Jasper halted outside a half-open door. He knocked, took a deep breath and went inside. Calum followed.
“Happy birthday, Mum,” Jasper said.
She sat in a recliner in front of a flat screen TV though it wasn’t switched on. Calum thought she looked too young to have dementia. Her nails had been painted with bright pink polish, her dark hair was neatly coiffed and she wore a pretty dress and jacket. Jasper bent to kiss her cheek and she glared.
“I don’t like those,” she said, nodding at the chocolates that Jasper had told him were her favorites.
Jasper stiffened. “Okay, I’ll take them away.”
“You might as well leave them now,” she snapped. “The staff can eat them.”
Jasper rolled his eyes.
“I brought a friend.” Jasper beckoned him. “This is Calum.”
Calum walked forward with his hand out. “Pleased to meet you.”
“Ben! How lovely. Sit down and tell me what you’ve been up to.”
She beamed at him, and Calum flashed Jasper a look of desperation.
“Mum, this is Calum. He’s my friend from America.”
“Go away, Jasper,” she said. “I want to talk to Ben alone.”
Jasper winced and his shoulders slumped. “Mum—”
“I said go away,” she barked.
“It’s okay, Jasper,” Calum said. “We can chat for a while.” Calum wished he could talk some sense into her, but knew he couldn’t. He’d had plenty of practice at talking to people who didn’t want to hear what he had to say.
Jasper mouthed “Sorry” and left the room. Calum could imagine how much it hurt to have a mother who didn’t even recognize you. It made him feel even guiltier for not calling Vera his mom sooner. Jasper’s mother grabbed Calum’s hand and pulled him onto the chair beside her.
“Jasper’s trying to kill me,” she whispered.
Calum gaped at her.
“Are you a policeman?”
“No, I—”
“A doctor?”
“No.”
“Jasper killed his father and his brother and now he’s trying to kill me.”
“No, that’s not right,” Calum said.
“Are you an angel?”
Oh Christ.
“You look like an angel.” She smiled at him and he saw Jasper in her smile. “You were always such a good boy. You did as you were told. It was all Jasper’s fault.” She began to wring her hands and rock in her seat. “I don’t understand why it happened. We had everything and then we had nothing.”
Calum patted her fingers and wished Jasper would come back. “It’s okay,” he whispered.
“Michael swerved so he didn’t hit Jasper and instead he hit you. He was so sorry.” A tear trickled down her cheek. “He broke my heart that day along with his. Better if he’d hit Jasper. Jasper always bounced back. But you didn’t, sweetheart. You were broken and no one could mend you.” She clutched his fingers.
“You’ve wearing a lovely dress,” Calum said in desperation.
“Jasper was in the way. That’s why Michael had to swerve. Jasper should have died.”
She looked toward the door and Calum turned to see Jasper standing there, his lips pressed tight together, a muscle twitching in his cheek.
“I don’t feel well. I don’t want any visitors.” She let Calum go and closed her eyes.
Calum tried not to run as he left the room. Jasper nodded toward the stairs and Calum followed. He reached for Jasper’s shoulder, but he pulled away. Calum stayed on his heels all the way back to the car. When Jasper wrenched open the driver’s door, Calum pushed it shut before he could get in and slipped to stand in front of him.
“Don’t,” he whispered. “Don’t push me out. I don’t know how the hell you cope with her. She doesn’t know what she’s saying. She thought I was Ben, an angel, a doctor, a policeman. She didn’t mean what she said.”
Jasper’s head sagged. “Yeah, she did. When Ben lay there, tubes in his mouth, and in his backside and in his cock, alive and yet not alive, she turned and said it would have been better if I’d died rather than have this happen to my brother. I wanted to believe she didn’t mean it. The accident wasn’t my fault. Ben had been messing around, not paying attention, but that isn’t what she wants to have happened. Easier to have someone to blame.”
Calum’s heart ached in sympathy. “After all you’ve done, all you gave up… It’s not fair.”
Jasper pressed his mouth to Calum’s ear. “News flash. Life isn’t fair.” Then he straightened and gave a tight smile. “But I’m not going to let her spoil our last night. That really wouldn’t be fair. Come on, get in.”
All the way back, Jasper worked hard to dispel the pall of his mother’s outburst. Calum recognized that Jasper didn’t want to talk about her but he was doing a skilful job of not talking about anything that mattered.
“Is she like that every time you visit?” Calum asked.
“I never know what I’m going to find. Do you want to stop and pick up a couple of pizzas?”
“I’m not hungry. Does no one else visit her?”
Jasper sighed. “A few relatives.”
“I don’t know how you deal with it.”
“I’ve learned to clear my mind the moment I leave. Would you rather get a Chinese takeaway?”
“I’m really not hungry.”
“Want to go to the pub?”
“I want to go home. We need to talk.”
After that, Jasper didn’t say a word, but his grip tightened around the steering wheel. Calum wanted to pull him into his arms and tell him everything would be all right, that they’d find a solution, though it flittered through his mind that in some ways, it might be kinder to concoct an argument and make the break unpleasant. If Jasper thought there was no hope, maybe he’d find someone else to… Christ. It wouldn’t be difficult. They already had an unresolved issue. Jasper hadn’t topped him. All Calum had to do was tell Jasper he didn’t want him to, that he didn’t trust him. The lump in Calum’s throat threatened to choke him. God, I can’t tell him that.
Jasper spun the car into the drive and switched off the engine. They hadn’t stopped for food. They’d eaten before they went to see his mother, so Calum had guessed the hollow feeling in Jasper’s stomach was anxiety, and maybe he didn’t want to come home.
Calum followed Jasper inside and closed the front door. Jasper leaned against the wall and sighed. Calum thought how hard it must be to have a mother who didn’t recognize you, who said cruel things even if she didn’t know what she was doing. It reminded Calum yet again how lucky he was to have Vera and knew there was no way he could deliberately hurt Jasper. He was ashamed he’d even thought about it. Calum pulled him into his arms. Jasper’s Adam’s apple shifted up and down and Calum leaned in to kiss it. He slid his hands to Jasper’s neck and stroked the line of his chin with his thumbs.
“The moment I saw you, I wanted you,” Calum whispered. “I didn’t even know if you were into guys and I still wanted you. And every day since, I’ve wanted you more and more. I thought maybe after a week here, I’d be full, but I’m just as hungry.”
“Then stay,” Jasper choked out.
Calum exhaled. “I can’t. This isn’t my world.”
“You can sculpt here, you can make it your world.” Jasper’s eyes were bright with unshed tears. “You’re allowed to stay in the UK for six months.”
“And then what? My father’s sick. My mom needs me. Angie needs me. Even if I could stay longer, it only makes parting harder.”
Jasper trembled. “I could come to Wyoming. I’m allowed to visit for three months.”
Calum let his gaze wander over Jasper’s face, taking in every detail. “And what happens after that? You’d lose your job. What about your mother?”
“I want to make you happy,” Jasper whispered. “I want to wake up with you by my side. I feel…responsible for your happiness. It’s like something burning inside me, a feeling that making you h
appy is what I’m here for, my reason for being.”
Oh God. Calum sighed. “I love you.”
Jasper closed his eyes for a moment and then looked straight at him. “I love you too.”
Calum dropped his hands to Jasper’s and clutched them. “Take me to bed and make love to me.”
Jasper swallowed hard. “No.”
Calum took a deep breath. “Jasper, we have one night. This is what I want.”
“No.” Jasper tightened his jaw.
Calum let his hands slide from Jasper’s. “Why not?” he snapped. Calum stamped away and then stormed back, his cheek twitching. “Why the fuck not?” Maybe he didn’t need to concoct an argument. Maybe this was it.
“Because it’s…a big thing for you and I think it should be something that should wait until you meet the guy—”
“I have met the fucking guy.” Calum tried not to shout and failed. “I want to do this with the guy I love.” He lowered his voice. “That guy is you.”
“But—”
Calum caught hold of Jasper’s hair and held him so they looked each other in the eyes. “Don’t keep giving me an out. You don’t think I’m nervous about you shoving that monster cock in my ass?”
Jasper released a strangled sound—half-groan, half-laugh.
“Anyone would think you didn’t want to fuck me.” Calum rapped his knuckles on Jasper’s head.
“I do want to,” Jasper whispered. “If you ask me to stop, you know I will.”
“I trust you.”
Calum did trust him, but as Jasper took his hand and led him upstairs, his throat clogged with fear.
What if I can’t get hard?
Because that was a distinct possibility. Now he’d set off on the path to this happening, his cock had shriveled. Considering what he’d confessed to Jasper about the rape, the irony didn’t escape him.
What if I freak out?
He might yell, scream, or worse—burst into tears. Fuck it, not that.
The moment Jasper got into his room, he stripped off and leapt onto the bed. Calum’s skin crawled with awareness as Jasper watched him undress, but Jasper’s gaze never shifted from Calum’s face. Jasper dragged his hand up and down his shaft as he stared and the sheer puppy-like eagerness of his expression began to melt Calum’s fear and turn his cock hard. This is Jasper. I love him.
Calum crawled onto the bed from the bottom and lay on his side, his face next to Jasper’s.
“Got everything we need?” Calum asked. “Condoms, five bottles of lube?”
Jasper laughed and pulled Calum in for a kiss. His fingers encircled the back of Calum’s head and then their tongues brushed and played together. Jasper groaned against Calum’s mouth, licking at his tongue as if he were starving. Calum stopped worrying about his cock, it was as rigid as Jasper’s, and as their hips melded, their dicks rocked and kissed in their own special way. Jasper’s tongue plunged in and out of Calum’s mouth in a promise of what was to come and Calum’s fear crumbled like a drying sand castle.
“I want to fuck you so much,” Jasper muttered into Calum’s neck. “I am scared shitless I’ll muck it up and come before I even get inside you.”
And Calum realized Jasper had his own issues here.
Then Jasper’s mouth was back on his, their lips frantically mating as they writhed against each other. The need to come sank its claws so deep into Calum he had a feeling he might have the same problem as Jasper. This could be over before it started. Still, they had all night.
Jasper reached out to grab the lube and condom off the bedside table and Calum ran the flat of his hand down Jasper’s outstretched body, letting his fingers slide over the satiny skin, teasing soft hair and skimming chiseled abs until Calum reached Jasper’s cock.
Oh shit, he is fucking huge.
“How come I didn’t notice how big you were before?” Calum muttered.
“And you’re not?” Jasper laughed.
He relaxed into Calum’s touch like a large cat, stretching arms and legs, almost purring as Calum rubbed the dark curls at the base of his cock.
Jasper stroked his head. “Are you sure?”
Calum tried to say yes but the word log jammed in his throat.
“You don’t have to.” Jasper feathered his lips over Calum’s.
“Will you still respect me in the morning?” Calum asked with a smile.
Jasper growled. “Put me under pressure, why don’t you?”
He pushed Calum onto his back and kissed a slow, wet path from his lips, over his chin, down his throat and onto his chest. Calum closed his eyes and flexed into Jasper’s touch, threading the fingers of both hands into Jasper’s hair as the guy fluttered his mouth over his nipples. Calum’s breathing lurched in fits and starts as Jasper moved from one side of his chest to the other, teasing his nipples until they were so tight and sensitive, each touch made Calum shiver.
When Jasper’s mouth reached his cock, Calum groaned. His hips constantly shifting, he bucked into Jasper’s face, his hands still on Jasper’s head holding him tight. It was hard to think when every cell in his body was bent on pleasure. Jasper’s hot, wet tongue licked around his crest and then blazed a trail down to his balls. Calum opened his eyes and looked at Jasper’s dark head between his splayed thighs and willed his body not to let him down.
Jasper licked and petted and stroked him into an impossible mix of high tension and deep relaxation. Afloat on a sea of sensation, Calum had only enough sense to wrap his hand around the base of his cock and squeeze. That might earn him a couple more minutes. Jasper’s tongue was working magic on his asshole, sending spirals of pleasure coursing down Calum’s veins, but at the wash of cool lube, Calum sucked in a breath and flinched.
“It’s okay,” Jasper whispered. “I squeezed too hard and emptied half the tube on your butt. It’s very shiny. You’ll probably slip through my fingers and end up on the floor.”
Calum laughed, which was what he guessed Jasper had intended. But when he felt Jasper’s finger press on his anus, Calum stiffened and closed his eyes.
Jasper moved from between his legs and slid to Calum’s side. He rested up on his elbow and shifted his finger back to play around Calum’s hole.
“I love you,” Jasper whispered. “Whether we do this or not, I still love you.”
Jasper’s voice calmed his frazzled nerves. Calum tried to relax as Jasper’s finger circled and pressed. When the insistent digit breached the muscle barrier, Calum released a noisy breath.
“Okay?” Jasper asked.
Calum nodded and rubbed his face against Jasper’s hair, filling his lungs with the citrus scent of his shampoo. One finger in his ass became two, and Calum gave an involuntary hiss at the slight burn. Jasper kissed him as he slid his fingers in and out, kissed him harder when he twisted them and pleasure began to seep through Calum’s body, overwhelming trepidation, swamping memories. He tightened his grip on his cock and began to squeeze in time with Jasper’s thrusts, letting the river carry him toward the waterfall.
When the fingers withdrew, Calum groaned, wanting them back. He’d been close to coming. He opened his eyes to see Jasper rolling on the condom and smothering himself with lube. Oh God. Calum’s heart was already beating fast, but now it beat faster. Jasper shifted to the bottom of the bed and knelt between Calum’s spread thighs. He ran his wet fingers over Calum’s where he gripped his cock and smiled.
“Trying to strangle your dick into submission?” Jasper asked.
“I’m a little tense.”
“You’re a big tense.”
Calum rolled his eyes. “Yeah, bad joke. That helps.”
Jasper edged closer and trailed his hands down the inside of Calum’s thighs to part his butt cheeks.
“Know how to tell the difference between erotic and kinky?” Jasper asked.
“No.”
“When you want to go for erotic you use a feather. Kinky, use the whole chicken.”
Calum laughed. He was still smiling when Jas
per lined his cock up with the entrance to his body.
“You can still say no,” Jasper panted.
“Fuck me,” Calum whispered.
The rounded head of Jasper’s cock nudged harder and Calum took a deep breath and pushed back against the pressure. He wasn’t freaking out, he wanted this, he wanted Jasper buried balls deep inside him. He stared into Jasper’s face as Jasper stared into his and then Calum’s ring of muscles relaxed to let the wide flare of the cock slip just inside his hole.
“Oh God,” Calum gasped, one hand clutching harder at his cock, the other trying to pull a tightly fitted sheet into his fist.
In a mix of pleasure and slight pain, his muscles burned at the intrusion.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Jasper whispered.
He leaned over to rest on his arms on either side of Calum’s head, then smiled and kissed him.
“Want all of you,” Calum gasped into Jasper’s mouth.
“You’ve got it.”
Calum choked out a laugh. “Liar.”
“You can—” Jasper began.
“Fuck me. Do it.”
“I’ve changed my mind,” Jasper said, but he was laughing.
Calum needed all of him. Now. “You bastard. Want me to beg?”
“That would be nice.”
Calum narrowed his eyes. “Please.”
Jasper pushed hard and deep. He sighed as slid into Calum’s body, his face suffused with pleasure. Calum lifted his legs and wrapped them around Jasper’s hips to pull him as close as he could. The feeling was so good, the sensation of being filled, that Calum could scarcely believe it. Jasper began to move, rocking his hips to drive his cock through the nerve-rich tissue of Calum’s ass.
“Christ, you’re tight,” Jasper panted.
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