by Rachel Jonas
Chapter 40
BLUE
Maybe I sold it too hard.
Maybe I said or did something that crossed the line.
All these thoughts and more fly through my head as I dial West for the third time tonight. It’s nearly midnight now and I haven’t heard a single word from him. It’s enough that I’m on edge, pacing in the darkness from one side of my room to the next.
That is, until the sound of an engine revving out front has me rushing toward the window. At the sight of Ricky’s car inching toward the curb, I can’t help but feel let down, having imagined that it’d be West pulling up. But why would I think a stupid thing like that? Especially after that show we just put on, going through the trouble of staging an ugly breakup.
Scar and Mike are asleep, so I’m not surprised he knows to come to my window instead of the door. A black hoodie casts a shadow over his face while he keeps his eyes trained on the snow, trekking through it. I unlock and lift the window, super confused about why he’d stop by without calling.
“What’re you doing here?” I ask, eyeing him as I hug my arms to shield myself from the cold that rushes in.
But then, when he peers up, my heart skips a beat. Because the eyes I’m staring into aren’t the steel-gray I expected. They’re a deep, otherworldly green that has me rushing to pop the screen out of the window frame. Once it’s off, West’s height and strength make it easy for him to hoist himself onto the sill, and then climb inside.
I’m barely able to get the window closed because I’m shaking with excitement. Then, I squeeze him with a hug that says it all—I need this.
“I know this was stupid, and I know I shouldn’t be here, but… I had to see you,” he pants, crashing his lips down on mine before I even have a chance to speak.
I’m so confused, but too happy to ask questions. He leads me to the bed, then I’m lowered to the mattress. West pulls off the hoodie that once hid his face, and the fabric of a dark tee strains around his biceps. I stare as the muscles flex while freeing himself of the shirt, then his jeans and boxers follow. I only bother removing my pajama bottoms and underwear, not caring about my shirt because I need him closer.
Now.
Maybe sensing my impatience, West quickly grabs a condom, then he’s on top of me the next second.
We’re quieter than usual, breathing against one another’s skin as I grip the back of his neck. His movements are careful so the bed doesn’t creak, but he’s pushing deep. So, so deep.
My other hand trails down the smoothness of his back, feeling how it flexes and eases beneath my palm. Heat and moisture from his mouth covers one side of my neck when he sucks there, drawing a sigh of relief from between my lips.
My knees fall open and he responds with a powerful thrust that makes it hard not to cry out, but I muffle the sound against his shoulder instead. His chilled skin has warmed with mine now, making it hard to tell where one’s begins and the other’s ends. Like we’re one.
“I needed you so bad. You’re all I fucking think about,” he rasps against my ear.
But more than I hear what he’s saying, I feel it—his need for me. Maybe because I feel it too, like I can’t breathe until he’s here, until we touch.
“I love you,” he whispers, making my head spin as I echo those words back to him.
He places a kiss beneath my chin and my fingers slip through his hair, drawing him closer. When I lose my breath, he knows I’m coming and seems to stop caring if we’ll make noise, violently churning his hips harder, faster, driving himself deeper. The friction of his aroused flesh against mine has a throaty groan leaving him a few seconds later. To keep from waking Mike or Scar with whatever sounds of pleasure threaten to leave his mouth, West kisses me hard. He hungrily sucks my lips, breathing deeper with his release. Even when his body’s gone still, the kiss doesn’t end, which is telling.
Sex with him is more than body. It’s heart. It’s soul.
“Okay, not that I’m complaining or anything, but… how the hell are you even here?”
The question draws a light laugh from West, and before answering, he kisses me again, still resting between my legs.
“Long story short, you’d be surprised what a guy’s willing to do to get to his girl,” he begins. “To start, I’m out $500, which is what your fucking friend charged me to borrow his car for the night.”
I laugh a bit louder than I mean to, but… what?
“Hold up, Ricky loaned you his car and you willingly paid him all that money just so you could come see me?”
West nods, holding my gaze. “In a nutshell, yeah.”
I swear the size of my smile just doubled. Not only is that incredibly sweet, but it’s also kind of sexy.
He kisses me again, then shrugs. “I would’ve paid more, but maybe don’t tell him that part.”
Pursing my lips together, I pretend to lock them and throw away the key. “Your secret’s safe with me.”
“Good.” He peers down and the love in his eyes is so obvious.
I don’t say it out loud, but money or no money, Ricky loaning his car to anyone is extremely out of character. But then, I’m reminded of our conversation on his couch. When asked if I was happy with West, I saw how much it mattered to him that I answered yes. Sure, it might’ve cost West several hundred dollars to convince Ricky to cave, but the Ricky I know is unmovable. This is a sign of West and Ricky—two of the most important men in my life—turning a corner, and I couldn’t be happier about it.
My body cools when West shifts his weight off me and moves to sit at the edge of the bed. I turn onto my side and stare at the impressive definition of his back, at the ink that slinks up and around his forearm and bicep—a true work of art.
The tattoos.
Him.
“So, I get to keep you all night? Is that what you’re telling me?”
“As long as I have the car back before sunrise,” he answers. “Moving in darkness is the only way people won’t spot that I’m not him.”
But all I hear him say is that I get to hold him and get the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a while. He sneaks to the bathroom for a sec, then locks us inside my room when he comes back. My bed’s small, but it gives us an excuse to stay close. Not that we needed one.
With my head settled on his chest, I’m already dozing. Tonight started out shitty, but this is definitely the best way to end it.
Note to self: Thank Ricky later. He’s pretty awesome.
@QweenPandora: NewGirl wastes no time!
Several passersby spotted a familiar blue car parked outside our cheating chica’s house last night. And when I say last night, I mean ALL night.
Apparently, SeXyBeAsT couldn’t wait to rekindle the love, but I sure hope he knows what he’s doing. From what we’ve all seen, NewGirl changes her mind like she changes her socks.
Might’ve dodged a bullet here KingMidas.
Later, Peeps.
—P
Chapter 41
BLUE
Well, I was right. Everyone thinks I’m on West’s shit-list, which means I’m now on the whole school’s shit-list.
Great.
Monday was mostly dirty looks. Tuesday, I got shoved in the hallway and almost bit it in front of everyone, which was awesome. Wednesday, someone wrote ‘slut’ on my locker with permanent marker. Thursday, one of my textbooks mysteriously came up missing.
Then, today, some random ‘accidentally’ spilled her soda on my shoulder when walking by me and Lexi’s table during lunch. While everyone nearby laughed at my expense, West forced himself to smirk a little, giving the appearance of going along with the bullying. Typically, he’d threaten to rip off someone’s limbs for even looking at me the wrong way, but in our current situation, he has to sit by and watch.
To sum it all up, this feels like being right back at square one with a target on my back.
Did I mention how much this all sucks?
Now that I’ve officially survived the first week
of the ‘break up’ from hell, I’m grateful for the weekend. What makes it even better is that there was no game tonight, only practice. Sure, I’m still getting home after dark, but I’ll take what I can get.
Rounding the corner, the house comes into view. I’m already fantasizing about climbing into bed and staying there until work in the morning, but when I pull further into the driveway and glance toward the back door, I have to do a double-take.
There’s a figure perched on the steps and I’m finally able to make out the features of the small blonde whose eyes just lit up seeing me. Shock has me convinced I’m imagining things because she’s made it a point to stay away so long.
“You’ve gotta be shitting me.”
As if she’s just heard me utter those words, my mother—The Great Houdini of Cypress Point, Master of the Disappearing Act—is on her feet and walking toward my car before I can even put it in park. Even from here, I can tell she’s pretty messed up. It looks like she hasn’t showered in days, if not weeks, and the scabbed over wounds on her face are telling of what her poison of choice has been this time around.
I stare at her and, surprisingly enough, I feel nothing. For almost a year now, I’ve waited for her to come home, but not like this. Not looking like this.
I step out and she puts on a fake smile. “Hey, Blue Jay! It’s so good to see you.”
She’s trailing me to the back door because I’m not stopping for her. I’ve chased her my whole life and those days are over.
“Aren’t you gonna say something? I’ve missed you girls so much.”
“So much that you’ve been gone almost an entire year?” I snap, spinning on my heels to stare her straight in the eyes.
She’s at a loss for words and I reel my emotions in. She’s not worth that.
“You can’t be here,” I say. “The last thing I need is for Scar to see you like this.”
She glances down, looking herself over as I do the same, realizing just how far she’s fallen in such a short time.
“I know I’m a bit of a mess right now, but that’s because I’m in kind of a bad way. And… I was kind of hoping you could help me with that,” she starts, and before she can even finish her speech, I’m rolling my eyes.
“Of course, that’s why you’re here,” I sigh. “Why else would you come back? It’s not like you’re supposed to be a mother or anything.”
She steps back, glaring with offense. “Supposed to be a mother?”
“There’s no way you’re offended by that,” I scoff. “You missed both mine and Scar’s birthdays, you abandoned her, abandoned me, and left me to carry everything by myself. And the only reason I’ve heard from you at all is because you need money.”
I try to walk away, knowing I’ll say things I can’t take back if I don’t.
“Just a small loan. Nothing you’d miss,” she begs.
I stop and pivot toward her again, feeling like there’s actual fire beneath my skin when I lay eyes on her.
“I hate you!”
Those words tumble out, echoing into the night and I know I should regret letting them slip, but I don’t. Because they’re true.
“You are the worst piece of shit I’ve ever met in my entire life,” I add. “What kind of human leaves her kids to fend for themselves in a world like this?”
Tears sting my eyes, but they’re steeped in anger and hatred, not sadness.
“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know,” she confesses, her timid voice barely louder than a whisper. “I failed you kids. No one’s more aware of that than me.”
“And yet, you continue to only come around when you need something.”
She lowers her gaze then, staring at the flip-flops that are doing nothing to shield her feet from the snow-covered ground.
“If I could take back everything with Hunter, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
She says those words as if they should mean something to me, but I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“I never should’ve gotten him involved. He wanted to help out more, bring more money into the house, but I had no clue what they’d do to him.”
I dash toward her, taking her unfamiliarly thin arm in my hand.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
She seems surprised by the hard look set on my face, but she needs to know I’m not letting go until she explains herself.
“He… he wanted to earn some quick cash. The kind of cash that could’ve changed our lives,” she says. “So, since Paul and I go way back, I reached out to him. Your brother was already working with the Ruizes, but I let Paul know Hunter was ready for something bigger—a more important role in the business.”
By her and Paul going ‘way back’, she means he used to be her supply guy back in the day, before he was promoted within the family ranks by Augustin years ago.
Tears slip from her eyes and she tries to squirm out of my grasp.
“Mom, what the hell did you do?”
Shaking her head like a terrified toddler, she tries pulling away again. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
I don’t have time for her antics, so I squeeze tighter. “What the fuck did you do to Hunter?”
This time, I scream at her louder than I mean to. My concern isn’t that I’m considering her feelings, but because I’d prefer for strangers not to hear our conversation.
“I talked Paul into taking Hunter in deeper, giving him more responsibility. Then, before we knew it, Hunter said Paul found him a spot moving cargo,” she explains.
Cargo—there goes that damn word again.
“Hunter was so, so excited. Paul wanted to train him in the new business, so he was supposed to keep him under his wing for a week to learn the ropes, but within two days, the cops were knocking at our door, saying Hunter got arrested for killing that Robyn girl.”
I can’t even see straight I’m so pissed at her. “So, Hunter being in jail is your fault?”
Suddenly, something Ricky said to me months ago made perfect sense. When I blamed him for Hunter going bad, he told me to look a little closer to home.
He was talking about my mom. He knew she was the one who got Hunter entangled in the circumstances that eventually ruined his life.
“No! I was just trying to get him some work!”
“You might be an idiot, but everyone on the southside knows what kind of work Paul Ruiz does! Don’t pretend you had no clue you were putting Hunter in danger. He went in deeper because you wanted him to! Because you’re a greedy bitch who’d rather have that damn poison in her veins than have her kids home safe.”
She attempts to take my wrist when I turn to leave, but I snatch away.
“You have to know I didn’t know this would happen. Please, Blue Jay.”
I ignore her sorry ass and start up the steps, but when I do the back door swings open. While I thought it’d be Scar coming to see what all the racket is, I’m staring up at Mike instead. And his eyes aren’t set on me. They’re on Mom.
I’m half-expecting him to go to her, try to bring her inside, so my guard is up. If he even looks like he’s thinking about inviting her into this house, I’m fully prepared to burn the whole fucking thing down before I’d let that happen. But to add to tonight’s surprises, Mike opens the screen to let me in, then closes and locks it behind me, leaving that woman and all her bullshit outside.
“You all right?”
I peer up when he asks, shocked by the sincerity in his gaze.
My body slumps against the door and I draw in a deep breath when I nod. “I’m okay.”
He continues to stare, like he’s unsure whether to believe me or not.
“She tried calling earlier today and I hung up as soon as I heard her voice. If I thought she’d try to stop by, I would’ve given you a heads up before coming home. You shouldn’t have to deal with that.”
I’m not sure how to feel. I have no memory of Mike protecting me, considering my well-being. Nor do I recall
him ever not being Mom’s doormat.
“It’s fine. She doesn’t get to me like she used to,” I say.
After hearing that, he eventually nods and steps back toward the stove, then stirs whatever’s in the pot while flashing a look at me.
“You’re probably gonna say no, but I’d love it if you’d eat with me and Scar. I—”
“Sure.”
His stare darts toward me again, and I think the only person more shocked that I just agreed to share a meal with him, is me.
There’s a dim smile on his face and he goes to the cabinet to pull down a third plate.
“Wash your hands and I’ll set the table. And grab your sister on your way back.”
I nod. “Okay.”
Slow steps carry me toward the hallway, but before I’m out of his sight, Mike speaks again.
“Thank you,” he says gravely, and when I look into his eyes again, I don’t miss that they’re filled with emotion.
This is a small step, and I’m not sure if there will be others, but for tonight, it seems I’ll have a father for the first time in a long time.
And… I’d forgotten how nice that feels.
Chapter 42
BLUE
Blue: Saw my mom last night and she knows a lot more about my brother’s case than anyone realized. She talked a lot about Paul Ruiz. If you can bring her into the station, she may be willing to give a statement, but I’m not sure what good she’ll be. Looks like she’s started back up with meth.
Roby: I’ll send a patrol car out to look for her, but fair warning, people in her condition are hard to find if they don’t want to be found. You know we’ll do our best, though.
Blue: I’ll let you know if I see or hear anything else.
“Anything you’d like to share with the class?” Uncle Dusty teases when he catches me sneaking a text in between customers.
Embarrassed, I slide it back into my pocket and smile. “Nah, just Jules being Jules.”