The C Word: Redefining Me (Book 3)

by MacQueen, Michelle

  Kissing Julian brought her to life when she’d thought she was cold and dead inside. She craved his boyish half-smile and the smoldering looks he gave her when he thought she wasn’t looking. To the rest of the world, Julian Callahan was a loner and a bit of a bad boy, but to her, he was this quiet, beautiful person she desperately wanted to know. But maybe she was just too damaged for any kind of relationship. What kind of person fell for their rapist’s identical twin brother?

  Addison shoved all thoughts of Cooper and Julian and that awful night back into the depths of her mind where they belonged. Slamming her car door, she squared her shoulders and headed across the student parking lot for another day of pretending she was okay.

  “Were you in on it?” The angry voice caught her by surprise. “Is that why you left me on the bus, saving you a seat when you had no intention of even going?”

  “Garrett?” Addison glanced around the senior hallway at everyone staring at him. He was furious, his face flushed bright red. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m so sorry I left you on the bus. I made a last-minute decision to stay home after I talked to you.”

  “Right. You just happened to change your mind four seconds after you sent me to save you a seat. Whatever.” He shook his head, his eyes blazing with fury.

  Addison rushed to his side. A sinking feeling hitting her stomach. “What happened, Garrett?

  “Like you don’t know?” He jerked his shoulder away when Addie tried to touch him.

  “Meghan was supposed to watch out for you. I asked her to make the girls stop treating you so bad.”

  “Yeah. Well, when has Meghan ever done anything nice?” He shoved his hands in his pockets and started to walk away.

  “What did they do?” She followed him.

  “You haven’t seen?” He gave a humorless laugh. “Just Google Geekett and you’ll see it all on YouTube. I’m a sensation.” Something in his eyes scared her. She’d never seen anyone so angry.

  Addie pulled out her phone and quickly found the video. Her heart hammered in her chest when she saw the video was over six minutes.

  What did they put him through?

  Addison sat down on the concrete steps to watch. Dread filled her when she saw Meghan in a skimpy bikini dragging a skinny Garrett to the hotel hot tub.

  “Come on in, Geekett,” Meghan said from the hot tub—discarding her bikini top once she was in. “It’s the least you deserve after helping us win today.”

  Addison knew they’d won, but how in the world did Garrett help them win?

  “You guys did that all on your own.” Garrett’s smile lit up his face as he stepped closer to the hot tub. “I just cheered you on.”

  “Lose the shorts, Geekett.” Meghan laughed. “I won’t look, promise.”

  I can’t watch this. Addie closed her eyes, feeling responsible for Garrett’s public humiliation. The video had more than ten thousand hits already, and the hateful comments were rolling in.

  Garrett nearly tripped as he shed his shorts, trying to hide himself from Meghan’s lecherous gaze.

  “That’s better.” Meghan scooted closer to his side, letting her fingers comb through his hair.

  “I’m, uh...happy to help.” Garrett’s voice went up an octave as Meghan’s hands wandered under the water.

  “You have the sweetest smile.” Meghan ran her hands up his pale chest and back down again. “And the cutest freckles. You know I have a thing for geeks.” She nibbled on his ear.

  The sound of the other girls behind the camera sickened Addison. She knew it was Ashley and her little sophomore minions hiding in the bushes.

  Meghan took it too far when she kissed Garrett, guiding his hands to her waist. While he was otherwise occupied, Ashley darted from the shadows and grabbed Garrett’s clothes and towel, leaving him with nothing.

  Poor Garrett didn’t know what to think of his good fortune as he made out with the cheerleader in the hot tub—so far out of his element he didn’t know what to do with his hands.

  Abruptly, Meghan pulled away.

  “Night, Geeket.” She shoved him back and left him in the hot tub alone.

  “Wait, Meghan. Don’t go. We can just talk if you want.”

  “Talk?” Meghan’s laughter rang out with scorn. “My kind doesn’t talk to your kind.” She cinched the belt of her robe around her waist.

  “Wait, where are my clothes?” Garrett glanced around frantically.

  “Maybe now you’ll think twice about ever telling me to shut up again.” Meghan stood with her hands on her hips.

  “What? That was weeks ago.” His look of confusion turned to anger as his face flushed bright red.

  “I told you not to cross me, Geek. Now stay in your lane where you belong.” Meghan walked away, her hateful laughter echoing behind her. But Ashley still hid in the bushes, recording Garrett’s humiliation.

  He sat on the edge of the hot tub with his back to the camera, his shoulders stiff with rejection. When he finally stood, looking for anything he could use to hide his nakedness, Addie’s heart broke for the poor guy. No one deserved this.

  But that was when Meghan upped the ante. Pop music played in the background while shots of Garrett, desperately trying to make his way back to his room, ran on a loop. Somehow, Meghan had talked hotel security into giving her the footage that followed Garrett down the nearly deserted halls, clutching a magazine to his front until he finally found a discarded newspaper he wrapped around his skinny waist like a towel. Tears of frustration rolled down his face when he realized she’d taken his room key too. As Garrett approached the front desk, he lifted his chin, asking for a replacement key to his room.

  The bearded guy behind the desk took one look at Garrett’s newspaper and laughed his head off as he coded a new keycard for Garrett’s room. But the asshole dropped it, making Garrett bend over to catch it, tearing his newspaper. Red-faced, he ran to the elevator, frantically pressing the call button.

  When the doors finally opened, Ashley and the other girls waited for him, snapping photos of him, screaming, “Geekett!” at the top of their lungs.

  Garrett fled to the stairs where Addie hoped he finally made it to his room. But a montage of the girl’s elevator photos ended the horrible video.

  Addison wiped the tears from her eyes with the heel of her palm. Shoving her phone in her back pocket, she stormed into the school. She was going to kill Meghan for this. No one deserved that kind of humiliation.

  Addison didn’t get a chance to confront Meghan until after first period, but by then, the whole school had lost their minds.

  As alerts rang out up and down the hallway, Addison glanced down at her phone. At first, she thought it was a message from BookBoy—who she’d decided couldn’t possibly be Julian—it was too much of a coincidence, but she quickly realized everyone was reading the same message.

  She read it twice before it finally sank in. When she reached the list of names at the bottom of the webpage, she couldn’t stop herself. The No BS usernames and their owners were listed in orderly rows, completely oblivious to the chaos their truths would cause.

  This was bad. By the end of the day, the whole school was going to know everyone’s secrets. Even now, Addison saw a sea of angry faces and spurts of arguments erupting around her. They would be at each other’s throats before much longer.

  Addison stood frozen in the hallway, ignoring the bell for second period. Gazing at the list of names, one jumped out at her like a flashing red beacon.

  Username:

  @Don’tTouchMyBooks - Julian Callahan

  Thoughts of finding Meghan faded from her mind as the gravity of the situation hit her. Julian was BookBoy and he now knew he’d spent the last months talking to Addison. And he hadn’t shown up for first period, which meant he was avoiding her.

  She wasn’t ready to face this. Addison had no idea how to reconcile Julian and BookBoy as the same person. She didn’t know if she even wanted to try.

  16

 
Julian

  Maple syrup could cure anything. That was The Main Street Diner’s slogan. Or, at least, it should have been. Julian could totally get on board with that. His mom slid a plate in front of him, eyeing him skeptically.

  “You don’t look sick, Julian.” She wiped her hands on her apron.

  Julian slouched down in the vinyl booth. “I never said I was sick. I said I couldn’t go to school. You made the assumption all on your own.”

  She lifted an eyebrow. “And why, pray tell, can’t you get your butt out of this booth and behind a desk? Three months, Julian. That’s all you have left in that building. Can’t you make it through without continuously skipping class?”

  He shrugged and hunched forward over his plate as he poured syrup over his breakfast. “At least I didn’t lie to you this time.”

  That made her smile. “Yes, a mother is always okay with her son missing school as long as he’s honest about it.” She shook her head, looking so much like Peyton in that moment he almost laughed.

  Julian’s dad appeared behind her. “Julian, do you not have school today?”

  Julian stuffed a forkful of pancake in his mouth. “Nope, teacher work day, Dad.”

  “Cool.” He slid into the booth opposite Julian. “Want to do something fun? We could go fishing down at the river. I just need to call in one of the other cooks.” He lifted innocent eyes to his wife and fake coughed. “Honey, I’m sick.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Sorry, boys. One cook already called in sick, and the other is on vacation. Tell you what, I’ll give you both Saturday off, and you can go then.”

  Julian appreciated that she tried to be cool about this. Compared to most kids he knew, he was pretty lucky in the parent department. His dad gave him his patented “sorry, kid” shrug and stood. “May as well go to school, huh, Jules?” He whistled as he walked back to the kitchen.

  Julian looked to his mom. “He already knew we weren’t going fishing today, didn’t he?”

  She followed her husband with her eyes. “Yes. That was an elaborate ruse meant to make me agree to give you both Saturday off.”

  “Isn’t he part owner, Mom?” Julian laughed. “He could just move the schedule around.”

  She placed a hand on her chest in mock horror. “He’d never touch my carefully constructed calendar. Your father is smart enough to know who the real boss around here is.” She turned back toward the kitchen, glancing back over her shoulder. “Get to school, Julian.”

  He sighed as she walked away. He’d already missed first period. As he took a bite of pancake, his phone dinged. After wiping sticky fingers on his napkin, he picked it up and stared at the screen.

  A number he didn’t recognize texted him a link. If Peyton were here, she’d yell at him for even considering clicking on an unknown link from an unknown person. But Julian never claimed to be smart, and curiosity killed cats for a reason. Well, Julian was a cat.

  Pressing down on the link with his thumb, he waited as the “circle of death”— Peyton’s term—swirled and swirled. Finally, the white screen turned to black as the website came into view. Across the top was the title “Shamed”.

  Julian’s brow creased as he read the description.

  Are you tired of being stomped on every day you enter Twin Rivers High? The golden people rule our halls, acting as if they’ve never faced the same insecurities as the rest of us.

  Well, guess what… They aren’t perfect. They hide behind screen names on No BS, admitting to the same emotions the rest of us suffer with every day. They aren’t better, they only act like it.

  Not anymore. No BS can’t hide them. A group of us downtrodden kids have hacked the now infamous app. We’re revealing to you who is really behind these names.

  Below that were columns of screen names and the people they belonged to. Each screen name was hyperlinked. Julian scrolled down the page, unable to stop himself for looking for the one he knew by heart. Somewhere in this list was LitGirl.

  As he scrolled, a text popped up.

  Peyton: Have you seen it?

  He didn’t have to guess what she meant.

  Julian: Just looking now.

  Peyton: STOP! Please, don’t try to find her. It’s only going to hurt you both. My app is going to destroy so many people.

  He imagined his sister sitting in the bathroom at school crying. She’d have Cam with her, no doubt, but she’d need her brother too. Peyton created No BS. Whoever these hackers were, they’d gotten past her security. She’d worried endlessly about something happening while the program was still in beta, before the final app with upgraded security was opened to schools in all the surrounding counties.

  Would that happen now? Or would his sister’s project come to a crashing halt?

  Julian raced out of the diner without finishing his pancakes or saying goodbye to his parents. Throwing his backpack in the passenger side of his car, he jumped in and drove the short distance to school.

  After parking, he ran into the building. Second period would be ending soon. He sent Peyton a text.

  Julian: Where are you?

  Peyton: Bleachers.

  Julian turned on his heel and ran back outside to cross the parking lot between the school and the football field. He opened the chain-link gate and skirted the track before seeing his sister hunched over near the top of the metal bleachers. Cam sat beside her with a protective arm over her shoulders.

  The morning sun did little to chase the cold away.

  “Pey.” Julian reached his sister and sat on the bench in front of her, turning to peer into her face.

  Black tracks streaked from her eyes down her cheeks. Peyton was so strong that seeing her cry made Julian want to find the son of a bitch that did this to her.

  “Why would anyone do this?” Her voice was so small.

  Julian put a hand on her jean-clad knee. He’d thought about this very question the entire drive there. “They wanted to be seen.”

  Cam snorted. “Wrong way to go about that.”

  Julian offered him a shrug. “People at this school are tired of feeling like they don’t matter.” He pinned Peyton with a look. “This wasn’t about you, Pey. I doubt they really considered you or your app at all when they hacked it. You know better than anyone how hellish this place can be. Some people will do anything to feel like more than an ant beneath someone else’s boot.”

  “How are you not more upset, Jules?” Peyton leaned toward him as if he had the secrets to life. “I’m here crying about my stupid app, but you just found out the girl you’ve been talking to and sharing everything with is the one you’ve been in love with forever.”

  Julian froze, stuck on her words. “What are you talking about, Peyton?” His words were slow, measured.

  Peyton’s eyes widened. “You didn’t see it?”

  He shook his head. “As soon as I talked to you, I raced here.”

  Peyton sniffled and pulled out her phone. She scrolled down and handed it to him.

  But the words on the screen made no sense.

  Username:

  @ShutUpAndDrive-Addison Parker

  “I’m sorry.” Julian barely heard Peyton’s words.

  Addison? He’d been talking to Addison this entire time? She was the girl he could say anything to, the one who fell in love with his story, a story she hadn’t known was about her.

  He dropped Peyton’s phone, and it skittered to the edge of the bleachers. Cam lunged for it, grabbing it before it fell off the edge. But Peyton didn’t chastise Julian. Instead, she watched him, probably expecting some kind of big reaction.

  In truth, he didn’t know how to feel. Almost betrayed? But that wasn’t right. Addison hadn’t known it was him. This was neither of their faults.

  There was a reason they’d never revealed who they were. Now that he knew, he replayed the things he’d said to her. He’d never spoken to anyone like that before, not even his sister. Addison now knew things about him that would change how she looked at him.

&
nbsp; Julian bent forward, burying his face in his hands. Peyton put a hand on his shoulder, but he didn’t look up.

  “Julian, I’m so sorry.” Her entire body shook. “When I made the app, I never saw this possibility. Everyone in school is going to hate me. They’re all humiliated.”

  Julian lifted his eyes, meeting hers. “Whoever said the truth will set you free was a damn liar.”

  She laughed humorlessly. “I don’t know how to fix this.”

  Julian didn’t either. He couldn’t help his sister fix her app or her reputation, but there was one thing he could do.

  He had to talk to Addison; he had to try to reconcile her with the girl who’d become his best friend over the last few months. If anyone asked yesterday, he’d have said he never wanted to lose her. But now, he didn’t know if he wanted to hold on.

  * * *

  The first time Julian saw Addison was at lunch when she sat surrounded by false friends who leered at him as he approached.

  Meghan Lewis lifted her chin. The cheerleading squad won their tournament without Addison, and Julian knew Meghan wouldn’t let her forget that fact. He wanted to reach for her, to fold her in his arms and pretend they could still be Bookboy and LitGirl.

  How could he have been talking to her for months and not known?

  He focused only on the back of Addison’s head, ignoring the cheerleaders and football players around the table, but when she turned to acknowledge him, he wished he could just walk away; he wished this girl didn’t have such a hold on him.

  “Addie.” A pleading note entered his tone, and he wanted to take it back as her eyes glassed over.

  “I can’t talk to you, Julian,” she whispered. “Please, just…” She sniffled.

  “Get lost, Callahan.” Meghan reached across the table and took Addison’s hand, acting as if she actually cared about her. “My girl would never have talked to you on that ridiculous app if she’d known who it was.” Her hard eyes cut through Julian. “Run along and tell your sister to stop ruining everyone’s lives with her mere presence.”