by Mark McCoy
The movies
Going to a movie is the most worthwhile date around, the best return on your investment. Why do I say this? From today onwards, you’re not two people – you are four. This is one of the most important tips I have to give you, and one of the easiest ones to implement. From now on, you don’t buy a pair of tickets for the movies, you buy four of them .
You go into the theater with her, row ten in the middle. If you bought four tickets, the seat to the right will be empty as well as the seat on the left. No one will be breathing on her, no one will make her nervous. There’s room for your jackets, you don’t have to fight with anyone over the armrests. Don’t tell her. You’re already showing flair. Let her marvel at your good luck, how there were exactly two empty seats right next to you. The next time, she’ll really be impressed. The third time, she’s supposed to understand that you had a hand in it. Smooth. The first time, she’ll be impressed by the idea; the next time, she’ll be impressed because you didn’t tell her. Sure, you invested a couple bucks more in every date, but look what you got in return. No thug will end up sitting beside her, you can switch seats if someone is blocking her view. Classy.
If you bought bad seats for the theater, note the mistake. It shouldn’t happen. The people sitting near the exits are financing the show for people in the good seats. It is as if your seat on a plane is the baggage compartment. I don’t buy bad seats for the theater, period. Nevertheless, if you still managed to find yourself in a terrible spot at the theater, relax. Nothing is final until you finalize it. Go to the front of the theater, where the best seats are. Leave your date in the original seats. She just needs to be on the alert for your text message. Now, look for empty seats. Go for the jackpot. Look in rows four to eight. Found a space? Wait until one minute before the show starts. Anyone who hasn’t arrived until then won’t show up at all. If they do, they’ll be taken to the gallery. I already told you that the gallery is for losers. You need to understand – there’s a ninety percent chance that somebody won’t show up. An accident, sudden illness, fight, mistake, there’s no shortage of reasons. Usually, those are the most expensive seats, too. Those people don’t really care if they paid but don’t show up. Now, sit nonchalantly in your royal seat. Send a message to your date telling her the row and seat. It’s that simple.
Wimbledon
In one of the final exams, we were a team of four. They dropped us off at Wimbledon, an hour before the final match. The mission: To get in without tickets and find a seat in the Royal Box. Right next to the queen. You read it right – no tickets at all.
We acted wisely. Two of us wore security guard outfits (cheap suits) and earpieces (from mobile phones). Your faithful servant wore a suit and sunglasses, and they shielded me while shouting, “Don’t take pictures, please,” at our fourth friend, who was walking backwards in front of us wearing a photographer’s jacket, two cameras around his neck, and a press badge. The funny thing is that other photographers gathered and took pictures of me, even though they had no idea at all who they were chasing for a photo. We found a vacant seat in the Royal Box. A lovely girl opened the rope for us. “Good afternoon, Mr. ....”, “Good afternoon, honey.” We sat. It was nice.
During the third set, the chairman of Mercedes, his wife, their daughter and some other guest were amazed to find their seats in the prestigious box occupied. Don’t worry. It ended with an invitation to a private Caribbean vacation the next morning. Who said an agent’s life is difficult?
Cheers!
Now, time for some wine...
You know those people who say, “I don’t drink at work”? To me, that’s like saying, “I don’t live at work.” I love wine. There are some people whose sense of smell and taste don’t connect with wine. Too bad for them. Before you give up, make sure you’ve given it your best shot. What do I mean? You need to drink good wines, at the right moment, with the right food. Find a friend who likes wine and understands it a bit. Ask him to join you in your efforts. A perfect man needs to understand wine at least enough so that he can talk about it with his woman. Wine is a perfect accompaniment to a relationship. To help you with your little problem, here’s a guide that will make you an expert in ten minutes.
A note before starting: If you’re the kind of person who takes a bite of food, swallows and then washes it down with wine, you’re making a mistake. An epic fail. Wine, like a kiss, is slow and thorough. First, sip calmly, let the wine coat the inside of your mouth and tongue. Then, let the food settle slowly on the layer of wine. Now, you can enjoy both the taste of the food and of the wine. Bon appétit.
***
Wine is like a living being. It may be young or old, strong or interesting, casual or exciting, and so on. Even more beautiful is that there is a striking connection – to the point of an amazing match – between wine and the country it comes from. In order to describe wine in the most enlightening way possible, just think about the characteristics of the place from where it came.
French wines
Respect. Legacy. This can’t be taken from them. They live a little bit on past glory. They take themselves seriously, are filled with power, have dominant smells, sometimes stink, come from deep dark cellars with cold stone walls, European quality that doesn’t suck up nor try to impress. French wines are proud and aggressive. There are some rare wines and some terrible failures. Either way, French wine is always stubborn, always goes its own way – it has a rich and glorious history, but refuses to recognize the modern world.
Italian wines
Song, opera, joy, style. Italian wines have huge success alongside national failures, they are wines that forgive themselves and the people who drink them, wines that are sexy and varied – like a quick blow job at lunchtime and a long passion-filled night. Full-bodied wines are like a plump opera singer; light-bodied wines are like a lean man in a Vespa. Italian wines are sure of themselves but not condescending, wines that taste good but don’t make an effort to be incredible. At the same time, they are unstable and sporadic. One day a Ferrari, the next day a Fiat.
American wines
Relatively new in the world, quite comfortable, not too blunt, pleasant, confident, able to live comfortably with themselves without being moved by the old world. American wine is like a Jeep Cherokee: leather seats, pampers when you’re off-road, looks big and powerful, but has a weak engine compared to the body. Disciplined and orderly wine that is also stable. Almost no disappointments. There are excellent American wines, but major successes are rare.
German wines
Sorry about the cliché, but these are the most precise wines in the world, with clear flavors and scents. The Germans have mostly white wines, very cold. German wines are arrogant, safe and distant. They go best with a precise meal at a specific time. Before choosing a German wine, there is always a slight hesitation, but in the end, the choice is successful. One might say that German wines aren’t exactly old world, but they aren’t new world, either. They are in a world of their own, somewhat oblivious to what is happening around them. Denial, anyone?
Israeli wines
Not bad wines at all, even if they do rely too often on one-off successes. Israel’s history of wine dates back to biblical times, but it is only in the last decade that a real wine culture began developing. Some of the improvisations aren’t half-bad, but when it comes to being consistent, they tend to get lost. Israeli wines are presumptuous, much like Israelis themselves, and suffer from a lack of patience – everything must be quick and now. Nevertheless, today there are several serious wineries in Israel that succeed in producing very good wines year after year, wines with grades ranging from ninety to ninety-six.
New Zealand and Australian wines
Surprising New World wines. Every encounter with an Australian wine is a surprise, primarily because you don’t know what to expect. New Zealand surprises with some stunning white wines, with a combination of earthy flavors and a spirit that’s not quite clear. The wine makes you want to know more. Th
ey are considered remote but are very cordial in the first drink, encouraging. Sometimes they have a baseness and earthiness to them, but then suddenly you discover a new and fascinating taste. You can certainly talk about something marginal that’s about to take center stage. Australian and New Zealand wines are slowly making their way toward world recognition, without being pushed and with considerable self-confidence. They aren’t in a hurry. As if they are saying, you’ll discover us, it’s just a matter of time.
The difference between white and red wines
Just like storks don’t really bring children to the world, red wines aren’t squeezed from red grapes and white wines aren’t born from green ones. After the harvest, grapes are crushed and transferred to a winepress, and from there to fermentation tanks. It’s here that the color is determined – white wines ferment without grape peels, red wines ferment with them. In white wines, there is a process of refining, filtering and bottling. In red wines, the process is a bit more involved. I’ll save you the trouble. The main thing is that red wines are given longer to age in the barrel.
Temperature
A dramatic issue. Wine that isn’t served at the right temperature loses its flavor and charm. White wines are served at fifty to sixty degrees Fahrenheit (refrigerate until just before serving). Light red wines: Sixty degrees. Heavy red wines: Seventy degrees (remove from the refrigerator about one and a half hours before serving).
What’s light and what’s heavy? I’ll teach you the tricks. Think about thick, rich chocolate milk versus thin, light chocolate milk. It’s not exactly the same thing, but it’s a way to remember. Here are a few more key concepts.
Tannin
Acid found in the grape’s skin. Slightly bitter. Tannin protects the wine for a long period of time.
Astringency
A stiff, dry sensation in the mouth caused by high tannin. Reminiscent of a bite of unripe fruit. Click your tongue and say, “This wine is high in tannins. It will last for a good long time,” and you’ll sound like a winner .
Aroma
A wine’s smell. Its source is the grape and the processes it’s been through. Wine connoisseurs like to talk about a wine’s smell and taste using their own terms. Don’t worry, I’ll teach you these too.
Body
The body. This refers to whether the wine has a full and strong presence or if it is weak and thin. Think back to the chocolate milk. In wine, body is very important. In full-bodied wines, the flavor lasts after swallowing. It leaves its mark. If drinking it was like drinking light juice, say: “It wasn’t bad, but if you ask me, it lacks body.” If the sip was enjoyable and filled with strength, you can say: “Guys, we’ve got a wine with serious body here.”
Bouquet
The bouquet, in contrast to the aroma, is the smell that sticks to the wine as a result of the aging and bottling process. Aroma is related to the type of grape and the fermentation process. Simply put, bouquet is the smell obtained from the aroma (the smell of fresh grapes) and from the smells generated after a long stay in the barrel.
Acidity
A sour taste that comes after the wine comes in contact with the air (oxidation). Contact with the air is necessary for refining the taste of the wine, which essentially lay sealed and closed for years .
Aftertaste
The taste of the wine lingers in the mouth even after swallowing. This taste is called the aftertaste.
Dry, semi-dry
This refers to the wine’s sweetness. A little sugar – dry. More sugar – semi-dry.
Types of wines: whites
Sauvignon Blanc – One of the most popular varieties. A very pleasant wine, usually dry and refreshing.
Chardonnay – Very popular and successful, maybe the most popular in the world. One of the only white wines that is aged in wooden barrels. A floral wine (Don’t be alarmed. It just means that the wine is fragrant like flowers or fruit).
Riesling – Rich and fragrant wine. Comes mostly from Germany and France. There are some excellent varieties.
Types of wines: reds
Cabernet Sauvignon – The king. Originally from France, Bordeaux I think. A wine that can age for many years. Usually full of body and deep-flavored.
Merlot – The Queen. A round, softer wine. Very famous.
Pinot Noir – Interesting, French. Not very stable, due to its sensitivity.
Petite Sirah – Dominant. I never got along with this one .
Types of wines: rosés
Very cute. A production process between white and red, the grape juice gets a bit of color from the peels and then they are removed. Rosé wines are sometimes an excellent compromise when you don’t know whether you should choose white or red. These wines are served chilled, primarily during the day, and are suitable for fish, seafood, light cheese, pasta in cream sauce, and more.
Terms for taste and smell
A conversation between two wine connoisseurs can sound arrogant and absurd, but to be fair, it’s very difficult to talk about a wine’s smell and flavor without being dragged into fancy words and flowing images. That’s why such words have associations that preserve the romance of drinking. Let’s say you wanted to describe the yellow of the full moon rising. Instead of being satisfied with “yellow-like…” or “desert-like…,” you could say, in excitement, something nostalgic like, “the yolk of the moon as it rises.” Kapish? That’s how wine people tend to use words like earth, light, smoke, tobacco, chocolate, grass, lemon, butter, tree, cellar, etc. Take advantage of this approach. All you need to do in order to describe wine is to sniff the glass and understand the association it makes. You can say in wonder, “Earth after the rain.”
User’s manual
When you (or the wine waiter) pour the wine, make sure that the glass becomes only partially full. Swirl the cup on the table and let the wine “open up,” that is, come into contact with the air. The scent will be released, you’ll be able to dip your nose into the glass and lightly smell the aroma. That way, you’ll be able to understand and talk about the smell. Wine, like you, really needs to breathe. Especially after it has been held captive in a barrel or bottle and is suddenly set free. The only thing it wants is air. Easy, no?
The beauty of wine is that after all of the descriptions, it speaks for itself, opens up with joy and gives of itself easily. So forget the nonsense, open a good bottle, at the right moment (before the food), at the right temperature, in a big glass, pour a bit, wait a moment, smell, taste, and say to her: “This wine is really perfect for us – filled with passion, wild, connected to the earth, to the cherry, to us, just we we are.” Cheers!
A Well- Oiled Machine
The importance of exercise, not to mention massage, cannot be overstated
Where there is a hit out on someone, they’re aware of the danger hovering over them. They change habits, addresses and plans from one moment to the next, surrounded by guards and technological gadgets that make it difficult to locate them. As soon as a purple file is opened (indicating that a target that needs to be removed), the smallest details about that person are collected. Planning must be based on zero mistakes. A mistake is something that causes the target to become even more careful and evasive.
A few years ago, we encountered a particularly hard nut to crack. This guy had nine lives, eyes at the back of his head, and the luck of a serial lottery winner. He changed cars like other people change socks, would buy tickets to five different destinations and at the last moment, board a sixth flight. Careful study of the information revealed that in the area of his home, his offices and his restaurants, the mission was complicated, even impossible. And then, I was sent to the city where he lived.
We got our break. The man worked out with a personal trainer at a luxury gym, in a private room that was rented out by the hour to VIPs. I signed up for the gym. I discovered that VIPs have personal lockers. The lockers were in a closed room. His locker was easy to spot. It was the only one with two locks. The lockers were installed against a wall, and
behind the wall was a spinning studio.
Friday night, late, we broke into the gym. We didn’t break into the locker room, we broke into the spinning room, drilled a hole in the wall, and sawed open the back of his locker. In our first attempt, we reached the locker above his. Turns out that the height of the floors in the rooms was not equal. We recalculated and succeeded in our second attempt. In the locker, we found what we were looking for: protein powder that dissolves in water, for consumption after exercise. We added to the protein powder some highly advanced poison that is lethal once it comes into contact with water. To be on the safe side, we also put a bit of the powder in the measuring spoon. We closed the back of the locker so that the cut wouldn’t be visible from the inside. We repaired the hole in the spinning room wall and hung a poster of a cyclist over the repair. Mission accomplished. We slipped out.
Three days later, after a strenuous workout, our target sat down at the gym bar, prepared for himself a heaping dose of protein shake, drank it from a glass, and went to take a shower. He died clean. The press talked about someone dying after a particularly intensive workout. It would be interesting to know how many trainers dropped their pace a notch after that episode. A clean takedown, without any scent or signs, just like it should be, with a moral on the side: after a workout, it’s best to drink just water.
***
You need to work out, period. To be fit. There’s no way you can’t run for at least three kilometers. Running can be a matter of life and death. You may find yourself in a situation where you run after someone or away from them, in both cases, you need to run. You may have to run up twenty flights of stairs. In short, your heart needs to withstand any burden that it meets.