by Ku Cha
Yan ZiChen hurriedly shook his head, “No, I just hope for you and Yan Ge’s happiness.”
Wen Qing’s smile was full of mockery, “You still like him?”
Yan ZiChem remained silent.
Wen Qing laughed hysterically, “You fucking like him and yet you still come and wish us happiness? Is everyone a fucking Casanova? Do I need him to give me my own freedom? Do I need you to fulfill my happiness? Hahaha. You guys are so fucking ridiculous. So what am I? What am I!? A dog whose followed him for twelve years? Does it serve me right to be smacked in the face and then get given a sweet jujube[1], so I can just fucking shamelessly latch onto him and return obediently?!”
Yan ZiChen was taken back for a moment.
Wen Qing’s eyes suddenly grew cold, like a knife held against Yan ZiChen’s throat that prevented him from speaking. Wen Qing continued, “You can take Yan Han if you think he’s that great. In my eyes, he’s merely a dime a dozen. I won’t give a shit about him no matter how well he treats me. Don’t come and act as a lobbyist anymore. It disgusts me.”
* * *
[1] 给了我几巴掌再给我颗枣
This literally means to get smacked in the face and then get given a sweet jujube (red date). It’s a saying that means to punish someone (smack in the face) but then quickly give them a reward/something good (sweet jujube), like the carrot and stick metaphor in english. I decided to keep the original wording instead of using the English equivalent metaphor to better mirror the author’s work as I believe the literal translation flows in this particular scenario.
Chapter 46
* * *
When Yan Han came home at night, Wen Qing was sitting on the sofa and watching television.
An english documentary on CCTV 9 was broadcasting.
Yan Han frowned as he felt slightly panicked, “Did Yan ZiChen leave already?”
Wen Qing turned his head around to look at Yan Han, “Otherwise? Should he feel grateful for my kindness and stay back for dinner?”
Wen Qing’s tone made Yan Han’s temple throb. He took in a deep breath and looked back at the other, “Wen Qing, let’s talk.”
Wen Qing calmly gazed at Yan Han with obvious irritation in his eyes, “Do you think it’s still necessary for us to talk?”
Yan Han’s figure paused for a moment, “There is.”
“If you say there is, then so be it.” Wen Qing picked up a fruit knife and started to peel an apple.
Yan Han sat to one side and waited for Wen Qing to start the conversation.
“Aren’t you going to ask what Yan ZiChen said when he came?”
“I can pretty much guess what he said.”
Wen Qing lifted the corners of his lips, “You asked him to help intervene for you?”
“Not intervene, I just wanted you to know a few things.”
“I’m stupid. Can you smart people make your words easier to understand?”
It was a long time before Yan Han said, “You didn’t go to that photography exhibition.”
“Are you talking about the time when I deceived you so I could run away to another city by myself to sleep together with Wen Bai for a few days?” Wen Qing held back his laughter.
Yan Han’s expression didn’t look too good. He sat there in stillness, “Can we live a good life together from now on?”
Wen Qing placed the items in his hands down onto the table. He was laughing so much that he was on the verge of tearing up, “Yeah. See, you sleep with other people and since I’m not so clean either, doesn’t that mean our past mistakes make us even-steven?” Without waiting for Yan Han to reply, Wen Qing continued to say, “Then say, if our relationship is already so fucking dirty, why do we still need to be together?”
Yan Han pressed his lips tightly together as he tasted astringent bitterness in his throat.
Wen Qing stood up and towered over Yan Han as he gazed at him, “Tell me, why do we still need to be together? Why do you still fucking want me to come back!?” After he finished speaking, he then nodded his head in sudden realisation, “Oh oh, that’s right, I forgot I still owed you. I was being a bitch and acting all horny to try get into someone else’s pants. Why aren’t you so great? You don’t want to cheat so you reject others. It’s always other people begging you to fuck them. In the end, you’re afraid that I’ll misunderstand you, so you get someone else to explain everything to me. Okay, so everything’s my fault right? I owe you! Why don’t you fucking tell me!? Am I correct!?” Wen Qing pulled at Yan Han’s collar as he raged on the verge of breaking down, with completely bloodshot eyes.
Yan Han held tightly onto Wen Qing’s hips to stop him from struggling. Yan Han gazed into Wen Qing’s eyes, “You’re tired. You should have a good rest.”
Wen Qing suddenly gave up on struggling. His eyes were blank and helpless, “Can you please let me go?”
Yan Han turned his head to the side with much difficulty, “You need to rest.”
Wen Qing’s tears felt like they had frozen his heart.
Chapter 47
* * *
That night, Yan Han didn’t sleep together with Wen Qing.
Instead, he smoked alone in the study room.
—
Wen Qing wants to leave.
But can I let him go?
—
It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried to let the other person go.
When Wen Bai came to find him three years ago, he had actually just found out about Wen Qing’s location. The file in his hands clearly documented all of Wen Qing’s recent activities. What did Wen Bai say that made him give up on finding the other person?
He said that he was afraid. Afraid that there was no longer a person called Wen Qing left in this world.
He too, was afraid himself. Despite usually always sporting a kind smile, Wen Qing was extremely resolute in character.
—
Back then when Wen Qing was still working, someone intentionally made things difficult for him at the dining table. At the time, he stubbornly refused to concede and downed an entire bottle of spirit. When he went to pick Wen Qing up, the other’s face was pale, yet he had bid goodbye to the crowd with a smile on his face. In the end, he suffered from gastric bleeding that night and had to stay at hospital for quite a while before he recovered. After that, Wen Qing secretly tripped that person up and got them fired. Since then, his career continued to skyrocket. Later, when Wen Qing decided to quit his job for him, there wasn’t an ounce of hesitation as he discarded his years of hard work just like that.
—
It wasn’t as if the incident had never weighed on his mind, instead it was that for the most part, it felt more like a kind of joyous self satisfaction.
See, Wen Qing loved him so much.
—
That’s why when Wen Qing left so resolutely three years ago, he still faintly believed that Wen Qing wouldn’t really leave him. He thought that Wen Qing needed some time to himself to recuperate because he had committed too many mistakes in the past twelve years. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be good for Wen Qing’s health, as someone who always endured everything. He was also indeed afraid of Wen Qing leaving, and so in the end he still went to County S to find him.
He actually had other thoughts back then.
He had been together with Wen Qing for twelve years already, it was about time he got tired of him, so he might as well have used the opportunity to break up. At the time, he had kept his eye out for any suitable boys around him, but he always thought that either the colour of their hair was too light, or that there hips were too skinny, or that their skin was a bit too dark. It wasn’t until later that he realised that his mind was full of Wen Qing’s figure, and that no other person could spark his interest.
He had constantly got someone to keep an eye on Wen Qing. The times when he wasn’t by the other person’s side, he spent many nights gazing at Wen Qing’s picture in order to fall asleep. In the picture, Wen Qing was smiling at someone in a tranquil manner. Sometimes wh
en he squinted his eyes to see, it seemed as if Wen Qing was smiling at him.
Sometimes he would also think back to what went on between Wen Qing and Wen Bai, and then he would be unable to fall asleep from anger. At times he would also hate himself. Why did he still stay together with Yan ZiChen all day even though he knew that Wen Qing had his suspicions about them three years ago? Just so he could see him become jealous? He also regretted the fact that he slept with Yan ZiChen at home that night due to his anger at Wen Qing and Wen Bai’s relationship. He also regretted the fact that he indifferently agreed to Wen Qing’s request to break up that day purely to save face.
He clearly had so many opportunities to redeem the situation, yet why couldn’t he even grasp onto a single one of them?
He endured it for two years, but in the end he still couldn’t stop himself from going to find him. Yet, at the same time, he was too afraid to meet with him directly, and so only ever dared to buy two serves of his favourite tiramisu every week Han Wei was on shift. Every time he went, he felt as if the day of Wen Qing’s return would draw closer.
He knew that Han Wei’s father had gotten into trouble, and so he waited for Wen Qing to come back and find him.
But he didn’t, instead he went to find Wen Bai for money.
It was only then that he thought perhaps Wen Qing really didn’t want to come back. However, how could he so easily allow himself to disappear from the other’s life. Thus, he paid back the debt first and as expected, Wen Qing personally called him a few days later.
—
Subsequently, when he asked him to come back, the other person had also agreed.
What was he thinking?
He was thinking about how as expected, Wen Qing couldn’t do without him. Sure enough, he came back in the end.
He still loved him.
That’s right, he still loved him.
How could he let him go then?
He would even chain him up for a lifetime if he had to.
—
In the study room, stars of cigarette flame continued to burn throughout the night.
Chapter 48
* * *
When Wen Qing woke up, Yan Han was sitting on the edge of bed, looking at him.
Yan Han’s eyes were bloodshot, and there were hints of cyan hue on his chin due to an emerging stubble.
“You didn’t sleep all night?” Wen Qing asked.
Yan Han nodded his head.
“Then have you made up your mind yet?” Wen Qing sat up and leaned against the pillow.
“I have.” Yan Han paused, “You can’t leave. I can give you anything you want.”
“No room for compromise?”
“No.” The man calmly gazed at Wen Qing.
“Then you can leave first and leave me alone.” Wen Qing turned his head to the side and looked out the window.
Yan Han didn’t move.
“Do I have to die in front of you to make you willingly give up?” Wen Qing’s eyes were full of coldness.
Yan Han swallowed before he stood up and looked towards the door.
—
Assistant Xiao Zhang walked in and bowed towards Wen Qing, “Hi Wen Ge.”
Yan Han glimpsed at Xiao Zhang before telling Wen Qing, “I’ll come back as soon as I finish my meeting today. He’ll look after you while I’m away.”
Wen Qing pulled his lips into a tight line, and faint blue veins popped up on his forehead.
Just as Yan Han turned around to leave, a huge crash thundered behind him.
Wen Qing had thrown the bedside lamp onto the floor. There were glass shards everywhere as Wen Qing stood on top of them with his feet.
Blood gradually seeped out beneath his pale feet that stood on top of the pitch black floorboards.
Yan Han’s pupils dilated before he hurriedly walked over in an attempt to grab Wen Qing.
Wen Qing retreated a step back, and the sound of glass shards scraping against the floor echoed.
Yan Han forced himself to a halt, too afraid to move.
Xiao Zhang stood to the side and blankly gazed at the expressionless Wen Qing. The pure thought of this situation made his own feet faintly ache.
Yan Han’s heart clenched in pain as he shouted at Xiao Zhang, “What are you looking at!? Hurry up and go get the car!”
Xiao Zhang instantly ran out in a flustered manner.
“You aren’t going to let me leave, right?” Wen Qing’s expression was placid.
“Don’t do anything foolish!” Yan Han knit his brows tightly.
“I’m fooling around?” Wen Qing laughed, “You won’t let me go, so why do I still need my feet?”
Yan Han hardened his heart and went over to pick Wen Qing off the floor despite the other’s struggles.
—
When Xiao Zhang saw Yan Han come out with Wen Qing in his arms, he quickly got off the car to open the door, not daring to look at Wen Qing’s feet.
After everything was settled, he hurriedly drove to the downtown hospital.
—
The doctor before him looked as if he had been put in a slightly difficult situation, “Glass is a bit special. The larger glass shards are easier to treat, and as for the smaller ones… we won’t be able to see them clearly during operation due to the bleeding. They won’t show up on an X-ray either…” The doctor glimpsed at Yan Han’s expression and hesitated, not daring to continue.
“Speak.” Yan Han frowned.
“We didn’t remove all of the glass shards. The smaller pieces… can only be removed once they surface in the future.”
Yan Han took a drag on a cigarette. The doctor was contemplating about whether or not to tell him that smoking was not permitted here, when Yan Han asked, “Will it hurt to walk?”
The doctor wiped away the sweat on his forehead and replied, “It will hurt more or less. Plus, there is quite a lot of glass shards on the bottom of the patient’s feet, and the wound is pretty deep.”
Yan Han’s head ached as his temples throbbed.
He pinched his cigarette out and got up to leave.
Chapter 49
* * *
Wen Bai sat quietly in the meeting room.
An hour had already passed since the meeting time.
President Yan still hadn’t arrived. There was a fine layer of cold sweat on the assistant’s forehead. President Wen was young, yet he was a cunning man. If President Yan didn’t come soon, then he was afraid that the other opposition would get all the large shares. Just then, the secretary came inside and whispered a few words into the assistant’s ear. The assistant’s face instantly paled.
Wen Bai lifted the corners of his lips, “Is President Yan caught up in some trouble and unable to make it today?”
The assistant nodded his head in apology, “Something happened and President Yan is currently in hospital. I’m afraid that the date for the contract to be signed may need to be delayed.”
“Hospital?” Wen Bai frowned as he felt anxious on the inside, “What’s wrong with President Yan? The contract can’t be signed today anyways, why don’t we go visit President Yan in hospital?”
The deputy wiped away the sweat on his forehead, “To tell you the truth, President Yan isn’t the one who’s had an accident. It’s President Yan’s… uh… family member.”
Wen Bai instantly stood up, and the chair made a ear-piercing sound as it scraped against the floor, “Which hospital is it?”
—
When Wen Bai saw Wen Qing through window outside the hospital room, his heart instantly clenched.
He looked at Yan Han and coldly asked, “What happened?”
Yan Han didn’t reply and turned around to make his way towards the room.
Wen Bai stepped forward and angrily grabbed onto Yan Han’s collar, pushing him up against the wall, “Aren’t you the one who ruined him and made him come back!?”
Yan Han didn’t get mad, in fact he didn’t even lift his head up to look at Wen Bai. He lifted the corners of
his mouth, “What do you know? Even if I did ruin him, what can you do about it?”
“You can’t possibly still think that he’ll let you ruin him because he loves you.” Wen Bai was emanating a vicious aura.
Yan Han shook his head, “So what if he doesn’t love me? Don’t you understand yet? You should’ve gotten the picture three years ago when he didn’t get together with you after we broke up. No matter who he becomes entangled with in his life, it will never be you.”
“Bullshit! You don’t understand him at all!”
“Then tell me why he didn’t end up taking your three million dollars, and instead chose to come back with me,” Yan Han’s expression was slightly contemptuous.
Wen Bai remained silent as he furrowed his brows.
“Even if he wants to drag this out and pull someone down into hell with him, that person will be me and me only. You’re destined to have nothing to do with the twelve years we share together. Even if he wants to leave by himself, his mind will only think of the person who’s ruined half his lifetime’s worth of youth and love: me.”
Wen Bai gradually loosened the grip on his hands and stood up straight, “Why can’t you treat him better?”
“Yeah. Why can’t I treat him better?” It was as if Yan Han was mumbling to himself.
He looked towards the person who was lying on the bed inside the hospital room.
—
The person’s feet were wrapped up like a big Zongzi[1].
Their face was pale as they rested with their eyes shut.
Without a hint of life.
* * *
[1] 粽子 (Zongzi) This is a traditional Chinese food that is eaten on the Dragon Boat Festival. It’s typically a pyramid-shaped ‘dumpling’ that is made of glutinous rice wrapped in bamboo or reed leaves, hence it’s used for imagery in this particular case to describe the bandages around Wen Qing’s feet.