"Give it a try," he suggested. "We could both use a distraction."
"I suppose you're right, but if I don't make any sense, hit your mental delete key." She sat up and made a futile push at her hair. "My omniscient friend Rachel suggested that my allergy to marriage might stem from having my father be such a small part of my life. I got used to the men in my life being limited. Sort of like growing up with an alcoholic, then meeting an attractive drunk and thinking "This feels so right! It must be destiny!' If that makes sense."
"It makes a lot of sense." He thought of his own mother, who mostly wasn't available. Mentally and often physically, she was somewhere else. That had to be an aspect of his own relationship issues. Speaking as much to himself as to Val, he continued, "Recurring patterns are hard to recognize, and even harder to change."
"The funny thing is that I can handle committed, long- term relationships with females. My closest friends date back to elementary school. My mother and I are pretty different, but we like and trust and understand each other. Friday, when Lyssie's grandmother collapsed and was hospitalized, I agreed to become Lyssie's guardian if Louise dies before Lyssie is of age."
"That's major, and good." He drew her closer, thinking this surprising announcement boded well for his prospects. "If ever a little girl deserved to be taken care of, it's Lyssie. How is her grandmother doing?"
"It looks like she'll pull through this time, but it's too soon to judge her long-term prospects. Whatever happens, Lyssie is now part of my family. I felt a pang or two of claustrophobia when Louise first asked me, but no real doubt that it was the right thing to do. It's only with men that my judgment collapses and I panic."
"You couldn't trust your father to be there for you, and that set the pattern of your relationships with men ever since. Not to mention that falling in love makes us terribly vulnerable." As he was where Val was concerned. "Safer never to fall all the way."
"Maybe that explains why one of the best relationships I've ever had with a man is with Kate Corsi's brother, who's gay," she said thoughtfully. "He was the big brother to all of us, and I would trust him with anything."
"Because he wasn't a threat, and even as a kid you sensed that." Rob frowned, trying to find words for an elusive concept. "If sex and love intertwined are dangerous, maybe your natural sensuality—in other words, sex—could only be expressed freely if you controlled the love end of the equation by avoiding it."
Her eyes narrowed with thought. "That's an interesting way to look at it. Makes me sound almost rational. Does that mean that if I fall in love, I'll have to give up sex?"
"I certainly hope not!"
She smiled at his vehemence. "The scary thing about you, Rob, is that you're offering unconditional love, and I just don't know how to get a handle on something with no edges or limit. My over-educated mind can say coolly that I have self-esteem issues, but somewhere deep inside a funny looking redheaded kid is shrieking 'Wrong!' and 'You don't deserve a great guy like this!'"
"Careful. If you're too flattering, I'm going to start suffering self-esteem issues myself," he warned, but hope sparked inside him. "We both have things we need to sort out, Val. The first and most critical step is to recognize that so we can get to work."
She lifted her gaze to his, her eyes transparently honest. "On the way over here I stopped at the Stony Run Meeting on the other side of Charles Street, and I think I have some new insights. It's still an open question if I can change in the ways I need to, but I really intend to try. Just... can you be patient?"
"I can be very patient when the rewards are so great." He smoothed back her hair as he studied her eyes. "You're going to need some patience with me as well. I know I'm in love with you, but that doesn't mean I know how to build a happy, lasting marriage. I've never seen one close up."
"Thinking about your childhood puts my problems in perspective," she said ruefully. "When you drew your line in the sand, you said I couldn't cross it until I was willing to seriously consider a long-term relationship. I'm serious now. Does that mean we can be a couple again?"
"It sure does." He kissed her, feeling levels of openness that were new. This is what he had wanted and been unable to find when they first came together. "I love you, Val. It may be a long journey to where you'll be comfortable with marriage, but at least we're finally on the same path."
She settled against him trustingly. "My friend Rachel said I should talk to you because you sounded like the listening sort. Rachel is always right."
He laughed. "I'm glad she is, because I'm not."
"Neither am I. That's why I hold onto my smart friends."
He stroked her arm. "I'm feeling this odd mixture of emotions. On the one hand, I would like to take you inside and make mad, passionate love as a symbol of reconciliation. And yet... it feels as if it would be wrong to be so happy and self-indulgent when Daniel is facing death."
"I feel the same. We can wait. We have time. Daniel doesn't." She sighed. "It's time for me to go down to the SuperMax and tell him the bad news. He won't blame me, but that won't make me feel any better."
"Let me do it. I had already decided to visit him if this turned out to be his... his last day. There's no point in you torturing yourself when I'll be talking to him anyhow."
She hesitated "You're tempting me, but it seems a dereliction of duty."
"You're going to be there in the morning to bear witness, aren't you?" When she nodded, tears glinting in her eyes again, he continued, "You can say your good-byes then. I'll be there, too. Will Kendra? Daniel asked me once to keep her away."
"She'll be there." Val closed her eyes in anguish.
"No one could have fought harder to save Daniel's life than Kendra has."
Val's full lips thinned into a narrow line. "She and I agree that Yoda was right. There is no try, only do or not do. And we couldn't do it."
"Yoda is a cute little lawn ornament even if he never did master the use of subjects in sentences, but in this he was wrong. Trying matters. Fighting the good fight matters, or what's the point of living?"
"Cal Murphy said much the same."
"Maybe it's a guy thing." He kissed her. "Go home or back to your office while I visit Daniel. I guess I'll see you at the penitentiary at what, seven a.m.?"
"That sounds right. I'll check with the prison people and let you know if another time is better." She patted Malcolm, then rose wearily to her feet. "Maybe we can drive down together, but for the rest of today and all night, I'm going to be hunting through my files for a miracle."
"Same here." Unfortunately, he didn't believe in miracles. "Maybe we should work together at your office tonight."
She regarded him for a moment, then nodded. "I doubt it will help Daniel, but for sure I'll feel better with you nearby."
And so would he. Maybe a fellow traveler would make a night without end a little easier to bear.
* * *
Daniel was able to read Rob's expression as easily as Rob had read Val's. He sat heavily in the chair on his side of the barrier and picked up the handset. "The courts played Pontius Pilate and washed their hands of me, right?"
"I'm afraid so." Rob relayed Val's brief summary of the courts' reasoning.
When he was done, Daniel sighed. "I said from the beginnin' that I didn't expect this to work. But you know, it's impossible not to have at least a little hope. I'm ready to die. I've been expectin' it for a long time. But I'd rather live."
The quiet words were a dagger in Rob's heart. "I'm so damned sorry that we've made this worse for you. Maybe the road to hell really is paved with good intentions."
"You didn't make things worse, Rob. It means a lot to me that two smart folks like you and Miss Val have worked so hard for a black man you didn't even know. And because of your investigation and Kendra's publicity, plenty of people have found out that I'm no murderer."
"None of them on the Court of Appeals," Rob said bitterly.
"Yeah, but even my family had doubts sometimes, I think. Not
anymore. Best of all, because of your efforts I got a chance to see my baby all grown up." Daniel gave his rare smile. "Isn't Jason somethin'? Did you see that he called me his father in the paper? He's not ashamed of me, and that's more than I ever dreamed of. So thanks, Rob, and thank that pretty little redhead of yours."
On the verge of breaking down, Rob said, "You can thank her yourself. She'll be here with me in the morning."
"What about Kendra?"
"Val said she's coming. Maybe you can ask the warden to keep her out, but as Val once told me, our womenfolk are adults and capable of making their own decisions."
"God never made a finer woman than Kendra, and she's been with me every step of the way. I guess I don't have the right to keep her from the last one."
Glad about Daniel's decision, Rob said, "Lethal injection is a calm, painless death. Nothing ugly. Not like the gas chamber or the electric chair."
"A more peaceful death than most people get." Daniel shrugged. "Funny, I believed in the death penalty. I figured only really horrible criminals were executed."
If only that were true. "Are they treating you all right?"
"Oh, yeah. Not many executions here, and everyone is goin' out of his way to be nice. Real weird. For my last meal, I asked 'em to get food from my brother's restaurant. Luke will deliver it himself." He smiled faintly. "I always wanted to taste Angel's cookin'. I not only get that, but Luke will serve it to me in my cell. For the first time in seventeen years, I'll be able to touch someone I love. A pretty good last meal."
Rob could barely speak past the lump in his throat. "You're handling this way better than I am."
"We all die. Not many of us have as much time to prepare as I have." For a moment, a crack appeared in Daniel's composure. "I don't deserve this, but life isn't fair. I'm dyin' a better man than I was when I was arrested, and that's God's mercy."
Rob had been wrong earlier, he realized. Miracles happened, and Daniel was one of them.
Chapter 32
When Rob joined Val in the church conference room to spend the night sifting through case files and notes, he acknowledged bleakly that their vigil was merely symbolic. Yet it was essential to do something more than watch the clock. Every hour or so he would stand and stretch, then give Val a hug. Physical contact helped keep the demons at bay.
It was almost 11 p.m. when Rob's phone rang. He frowned as he dug it out of his tote bag. "Who would be calling at this hour?"
"It's either the governor with a stay of execution, or a wrong number from someone trying to reach a pizza place," Val said with bone-dry humor.
"Hello, Rob here "
"Mr. Smith? This is Virginia Benson-Hall, Omar Benson's mother. You left your card and said to call if I came up with something useful?"
Despite himself, he felt a flicker of hope. "I'm glad you kept the card. What did you think of?"
"It's not much and surely too late," she said uncertainly. "But I've been reading about that poor Daniel Monroe and racking my brain, trying to remember Omar's guns since you had asked about them. I just thought of something Omar said once, not long before he was arrested and sent to prison."
Which was not that long after Malloy's murder. "What did you remember?"
"Omar said that Darrell Long had done him a real big favor, so he needed to do something in return. I remembered the name because Darrell's family is in my church. His mother threw him out when he started stealing from her for drug money."
Rob suppressed his sigh. Darrell Long, the perjuring witness. Nothing new about that. "He lied to protect your son from being arrested for shooting James Malloy. That was a pretty big favor that Omar owed him."
"It surely was. According to the newspaper, that Darrell was the one who persuaded the other fellow to lie. That's a lot to do even for a good friend. And poor Mr. Monroe is paying for it. Is he really going to be executed in the morning?"
"I'm afraid so. The courts have refused to intervene."
"I wish I'd thought of something more useful. I'll pray for his soul."
"That's all any of us can do, Mrs. Benson-Hall. I appreciate the time you've taken to think back over what must have been difficult times."
"It was the least I could do, since my Omar is responsible for Monroe's execution. Good night, Mr. Smith."
He said good night and hung up, but something was niggling in the back of his mind. Val started to speak, and he shushed her with a hand gesture. Something Omar Benson's mother had said? Something he had heard earlier, jumbled together with the details of a hundred interviews?
Darrell Long had done him a real big favor. Maybe more than lying to protect Omar. What had Sha'wan suggested about the weapon? If it had been him, he would give it to a homey to keep. Someone he trusted.
Half my attic is filled with boxes of stuff belonging to Joe and Darrell from the days when they were best buddies. Worthless stuff, or they wouldn't have left it. One of these days I need to sort through and toss, but it's easier to put it off.
He spun around to face Val. "This is a crazy long shot, but Omar Benson's mother just mentioned that Omar felt he really owed Darrell Long. Joe Cady's sister has an attic full of possessions from Joe and Darrell, boxes that have never been opened. Do you suppose there might be something there? Something that Omar gave to Darrell, like maybe the murder weapon?"
"It's possible." Val glanced at her watch. "It's awfully late."
Late to call Lucy Morrison, and very, very late to save Daniel. "It's worth a try."
Rob dug into his files for the phone number of Joe Cady's sister. When she answered, her voice was sleepy, as if she had been awakened by the telephone ring.
Knowing how alarming late calls could be, Rob said, "I'm really sorry to disturb you so late, Mrs. Morrison. This is Rob Smith Gabriel." It was the first time since he left California that he had introduced himself by his full name. "And I have an enormous favor to ask you."
* * *
Val whistled softly as she ascended the steep stairway into the Morrison's stifling attic. "Look at all this. No wonder Mrs. Morrison hasn't wanted to sort through it."
Rob took her hand to help her to solid footing. "I'm glad there are two of us to go through this. It will take hours."
"No kidding." Val classified this search as grasping at straws, but it wasn't any more useless than sifting through their files for the thousandth time, and it gave them the chance to go down fighting. "Let's see, she said the boxes from Joe and Darrell are in the area over the garage." Using a flashlight Rob had provided, she picked her way to the far end, doing her best to avoid the bodies of long dead bugs. She wondered what her attic looked like and resolved never to find out.
A low door led into the area above the garage. "It's not much more than a crawl space, and the light is really feeble. A good thing you came prepared."
Rob had brought two construction lights with long cords. After plugging them in, he found nails for hanging at the peak of the low roof so the boxes were well illuminated. "There's just enough room to start searching here, then transfer the searched boxes to the side."
Val heaved one of the top boxes to the floor, then sat cross-legged beside it. Her slacks would never be the same. Inside were LP records and audiotapes and a sweatshirt that hadn't been washed before it was packed away. She poked through the contents gingerly, hoping not to find a loose hypodermic needle. "It must have been backbreaking work to bring all this stuff up here."
"A good place to hide something you didn't want found, though." Rob started on a box of his own. In return for the Morrisons' permission to search, Rob had offered to use his truck to haul off anything they wanted to get rid of. Val guessed the couple would have agreed to help anyhow, but it was nice of Rob to offer.
Looking for a miracle, she reached for another box.
* * *
After two hours of searching, they were almost through the pile of boxes and the trash bags containing household goods like stained sheets and blankets. No wonder Darrell and Joe
had never bothered to retrieve this stuff.
Rob's eyes were stinging so badly from the dust and fatigue that when he opened the next to the last box, his first reaction was that he must be hallucinating. He wiped his eyes with his wrist and looked again, his heart starting to accelerate.
In the middle of a pile of moth-eaten athletic gear was a brown paper bag, the wrapped shape looking very much like a handgun. He had brought a pair of plastic gloves just in case, so he pulled them on before lifting the bag and peering inside. "Eureka," he breathed. "Val, take a look."
She was beside him in an instant, eyes widening as she saw the sleek, deadly semiautomatic pistol. "Is this the kind of gun that killed Malloy?"
He carefully ripped the bag open to get a clearer look, not touching the gun and minimizing contact with the paper. "Yep. Walther PPK 765. That's the caliber that killed Malloy. This particular weapon is the one James Bond carried in most of the movies. It all fits. Omar wouldn't have wanted to get rid of an expensive gun with fantasy value, so he gave it to his buddy Darrell to keep for a while. Then Omar got sent to prison and never retrieved it."
"A James Bond gun." She stared down at it. "That's almost pathetic."
"Omar's fantasies might have been pathetic, but I'd bet my back teeth that we're looking at the long-lost murder weapon."
Val bent so close he almost warned her not to touch the pistol before she looked up, eyes blazing. "There are little rusty-looking spots on it. Reddish-brown spots."
"Good God, do you think that's blood?"
"Yep." She sat back on her heels, brows knit in thought. "Darrell Long was no fool. Sure, he was willing to hold the weapon for his buddy, but keeping it in crime scene condition might have seemed a prudent precaution. Suppose he was picked up for some other crime and wanted to trade information to the prosecutors in return for his freedom. A weapon that killed a cop would give him plenty of leverage."
His brows rose as he recognized the possibilities. "You have a sneaky mind."
An Imperfect Process Page 31