“I’m usually good at compartmentalizing—keeping the business of being a veterinarian on one side, patient care on the other side, personal life underneath it all. But today— I lost a foal. It was stillborn. Nothing I could do.”
Looking away from her again, she knew he didn’t want her to see the emotion he was feeling.
“I’m sorry, Brooks.” She really could think of nothing else to say. No words helped in a situation like this.
He must have heard the heartfelt understanding in her words. He must have seen the longing in her eyes...her desire for everything between them to be right again. His voice was deeply husky as he said, “Jazzy.”
Impulse led her to wrap her arms around him in a hug, to lift her face to his. Impulse must have gotten to him, too...because he bent his head and kissed her.
This wasn’t a light, feathery kiss. This time, Brooks’s mouth on hers was decidedly masterful, absolutely possessive, totally consuming. His tongue breached her lips in a way that said he needed—wanted—this kiss as much as she did.
She didn’t need to breathe. All she wanted to do was feel—feel Brooks’s desire in the way his arms tightened around her, feel it in the way his tongue swept her mouth, feel it in the way his body hardened against hers. His skin was hot as her hands explored his bare back. His muscles were taut under her fingertips. He was strength and desire and gentleness...and she loved him. Oh, how she loved him.
She thought it over and over again though she didn’t say it. Too much was happening at once. Had he forgiven her for not telling him about Griff? Were his feelings going deeper, too? Did he want exactly what she wanted tonight?
He certainly seemed to because as she stroked her hands down his back and around to his hips, as her thumbs fingered the drawstring on his sweatpants, he groaned and broke off the kiss. For a moment she thought he might want to part like he had the other night, but tonight he looked at her differently.
Tonight he shook his head as if he couldn’t fight desire anymore. Tonight he said, “I want you, Jazzy. Do you want me, too?”
No words of love there. Yet she heard deep emotion in his voice and saw it on his face. She was going to give in to it...give in to passion and hope for love.
“I want you.” She put as much feeling into those three words as she could manage.
With a deep groan, he lifted her into his arms and she wrapped her legs around him. His fervent kisses distracted her so she didn’t even realize he had carried her to the bed. As she sat on the edge of the bed, she clung to him, rubbing her nose into his neck, letting everything about him encompass her. His large hands slid under the hem of her sweater.
“You’re going to have to let go of me if I’m going to get this off you.”
She didn’t want to let go of him, not ever.
He swiveled their bodies until he was sitting beside her on the bed, too. Lifting her sweater over her head, he made quick work of her bra and stared at her as if she were a beautiful piece of artwork...or a fascinating sculpture...or a woman he cared about. Maybe even...loved.
“You can touch me,” she said softly, so wanting to hear what he felt about her.
He gave her a wry smile. “So can you.”
They reached for each other at the same moment. She untied the drawstring at his waist. He unsnapped her jeans.
In no time at all, they were naked on his big bed, facing each other, touching. Every stroke and every kiss meant so much because it had been taboo for so long. Ever since that first night when they’d flirted at the Ace in the Hole, they’d experienced the sexual electricity that had brought them to this moment.
When she laced her fingers in his hair, he caressed her thigh, his hand doing enticing things she could feel down deep inside. Her fingers played in his chest hair. After a speaking glance that said he was going to get serious now, he lowered his head to her breast. The tug of his lips on her nipple inspired sensations she’d never felt before. His tongue laving it made her call his name. His smile, filled with deep male satisfaction, led her to reach for him, enfold him in her hand, and feel the pulsing of his blood. He let out a long breath that told her she affected him just as he affected her.
But apparently he’d had enough of the foreplay. Sliding his palm to the apex of her thighs, he knew she had, too.
“Don’t move,” he rasped, as he reached for the nightstand and pulled out the drawer.
She kept her eyes closed, her breaths coming in short, shallow pants because each kiss and touch had readied her for what came next. She heard the rustle of foil, the packet tearing. A moment later, he was back with her, kissing her lips until she clung to him like a vine.
He rolled her onto her back and rose above her, but he didn’t move to enter her. Gazing at her, he said, “I was jealous of that man you dated, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have. You’re the most honest woman I know.”
It was an apology, and she knew saying he was jealous was hard for Brooks. There was no reason to dwell on it, or their argument. She reached for him and when he entered her, she felt wonderfully whole. She arched up to Brooks, wrapped her legs around him, and took him deeper. His groan of satisfaction made her feel proud, made her feel driven to give him everything she was and everything she could be. Each of his thrusts took her to a new plane of sensation. The melding of their bodies created a swirl of emotion she couldn’t begin to grasp.
When they’d stood at the falls a couple of weeks ago, she’d felt awe near to this. But not anything this wide and deep and high. Not something as cataclysmically earth-shattering. This was love. It was so totally consuming that she didn’t know if she’d ever be herself again.
As she held on to Brooks, light shattered, feelings washed over her, her body trembled and then shook with a climax so overwhelming, tears came to her eyes. Brooks’s release came immediately after, and as they gasped for breath together and held on to each other, she knew their lives would never be the same.
* * *
The first sign that something was wrong was the way Brooks rolled away from her, with his eyes closed, and without a smile. The second was his terse “I’ll be right back,” as if they had something important to settle.
Jazzy’s head was still spinning from making love with him, and she hoped she was wrong about the feeling of doom that was stirring in her heart. Moments before, it had been filled with hope.
When Brooks returned from the bathroom, he didn’t slide into bed with her, but rather sat on the edge. “That was a huge mistake.”
She didn’t know what she had expected to hear, but that wasn’t it.
She was about to tell him she didn’t regret anything about making love, when he said, “I think we should split up. We’ll tell my dad it didn’t work out. I’ll still give you my grandmother’s land, though.”
Stunned, she couldn’t begin to make sense of his words, let alone respond to them.
He went on, laying out his case. “Even if we tried to make a real marriage of this, I can’t give you the marriage you deserve. With my own practice, watching over Dad’s, I won’t have time to sleep, let alone nurture a relationship. My mom had to cover for my dad more times than I can count. Whenever I had a school function, or sports event, she didn’t complain, but he wasn’t around. He was always working. When she got sick, my grandmother was there more than he was.”
“Are you saying that I’m so different from your mom?”
“Oh, you’re different all right, Jazzy. You say what you think. Even if she resented the time Dad worked, she never said. You couldn’t be like that.”
“How do you know I’d resent it?”
“I just know.”
To her dismay, she realized he was thinking of Lynnette again. He might not be comparing her to his mother, but he was comparing her to another woman who’d let him down. And that just made h
er angry.
“This isn’t about your mom or your dad working too much. It’s about your broken engagement. It’s about a woman being unfaithful to you and walking out.”
His silence told her she’d hit the mark. Still, he concluded, “No matter what it’s about, we’d end up hating each other. I don’t want that. Do you?”
Reaching for the sheet, she pulled it up, feeling the need to cover her body where she hadn’t such a short time ago. But now everything was different. Brooks had succumbed to desire in a moment of weakness. He didn’t love her. He couldn’t, not if he wanted to end their marriage.
To top it all off, he began dressing quickly. And then he pulled his duffel bag from the closet.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going to give Dallas a call and go bunk with him and his kids. I’m sure he won’t mind, and he won’t ask any questions.”
“That’s all you’re concerned about, questions?” Brooks was building a new wall around himself, and Jazzy knew there wasn’t anything she could say to knock it down. She’d found the man of her dreams and he didn’t want her. He didn’t need her.
All she could think of to say was, “Your father’s going to be so upset.”
Brooks gave her a long, hard look. “Not any more upset than he would be at the end of the year. This was a crazy idea. We were both foolish for thinking it could work.”
With his boots on now, jeans and sweatshirts in his duffel, he was ready to go.
“I’m not going to stay here, Brooks. It’s your place, not mine.”
“Stay as long as you need to. This is my fault, not yours, Jazzy. I’ll see a lawyer and get that land transferred over. I’ll keep my word.”
Then as if he couldn’t stand to look at her another moment longer, he left.
Chapter Thirteen
Jazzy absolutely didn’t know what to do. She’d cried most of the night. This morning she was trying to look at her options. But her feelings kept getting in the way. Should she go back to Thunder Canyon? Should she leave Brooks forever? She really couldn’t think about that in spite of what he’d said.
Yet she knew she couldn’t stay here in his condo. She couldn’t walk into his bedroom and remember what they’d done...how she’d felt...how he’d claimed her. It would be impossible to stay here without envisioning the future she’d hoped they’d be able to share.
Tears threatened again. She swiped them away, knowing this was her own fault for risking her heart. Maybe she should have married Griff who was safe. But, no. She hadn’t wanted safe and she still didn’t. She wanted Brooks. But if he didn’t want her, what could she do?
Picking up her cell phone, she dialed the number for Strickland’s Boarding House. Fortunately, Melba answered. She certainly hadn’t wanted to leave a message. “Melba, it’s Jazzy Cates.”
“Hi, honey. How are you? Getting used to married life?”
So what could she say to that? She could hang up and think of something else. She could drive herself back to Thunder Canyon.
Not yet.
“Melba, I need to know if you still have the room I was renting.”
Silence met her question.
“You want your room back?”
“Is it still available?”
“Yes, it is. Did you and your young man have a fight?”
If it had been a fight, they could make up. If it had been a fight, maybe she would have gotten out all of her feelings. If it had been a fight, there could still be hope.
“You could say that. I just need to be by myself for a while.”
“Well, come on back, honey. You know that coffee is always brewing and there’s hot water for tea. I baked apple bread, too. Comfort food.”
“Thanks, Melba. I’ll be over soon.”
After Jazzy packed her suitcase, after she got into her car and switched on the ignition, she backed out of Brooks’s driveway. Instead of heading for town and Strickland’s, she headed for the Bar S. She didn’t expect Brooks to be at his dad’s clinic this early. In fact, she didn’t want to see him. She couldn’t see him. Not until she felt as if she had her emotions all under control. But she did want to see his father. She had something to say to him and she just hoped he was in a receptive mood.
Barrett had a mug in his hand when he opened the door. “It’s tea,” he said with a broad smile. “Herbal. I’ve still cut caffeine out of my diet.”
“Good for you,” she said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. She knew Barrett missed his coffee as much as he missed donuts. She’d brought him soup because she and Brooks hadn’t eaten any last night, and she knew his dad liked it. Besides, it was a good excuse for stopping by.
She had two containers in the bag, and she said to him, “I brought you soup, enough to eat and freeze. Do you have a few minutes?”
“Sure. That teenager Brooks hornswoggled into helping me with chores won’t get here for about an hour. He’s catching on, but I still have to supervise.”
Jazzy went inside the house to the kitchen. She stowed a container of soup in the refrigerator and the other one in the freezer. Barrett’s freezer was still fairly stacked with other dinners she had made for him. Maybe they’d be the last. Maybe she wouldn’t be seeing Barrett again. That thought deeply saddened her.
“Okay, missy. Sit down and tell me what’s going on. You don’t have the usual spring in your step. What did my son do now?”
For some reason, Barrett’s comment made Jazzy angry. “You’ve got to stop blaming Brooks for trying to do the right thing.”
Barrett looked a little surprised at her explosion. “You do need to sit down. You need some of this herbal tea more than I do.” He pulled out a chair for her and pointed to it.
As she sat she said, “Brooks didn’t do anything wrong. He tried to do something right.”
Barrett sat across from her and hiked up one brow. “And—”
“He’s the most honest, value-oriented man I know. The only thing he did was try to...try to protect you.”
After a long pause, Barrett’s voice was wary as he encouraged, “Go on.”
She was going to get it all out. Every bit of it. There was simply no reason why she shouldn’t. Simply no reason why Barrett shouldn’t know all of the truth. “If you had just trusted Brooks enough to hand down the practice to him...if you had been reasonable about your own health, then I never would have gotten caught up in a pretend marriage that turned out to be not so pretend!”
Barrett leaned back in his chair and eyed her. “Let’s slow down a bit so I can make sure I understand what you’re saying. You think I should have handed the practice down to Brooks?”
“Of course you should have. Or at least formed a joint venture after he graduated. It wasn’t his fault Lynnette took up with another guy. She didn’t have what it takes to be a veterinarian’s wife. She didn’t have what it takes to live in a small town. You blamed him for that.”
“Is that what he said?”
“Of course that’s not what he said. He blamed himself, too. And that was reinforced by you blaming him.”
“I never knew why they broke up,” Barrett muttered. “He didn’t tell me. He just said something about long hours and her not wanting to live in a small town.”
“That was only part of it. And she blamed the breakup on that. But she hurt him badly, Mr. Smith, and that’s why he hasn’t wanted to get involved with anyone since.”
“Until you came along.”
She sighed, took a deep breath and plunged in. “The night I officially met Brooks, he’d argued with you about your health. He was so frustrated and so worried. That’s why he decided to set up a private practice. I happened to be on the bar stool next to him. We’d run into each other before that, but not officially introduced. That night, we talked. He a
sked me to come work for him.”
“Must have liked you right away to do that.”
“Maybe so. I don’t know. But the icing on our wedding cake was because you wouldn’t listen to reason when you were in the hospital. That day, Brooks asked me to marry him. We made a deal. He offered me his grandmother’s land if I married him for a year. He figured in a year, he could help get your health turned around and then everything would go back to normal.”
She shook her head. “There is no normal. Last night, he realized...he realized it’s not going to work. He wants to split up. He doesn’t want to be married.”
Barrett cocked his head, studied her carefully and she suspected he could see way too much. He cleared his throat. “I can see the Smith pride has gotten us both into a peck of trouble. I do trust Brooks. But the truth is—I could see him going down the same road I took. I’d been a true workaholic all my life. I saw my family suffer because of it. I knew only one thing could save Brooks—if he found a woman he cared about as much as he cared about himself...as much as he cared about his furry patients. I wanted him to find that woman and build a life with her. I wanted him to marry and settle down so he’d have a reason to come home.”
Jazzy’s dejection must have shown on her face.
“He said the marriage isn’t going to work out, huh? Do you believe that?”
When Jazzy didn’t respond, Barrett leaned across the table and patted her hand with his. “Do you love him?”
She couldn’t keep the tears from her voice. “I do.”
“You know what? I think he loves you, too, whether he admits it or not. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. And you can’t tell me he would have gotten himself tied up to a woman if he didn’t care for her. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but give him a little time and maybe he’ll come to his senses.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
Barrett’s heavy brow hiked up. “Then he’s a danged fool.”
* * *
Brooks finished with his last patient of the morning at Buckskin Clinic, checked out Mr. Gibbs with his Doberman pinscher, handled the man’s check and watched him leave. Then he glanced around the empty reception area, heard no sounds of Jazzy moving around in the exam rooms and realized how much he missed her. He not only missed her by his side here in the office...he missed her, period. Had she driven back to Thunder Canyon? Or was she still at his place?
Marrying Dr. Maverick Page 17