“I know, but didn’t you ever want to take the Bar exam and have your own career?” Addie asked.
“Who says I didn’t? I passed the Bar with flying colors, but I wanted to be more than just another attorney. I’ve spent my life using every bit of my education to help advance your father’s career and our business. I just never cared for the demanding schedule of a lawyer. We thought we could be better parents for you if we both focused on building the firm. Addie, do you know how many nights I’ve researched legal precedents for your father’s cases so he can spend time with you? Did you even realize I’ve had the final decision in every person we have ever hired? I am still a licensed attorney and a silent partner in your father’s firm.”
“I never realized you were that involved.”
“Why do you think I travel with him so much? We’re a team.”
“I’m sorry, Mom, I had no idea.”
“The last thing I’d ever want is to see you waste your talent and potential. Yes, I want to see you marry the right kind of man with a solid financial background, but that doesn’t mean that’s all I want for you. The sky is the limit for my sweet girl. I’ve always pushed you to be more social because I know how important it is to build a network of contacts. It’s always about who you know, darling. But I’ve never pushed you academically because I didn’t have to. My girl is smart.”
“So, if I pledged your sorority and focused more on school and less on husband hunting, you’d be okay with that?”
Her mother threw her head back and laughed. “Of course. But do you even know what you’d want to do for a career? You’ve never seemed passionate about anything in particular.”
“I think I want to be an editor someday. Or maybe even a literary agent.”
“Books?” Her mom grinned. “I should have seen that.”
“You’re not disappointed?” Addison asked.
“I could never be disappointed in you, Addie. Just don’t kill your momma and decide to be a librarian, okay? You’re too pretty to wear glasses.”
“You’re so ridiculous.” Addie laughed, secretly thinking she’d love being a librarian surrounded by books all day long. “I love you, Mom, and I wouldn’t change you for the world.”
“I love you too, sweet girl, and I want you to know I believe in you, and I know you can do anything you set your mind to.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“You better get ready. I’ll give you my eye cream, it’ll work wonders for those red-rimmed eyes. That must be one hell of a book you’re reading.”
“It is. I just need to grab a shower and maybe a little concealer and I’ll be good to go. It’s a dark club anyway.”
“Well, you better hurry, it’s almost six o’clock.”
Perfect. They would definitely miss the opening act.
10
Julian
“This thing on?”
Julian shook his head as Becks tapped the microphone. For the last few Anonymous shows, he’d thought it was cute to start the show this way, as if everyone wasn’t already obsessed with him enough and he had to let out his “aw, shucks” good boy singer impersonation.
The thing was… Becks was a good guy. That was the problem. He was friends with everyone, and it was too damn hard not to resent his friendship with Addison.
Becks went on, speaking to the packed crowd at Down Under, an underage club frequented by the highschoolers of Riverpass. It was rare people made their way here from Twin Rivers, but every time Anonymous played, they kept their eyes peeled for anyone they knew, not wanting word of their band to reach the halls of their school.
Tonight, they were only opening the show, playing three songs. And Julian was okay with it. He wasn’t feeling it anyway after sending the completed chapters of his book to LitGirl and hearing nothing back for days. Was she mad he hadn’t written the ending yet? Or maybe she just hated the book.
Nervous didn’t begin to explain the emotions inside him. Where was she? Why wasn’t the girl on the other end of that No BS chat thread talking to him?
As Becks’ sister, Wylder counted out a beat on her drums, Nari pounded out notes on her keyboard. Julian waited ten beats before plucking his fingers against the guitar strings, melding perfectly with them. Music was easy, brainless, to him. People, on the other hand, they were hard.
As Becks sang, all the possible responses to Julian’s book ran through his mind. It was terrible, wasn’t it?
He didn’t expect anything to come of it and never planned to show it to a single person. So, why had he? How could he trust someone so completely when he didn’t even know her name? What if he arrived at school one day to find the pages of his book plastered to the walls? It wasn’t unthinkable. Only months ago, someone printed private e-mails Peyton sent Cam and littered the halls with them.
But she wouldn’t do that, right?
One song drifted into the next. The crowd danced, clearly enjoying their music, but that didn’t give him the same joy it did Becks or Nari. The two of them were headed to Nashville together to make something of the music. To become something special.
Julian loved playing guitar, but it wasn’t life to him. It didn’t bring him the same sense of accomplishment writing did.
By the time the third song ended, beads of sweat dotted Julian’s brow. The heat of the lights bore down on him, sending his heart rate into overdrive. He tried to calm it by breathing deeply. Becks took a bow, facing the loud crowd of privileged teenagers as if none of it mattered.
Julian pulled at his collar and slid his guitar strap over his head. The instrument belonged to the club. He set it on the stand. Peyton stood to the side of the stage with Cam and Avery. Julian never thought the three of them would be his lifeline. He’d barely talked to Peyton since their argument at the diner, but right then, he rushed toward her, needing to get off the stage.
As if sensing something in his face, Peyton put an arm around Julian’s shoulders. “You’re okay, bro. Come on.” She led him to a massive circular booth at the back of the club, hidden from view of the dance floor.
As he sank into the sticky red leather, he released a sigh. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Peyton slid in next to him. “It’s okay to get a little antsy up on stage.”
“But that’s just it. I don’t think the stage was the problem.” He checked his phone for the millionth time in the last week, hoping for a notification saying he had a message.
“What’s wrong, Julian?”
He slid his phone back into his pocket and avoided his sister’s stare. He wasn’t ready to share LitGirl with anyone. Cam saved him when he appeared with three water glasses.
Julian took his gratefully and gulped it back.
Becks joined them, claiming his sister found some friends. Nari walked toward the table, her hand wrapped tightly in Avery’s. That would never stop being weird. They all managed to squeeze into the booth. Chatter resumed, and before long, Becks had everyone laughing.
Julian pretended along with the rest of them. He laughed when he thought he should and listened to Becks’s stories. The entire time, his mind was on his own story.
Who was he to think he could write a romance?
He took the lemon from his water and sucked it between his teeth. Peyton made a face at him and he flicked water at her.
“Julian,” she half-yelled, half-laughed.
The second band started up, and Cam stood. “Okay, okay. Stop messing around. It’s time for my girlfriend to dance with me.” He held out his hand.
Peyton grinned and let him pull her up. They rounded the corner to the dance floor just as a familiar high-pitched whine reached their ears.
“I can’t believe we missed the first band,” Meghan said, flipping her hair over her shoulder.
Addison shrugged. “Who really wants to see a band called Anonymous, anyway?” Her gaze found their table, and she sent a wink to Nari.
Becks leaned in. “Please tell me Addison delayed them on pu
rpose.” He grinned, rubbing his hands together.
Nari shrugged. “We may have had words about it.”
Julian rubbed the back of his neck. What world was he living in that Nari was dating the football star and Addison was doing them favors?
Not the real world, that was for sure.
It took a moment to realize Addison and her friends were coming their way. Behind them, a heavy base pulsed through the club. Meghan reached their table first.
“Ew, don’t you guys have better things to do? Like something antisocial?” Her eyes flicked from Julian to Nari before noticing Avery and Becks. “Boys.” She sighed. “I know Avery has been brainwashed to think nerd is chic, but what’s your excuse, Beckett? Why don’t you come sit with us?”
Becks’ smile fell—a big feat for a guy who always smiled. “Nah, I think I’m good, Megster.”
Meghan laughed. “We all know you and Avery can’t live without each other, but you really shouldn’t let him drag you down.” Before anyone could respond, she turned to Nari. “Do you enjoy ruining people’s social standing? I don’t think your little nerd brain can comprehend just what it takes to be on top in this school. If you did, you wouldn’t subject Avery to nothingness. Because that’s what you are, you little boyfriend-stealing nerdling. Nothing.”
Avery stood, red creeping up his cheeks. Julian prepared to step in and force Meghan away from them, his hatred of her burning in his gut.
But it was Addison who spoke first. “Nari didn’t steal him, Meghan.” Surprise flashed across her face as if she couldn’t believe she’d said that. Her jaw tightened. “Like you said, you’re at the top of this school. Why are you so threatened by Nari and Avery?” Her chest heaved as if she’d just run a mile.
Meghan’s eyes narrowed, and her nostrils flared as she faced Addison. “Maybe you need some time to remember who you are, Addie, dear. I’m going to forget this night, forget your words. Because you’re Addie and I love you.” Addison almost laughed at that. Meghan didn’t care about anyone but herself.
Meghan turned on her heel, addressing the girls huddled behind her. “Come on, girls. This place blows. Let’s get out of here.” She threw Addison one final look over her shoulder. “We’ll see you on Monday. Maybe by then you’ll remember where you belong.”
They left Addison standing on her own in front of the table, looking as if she’d finally lost the chains holding her back. She ran a hand through her hair. Her breath shook as it passed her quivering lips.
Julian wanted to reach out to her. He wanted to get back to the moment they’d had in his kitchen weeks ago, but he sat frozen, not knowing what to do.
“I’m gonna go.” Addison glanced toward the exit sign.
Becks slid from the booth and wrapped an arm around Addison. “Come on, Addie. Not yet. Forget them. Let’s dance.”
“I’m not really in the mood, Becks. I just want to go home.” She looked over her shoulder and sighed. “Meg was my ride.”
“Just one dance, and then I’ll take you home. You can even stomp on my feet with that fancy boot of yours.” He led her away, and Julian tried not to hate him for it.
If Julian couldn’t be there for Addison, Becks was the best option.
He watched them disappear from view, realizing the few moments she’d stood there had been the only time all night he’d forgotten about LitGirl and the book he’d sent her.
Lifting his eyes, he found Nari watching him, her head cocked to the side. Her pink-highlighted braid hung over one shoulder. Avery slung an arm around her, seemingly content to just sit there.
“What?” Julian asked. He wasn’t used to spending this much time with people. After most gigs, they went right home, and it wasn’t like he had a social life to speak of.
Nari shrugged. “It’s just curious is all.”
“What’s curious?”
“Julian, all night you’ve been somewhere else. Even while we played, your heart wasn’t in it.”
“I didn’t mess up.”
“No, you played technically well, but I’ve been playing with you for a while now. I can tell when something isn’t right. It’s like the life has been drained from your eyes.”
“That’s dramatic.”
“Stop deflecting. You’re worried about something. I won’t ask what it is, but, Jules, the only time tonight I have seen any kind of interest in you was when Addison gave her little speech.”
One side of his mouth curved up.
“See.” She pointed to his smile. “You’re proud of her, and no one is proud unless they care about the person.”
“What’s your point, Nari?”
Avery leaned forward. “I think she’s trying to say you like Addison, dude.”
Nari nodded. “I know before the accident you had a thing for her.”
Julian shook her head. “And it disappeared when I realized back then she’d only ever want Cooper. Now, I just want to get through this year, graduate, and hightail it out of this town.”
Nari didn’t look like she believed him, but she let it drop. “Okay, well how do you feel about dancing? If I remember correctly, you’re pretty good. Avery here has like four left feet.” She jabbed her boyfriend in the ribs.
Julian considered her for a moment, realizing he’d do anything to take his mind off the two girls he couldn’t have: LitGirl, who would forever remain anonymous, and Addison.
Nari stood and pulled his arm, guiding him to the packed dance floor as the band started up a fast song. They found a place next to Cam and Peyton, and for a few minutes, it felt like this could be his life. Having fun. Caring about people. Friends. As if he could ignore the pull inside him that said he wanted to be alone.
He jumped to the beat, a grin stretching his lips as Peyton knocked into him.
Before the song ended, Avery appeared, wrapping his arms around Nari from behind and lifting her off her feet. “Stealing my girlfriend.” He kissed the side of her neck. He pulled her away without apology, unable to keep from touching her.
Julian watched them, something akin to jealousy slicing through him. Their relationship was so new. Only weeks ago, Nari wanted to write songs about castrating Avery. And now, they seemed as if they needed each other to breathe.
He shook his head at himself. He didn’t want what they had. He didn’t want to be so completely reliant on another person. It wasn’t him.
The song faded out, transforming into a slower tune. Wanting to be just about anywhere else, Julian turned, prepared to escape the dance floor, only to come face to face with Addison.
Cheeks flushed from dancing, she stared at him. One thought made its way past the thumping of his pulse in his head.
Growing up, he’d thought Addison Parker was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.
He’d thought he was a different person after the accident, but some things never changed.
11
Addison
“Care to dance?” Addison wasn’t sure what made her ask Julian to dance. Maybe it was the way he looked at her, one corner of his mouth twisted into an uncertain half-smile. Or it was the heated spark that lit his beautiful eyes, one brown, one blue. Or maybe because it was the first time she’d looked at him and not immediately thought of Cooper. Julian Callahan was nothing like his brother.
Addison smiled when he cast a glance over his shoulder to see who she was talking to. “Come on, Julian, I know you have some smooth moves somewhere under that loner façade.” She stepped closer, letting a teasing tone into her voice. His half-smile turned into a full grin as his hand drifted to her waist and they began to move to the slow, steady beat of the music. The song’s sultry lyric was intoxicating, and Addison found herself content in the silence that stood between them. She didn’t feel the need to fill the silence with small talk. Julian didn’t do small talk, but his gaze spoke volumes.
She studied his face. The graceful lines of his jaw. The fullness of his lips and the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. She used to think he l
ooked exactly like Cooper. Their features where the same, but Julian’s face exuded kindness and concern, the opposite of his brother’s arrogance.
“Are you’re thinking about my brother?” A frown creased his brow. “It’s okay if you are. I know it isn’t easy for people to separate me from Coop.”
“I like how you always remind me you’re not him,” she said. “I used to need that reminder, but I don’t think I do anymore. You’re just Julian, and I don’t think you could be like Cooper if you tried. And I mean that as a compliment.”
“I’ll take it as one.” He tugged her a little closer. “But I have to ask. Are you burning all your popularity bridges in one night? Telling the mean girl off and dancing with the scourge of Twin Rivers High? Risky move, Addison Parker.”
“You are not the scourge of Twin Rivers.” She laughed at his roguish smile.
“You’re more like your old self.” Julian stared down at her. “Ever since your encounter with that ski lift and then Christmas Eve at The Main, it’s like you woke up and you’re you again.”
Christmas Eve was the anniversary of Coop’s death and this year, one by one, they’d all ended up at the Main together. “I think we’re all waking up, Julian.” She glanced at Avery and Nari and Cam and Peyton. Both couples so happy it stirred a longing in her that she once thought died with Cooper. “Like maybe we’re all finally healing and finding our way back to ourselves.”
“I think maybe I still have a little more healing to do.” Julian moved effortlessly with the music.
“Me too,” she whispered. Addison still had a lot of anger she needed to deal with. Anger with Cooper for what he did to her. And for dying before she ever had a chance to confront him and make him pay for taking advantage of her.
Addison glanced up at Julian. The way he looked at her took her breath. She’d known he’d had a crush on her years ago when they were just kids. She wasn’t very nice about it then, preferring his brother instead. Now, when she looked at Julian, she wasn’t sure why she’d been drawn to Cooper over him.
The C Word: Redefining Me (Book 3) Page 8