by Cindy Miles
A faraway look came over his expression, and I figured he was remembering things from a long time ago. He licked syrup off his thumb. It was the first time I’d ever recalled wishing like hell to be a thumb. “When I was a little kid I lived close enough to Fenway to hear the crack of a baseball against a bat.” A fond memory must’ve flittered over his mind, and a ghostly smile lifted his mouth. “Me and my brothers used to sneak over, and the old guy at the ticket booth knew who we were and always let us in through a back entrance.” He looked away then, like he was searching something familiar. “I got my ass beat more than once for sneakin’ to the park, but I hardly ever missed a game. Even when we moved.” Pahk. He looked over at me. “We’d catch the train and ride it to Fenway. I loved everything about that ballpark. Me and my brothers, we didn’t have to pay for anything. Hot dogs, sodas, peanuts, the game.” He winked. “All on our eight year old charm. But it was the sounds that drew me. Ball to bat. Ball to glove.” He dug back into his pancakes, and my eyes were drawn to his inked knuckles and tattooed arms. “The cracking sound they both made.” He looked at me, and kept chewing, then swallowed. “I remember hanging over the rail in outfield for the whole fucking game, just to catch a fly ball.” He drew a line across his stomach. “Had a bruise straight across here for a solid week.”
I listened intently, hanging onto every word. I could tell Brax was in his element. In his zone. Before or after the bad stuff, it didn’t matter. Here, with baseball, he’d been happy. I had a huge feeling though he’d faced a lot harsher times than he was letting on.
He grinned as if he’d read my mind. “We were poor as shit, and when good ole St. Nick didn’t bring me a glove for Christmas I stole one from the thrift shop up the street from our house. Took me a while to steal a ball. Hid them both under my bed so my old man wouldn’t find them. After that,” he shrugged those broad shoulders again, “I just kept on throwing. Every single day.”
As I inspected Brax’s very close profile I tried to envision him as a little boy. It saddened me to think of him being mistreated, or going without. But I wanted to keep things light right now. I liked the spark I saw in those odd, clear depths. “I bet you were a big ole stinker. Charming your way into the ballpark with those eyes.” I popped in the last bite of sausage and chewed, smothering a grin. “I bet you were all curls and teeth and pure deviltry.”
Brax turned a bit, to directly face me. “So you’re noticin’ my eyes and locks and teeth, huh, Sunshine?”
“Ego, Boston, ego,” I chastised. “We’re in a crowded booth here, don’t forget.”
Brax laughed, shook his head, and draped his arm behind me on the seat rest. “Yeah, I had hair out to fuckin’ here,” he held his hands inches from his head. “Looked like a Wildman. So what about you? How was it growing up?”
I looked at my empty plate. “Like I told you before, my dad left us when I was little, and I don’t remember him at all, really. But I remember after him.” I fidgeted with the paper from my straw. “We all worked hard, even at early ages. My two older brothers, me, and my younger brother. We didn’t have much. But as kids we didn’t know it. My grandpa Jilly had just retired from the Rangers—”
“As in the Texas Rangers?”
I looked at Brax. “That’s right.”
“That’s cool as shit, Sunshine. No wonder he shoots.” He nodded. “Proceed.”
I smiled. “Jilly’s a character—and one of my very best friends. Anyway, he’d just retired and so our income was limited. We broke horses for rich ranchers in the area. Jilly was untouched in his day. He could talk a horse into doing anything. My mom, too, and we’d get horses in from all over the state. My brothers and I were raised in the horse pen.” I shrugged. “We always had food to eat. We always had a Christmas tree. Mom always made us birthday cakes and gave us plenty of love. The only time I really knew we were poor was when another kid at school would tell us so. Make fun of our clothes. Stuff like that.”
“Kids can be mean little bastards.” Brax’s stare scored into me, like he could see deeper into that part of me usually reserved for the limited few and deserving people I’d allow in. As it had numerous times before, his gaze lowered to my mouth and settled there, and subconsciously I pulled my scar between my teeth. When his stare lifted, those eyes had turned rainy, smoky, fiery all at once. The look was so profound it made my breath catch in my throat, and I found I couldn’t look away.
“What about astronomy, Gracie?” he asked, in that raspy voice. “Have you always loved it?”
I smiled then, and found it not so hard to look him in the eye. My stars were his baseball. “My whole life.”
Brax’s eyes softened, then he looked up, slowly exhaled, took his cap off and shoved his fingers through his hair. “Jesus Christ, girl,” he muttered, then replaced his hat and turned to me.
I gave him a puzzled look. “What?”
His smile was again lazy and deep. “You’re just so damned different.”
We continued talking, and it was so easy and enticing and interesting that I’d lost track of all time. Of place, of purpose. We ordered hot cocoa with whipped topping, and talked some more. I could tell Brax skirted some subjects, fell lightly on others. I did the same, though, so I could hardly judge him on that. One thing I knew for sure: He’d experienced a lot of pain at some point in his life. I hadn’t until the summer before my senior year, so I guess I had more to be thankful for than I’d thought. At least I’d had a loving family. I wasn’t too sure Brax had. It’d been one of the subjects he’d eased over like a fresh pond of ice. Barely skimmed it. But I could tell. Could see it in those beautifully haunted blue eyes of his. Maybe one day he’d trust his secrets to me.
Maybe one day I’d trust mine to him.
For now, though, we learned the good stuff. What kept us going. What made us strong. And I was content with that. I think he was, too.
By two in the morning, the waitress interrupted us. “You two love birds want another pot of chocolate? Or do you wanna start on java?”
I shook my head. “No, thank you.” I reached for my bag to get money for my portion of the bill. “It’s so late. I’d better be getting back.”
Brax stilled my hand with his. “I owe you a hundred bucks, remember?” He reached in his back pocket, pulled out his wallet, and handed the waitress his ATM card. She smiled at him, deep sun lines sinking in around her mouth and eyes. “That a boy, tough guy.” She winked at me. “Be right back, darlin’.”
We left Hattie’s once she returned Brax’s card, and he walked me to my truck. The early-morning air hung thick, warm but not uncomfortable, and a slight breeze drifted across the parking lot. Everything was quiet, and I fished my keys out of my bag and looked up at him. “Your eye is swelling pretty good,” I said. “Do you have any frozen vegetables?”
Brax stared at me, then laughed. “Jesus, Sunshine, you can’t still be fuckin’ hungry.”
“No,” I smiled. “For your eye. A bag of frozen peas works the best. Melds to the skin better than a couple chunks of ice.”
My back was already to my door; Brax eased closer to me, braced a hand against the truck. “You speakin’ from experience?”
“I’ve had my share of black eyes.” I quirked my head, inspecting the eye that was rapidly closing shut. “You’ll be okay driving home?” He was close to me, leaning slightly in toward my body, and a thrill shot through me that made my insides hum, my skin grow warm. At the same time I was treading unknown waters, feeling unsure of myself, a little scared. This was exactly what I didn’t want starting college; certainly didn’t expect it, either. But was I being completely honest with myself? Hadn’t I secretly and privately craved this? Dreamed I’d meet a guy, one who made me feel so alive?
Desired?
A slow smile and filtered moonlight transformed Brax’s harsh features into something sexy, hungry, attentive. “Sunshine, I could ride that bike blindfolded.” With his free hand he pushed my braid off my shoulder, and ducked his head
to better see my eyes. “I’m not going to kiss you yet, Gracie.” His hand reached for mine, and his thumb grazed the ring I wore. His eyes darkened. “But I will. When it’s time.”
I could barely breathe, much less speak. Somehow, I managed. “I believe you.”
To look at Brax this close, after he’d expressed such an intimate confession, made every nerve ending in my body fire at once. It was difficult—yet I couldn’t look away if I’d tried. Etched into his beautiful features were strength, determination, and struggle. Struggle not to kiss me? Did I even dare hope it?
Could I handle it if he did kiss me? Like, a real, intentional kiss?
Brax’s fingers closed around my truck keys, reached around me so close I could’ve laid my head on his chest, and unlocked my door. “Get in, Gracie.” I turned, and he stopped me, and I looked up at him again. “Before I fuckin’ change my mind.”
I eased into my truck, and Brax shut the door. I rolled down the window, started the engine.
“I’ll follow you to your dorm,” he said, then winked. “G’night, Sunshine.”
“’Night, Brax.”
I waited until Brax had straddled his bike and started the engine before I pulled out of Hattie’s. My heart raced and thumped against my ribs the whole way back to Oliver Hall where I parked, got out, and waved goodbye to Brax as he idled, watching me until I’d slid my door key in and entered the common room. I heard the grumble of his pipes as he left the parking lot.
As I jogged up the steps to the second floor, a smile pasted to my face, I noticed my heart was light for the first time in over a year. For once, I felt my life just might change for the better.
After that night, I felt lighter. Despite having to look at Kelsy every day in humanities, even that tension eased up. He kept to himself and high-tailed it out of class the second it was over. Only occasionally would I catch him looking at me. The expression on his face was unreadable; a mixture of scorn versus longing, I guess. But with Brax beside me, I felt safe. Not so cagey anymore. And Kelsy left me alone. That was a plus in my book.
I began running, too, every morning before anyone else woke up. I ran alone, with just me and my thoughts, and as the days ticked by I felt stronger physically as well. My confidence was higher than it’d ever been. Working at the observatory was a dream. Steven was hysterical and a hard worker, and our shifts usually passed by pretty fast. Our first Night Sky Watch for our astronomy lab was approaching. Fun stuff. Exciting.
It had been almost two weeks since that night at Hattie’s, and Brax’s promise of kissing me still burned in my mind. The way he’d said it so bluntly, and looked at me? Promised? It’d taken me an hour to fall asleep that night. And my God, the way he had called me beautiful? The whole scene replayed in my head a thousand times. His bad-boy reputation be damned. I felt deep into my core he’d meant every word.
He hadn’t kissed me, though. We’d grown closer—saw each other every day, during school and after—yet no kiss. Had he changed his mind? Lord knows I’d never have the courage to kiss him first.
But I sure did want to.
Most of these thoughts I kept to myself. At Tessa’s unforgiving drilling I’d finally confessed to her that I really liked him. It didn’t go over well at first. But after she’d been around Brax a few times with me, I think she saw he wasn’t a complete beast.
It was a couple of weeks later when I lifted my cell phone off my nightstand and checked the time. Five a.m. A little earlier than I’d been getting up, but I’d had enough sleep and to lie in bed wide awake would just make me fidgety. Quietly, I crept out of the covers, pulled on the running shorts, tee shirt and footie socks I’d pulled out the night before, jumped into the bathroom for a sec and brushed my teeth, and rebraided my hair. As silently as I could, I eased out into the hall and headed downstairs. No one was up and about, and I liked it that way. The lights were dimmed in the common room, and I let myself out.
Outside, the air was still, breezeless, the sidewalks empty, and the pre-dawn sky was just starting to show a few streaks of radiance. A light mist hung through the oaks, making the old brick architecture of Winston appear haunting and ghoulish. I took off down the main street at a slow pace to warm up, measuring my breaths with each stride until I’d reached a perfect chorus of exhales and inhales. With each stride, energy shot through my feet and up my legs, my arms, and I picked up the pace. Early morning air filled my lungs; the heavy scent of pine and magnolia blooms saturated the slight breeze that passed through the trees, and I ran a little faster. The way a hard run made my muscles and lungs burn felt good, made my body feel alive and strong. Like I could conquer anything. Staying to the main streets, I found myself at Winston’s sweeping entrance, where I turned and headed back.
“Are you stalkin’ me now, Gracie?”
My heart jumped as I shot my gaze over my shoulder. The voice and body merged into Brax as he ran up behind me, and slowed to my pace beside me. He wore black shorts, black Nikes. Shirtless. He was absolutely shirtless. The hazy hue of the morning and his skin contrasted sharply to the black ink marked into his body and I found it hard to look away. His legs were long, his thighs muscular, his shoulders broad and he was light on his feet. His stomach was as chiseled as it’d felt when I held onto him while riding on the back of his bike. I sighed and shook my head, and took another quick peek at him. Godalmighty, he took the breath from my lungs.
“You scared me, dope,” I said, and kept running. In that quick look I noticed one side of his chest had a verse inked into it, leading up and over his shoulder with various works of art down his arm. On the opposite rib cage, another verse.
Brax laughed. “You didn’t tell me you were a runner, Gracie.” Runnah. He closed in on me and bumped my shoulder with his. “Or I’d have looked for ya.”
I picked up my pace a little. “I’m not a runner, really,” I glanced at him. His eyes were directly on me. “I just like to run.”
“How fast are you?” he asked, and pulled a little ahead of me.
“Fast enough,” I answered. I quickened, passed him.
Our breaths mingled as we ran, and Brax glanced at me. “To Rigley Commons,” he challenged. It was the main school centre park, a large grassy area where students reclined among statues and a mammoth fountain. “First one at the fountain—”
I shot out ahead of him and took off, pumping my legs and arms as fast as I could. I knew he’d catch me, but I’d give him work for it, anyway. I was fast—but I knew he’d be faster. I didn’t look back, or to the side of me. I just ran as fast as I could.
Brax caught up. Slowed. Taunted.
“Pretty slick move there, Sunshine,” he said, pacing just barely ahead of me to cock his head and look me in the eye. “Know what we call that in Southie?”
We both crossed the street and hit the outskirts of the park, the grass, and the fountain was dead ahead. I reached over and gave Brax a shove. “A cheater!” I hollered. He stumbled, and I shot forward in a burst of energy. Again, I didn’t look back, I just focused on the fountain. Almost there—
My body suddenly left the ground in a swoosh as Brax dumped me over his shoulder and continued running. I squealed. “Brax!” My head bounced off his rock hard back until finally, he flipped me in his arms, and we were at the fountain. I looked up at him, mischief and deviltry in those crazy eyes. He leaned close to the water. “Know what we do with cheaters in Southie, Sunshine?” His breathing was somewhat rough, but not too labored to just have sprinted with a full grown person in his arms.
“No!” I pleaded. “Brax, no!” I wiggled and squirmed and tried to maneuver out of his arms. Those biceps and hands were like bands of steel. He wasn’t turning me loose.
He held me over the water, and I squealed louder. “We dump cheaters in the drink!”
“No! I swear!” I laughed and writhed and twisted. “Please!”
“Jesus fuck, girl,” he grunted as I tried to wiggle loose. “How much do you weigh?”
That did
it. I pulled an old trick on him that I’d learned with my brothers growing up.
I went totally limp.
“Shit!” Brax grunted again and almost dropped me. When he tried to get a better hold on my full weight, I made my move. The moment my legs slid down far enough, I wrapped them around his and we both went down.
“Ugh, this fuckin’ grass is wet!” He pushed me to my back and followed me over, arms braced on either side of me. That shocking face stared down, just like it had almost three weeks before, and I was just as taken aback. His dark waves, damp from sweat, crazy flipped in all different directions, and the half-moon scar at his cheek intrigued me, made his irrational looks more appealing than frightening. Before, I’d been scared. Now I smiled up at him. I could even say I trusted him. More than I’d trusted anyone outside of my family in over a year.
“What are you grinnin’ at, gorgeous?” He braced on one hand, and with the other pushed several damp strands of hair from my face.
Brax’s fingertips against my skin, his mere presence, set my insides on fire and high alert, and I realized how badly I craved his touch. And I definitely wanted his mouth on mine. I didn’t care that it was six in the morning, or that we were sweaty and lying in dewy grass in the park’s center and anyone could walk or drive by at any time and see us. I wanted him to kiss me, long and deep, kiss the breath out of me …
Nutcracker!
Brax’s gaze was still on mine when the safe word popped into my head. The second it did, all of those ridiculous things Tessa had said about Brax that first night burst into my memory. A giggle began and bubbled up from my throat. I couldn’t contain it, no matter how hard I tried. It was just so damn funny! The puzzled expression on Brax’s face made me giggle even harder, and I squeezed my eyes shut to try and stifle it—
My mouth was seized then, and Brax’s warm firm lips slanted over mine and settled in, sufficiently knocking the giggle right out of me. His hand slipped behind my neck, his thumb grasped my jaw, and he held my head still as he deepened the kiss, teasing me with slight tastes of his tongue, nudging my lips apart and sucking my bottom lip, caressing my scar. I lifted my hands and sifted my fingers through his damp curls. He inhaled sharply, and took my breath right along with it.