by Lisa Jordan
With its white walls and seagrass-green trim and doeskin-colored furniture, the living room offered a welcoming atmosphere.
Standing in the corner, she zoomed in and snapped a photo of the mantel that had been sanded and stained deep ebony. And took another of Pete’s painting hanging above the fireplace—the one Agnes had seen at the cabin of two sets of hands holding a butterfly. The word Freedom had been painted across the bottom.
Freedom. Exactly what this house offered.
Freedom from the past. Freedom for a new future.
When Ian asked for her help in May, she didn’t think she could handle being in this house again. But she had pushed past her own fears in order to help those she loved bring peace and second chances to other families like theirs.
She trailed a hand on the small reading table in the corner. She had salvaged the table from someone’s curbside trash pile, sanded it and repainted it with oatmeal-colored chalk paint. With the potted ivy sitting on top and trailing down the side, it was the perfect welcoming touch that begged a reader to curl up in the pinstriped club chair with a good book.
Even though the house was almost complete, her work didn’t have to end. Sure, she wouldn’t have walls to paint or floors to sand, but Charlotte offered her a chance for something more. Something she wasn’t sure she could give.
After today’s lunch rush died down, Charlotte stopped by Cuppa Josie’s and asked Agnes to consider being part of the Agape House leadership team.
The offer surprised her so much that her tongue rolled up inside her mouth and refused to work.
When she did manage to spit out her words, she assured Charlotte she wasn’t right for the job. Charlotte disagreed and asked her to reconsider. She promised to do just that, but what was there to say?
She wasn’t worthy of being a leader to these women.
Even Ian had given up on her.
Oh, and how she missed him.
Had it really been two weeks since she last saw him?
They’d never gone that long without talking.
Her heart ached to hear his laugh, to see his smile, to be near him.
But he didn’t want her anymore. She wasn’t worth it.
She had warned Ian they were better off as friends because if something happened, then she wouldn’t have their friendship either, but he’d told her to trust him. Well, look how well that turned out.
Tears warmed her eyes, but she pressed a hand to her face. She was not going to spend years crying over another man.
She had work to do.
She had to be her own dragon slayer since no one else seemed to be up to the task.
With quivering legs, Agnes headed for the stairs.
She had come in the back door, so she hadn’t seen the staircase until now.
The beauty of its restoration snatched her breath out of her throat.
The banister and stair treads had been sanded and stained deep ebony, bringing out a subtle gleam in the wood, and the risers had been painted milky-white.
The front door opened, and whistling filled the silent rooms.
Pete ambled into the living room, still whistling, saw her, then stopped. “Agnes Joy, I didn’t realize you were here.”
“I was…admiring the staircase. It’s beautiful.”
“Ian’s work. After the tree took out part of the garage and rooms upstairs, he insisted he be the one to reclaim the stairs.”
She smoothed her hand over the gleaming banister, down each glossy spindle. A spark of hope flooded her soul.
Had he done this for her?
She stared up the flight of stairs. Instead of being haunted by fears and ghosts from her past, light filled her heart.
“Pete, I need to go upstairs.”
“Sure thing. Right behind you. I left my toolbox up there.”
Time to put the past where it belonged and move forward with her future.
Whatever that might hold.
Okay, God, it’s You and me…we can do this. Right?
Over her shoulder, a breeze blew in from the open window, caressing her cheek with its sweet fragrance.
Her heart pounded against her rib cage.
As she put one foot in front of the other, the heaviness she expected to weigh her down lifted. With each step, the hurt ached a little less.
At the top of the steps, she pressed a hand to her beating heart. The memories she had expected to crash over her evaporated.
“Pete, there used to be a room here and a small hallway that lead to a larger bedroom. What happened to those?”
“When the tree fell on the garage, it caused some damage to that area. Charlotte didn’t like those rooms anyway—said they were too dark and depressing. Last week Agape House received a huge anonymous donation, and the board agreed to tear down those walls and open up this area.”
“What was once filled with darkness is now flooded with light.” Agnes murmured those words as a sob gripped her chest.
“Are you okay, Agnes?”
Agnes tried to wipe away the tears trickling down her face, but they wouldn’t stop.
“He makes everything beautiful in its time. Pete, that dark, depressing room was the one I shared with Bobby. God used that tree to destroy the last hold to my past. This house has kept me bound to the past—too afraid to move forward for fear of not being worthy.” A peace she hadn’t felt in a long time settled over her soul.
“God loves you, Agnes. So much. He offers unconditional love and freedom in His promises. He wants to give you the desires of your heart…. You just have to let him.”
“How do I do that?”
“By accepting Charlotte’s offer of being on the leadership team, for starters.
“What if I’m not good enough? I don’t want to disappoint her or let anyone down.”
“None of us is good enough, Agnes, but that’s the beauty of God’s redeeming grace—it’s a gift. We have to accept it freely. Then God can restore us into something beautiful. Kind of like the furniture you love to restore. You take other people’s junk and transform it into something of value again. God does the same thing.”
“I guess I hadn’t thought of it like that. You’re a wise man, Pete.”
“I’m a broken man who’s made his share of mistakes, but I serve a loving God and married an incredible woman who puts up with me even when I break her heart.”
“Charlotte loves you. You two are great together. I hope to have that someday.”
“You can have that now. With Ian.”
“Ian doesn’t want me. Not anymore.” Fresh tears pricked her eyes.
“I’m not sure what happened between you two, but I know Ian loves you with all his heart. He chose you time and time again. And for good reason—you’re an amazing woman, Agnes. Stop listening to the lies in your head and start fighting for the truth.”
She wanted to lean into Pete’s words, to allow them to surround her aching heart and believe she had a future with Ian.
What if she went to him only to learn he truly didn’t find her worthy? But what if she didn’t? Could she live with herself for just walking away? For being a quitter?
*
He should’ve felt relaxed, but instead edginess nipped at his nerves, leaving him feeling like a caged lion.
At least sitting on the dock allowed him to enjoy the midafternoon sunshine as it bleached the navy lake to pewter. The air over the water cooled his skin and tangled his hair.
He wasn’t used to sitting. He needed to do more than pretending to read a book that couldn’t hold his interest.
If only he could talk to Red.
But she wasn’t answering her phone or responding to his texts.
Not that he blamed her.
He acted like an idiot the last time he saw her.
Mom had said Red had visited in the E.R., but she was gone by the time he woke up.
Thankfully his fall warranted a concussion and nothing more serious. He could handle the headaches. It was the heartach
e he struggled with.
Footsteps sounded on the other end of the dock. His heartbeat picked up speed, but as he glanced over his shoulder, Mom came toward him wearing white shorts and a flowy blue shirt that billowed behind her like a cape. She carried a couple of water bottles.
He tried not to let disappointment carve out his insides, but he ached for Red.
Sitting on the dock seeped with her essence reminded him of the hours spent talking, laughing and just enjoying each other.
Handing him one of the water bottles, she settled in the yellow chair beside him and sighed. “Ian, I’m about to do something I’ve never done before.”
He turned to look at her.
Lines pinched her mouth. A sure sign she was upset about something.
“What’s that?”
“I’m going to break a confidence, but please know I have good reasons for doing so. Call me a meddling mother, but I can’t stand seeing you this way.” She pulled an envelope out of her shirt pocket and handed it to him.
He took it, recognizing Red’s handwriting. “What’s this?”
“Read it.”
He pulled out a note card with a picture of a cottage near a lake on the front. Opening the card, he read the paragraph:
Dear Charlotte,
Thank you for asking me to be a part of the leadership team for Agape House. While I appreciate your confidence in me, I feel I must decline. Those women need strong role models to help them face the challenges ahead.
All my love,
Agnes
So polite and formal.
“She was our anonymous donor, Ian—the one who donated the ten thousand dollars.”
His head jerked toward Mom. “Come again?”
A smile creased her face. “You heard me.”
“Where did she get that kind of money?”
“I don’t know, but I just got a text from your dad that he’s been talking to Agnes. She’s been unpacking some emotional baggage.” Mom turned her chair in the direction of the sunshine and stretched out her legs.
The thought of Red upset, most likely at him, gripped his soul. He uncapped his water bottle and took a drink. “Is she okay?”
“I don’t know. She’s been putting in long hours at Cuppa Josie’s now that Josie isn’t working. Then she’s been working late into the night at Agape House, doing jobs assigned to volunteers.” Mom pushed out of the chair and sat on the end of the dock, dipping her toes in the water.
“Why isn’t Josie working?”
She shielded her eyes and looked over her shoulder at him. “Honey, these are questions you should be asking Agnes.”
“She hasn’t answered my calls or responded to my texts.”
“Then it sounds like you have a choice to make—sit here and feel sorry for yourself or go after her.”
“I’m not feeling sorry for myself.” But maybe she was right, since he felt like pouting the way Griffin did when he didn’t get his own way.
“Are you sure? If you’re not moping on the dock, you’re burying yourself in work or staring at the TV in your bedroom.”
“I fell off a ladder. The doctor said to take it easy for a couple of weeks.” Man, what did a guy have to do for sympathy around here?
Mom pulled her feet out of the water and stood. She tapped him on the chest. “This has nothing to do with your head, but everything to do with your heart. You need to forgive yourself, Ian, and stop trying to carry the world’s burdens. I know that you blame yourself for what happened with Zoe, and that’s been driving you to help me with Agape House. But you need to remember your sister made her own choice to drink and drive that night.”
He kept his gaze focused on her wet footprints on the wooden dock. “If I’d taken her call, maybe I could have given her a ride home.”
“But you don’t know that. She got nasty because you refused to let her take Griffin while she was out partying. Why do you keep beating yourself up over not taking that final phone call? If you had allowed her to take Griffin, he might not be with us now. So while Zoe made her choice, yours kept Griffin safe.”
“She’s my little sister. I promised to protect her.” He gripped the arms of the chair, allowing the heated wood to brand his arms.
“Honey, despite your efforts, you couldn’t protect her from her own choices. That’s not on you. God uses our trials and challenges to refine our faith and to draw us closer to Him. Zoe is at a place in her life where she’s leaning on God.”
“But now her release is in jeopardy after Evelyn Parnell’s letter and the damage to Agape House.”
Mom shoved her hands in her back pockets. “I’ve spoken to Zoe’s lawyer. Her hearing will continue as scheduled. Zoe is a model prisoner, so her lawyer is confident she will be released. As far as Agape House goes, our open house has been delayed a week, but we will open next week. Agnes’s generous gift helped us to fix the roof in a timely manner. The community has worked around the clock to finish the restoration.”
“So I wasn’t needed after all.” His shoulders slumped as he picked at a loose thread on his shorts. He should have been there, but after the incident with Bobby, the tree and the fall, he couldn’t bring himself to return to Agape House.
She cupped his chin and forced him to meet her gaze. “Of course you’re needed, Ian. You laid the foundation, but Agape House wasn’t meant to be a solo project. It’s a community effort. By allowing others to help, they’ve received their own blessings. Contributions continue to come in. Our operating budget is stabilized. God’s got this.”
He sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted. He rubbed his forehead. “I know, Mom.”
“I need to head over to Agape House.” She picked up her unopened water bottle and started to walk past him, but stopped and turned. “Oh, by the way, Clarence and Eliza Higby put their cottage up for sale.”
“Why? That was supposed to be Red’s.”
“There was a Seaver Reality sign in their yard this morning when I did my prayer walk.”
“I need to call Alec Seaver.” He pushed to his feet.
“Maybe you should talk to Agnes first.”
“Yeah. Can I catch a ride to Agape House with you?”
“I don’t think that’s necessary.”
“Why not?”
Mom pointed toward the other end of the dock.
Ian looked up and saw Red walking toward him. Hope buoyed inside him, spreading warmth through his limbs for the first time in days.
He drank in the sight of her crazy hair struggling to stay confined in its ponytail. Paint splattered her orange T-shirt and cutoffs. Dark circles shadowed her eyes. Had she lost weight?
“Well, I’ll leave you two alone.” Mom gave Agnes a quick hug, whispered something in her ear he didn’t quite catch and then hurried back to the house.
“How’s it going?” he said. What kind of question was that? He wanted to reach out and crush her to his chest.
“Just dandy. How’s the head?”
“It’s fine.”
“You’re too hardheaded for too much damage to happen to it.”
“Ouch. You look tired.”
“Thanks, just what every woman wants to hear. You really know how to lay on the compliments.” The usual spunk in her tone was gone, leaving her sounding vacant.
“I don’t mean it like that.” He raked a hand through his hair. “I just… Oh, never mind.”
She kicked at the boards with the toe of her flip-flops. “I’ve been putting in long hours at Josie’s, then finishing up at Agape House. Since I can’t really sleep, I might as well be productive.”
“Why can’t you sleep?” He reached out and looped a finger around a curl, tucking it behind her ear.
She covered his hand but didn’t push it away. “A lot on my mind, I guess.”
“I’m sorry, Red.” He threaded his fingers through her hair. The vulnerability in her eyes as she looked at him cut him to the core.
“For what?”
“Everything. Poss
ibly being one of the reasons why you can’t sleep.”
She released his hand and turned, looking out at the water. “You’re giving yourself a lot of credit.”
“Maybe.”
She stared down at her hands, then looked at him with overly bright eyes. “The staircase…Ian, it’s beautiful.”
“I’m sorry for what happened to you, and I can’t erase that. But now maybe you can look at the stairs and see past the pain.” He grabbed her hands and laced his fingers with hers. “Agape House is coming back to life because of you, Red. You’re the one who has spent hours turning that into a welcoming home for the women, even though tangled memories tried to keep you tied to the past.”
“I did what needed to be done.”
“Don’t sell yourself short—you did way more than that. You’re an amazing woman, Red. You faced your fears and helped transform a house of pain into a house of hope.”
“I couldn’t have done it without your help. Working on Agape House was healing. Now I’m able to move forward.”
“Speaking of moving forward, Mom said the cottage is up for sale. I thought you were going to buy it?”
She shrugged. “Agape House can use the money more than I can. For some of those women, it may be their own hope for a future. Mama won’t mind if I stay with her for a while longer.”
“Where’d the ten grand come from, Red?”
“How’d you know about that?”
“Mom told me, but only me.”
“Bobby gave me a check to pay back his gambling debts from when we were married. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t have to scrimp to pay for my car repairs. I had plenty for a sizable down payment for the cottage.” She pulled her hands away and stood. Crossing her arms, she looked out over the water. “But when the tree caused damage to Agape House, none of that mattered. I donated the money on the condition my name was never mentioned.”
“But why?”
She turned around, her eyes sad, causing his chest to constrict. “Because I wanted to help you restore your dream, Ian. Bring your family back together.” She dropped her gaze to her feet, her words lowering to almost a whisper. “To prove I was worthy.”
He reached for her, wrapping her into the fold of his embrace. Breathing deeply, he inhaled the sweetness of her shampoo and kissed the top of her head. “You don’t have to prove anything to me. I never meant you were unworthy. I meant that stupid rivalry…like you said—that wasn’t worth my time and energy. I’m sorry my words hurt you. Nothing will ever keep me from loving you.”