by Lisa Graff
Mrs. Luu pointed to the pot of syrupy taffy mixture. “Who wants to add the food coloring?” she asked.
Sophie looked at the bottles of food coloring.
She picked up a bottle labeled “Jungle Green.”
“I’ll do it,” she said.
She unscrewed the lid.
“Just a tiny titch,” Mrs. Luu told her.
Sophie nodded.
She poured in a tiny titch.
Then she poured in the tiniest titch more.
“That’s enough,” Mrs. Luu told her.
“Okay,” Sophie said.
She grinned at Owen.
And then she poured in the whole bottle.
“Whoops,” she said. “It must have slipped.”
Mrs. Luu took the bottle from Sophie and frowned at her.
“Now,” Mrs. Luu told the children after she had stirred in the dye, “in order to turn this mixture into candy, we have to pull it. I’ll show you. You just grab a great glob like this”—Mrs. Luu reached in the pot—“and then you take it in both your hands”—she took hold of a heaping blob of dark green goop—“and you stretch it.”
Mrs. Luu began to pull.
Slowly …
Slowly …
Longer …
And longer …
Until the taffy between her hands looked exactly like one long, thin, green—
“Yap!”
—snake.
“Yap yap!”
A Madagascar ground boa, to be exact.
“Yap yap yap!”
From up on his high-dive perch, Lenny had spotted the taffy.
“What on earth,” Mrs. Luu said, the taffy stretched out between her hands, “is that lemur yapping abou—”
“YAP!”
That’s when she was kicked in the taffy by a high-diving lemur.
“YAP!”
Lenny scuffled with the taffy, and Mrs. Luu knocked over the taffy pot.
CRASH!
“YAP!”
Mrs. Luu hollered.
Lenny tussled with the taffy, and Mrs. Luu toppled onto the table.
BASH!
“YAP!”
Mrs. Luu screamed.
Lenny wrestled with the taffy, and Mrs. Luu, her feet just inches from the edge of the pool …
Lost her balance …
And tumbled into the water.
SPLASH!
“YAP!”
Mrs. Luu wailed.
“That’s it!” Mrs. Luu screeched from the water. She climbed out of the pool.
Her dress was soaked.
Her shoe was broken.
Her hair was stuck to her eyebrows.
The taffy was toast.
“I tried out twenty-two different recipes to make that taffy!” Mrs. Luu bellowed. “And that lemur ruined it! He ruined everything!”
Sophie smiled.
“But I love the lemur,” Owen said. He scooped Lenny out of the pool and handed him to Daisy, sticky and dripping and taffyed all over. “He’s exactly the pet I wanted. Exactly.”
“Well, I’m sorry, Owen,” Mrs. Luu said. She wrung out her sleeves. “But I never should have agreed to get you such an exotic pet. I knew it was a mistake from the beginning.”
She squeezed the water out of her hair.
“A lemur clearly isn’t a good pet for you,” she said. “You need something totally different. Like a rabbit. Yes. A nice, quiet rabbit with long ears and a fluffy little tail.”
Owen nodded slowly. “Yeah, Mom,” he said. “That doesn’t sound too ba—”
“No arguments!” Mrs. Luu scolded. “You’re getting a rabbit and there’s nothing you can do to change my mind!”
Owen slipped Sophie a twenty-dollar bill.
“I guess that’s fine then,” he told his mother.
Sophie smiled and tucked the bill in her pocket with the rest of her money.
One hundred dollars.
Sophie finally had one hundred dollars.
She had done it. She had thought of every detail and solved every problem. And now she had exactly enough money to get the Pembo Q-60.
Mrs. Luu took off her shoes and dumped out the pool water. “I’m going to call Petes’ Pets right now and ask for my money back,” she said.
Sophie stopped smiling.
It turned out there was one detail she hadn’t thought of.
“What?” she asked Mrs. Luu.
“I’m going to call the pet store,” Mrs. Luu said. “I paid one hundred dollars for that lemur, and I want my money back.”
And she turned and walked, drippy-sticky, toward the house.
“Sophie!” Daisy hissed. “She can’t call my parents! I’ll get in trouble! What if they make me go back to ballet class?”
Julia’s eyes were big as cantaloupes. “If Daisy goes back to ballet class,” she cried, “then I won’t have a news story!”
Owen sat down plop in the grass. “If my mom finds out about the lemur,” he said, “she’ll never get me a rabbit!”
Sophie stuck her hand inside her pocket.
One hundred dollars.
She looked at Daisy.
She looked at Julia.
She looked at Owen.
Sophie sighed.
“Mrs. Luu!” she called out.
Mrs. Luu turned.
“You don’t need to call the pet store!” Sophie hollered.
Mrs. Luu walked back to the pool.
“Daisy has your refund,” Sophie said. She took the money out of her pocket and slipped it secretly into Daisy’s hand. “One hundred dollars. Her parents made her bring it in case there was a problem.”
Daisy looked at the money, and then she looked at Sophie.
Sophie nodded.
Daisy handed the money to Mrs. Luu.
“Thank you,” Mrs. Luu said. She walked back inside the house, leaving soggy footsteps all the way.
And then something happened to Sophie that had never happened before.
Daisy hugged her.
And Julia hugged her.
And Owen hugged her.
“Sophie!” Julia cried. The four of them were squeezed up tight together like a human snowball. “I think you may just be the best friend I’ve ever, ever had.”
And Owen and Daisy agreed.
Sophie thought about that.
Somehow, Sophie had not ended up with a calculator.
Somehow, she had ended up with friends.
What on earth was she supposed to do with those?
* * *
If Sophie Simon had been paying attention during the rest of the party, instead of sulking behind the broken cake table with the soggy, taffy-covered lemur, she would have noticed several things.
She would have noticed Daisy whispering to Owen.
She would have noticed Owen whispering to Julia.
And she would have noticed that when Julia’s father, Professor McGreevy, showed up early to talk to his daughter about long division, Julia whispered to him.
But Sophie didn’t notice any of those things.
By the time Sophie’s parents came to pick her up, she was miserable.
Sad.
Sullen.
Sunk.
“Hello, sweet potato!” her father greeted her. “Did you make any friends?”
“Yes,” Sophie said with a sigh. “I’m afraid I did. I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“Oh, Maxwell,” Sophie’s mother said to her husband. “Did you hear that? Our little garbanzo bean is being rude and ill-mannered.” She clutched her chest. “Isn’t that fabulous?”
Sophie’s father nodded. “She’s refusing to talk about her personal life,” he said. “Just like that well-adjusted child on Doctor Wanda’s show last Thursday.”
Sophie was in the middle of rolling her eyes to the right and then back again, when she heard a voice behind her.
“Excuse me.”
Sophie turned around.
It was Julia’s father, Professor McGreevy.<
br />
“My daughter Julia tells me there’s a girl over here who’s very good at math,” he said. He looked at Sophie. “Would that be you?”
Sophie looked over at the pool. Owen, Daisy, and Julia were laughing and splashing each other with pool water.
“Yes,” Sophie said. “I’m good at math.”
“But only in a well-adjusted way,” her father piped in.
“The well-adjusted amount of good,” her mother added.
“Why do you want to know?” Sophie asked.
“Well,” Professor McGreevy said. “Since it seems Julia won’t be on the Math Olympics team this year, we’re short one mathlete. And I thought you might like to join.”
He turned to Sophie’s parents. “It would be a great opportunity for your daughter to make friends,” he told them.
“Tater Tot, did you hear that?” her mother cried. “More friends!”
Her father nodded. “Oh, lemon wedge, you could have a whole gaggle of them!”
“It’s very fun,” Professor McGreevy said. “Mathletically, I mean. There’s a large competition, very competitive, and…”
Sophie stopped listening.
She did not want to join Math Olympics.
She did not want a whole gaggle of friends.
What Sophie wanted was a—
“… calculator.”
Sophie’s head shot up.
“What did you say?” she asked Professor McGreevy.
“I said,” he repeated, “that each mathlete on the winning team gets a graphing calculator.” Sophie’s ears perked up. “The Pembo Q-60.” Sophie stood a little straighter. “It’s the latest model,” he concluded.
Sophie looked over to the far end of the pool again.
Julia, Owen, and Daisy waved at her.
They were all grinning.
“So,” Professor McGreevy said, “will you join us?”
Sophie waved back at Julia, Owen, and Daisy.
She was grinning, too.
“Sophie?” Professor McGreevy asked.
Maybe, Sophie thought, just maybe, she might actually like having friends.
“Yes,” she said. “I think I might like that quite a bit.”
Sophie Simon’s Encyclopedia of Things She Can’t Believe You Don’t Know Already
antigravity boots: Boots with large springs on the bottom which allow the wearer to jump very high and far, as though he were on the moon (or on his way to the hospital).
calculus: A very difficult type of math, used to calculate volumes and formulaic changes. Most third-graders hate it more than chocolate-covered beetles.
civil disobedience: A form of protest in which people purposefully refuse to obey certain laws or rules that they feel are unfair without behaving in a violent manner. Many famous leaders, including Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr., used this technique in their struggles for equal rights, and they often called in news reporters to cover the protests.
earthworm: A worm that lives in the earth. Earthworms have five “hearts,” which are very different from the hearts inside humans but just as difficult to operate on.
Eiffel Tower: An iron tower in Paris, France, designed by the engineer Gustave Eiffel for the 1889 World’s Fair. Over 1,000 feet tall, it stands higher than the Chrysler Building in New York City and weighs over 10,000 tons. Not a very good subject for a hat.
flan: A dessert, popular in Spain and Mexico, that is made from sugar, eggs, and milk. Sort of like pudding but wigglier.
frogs’ legs: A favorite French food, often fried and served with a healthy heaping of garlic. Yum yum!
Mahatma Gandhi (1869–1948): A political and spiritual leader in India during that country’s independence movement, famous for his belief in nonviolence. After the British government placed a tax on common salt—making it very difficult for many Indian citizens to pay for the necessary item—Gandhi led one of his most successful protests, the Salt March to Dandi in 1930, walking over 200 miles to the ocean in order to collect his own salt illegally.
graphing calculator: A type of calculator used to chart graphs and study calculus. Most third-graders would rather have a pony.
Greensboro sit-ins: A series of peaceful protests that helped spark the African-American civil rights movement in the United States. In February 1960, several African-American college students sat down at a “whites-only” lunch counter in a Woolworth’s store in Greensboro, North Carolina, even though they knew they would not be served. After many similar protests, Woolworth’s and other stores around the country changed their rules, serving anyone regardless of race.
Math Olympics: Just like the regular Olympics, but with math instead of sports. Also, with smaller medals.
Sir Isaac Newton (1642–1727): A physicist and mathematician famous for numerous achievements, including sitting around and watching apples fall, and inventing calculus. Sophie thinks he’s amazing. Julia, not so much.
reverse psychology: A method of getting people to do what you want them to by convincing them that you want the exact opposite. Very useful for extending allowances and bedtimes.
ring-tailed lemur: A primate most easily recognized by its long, black-and-white-ringed tail. Ring-tailed lemurs are native to the island of Madagascar, eat mainly plants and bugs, and occasionally get into fights, although usually with other male lemurs and not with taffy. They often sit in the sun for long periods of time, with their arms out to their sides and their bellies stretched up toward the sky, in what is known as their “sun-worshiping” position. Loud and ferocious, they make terrible pets (sorry, Lenny).
Robespierre: A surname most typically associated with Maximilien Robespierre (1758–1794), an official who ordered the execution of so many people during the French Revolution that his period of leadership is known as the Reign of Terror. Like many of his victims, he was eventually beheaded. No one knows for sure if Madame Robespierre is one of Maximilien’s descendants, but chances are good that she is.
Saltwater taffy: A very sticky type of candy that needs to be pulled before it can be eaten. It is never made with either salt water or boa constrictors. See following page for a recipe.
sit-in: A nonviolent form of protest in which people sit in one place and refuse to leave until their demands are met. Very useful in changing government policy, or in ending a horrible dance recital.
topographic map: A type of map that shows how tall or short things are, from mountains to riverbeds. Not typically made out of mashed potatoes.
How to Make Madagascar Ground Boa Taffy
Saltwater taffy is almost as much fun to make as it is to eat. Since the mixture gets extremely hot, you should only try this recipe with the help of an adult.
What you’ll need:
2 cups sugar
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1 cup light corn syrup
¾ cup water
2 tablespoons butter, cut into small pieces
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon flavoring (such as vanilla, lemon, maple, or mint)
green food coloring
extra butter for greasing
cookie sheet with raised edges, or shallow baking dish
very large saucepan (3- to 4-quart)
wooden spoon
candy thermometer
small bowl filled with cold water
waxed paper
cooking scissors, or a butter knife, greased with butter
What to do:
1. Grease the cookie sheet or baking dish with butter and set it aside.
2. In the saucepan, mix together the sugar and cornstarch. Add the corn syrup, water, 2 tablespoons of butter, and salt.
3. Place the saucepan over medium heat, and stir constantly until the sugar dissolves and the mixture begins to boil, about 10 to 15 minutes.
4. Let the mixture continue to boil, without stirring, and insert candy thermometer, until it reads 270°F. This will take about 15 minutes.
5. Test the mixture by spooning a small amou
nt of it into the bowl of cold water. The mixture should solidify into thin strands that are flexible, not brittle. Remove the strands from the water. If you can form them into a ball in your hand, the mixture is not hot enough and needs to boil a while longer. If the strands bend slightly before breaking, you have reached the perfect temperature.
6. Remove the saucepan from the heat. Add the flavoring and food coloring (about 5 to 20 drops, depending on how dark you want the taffy to be), and stir gently.
7. Pour the mixture onto the cookie sheet or into the baking dish, and let it sit until it hardens slightly and is cool enough to handle, about 15 to 20 minutes.
8. Grease your hands with butter. Take about a third of the taffy mixture from the cookie sheet and pull it between your hands, stretching it out and then folding it back on itself, and stretching again. Continue to pull the taffy until it becomes lighter and has a satiny gloss, about 7 to 10 minutes. Look out for flying lemurs!
9. Roll the pulled taffy into a long, thin snake, about ½ inch in diameter, and cut it with the greased scissors or knife into 1-inch-long pieces. Repeat steps 8 and 9 until you have pulled and cut all of the taffy.
10. Let the taffy pieces sit for about 30 minutes, then wrap in small squares of waxed paper, twisting the ends.
Makes about 50 pieces
GOFISH
QUESTIONS FOR THE AUTHOR
LISA GRAFF
What did you want to be when you grew up?
I loved math and science when I was a kid, science especially. So I always thought I’d grow up to be a doctor. That lasted until my first year of college, when I discovered I hated chemistry worse than boiled brussels sprouts. (I would later learn to adore brussels sprouts. Chemistry, however, still hasn’t grown on me.)
What’s your most embarrassing childhood memory?
I had many, many embarrassing moments as a kid, but this one took the cake: My middle school had a school-wide assembly at the end of each semester, during which the name of every student who had received straight As on his or her report card would be put into a hat. One name would be drawn from the hat, and that person had the honor of participating in the “money jump,” which was a long, taped-together strip of dollar bills that the student had to leap across. As far as you could jump, that’s how much money you got to take home. After the jump, everyone in the gym would count out loud as Mrs. Rouse, the language arts teacher, slapped the bills into the winner’s hand—“Twenty-six! Twenty-seven!” It was very dramatic. In theory, it was a fantastic honor to be picked for the money jump—who wouldn’t want to earn money for good grades? But in reality, it was pretty nerve-wracking, because most of the straight-A students (myself included) weren’t exactly the type of kids who enjoyed showing off their long-jumping skills in front of the entire student population.