by A. D. Ryan
It didn't work, though. Cassie started making appearances more and more frequently. Everywhere I turned, there she was. In the parking lot at work. The supermarket. She even waited on Alex, Billy, and me when we met for lunch. They picked up on my distress instantly, and I told them what was happening. They assured me that the waitress looked nothing like Cassie; but every time I looked at her, I saw my dead wife.
I made a doctor's appointment that week to be checked out, and after undergoing a multitude of blood work and physicals, I was ordered to have an MRI.
That's when they found the tumor.
“Charlie, it's going to be fine,” I told her as I heard her sniffle and hold back a sob.
“So… What do we do?” Her voice was soft, cracking as she spoke.
“I start radiation next week.” I still had trouble believing it all myself. “They're hoping to shrink the tumor before surgery.”
“Surgery?” she shrieked.
I sighed into the phone, running my fingers through my hair. “Charlie, everything's going to be fine. It's a procedure that's been done many times before.”
Charlie couldn't hold back her crying anymore, and she had trouble speaking through the sobs. “But not to you. You're my daddy.” Her voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. “You're my whole world… If anything were to happen to you—”
“Stop. Nothing's going to happen.” I wished I could believe the surprising conviction in my own words.
“I'll fly out tomorrow,” Charlie stated with a loud sniffle. Her voice sounded a little more stable, but, even over the phone, I could tell she was just putting on a brave face.
“Bug, you have school.”
“And it can wait. I need to see you… Be with you for this. I'll meet with my profs tonight and let them know.”
I tried arguing with her, but her mind was made up. She was terribly stubborn—just like her mother. After conceding, Charlie told me she had to go and see her professors before they left for the day.
True to her word, Charlie arrived at Denver International the next night. I picked her up from the airport, but instead of a happy reunion, ours was filled with tears of fear for the future. The ride back to our Frederick home was long, and Charlie continued to ask questions about what the plan for the week was. I told her I was to meet with my oncologist and a neurosurgeon to go over the procedure. I told her she was welcome to stay with her grandparents, as they'd be happy to see her, but she told me—quite adamantly—that she was coming to every appointment I had while she was there.
The oncologist seemed fairly optimistic that they could get the mass with invasive surgery, but it sounded risky. He said without the surgery, I'd be lucky to have more than a month left. After sitting down with my family, we decided that surgery was the best option.
Even though she didn't want to leave me, Charlie had been away from school for a few weeks. With promises to call when I had a date scheduled for surgery, she gave in and booked a flight back to Hanover… Yes, Charlie was a Dartmouth girl, through-and-through. It was as though it was bred into her.
Radiation kicked my ass; I wouldn’t sit around and say it sounded worse than it was. It was a horrible thing to go through, but in the end, they were able to shrink the growth enough that the surgery was manageable.
After having the tumor removed, I had to undergo regular scans and tests to make sure everything was fine. And it was.
For a while.
About three months ago, I started seeing Cassie again. The tumor had returned with a vengeance and brought with it my hallucinations. I was told it had something to do with the position of the tumor pressing on the temporal lobe that caused me to see her. When I decided not to undergo the radiation and another surgery, Charlie argued with me. She was downright angry with me for my refusal to put our family through this again. I’d never seen her react that way—not even in her trying teenage years.
“So what? You're just giving up, now?” she cried, angry tears rolling down her cheeks. Instead of wiping them away, she kept her arms crossed tightly across her chest as she glared at me.
“Bug, surgery isn't going to solve the problem. It'll take it away for a bit and then we'll be right back here.”
Charlie's eyes widened, and this time she did wipe the tears from her cheeks. “You don't know that.”
“Yes,” I told her softly. “I do.”
Charlie's head shook with denial. “You can't leave me,” she rasped.
I rushed across the room and pulled Charlie into my arms. I held her to me tightly as she cried into my shoulder. Her hands clutched at the back of my shirt in an effort to hold onto me for as long as possible.
“I'm sorry.” While I meant them, the words just didn't seem like enough in that moment.
A sad tear rolled down my cheek at the three-month-old memory, and Charlie stopped where I remained seated, too weak from the disease to walk her down the aisle. Kneeling before me, she placed a kiss on my cheek. “I love you, Daddy. Thank you. For everything.” A few stray tears fell onto her cheek, and I lifted my hand to wipe them away.
“No tears, bug. Go on. Get yourself married,” I told her softly, leaning forward and kissing her forehead.
With a short nod, Charlie stood, straightening the skirt on her dress, and turned to her fiancé and the minister. Taking a deep breath, she moved forward until she stood at Seth's side. He took her hand in his and smiled.
“You look sensational,” he said, the smile never breaking from his face.
The minister began the service, and I, along with the rest of our guests, listened with rapt attention. My mother's hand slipped over mine, and she gripped it as we listened to Charlie and Seth exchange their vows.
By the end of the ceremony, I felt completely drained. The overwhelming emotions of the day had taken their toll, but I wasn't ready to let the day end just yet. I had one more duty to fulfill today, and I was going to do it.
“Son?” my father asked, the concern heavy in his voice. I turned to face him, and his eyes widened with worry. “Are you all right? Do you need to go back to your room?”
I shook my head. “No. I need to be here with her.”
“You need to rest,” he insisted firmly.
It only took one look to get him to back off. I got that he was just concerned, but this was something I had to do. I had to make sure I was there for her while I could be.
I sat back while Jennifer and Sarah enlisted the help of their husbands to move the chairs off to the side. This small community room at the hospital served to be the perfect place for a small, intimate wedding. Sure, it wasn't ideal, but since I needed to be here under constant care, it worked out great. Jennifer really made the small space beautiful. It didn’t even look like a room you’d find in a hospital.
The lights had been turned down low, and there was soft music coming from the speaker system that Billy had hooked up. Charlie and Seth danced around the room, smiles still spread wide across their faces. Nothing could ruin this day for them.
Well, almost nothing.
When their song ended, Seth leaned forward and kissed Charlie softly. Just one more reassurance that she was loved and that he would take good care of her in my absence.
Charlie turned to look at me with a smile before Seth released her hands and she moved across the room to me. She sat next to me and took my hand in hers, laying her head on my shoulder and sighing softly.
“Thanks for today, Daddy.”
My eyebrows knit together. “This isn't how I wanted this day to go for you,” I whispered, placing a soft kiss into the hair atop her head.
Charlie's head shook against my shoulder. “Maybe not. But it was perfect. I got to spend it with the people I love most in the world.” She raised her glistening eyes to meet mine, and when she smiled, I felt a new onslaught of tears prickle my eyes. “And most importantly, you got to be here.”
I looked over to where Billy stood and gave him a nod. With a sly smirk, he turned to the stereo system and
fiddled with the CDs for a moment before a soft, familiar melody wafted through the room.
A sharp gasp of surprise escaped Charlie as she brought her trembling hands to her mouth. I stood up slowly, turning to face her and extending a hand. “Dance with me?”
Charlie dropped her hands from her mouth, offering me her right hand so I could pull her to the middle of the dance floor. I had recorded Charlie's lullaby before being admitted to the hospital with the intention of giving it to her before I had to leave her. As the music filled the room, I placed my right hand on her hip while gently holding hers with my left, and I guided us around the room.
I'd had just enough energy to make it through that song before I had to sit down again. Everyone kept telling me that I should retire for the night, but I just couldn't. I felt the need to experience this entire day with Charlie.
“Hey,” Seth said happily as he pulled up a chair next to me. “How are you doing?”
I chuckled at my new son-in-law. “Are you going to tell me I should turn in now, too?”
“Hell, no,” he laughed. “Look at her. I wouldn't want to miss this day if I were you, either.”
Charlie was in the middle of the dance floor with my sister and Sarah, dancing to some ridiculous song. Their laughter could be heard over the pounding dance beats, and I had to admit that it was the first time in months that I had seen Charlie truly happy. It had been a rough journey, but I felt hopeful that she was already on the road to her own recovery.
I was proud of myself for holding out until the celebration was over. Everyone had said their goodnights to the newlyweds before coming to me. It had become a daily ritual that they not only tell me goodnight, but also remind me of how much they loved me. It might be their last chance, after all.
Seth and I shook hands once more before he gave Charlie and me a moment to ourselves. We walked down the hall to my room, Charlie's arm looped through mine as we walked, and talked about the day as we often did.
“I love you, Daddy,” she said when we stopped outside my door. “I just…I don't know how to say—”
“I love you, too, bug,” I interrupted, knowing she was having trouble voicing her goodbyes as she often did. I hugged her once more, inhaling deeply before pulling away and holding her face in my hands. “Can I ask you something?” She nodded against my gentle hold on her. “Are you happy?”
“I am.”
It felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and I sighed with relief. “I need you to know that I love you more than anything.”
“I know.” Her chin quivered, and her voice trembled as her hands came up to cover mine. With one blink, several tears fell down her cheeks and she closed her eyes, leaning her face into my right hand. “I don't want this to be the end.”
I pulled her back into my arms and held her as tightly as I could. “Aw, sweetie. It's not. This is just the beginning for you. This isn't goodbye, Charlie. No matter what tomorrow brings, I'll always be with you.”
Even though she was still crying, her body seemed to relax slightly upon hearing that she would always hold me in her heart. After a few moments, Seth returned, and Charlie was reluctant to let me go. I told her it was time, and she simply nodded sadly, her eyes never leaving mine.
I remained outside my door as I watched Seth wrap his arms around my baby girl, supporting her, as they walked down the corridor toward the exit. Once they were out of sight, I turned and opened my door, only to find the most welcome surprise.
Bathed in the silver glow of the full moon, Cassie stood by the window, looking out at the night sky. She quickly turned to me, her familiar smile gracing her face. I couldn't help but feel the comfort and peace her mere presence brought me, but I still had to ask, “What are you doing here?”
Cassie crossed the room to me, reaching her hands out to take mine. “I'm here to take you home.”
Other Books by AD Ryan
The Blood Moon Trilogy
Blood Moon
Wolf Moon
Blue Moon (July 2015)
Coming Soon
Just a Number (October 2015)
About the Author
A.D. Ryan resides in Edmonton, Alberta with her extremely supportive husband and children (two sons and a stepdaughter). Reading and writing have always been a big part of her life, and she hopes that her books will entertain countless others the way that other authors have done for her. Even as a small child, she enjoyed creating new and interesting characters and molding their worlds around them.
To learn more about the author and stay up-to-date on future publications, please look for her on Facebook and her blog.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/AD-Ryan-Author
http://adryanauthorblog.wordpress.com