by Mark McCoy
The next morning, a trained mechanic that Krusal had sent fixed the broken generator. Some burned part was replaced. What Krusal didn’t know is that while we were on board his yacht the previous night, we had planted a powerful recording device and taken photos of his ship and crew. As soon as we got to our yacht, we could hear Krusal and his men talking. We passed on the communications to our people who had settled in a hotel on the beach. We weren’t wrong. The information was perfect. The yacht was being used as a meeting place for arms dealers. The weapons were being transported via the Bosporus Strait to the Middle East.
I went to the embassy in Istanbul. Presented all the materials. Went back to Bodrum, straight to a fish dinner with Michelle. Krusal’s yacht had disappeared from the horizon. We reported that Krusal and his men had been arrested by the Turks. The office instructed Michelle and me to stay on the yacht for a day of rest. I hid the kanga.
And There are Times…
When they don’t
What could possibly go wrong? Everything. Krusal could have picked up on a word that was out of place, or his technician might have recognized that the generator had burnt out long ago. A thousand and one mistakes could have buried our mission and put our lives in danger. Every day, you read about tragic cases in the newspaper, but the mind represses. It won’t happen to me. But it happens. It’s just a matter of statistics until it happens to you. When it comes to missions, you must take possible failures into account. In ordinary life, there’s no reason to be in constant anxiety, but it’s always better to be aware and to take steps to minimize risk or harm. A partial list:
Don’t lock car doors from the inside. There was an accident, you were hurt, you’ve lost consciousness, people will want to open the doors from the outside.
Don’t ever talk while holding your mobile phone while you’re driving. Always use the hands-free mode. Don’t ever send messages while driving. Five seconds of looking at your phone is forever on the road.
On a table or dresser next to the front door of your house, put a wallet with fifty dollars, some expired credit cards and a bunch of keys with your car manufacturer’s key chain. Thieves will take the wallet (instead of going up to your bedroom), take the keys and leave. They’ll try to get into the car, but of course they won’t succeed and they’ll probably move on to another apartment. The important thing is that your wallet, with all of your world in it, is safe and sound with you.
If you’re traveling in a strange city at night, make sure you have a couple of twenty-dollar bills in a dummy wallet, along with an old credit card. You get held up? Give the thieves that wallet. Wear a fake Rolex or a simple Swatch watch.
Don’t lock the front door to your house, or at the very least, leave the key in the lock. During a fire, there’s no time to look for anything.
Install two safes. A real one with valuables, the other one for robbers, with three hundred dollars, some worthless rings, an old watch and a couple of expired passports. Add some documents, to make it all seem real. During a violent robbery, when the burglars demand that you show them where the safe is with a pistol pointed at your temple, you’ll thank me.
Put a fire extinguisher in every room, especially in the kitchen and the children’s rooms. Teach your kids how to use it. Don’t be lazy, go outside with them to the yard and let them try. So that they’re not afraid. I don’t understand why this isn’t a mandatory school activity.
Don’t leave children within a locked door or gate. Don’t lock a bathroom from the inside.
Prepare an overnight bag with everything you need for a hasty trip to the hospital. Leave it downstairs, in the coat closet.
Don’t light candles or use electric ovens before bedtime.
Don’t leave a bag or purse in your car. It will get stolen.
Think twice before you drive in reverse. Check the area behind you.
Until you see that your kids are buckled in, don’t move the car.
There is no situation where you should drive without a seat belt. Not even an inch.
If you have a gun, follow all the safety rules you learned. You know what I’m talking about.
For heavy pieces of furniture like TVs, make sure they stand steady and firm.
If you have a pool and small children, surround the pool with a fence. Period.
If you have to stop the car on the side of the road, don’t stand in front of the car or behind it, or on the side of the road. Stand on the shoulder, only. Get all of the passengers out of the car, too.
When you’re with your wife, don’t ask her to hold your mobile phone for you. You get separated by mistake – how are you going to find her?
There are many other precautions. It all depends on what you do, and the level of risk that you are in. For example, I never go into an apartment and light a cigarette without first making sure that the gas is closed in the kitchen. Every person has his own precautions. But you can add some techniques that you might never need, and perhaps one day, in some sudden moment, you actually do need. For example, set a code word with your partner that expresses distress. Let’s say someone breaks into your house, ties her up and forces her to call you so that you come too. Or you escaped from your creditors to Italy, and your wife calls you and says she misses you very much and wants you to come. Your name is James. Your wife is on the phone. “James, hey honey, I’m just calling to tell you that…” ‘Honey’ is the code word. There’s a problem. What are you going to do? Now it’s your business. Call the police, come over with three thugs. The important thing is, you know there’s a problem.
Take Care of Your Body
Before it ends up in a body bag
Take care of your body before it ends up in a body bag. It’s as simple as that. Remember how we want her to know that you’re a first-class kind of guy? A guy who knows about the street, life and women, from her head and heart all the way to her legs (forgive my bluntness)? So this chapter, which seems to be technical, is actually the base for it all. We’re talking about the most fundamental habits, like shaving. There’s no way to avoid it. It’s a war out there.
You may think that I’m unstable, a snob, bored. But I’m none of these things. Every morning is combat and when you’re outside, you’re on a battlefield. Rivals are breathing down your neck, doubts are the death of you, your partners are angry, you want a promotion, the boss has his eye on you. If you’re single alongside all of this, you also need to be prepared to conquer the heart of your woman. If you’re a family man here, in your career, the battle is just beginning. During the day, your kids are calling you, your ex-wife is bothering you, your wife wants more attention and the other women in your life…forget it. The conclusion is clear: in the morning, you have the opportunity to stand ready at the front, both physically and mentally. There’s no going back. If you leave the house like a king, there’s a chance that you’ll survive the day, maybe even come out on top. If you go out like a dishrag, you’ll come back rung out.
Let’s say you’re running late and suddenly need to go to the bathroom. First thing in the morning. You’ve got to hold it in, run outside, ignore the call of nature, and make it to your meeting, tense and heavy. At best, the meeting was crap. At worst, you crap your pants. Is it worth it? There are some people who prefer an extra half hour of sleep over proper treatment of the body. It’s a mistake, and a common one. What’s the point of sleeping an extra half hour and then getting up like a slaughtered chicken and staying that way all day? I prefer to get up forty-five minutes earlier. Minutes that are spent shaving properly, sitting comfortably on the toilet if I need to, a hot shower, face cream, body lotion, getting dressed slowly, preparing a good cup of coffee (wait until the temperature drops to about 200°F, and then pour in the water, so the coffee doesn’t burn) and then a relaxed exit.
It’s a war outside. Mostly a mental one. Are you prepared?
Face
It may sound obvious, but think about it for a second. Your face is the first thing a person sees when they me
et you. It’s your business card. Your window display. Your visual ID. In every environment. On the street, at work, in a café, on a blind date, at passport control. I recommend a cleanly shaved face. No hair. It’s true, more and more men don’t sanction the ritual of shaving. Thirty-five percent of young people grow a beard. Another twenty-five percent only shave once every ten days. In my opinion, the trendy stubbly look is an overreaction by the younger generation to the chores of the modern era, coupled with the high price of razors. Gillette, which controls the razor blade market, would do the world a favor by drastically lowering the prices of their blades. I predict that within a few years, the clean look will be back in fashion. In any case, if you do walk around with bristles on your face, I recommend that you look to see how your woman feels about it during intimate moments.
Check your nostrils. Every week. Don’t be afraid to trim your nose hair (there’s a special device for this). If you’re hairy, take care of the hairs in your ears, too. Don’t shave them, they’ll grow back quickly and prickly. Go to a professional barber, who’ll burn them for you with an alcohol-soaked stick. Don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt. Turkish barbers are experts. Take this opportunity to clean your ears, even before you go to the barber.
Go to a cosmetician. Let her take care of your face. She’ll tell you if you have oily or dry skin. Once a month, I leave my face in the hands of Ola, a skilled beautician. Just lying on her treatment bed relaxes me. There’s nothing like the hands of a trained woman to relax the day’s tensions, even if you aren’t a secret agent.
Apply face cream in the morning and at night. Actually, do it after every shower. For many years (too many, unfortunately) I’ve been using Clinique facial moisturizer. It comes in a gray tube. Hypoallergenic, not too oily, absorbs easily, leaves the skin feeling soft. It’s easy to get the cream out of the tube, the opening is just the right size, and the plastic container is light and safe for traveling. Before I go to bed, I apply nighttime cream. When I get up in the morning, I’m less wrinkled.
Shaving
You’d be surprised by how many men don’t know the secrets of shaving. Generations come and go, but a scratch on your cheek lasts. Shaving is a world unto itself, one which involves planning and execution. I’m in favor of daily shaving, in the morning. That way, you start your day clean and polished. But there are exceptions. Bristles cut best when they are a little long, after about two days of growth. Take this into consideration if you have special plans, like traveling for a day and a half, or a long night with your girlfriend, that make it worth another shave in the evening. When you go down on her, the sharp bristles under the lower lip (yours) may stab at her inner lips and clitoris, and she won’t be able to concentrate on the pleasure. Already, you’ve started off on the wrong foot.
By the way, if you’re one of those guys who doesn’t like to go down on his girlfriend, we’re going to have a serious conversation about it later on.
Sometimes it’s best to postpone shaving in order to achieve the most satisfactory results closest to the needed time. Let’s start with a common and terrible mistake: it’s known that steam and hot water soften bristles, so there are men who shave after they shower. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Shaving comes before showering. Always. The act of shaving stimulates the skin, sometimes causing slight lesions or redness, not to mention accidental cuts. Hot water spraying for long minutes on your burning cheeks is good for them. A light scrub with a soft sponge, soaked in high-quality liquid soap, and rinsing with warm and then cold water, will do wonders for your skin. All those minor cuts will soften and disappear. Shaving after you shower also causes you to risk making an unforgivable mistake – showing up at work with leftover foam or soap in your ear. It’s true, you can wash your face in the sink, but it’s not like the shower, where the spray of the water cleans you up. The danger is too great, and no one will bother to draw your attention to it. Did any woman ever tell you that you have yellow gunk in your ears?
The razor: In the competitive world of razor-makers, there are always “inventions and innovations.” Every time, one manufacturer or another claims to have made a breakthrough. Don’t believe it. There can’t be a breakthrough every two days. It makes more sense that every two days, there will be a new marketing gimmick. This simply means you have to be aware of the razor. Does it shave easily, elegantly, without any itching pain or bothersome tugging? How many shavings is it good for?
Method of operation: First, go in the direction of bristles. Add more shaving cream and repeat a second time, this time against the direction of the bristles, and while focusing on the more difficult areas. Only a knife that’s not too worn can handle shaving against the bristles without making for pulling and scratching. Any pulling movements must be short. Rinse a lot in between. The hairs between the blades reduce a razor’s effectiveness by a half. After shaving, you should be as smooth as a baby. No trace of unbeaten bristles.
Foam, cream, lotion: Here’s an example of how someone who understands nothing can achieve the same result as an expert who has gone through all the steps. In the past, most shaving creams were inferior to good shaving gels. Foams were a cheap solution compared to rich gel, and the gel also required massaging to create foam. In my search for the ultimate solution, I discovered shaving foam that is better than gel by Biotherm, which gives a feeling of mousse – rich, soft, luxurious, with a high percent of humidity. It softens the bristles and feels like air.
After your (long) shower, wipe your face and let it relax, then rinse it in cold water to avoid sweating after the hot shower. Smooth and cool cheeks are an ideal place for applying facial cream.
Shower
After shaving, shower. Here too, show your body some respect. Take a shower twice a day, morning and evening. In the morning, for the day; in the evening, for the night. There’s no way I can get into bed at the end of the day without a good shower. Your woman may come over right after work; maybe she’ll come at the end of the night. I often add another shower to the menu, once after exercising and once again before going to bed. I’m not talking about having an obsession with cleanliness, it’s a feeling. There’s a crust, partially physical, partially imaginary, that sticks to you from the street, from the office, from wherever you are. Before you go to bed, after showering, it’s better to be clean yourself from the world that sticks to you. There’s nothing like crawling into new sheets with a new body. Going to sleep is like entering another world, why not come with a smile? Not to mention making love. Your body is fresh after a hot shower – it’s the difference between day and night.
Regarding a shower, it’s not just that the outcome is wonderful, the path is equally pleasurable. Don’t go into the shower like my kids do, get wet for a second and say “I’m done.” Make sure to clean all the orifices. There’s nothing like water for physical and metaphysical purification. In most countries, the water is hard water and leaves the skin dry and rough. Don’t use any old soap. Go for a body wash that has at least twenty-five percent moisturizing lotion. Put it on a shower sponge and enjoy yourself. Fun. If she likes to soap your back, that’s crazy fun.
I like L’Occitane toiletries. They have an amazing green tea shower gel and bath oil. Both of them leave the body smooth, fragrant and moisturized. I prefer a wide shower head with a strong spray. I stay in the shower for at least fifteen minutes and prefer even twenty. The water pounding on the body has an incredible effect, one that soothes and cleanses your aura, even if you aren’t aware of it. Take a look at all the nations and religions of the world, and you’ll find that cleansing plays a central purification role in all of them. Don’t miss out.
By the way, always finish your shower with cold water. Go slowly and gradually from hot water to cold, and try to stay in the cold water for at least sixty seconds in the morning. This is one of the most important tips I have to offer you. The cold water will keep you alert and energetic hours later and you may not believe it, but will even prolong your days on earth. Trust me.
Shirt B
After bathing, I have a little ritual that I never miss. I call it Shirt B. You’ve toweled off and applied face cream and deodorant? Now put on a thin, worn T-shirt, the kind that you sleep in, some comfortable underwear, and lay quietly on your bed, on your back. Your warm body will rest and the steam rising off of it will dissolve into the cotton cloth. Be sure you tighten the shirt under your armpits so that extra deodorant is absorbed by Shirt B. Take at least ten minutes. As far as I’m concerned, read the news or just daydream. Only afterwards put on the clothes that you’ve chosen for the day.
Washing your hair
Do it every day. That’s all there is to it. You know how old people have a smell? It’s because they don’t wash their hair. Period. Good-bye. See you later. By the way, men use twice as much shampoo as they need to. It’s true for everything. You can save half of your expenses on detergents.
Deodorant
Houston, we have a problem. What’s going on?
Well, there’s a serious argument that most deodorants aren’t healthy. People say they are carcinogenic. This is because they contain nickel, and this can have a dangerous effect on armpit glands. There are companies that produce friendly deodorants, ones without nickel, and this is stated explicitly on the packaging. The problem is, these deodorants are less effective than those that contain nickel, and in most cases, leave you smelling worse.
A problem, as mentioned. What to do. Some women I know say that I and others like me are committing slow suicide. One thing I don’t hesitate about is choosing between spray and roll-on. For me, roll-on.
Creams