* * * *
“ Be so blunt,
people have no choice but to smoke your truth.”
“ Do you feel better?” LaDaya asked as I quietly took my seat.
“ Not really but I'll be okay.” I sighed. My entire situation coupled with the conversation I'd eavesdropped on between the two women was starting to wear me down. I felt like a failure as a woman. It wasn't the first time in recent years I'd felt this way. I was also longing to hear Roderick's voice.
“ Well if you need to vent, we have a long ride ahead of us. We all have problems girl as I'm sure you heard us discussing.” LaDaya said sympathetically.
“ Yeah I heard. I'm one of those “ dumb bitches” y'all were talking about.” I said rummaging through my bag for my packet of Kleenex. I could already feel the waterworks starting back up. It was too hard trying to keep my defenses up,even to strangers. I couldn't wait to get off of this damn bus. If only for one hour.
LaDaya's eyes bucked and out of the corner of my eye I could see her grab Shavon's hand.
I laughed bitterly.
“ Don't worry about it girl. Y'all ain't said shit I haven't heard before also just to go ahead and put it on out there...I'm a ten year girlfriend.” I said shaking my head. Embarrassed as hell to be telling a stranger some shit like this.
Shavon, “Ms. Relationship Guru” herself, seemed to be at a sudden loss for words. I had just met this chick and I was shocked. I didn't think she knew how to stop running her damn mouth.
“ Look...,” she started slowly,attempting to choose her words carefully. “ I hope we didn't make you feel too bad. I know I have a tendency to be opinionated. I let my feelings be known about topics I feel passionately about.”
“ Oh there's no need to apologize at all. How could you have known what I'm going through? Besides it ain't like you were speaking anything but the truth. Which is exactly why I'm on this bus now to get away from his ass.” I said hoping I sounded more convincing than I really felt.
“ Well I'm glad you decided you deserve better.” Shavon said primping up her lips. “ Shoot you're a beautiful woman. I know there are plenty of men who would appreciate a sista like you!”
LaDaya looked over me with a look on her face I recognized right away. Curiosity. I'd seen that very same look on the faces of people I knew about year five of my relationship with Roderick. Year five was when the questions really began. Are you two getting married? Is the relationship going well? You're not going to get pregnant are you? Oh without a fuckin' doubt I knew the look she was giving me. I made the decision right then and there to put them both out of their misery. I suddenly didn't feel too bad about divulging all my personal business to these two women. Maybe it would be good for me? After all,I'd learned a long time ago to keep my problems with Roderick private. Katrina was the only person I told all my secrets too and Roderick hated the fact that I told her anything. Katrina was probably the only one who knew how Roderick really was. Everyone else thought he walked on water. His looks and money had the majority of people around us fooled. Katrina was the exception since she was always around me. If I was really honest,the last year I could feel a vibe coming from Katrina that she was sick and tired of the constant Amina and Roderick drama. I couldn't blame her.
Maybe I needed a fresh perspective from people that didn't know either of us?
“ Look I don't even know you but spill the tea! I know this brotha gotta be fine for you to be sticking with his ass ten years! I have a million questions. Hell I ain't never met a woman personally who has gone through this type of thing.”Shavon said skinning and grinning. I had to admit,after so many hours of being on the bus riding with her,I was slowly but surely getting used to the gleam of her gold teeth. Each time she opened her mouth I was a little less distracted.
I couldn't help but laugh. I know Shavon thinks I'm laughing at her comment...and I am,but I'm mainly laughing at those two gold teeth dangling in her mouth.
I reached into my purse, pulled out my phone and ran my finger over my photo gallery icon. I clicked on one of the more recent pictures of Roderick. Even looking at his pictures made my heart feel heavy. I'd been tempted to delete all of them but I couldn't bring myself to actually do it. I gave the phone to LaDaya so they could scroll through the pictures.
I wasn't worried about them seeing anything private in my pictures. They could look all they wanted...which they did with the quickness cackling like two hens. There were numerous pictures of Roderick without a shirt on but everything was pretty tame. I wasn't concerned about them seeing anything racy. Shavon and LaDaya hooped and hollered for a good ten minutes as they scrolled through all of my pictures.
“ You mean to tell me in ten years he never asked you to marry him?” Shavon asked in disbelief.
I reached my hand out waggling my fingers for her to place my phone in my hand.
Once I had it, I flipped to my “engagement” folder.
“ Oh he's given me three gorgeous engagement rings throughout the years ladies.” I said handing the phone back to LaDaya.
She looked down at the pictures of my three engagement rings and let out a shriek so loud she had to quickly cover her mouth. Her eyes were bucked with excitement. Umhmm. I thought smugly. My man knows better than to come to me with a chip of a diamond. Then a gloomy thought hit me. Roderick wasn't my man anymore. I'd left him. It was a sobering moment but I was still gloating inside at their reaction to my rings. It was the same sense of pride I'd always felt about simply being Roderick's woman. Roderick wasn't all bad. We'd had too many good times for me to count during the last ten years. I was just at a point in my life where I couldn't ignore the bad times any longer.
Exactly bitches. Where were the adult Huggies when you needed them? It already smelled like shit on the back of the bus and these two heffas just made the funk level go up about six notches. Because I know when LaDaya screamed she shit herself too. Probably all up her damn back.
“ Giiirrl let me tell you! Now I ain't even gonna lie...if I had to hold out for a brotha for a stretch...it would damn sure be for one like this!” LaDaya snickered as her and Shavon high-fived each other.
I just shook my head. Roderick had never even met these two women and on appearance alone he already had them fooled. Ten minutes ago they were militant sounding,marriage minded black women. But one look at a fine man with a nice body and all of a sudden it was “ well if I had to wait,I could for him!” Another point for Roderick.
“ Uh-uh. Back to the tea Amina! Pour it up girl. What happened? I mean after ten years, I know this man has to love you. Why would he stick it out with you that long if he didn't? For that matter why would you? You're both two attractive people and I know neither of you would have a problem finding anyone else. “ Shavon asked confusion clouding her face.
I was at a loss as to where to even begin to decipher exactly what went wrong between Roderick and I. Though if I was perfectly honest,and I had no choice but to be. I would have to say things between us went bad the very day we met. I cleared my thoughts and began to tell my two new confidants about my rocky relationship with Roderick Jabri Thomas.
“ Well,my best-friend Katrina dragged me to this BBQ one day....,”
Soul Cry: The Ten Year Girlfriend Page 4