by Lisa Jordan
The calliope music battled with the heckles of the carnival workers trying to get someone to step up and take a chance at their game.
“Hey, man. Come and win a prize for your girl.”
Ian wrapped an arm around Agnes’s shoulder. “She’s got the best prize of all, pal.”
A sensation skittered down her spine.
The carousel stopped.
Hannah tugged on her arm. “Aggie, wanna go on the Ferris wheel with us?”
Agnes looked across the midway at the giant ride, staring down at her. Her last bite of cotton candy stuck in her throat.
Ian glanced at her, then grabbed Hannah’s hand and twirled her. “What if you ride the bumper cars with me? We can team up against your dad and Red.”
“Ferris wheel first, then bumper cars. Say yes. Pleeeease.”
Unable to resist the endearing brown eyes pleading with her, Agnes followed the Brennans to the ride. She hated the Ferris wheel and forced herself not to dig her heels into the grass.
“You don’t have to do this. We can do something else. Maybe even the fun house.” Ian turned her in the direction of the weirdly shaped wacky shack.
“No, I’ll go.” The past couple of months had been about facing her fears, so why stop now. She could do this, especially with Ian by her side.
She tucked her hand in his arm and dragged him back in line for the Ferris wheel. Hannah found one of her friends. The two girls chattered like hyper chipmunks.
“Look—she’s found a friend. Offer to take pictures of them up there or something.”
Agnes shielded her eyes and tilted her head back to stare at the top of the ride. “I’ll be fine as long as you’re with me.”
“I’m always here for you, Red. You know that.”
When their turn came, they climbed three steps and sat on the open chair. The ride operator snapped the safety bar across them. The metal seats, warmed by the afternoon sunshine, heated her legs. When the seat jerked as they moved backward, Agnes gripped the safety bar.
“You okay?” Ian slung an arm over her shoulder. His fingers caressed her upper arm.
She paused a second, then leaned into his embrace, allowing his closeness to wrap her in a blanket of security. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“As long as you’re not about to be sick or anything.”
“Heights don’t bother me. It’s the confined space I have a problem with.” She peered over her shoulder and waved to Hannah and her friend. “I never told you this because I was embarrassed, but in ninth grade, Gary Connolly invited me to the fair.
“I remember that. When I asked you about it, you bit my head off.”
“Yeah, well, a girl doesn’t like being made a fool. We got stuck at the top of the Ferris wheel when a kid got sick. Gary tried to use the situation to his advantage and about lost a hand. When the ride ended, he ditched me. Said I wasn’t worth it and went off with another girl. I had to call Daddy for a ride home. I haven’t been on the Ferris wheel since that awful night.”
Ian shifted in his seat, causing their chair to rock. “Red, I have a confession.”
“What’s that?” As the ride moved them around, the breeze cooled her warm face.
“I overheard Gary bragging about what happened. I knew the jerk was lying. I confronted him and told him to keep his mouth shut. He swung at me, so I decked him.”
“That was you? You never said anything.”
Agnes leaned back against him and allowed the confession to sink in. Her protector. He’d never let anything happen to her. “My dragon slayer.”
“He ratted me out to my dad.” Ian shook his head and chuckled. “Dad commended me for defending your honor but made it clear we don’t solve our problems with our fists.”
“Oh, Ian. I don’t know what to say.” Her vision blurred as she glanced down at her hands in her lap, but she blinked back wetness, thankful for her sunglasses.
He shrugged. “You don’t have to say anything. It was so long ago.”
“True. When my marriage fell apart, Bobby said I wasn’t worth it either. And, well, when you hear something more than once, you tend to believe it….” Her voice trailed off with the wind.
“Agnes, don’t let him get inside your head. You are so worth it. You’re amazing.”
“I’m not amazing, Ian. I’m just a thro—”
He pressed his finger to her lips and lowered his voice. “Don’t say it. You’re not a throwaway.”
She wrapped her fingers around his and squeezed gently. “Everyone should have someone like you in their lives. I’m glad you’re in mine.”
“I meant what I said about measuring every man by Bobby’s yardstick. I promise no one will hurt you like that again.”
“Mama always said, ‘A promise is a big word. It either makes something or breaks everything.’”
“I mean every word.”
“That’s what makes you special—you don’t go back on your word. My next husband will know the true meaning of promise because the poor sap’ll be stuck with me for the rest of his life.”
“Your next husband, huh? I’d be more than willing to take on that role.”
The seat jerked as the Ferris wheel came to a stop. Agnes’s stomach tumbled. From the ride or Ian’s admission? His words sent a spark to her heart. But life as Ian’s wife still felt so out of reach.
“When you realize what a great person you are, I’ll be waiting to say, ‘I told you so.’”
*
The sky exploded with spheres of red, blue and silver. As the final fireworks crackled and drifted down, their group stood and shook out blankets.
Nick hoisted sleeping Noah on his shoulder—how the kid slept through the fireworks amazed Ian—while Josie gathered their things and folded their blanket. Lindsey cradled Thomas while Stephen lifted Gracie Ann.
Seeing them gather their families created an ache in Ian’s chest. Especially after his conversation with Red on the Ferris wheel.
He wanted to be more than her best friend. He wanted to be the protector of her heart. He wanted to be the love of her life.
They all bid goodbyes. Red and Ian watched them walk to their cars. She had invited everyone back to her mom’s place for a late evening wiener roast and perfect view of fireworks over the lake.
The burning embers of the fire snapped and crackled as a burned log shifted, sending a shower of sparks skyward.
Lightning bugs drifted past them. He reached out and cupped one in his hands. He held it out to Red, who took it. “Remember when we used to catch these in your mom’s Mason jars.”
“Remember when Zoe let yours loose in your bedroom.” She opened her hands and released the firefly.
“Yeah, Mom wasn’t too thrilled with that. Good times. I miss them.” He stuffed his hands in his front pockets and stared at the moon dripping across the sooty lake.
The night peepers serenaded them from the bank.
“Next year.”
“You seem hopeful.”
“Of course. What’s the point of having a dream if you don’t believe in it?” Red shook out the blanket they had shared. Instead of folding it, she wrapped it around her and clutched it under her chin.
“Cold?” He turned and smoothed the folds around her neck.
“A little. I should probably head inside.” Yet she made no effort to move.
“Before you go…I, uh, wondered if I could ask you something?”
“Of course. You can ask me anything. You know that.”
Ian shoved his left hand in his front pocket and scratched the back of his head with the other. He kicked at the grass with the toe of his beat-up deck shoe.
Agnes looked at him. “You okay? You’ve been quiet since we left the carnival.”
He gave her a wry smile. “I’m surprised you noticed with the horde of people here.”
Red let go of the blanket to fix her ponytail. As she gathered her hair and secured it, he reached forward and gently pulled her hand away. Her hair tumbled pas
t her shoulders.
He wound a curl around his index finger. “Your hair’s getting long.”
“Almost long enough to cut and donate to Locks of Love. After Josie cut her hair for Hannah’s wig when she battled leukemia, I decided I could grow out my hair and do the same for another little girl.”
“You are incredible, you know that?”
She shook her head.
She wasn’t fishing for compliments. Of course, she didn’t believe in herself the way he believed in her. Thanks to that idiot she had married.
He released her hair and caressed her cheek with his thumb. “You have the softest skin.”
Before she had time to react, he dipped his head and lowered his lips to hers. Her hands gripped the open collar of his button-down shirt. He deepened the kiss and wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her close. She stood on tiptoes and slid her hands over his shoulders.
Slowly she pulled away and rested her forehead against his shirt.
He curled her into his chest and pressed his cheek to the top of her head. “I’ve wanted to do that all day.”
Red breathed deeply, then stepped out of his embrace. “Ian, what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?”
She picked up the blanket again, but instead of wrapping it around herself, she twisted it around her hands. “I don’t know. I can’t really explain it. You just seem…different since this afternoon. Almost like you’re deep in thought about something.”
He crossed his arms to keep from reaching for her again. “You remember what you said on the Ferris wheel that everyone should have someone like me in their lives?”
“Of course. And I meant it. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”
“I know you did. And I appreciate it, Red. I do.” He exhaled and scrubbed a hand over the back of his head. “It’s just…well, what if that’s not good enough for me anymore?”
“Wh-what do you mean? You don’t want to be with me now?” Through the trees, the moonlight highlighted the sudden glisten in her eyes.
He wasn’t explaining himself very well. “No, no, Red. Relax. It’s nothing like that.”
“Then what?”
He was acting like a fourteen-year-old.
Just spit it out, man.
He stepped forward and cradled her face. His voice dropped to a whisper. “I meant it a couple of weeks ago when I said I love you. I do. I love being your best friend, but I want more. I want to marry you, to have a future with you…a family. When I wake up, I look forward to seeing you. When I go to bed, I drift off to sleep with you in my thoughts.”
She tightened the blanket around her and took another step back, her face crumbling. “Oh, Ian…”
That was not what he wanted to hear.
He bit back a growl and fought the urge not to bang his head against the nearest tree trunk. He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, then held up a hand. “Listen, forget it. Forget I said anything. It was stupid.”
She moved toward him and placed a hand on his arm. “No, Ian—”
“Go home, Red. Thanks for today. I had a great time.”
He turned and started to walk away. Heat scalded his neck and ears. At least he had the common sense to kiss her in the moonlight so he wouldn’t have to see the pity in her eyes in the daylight.
“Now, you wait a doggone minute. You had your say. Now it’s my turn.”
He stopped, but didn’t turn around. Hadn’t he humiliated himself enough?
She jerked on his shoulder, forcing him to turn and face her. Even bathed in moonlight, fire blazed in her eyes. Her chest shuddered. “You don’t get to lay all of that at my feet and walk way. I get to have a say, too. You promised not to rush me. You agreed to wait until we finished with Agape House. I’m still trying to get used to us, and you’re talking marriage. Let a girl catch her breath.”
His heart cracked a little. He brushed the backs of his fingers over her cheek, unable to keep from reaching out to her. “What makes you think it wouldn’t work?”
“There are things I haven’t told you. Things that could…change how you feel. I’m afraid…I don’t know.” She reached up and pulled his hand away from her face. “If I lost you, I wouldn’t have anything left. Can’t you understand that?”
“Yes, Red, I can.” A growl snarled low in his throat. He rubbed his eyes, horrified to find his fingers damp. His voice choked as he dragged her to his chest. “The day you walked down the aisle to become Mrs. Bobby Levine about ripped my guts out. For the first and only time in my life, I wanted to drink myself stupid to numb the pain. So I do have an idea what it’s like to lose you.
She braced her hands against him. “You never lost me.”
“I’m tired of wishing. Didn’t you just tell me what’s the point of having a dream if you didn’t believe in it? I believe in us. And it’s time I acted on that dream. I want a relationship with you. I want to marry you, Agnes. Raise a family with you.”
She bit her lip and turned away. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “But what if I can’t give you what you want? What if you leave and decide I’m not worth it? This scares me, Ian.”
“Life is scary, but we can’t run from it for fear of having our hearts broken.”
“It’s so much more than that.”
“Then tell me…help me to understand what’s holding you back. If you don’t believe in us, then yeah, you could lose me. I’m not going to wait another twenty years for you to make up your mind.”
She stared at him with almost violet eyes. A tear slid down the side of her face. Without a word, she turned and hurried toward her house, stumbling on the blanket tripping around her bare feet.
He’d been so sure she was ready to move forward with their relationship. Otherwise he wouldn’t have flayed his chest open and exposed his heart. Now it felt as if it had been ripped out and dragged across the yard behind her.
He didn’t know where to go from here. He truly didn’t.
Chapter Fourteen
Agnes just wanted to get through her shift.
She had very few days where she didn’t want to go to work, but today was one of those stay-in-bed-with-covers-over-her-head kind of mornings. Especially with the drizzle that ran off the Cuppa Josie’s blue and brown-striped canopy over the entrance.
Mondays were her usual days off, but when Josie called and asked her to cover so she could go for a doctor’s appointment, Agnes couldn’t say no.
Besides, she wasn’t one to tuck tail and run. But after Saturday night and replaying Ian walking away over and over in her head, she just wanted to curl up in pajama pants and watch movies all day.
If only life could be like a two-hour romantic comedy with each plot twist tied up by the time the credits rolled.
She’d even skipped church yesterday. Any other time she hadn’t gone, Ian was at her door making sure she was okay. No one knocked on her door. Her phone remained silent except for a call from Mama saying she’d be home sooner than expected…something else Agnes wasn’t ready for.
So maybe she was a coward yesterday to avoid Ian, but today she was spitting mad.
Two days ago, he had professed his love a second time and talked marriage, yet today he flaunted another woman right under her very nose. Drinking coffee as if he wasn’t the least bit as miserable as she was.
Jerk.
Before things had gotten serious between them, she’d suggested he ask out Breena Nelson, the cute little twentysomething owner of a clothing store a block down from Cuppa Josie’s, but he’d insisted he wasn’t interested.
Boy, he looked pretty interested right now.
Maybe Ian was like other guys after all. Didn’t get what he wanted, so he moved on.
And she was the fool to believe his sweet words.
She sprayed glass cleaner on the smoke-colored glass front door and tried to ignore Breena’s annoying laugh that rivaled a hyena’s. If she wiped any harder, she’d put a hole through the glass.
I
an must be oh-so funny today. Absolutely hysterical.
Agnes’s shoulders hunched around her ears as Breena’s high-pitched cackle bounced off the walls. She gave the window one last swipe, then stomped back to the kitchen.
Josie had returned from her appointment and stood at the stove scooping cookie dough onto a baking sheet. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Agnes dropped the window cleaner and paper towels on the counter, then washed her hands, keeping her back to Josie.
“What’s going with you and Ian?”
“Nothing.”
Oh, boy. Did that ring true or what?
“On Saturday, the guy couldn’t keep his eyes off you, but now he’s drinking coffee with Breena.”
Agnes whirled around, facing Josie, and fought back the tears scalding her eyes. “Sugar Pie, that boy doesn’t have a lick of sense when it comes to women.”
Josie scooped some cookie dough into a small dish and handed it to Agnes. “That man definitely knows what he wants, and it’s about time he went after it.”
“Apparently what he thought he wanted wasn’t what he really wanted after all.” Agnes scooped out cookie dough with her finger and put it in her mouth.
“When Nick returned to town a couple of years ago and tried to get back together, you reminded me he had been showing his love by what he did for me and I wasn’t listening with my heart.” Josie leaned against the counter and pointed at Agnes with her cookie scoop. “I’m throwing your words back at you. I know you’re scared. I get that. I was, too. Even though he drives me nuts at times, I can’t imagine my life without him. You have to decide if you’re willing to take that same risk with Ian.”
Chewing on Josie’s words, Agnes returned to the dining room. Then wished she had stayed in the kitchen.
Breena had her hand on Ian’s arm, and the fool didn’t bother moving it. The way she smiled at him…and that pink sleeveless dress with the white heels…positively indecent.
Actually she looked rather cute. In fact, Agnes hated to admit just how well Ian and Breena looked together.
Her heart sagged with the weight of a thundercloud.
Rising from his chair, Ian laughed at something she said and carried their cups to the coffee bar to refill them.