t see what she was groping for. S
he knelt down among the array of pens and pencils and spread them further in her search for the light. She laid her hands on the flashlight and pushed the switch up.
Nothing. She shook it and hit it and rapped it on the floor. Still no saving light. Her breathing became short and rapid.
The mantel. A candle. Matches.
On her hands and knees she crawled to the fireplace and found the long wooden matches. She stood up on the hearth and located a candle. Her breathing still came in short gasps. Her head began to spin from lack of oxygen. She tried to draw in a long, slow breath, but her lungs refused to expand.
The candle. She had to concentrate on the candle. The lid of the matches tumbled to the floor. One long match slid out, and she set the canister on the mantel; but it, too, toppled to the floor.
Grasping the candle in her shaking hand, she readied the match then hesitated. The thought of purposely lighting a fire still terrified her, but could she handle being in utter darkness much longer? It would only be one small flame. It would be okay.
She located the mortar between two of the bricks and struck the match. A spark but no flame. She did it again, harder and faster this time. And again. And again!
She stumbled off the hearth and searched for the rest of the matches. They weren’t there, anywhere. Her lungs tightened, and air seemed even more scarce. Cough. Cough. Then the light came, far off in the distance, a dim glow. Closer and closer. It was coming to get her. She struggled to get a breath; the smoke was too thick.
❧
Garth banged on the door louder. Rain and ice fell from his coat as he did. “Lorelei!”
He turned and hunted for the key behind the hanging shelf in the small breezeway. Right where Mr. Davenport said it would be.
Immediately he saw the pens scattered across the kitchen floor and the phone receiver dangling. His heartbeat quickened. “Lorelei?”
He scanned the small interior for her with his light. Kneeling in front of the fireplace, she held a candle in one hand and a matchstick in the other. She shied away and raised her arms in front of her face to block the light. He diverted the beam and came to her.
She slapped at him and pushed him away. “No! No!”
He cupped her head in his hands and turned her to face him. “Lorelei, it’s me, Garth.”