by Nina Walker
And then, in an instant, it had all shattered to pieces.
What have I done?
I tried to sit up, but a ring of pain enveloped my wrists. I was tightly handcuffed to a hard surface. I laid flat again and waited for someone to notice I was awake.
No one came.
I tried not to drift back into sleep, but I didn’t know how much longer I could keep my eyes open. If it wasn’t for the small red light, I’d question if I was awake at all. Despite the disorientation, I didn’t mind the darkness. As uncomfortable as this featureless room was, I was more afraid of what would happen when the lights came on. Then I’d have to face the truth.
As if my very thought triggered the action, the room exploded in a burst of fluorescent light. The walls, the ceiling, the floor, everything was chalky gray. The door opened, and a man in a matching gray lab coat walked in. His face was mostly covered by a doctor’s mask. Two pale blue eyes, and that was it.
“Where am I?” I asked, trying to keep my voice calm.
He walked right to me, peering down.
“Relax, this doesn’t have to hurt.”
Before I had a chance to respond, the needle pierced my arm, and a burning ache shot deep through my bicep. He stepped back.
“What did you…” I blinked, stunned, as the words were lost.
The color behind my eyelids was a warm, inky red. I couldn’t open them.
I pushed and pushed, willing them to part, but they didn’t move. Wasn’t I supposed to be somewhere? The heaviness of sleep was too strong for me to finish the thought as I drifted. Just before it overtook me, a man’s voice spoke.
“Let me see her.”
The echo of a door slamming bounced through my memory.
You’ve been drugged. Wake up!
I’m trying. I don’t know if I can.
But no matter how hard I fought, the darkness pulled back even harder. I was just too tired.
There was a clatter of footsteps.
Again, I tried to open my eyes, but I gave up easily. The voices began to speak near me. It took all my energy to comprehend what they were saying.
“What do you intend to do with her?” The voice of a younger man asked.
“It’s none of your concern,” the deeper voice responded.
“You wanted me to get more involved. Well, here I am.”
There was a pause before a woman’s voice jutted into the conversation. Something about the sharp lilt in her words rang familiar to me.
Did I know her?
“Not only has Jessa broken several laws—she lied about her alchemy. I advise you to keep her here. I don’t trust this girl.”
“That would be a bad move,” the young man interjected. “She could be a huge asset to the Guardians of Color. She has abilities we’ve never seen before. And that’s without proper training. Just think about it. What could a few months with the GC do for someone with that kind of aptitude for color alchemy?”
“You don’t know anything about her. She is a liability. She’s dangerous and too old to start training. It’s too late. The best thing would be to keep her under lock and key.”
“She’s incredibly talented. It’s as simple as that. And it’s not your decision, anyway.”
“Nor is it yours. I will not be lectured by some boy about the intricacies of color alchemy. You don’t know what it takes to properly train an effective alchemist. Years of hard work and dedication are required to hone the magic. This girl is already a teenager. She’s too volatile. She’s had time to come forward with this. Where was she ten years ago?”
“I’m hardly a boy. And I know enough about color alchemy to know that she deserves a chance.”
“Enough,” scoffed the deeper baritone voice. I tried to recall how I knew him. Was he the one from earlier in the conversation?
“I have final say over what happens to this girl. Not either of you. And my son is right. She accessed red. And that means we need her. I need her.” Nobody bothered to contradict him.
Everything inside was screaming that this was too important to miss, to hold onto this conversation. Instead, I fell closer to the darkness.
I opened my eyes. The room was dark again. Bits and pieces from the earlier events floated into my drug-induced sleep.
I knew something important had happened, but I couldn’t remember exactly what. A conversation between three people about color alchemy. About me.
The door swung open and two armed guards, dressed in blue uniforms, entered the room. Dread tumbled down my spine. They turned on the lights and I was reminded that the room had no color. It was a cube of gray. No windows. One door. One light.
They released my handcuffs from the metal bed and roughly pulled me up, barely giving me a chance to catch my balance. Before I could console my aching wrists, I was handcuffed again. They yanked me from the room.
“Where are you taking me?”
They didn’t answer. I started to repeat my question, louder this time, but stopped when I got a better look at the men.
They were clearly in control here. But despite their dominance, there was a bit of stray emotion pulling at their faces. Fear.
What did men like these have to be afraid of?
I caught the shifting eyes of one, and then I knew. Me. He was afraid of me. A very large, heavily armed New Colony guard was afraid of me. A ballerina. I would have laughed if I hadn’t been so bewildered. I looked around for a way to escape. I needed to get away from them. I just wanted to go home! But it was no use; the men had a firm hold on me.
We walked through a maze of gray hallways lined with closed doors. The handcuffs still in place, one of the guards pulled out a thick blindfold and wrapped it around my eyes. They were treating me like a violent criminal!
I’d thought Lacey was the alchemist. But I’d been so wrong. And the fact that I had to find this out about myself in front of hundreds of people? What luck! My eyes returned to the darkness under the blindfold and that’s when I understood the reason for the gray room. I didn’t realize it before. I hadn’t been around color since passing out at the ballet. If I somehow wanted to use alchemy as a weapon, I didn’t have any ammunition.
This is not necessary!
I bit my tongue to prevent myself from yelling the string of obscenities that was running through my mind.
If someone would just talk to me, they would know that I was not a threat. What happened was a mistake. I was just a teenager. I wanted nothing to do with color alchemy. All this time, I thought it was Lacey who was the alchemist. No. It was me. How could I have been so stupid?
At least Lacey wasn’t in my place right now. I would never want this for her. I hoped she was home safe with Mom and Dad.
It wasn’t long until the air around me shifted and I was guided up a staircase and into a cool room. The blindfold stayed snugly in place, keeping me in darkness.
“Where am I?” Again, silence. “Please don’t hurt me. It was an accident. I swear. I’ll never do it again!”
Still nothing.
“I promise. Just please say something. Anything! What is going on?” We continued to move. The men pulled me by my elbow, much faster now. Still no one uttered a word.
I thrashed out, resisting the rough hands that pulled me forward. I still couldn’t see anything, what did they expect?
I tried to move away, but my strength was nothing compared to theirs. The men simply lifted me up and continued forward. Jerks!
“Stop it!” A door slammed and we abruptly stopped.
“Let her go!” Someone boomed from behind.
They dropped me and I slammed to the ground. Pain erupted across my jaw and the taste of metal warmed my mouth. Blood.
Footsteps rushed forward. Someone gently removed my blindfold.
“Idiots,” a male voice mumbled.
I took in the boy kneeling before me. Stormy gray eyes stared back, framed by disheveled dark hair.
For a moment, neither of us made a move. No one said a word. I just stared
at him, trying to figure out why this guy was staring me down like I was a wanted criminal. I knew him.
Prince Lucas.
Is this really happening right now?
He was barely a breath away. His height, lean athletic build, unruly hair, and striking charcoal eyes made him almost too perfect. Painfully gorgeous, actually. All the girls—and women—of New Colony were basically obsessed with him. Did he know that? Yes, of course he did. From the way his mouth turned, he probably knew what I was thinking.
How embarrassing.
He stood up. My hands were still restrained behind me. He carefully helped me stand. His closeness bothered me. I didn’t want to think of how disheveled I must look after all that time drugged and confined. Mortified, I looked away, willing him to do the same.
“Take off the handcuffs and don’t treat her like that again.” I was surprised by his kindness and thick anger toward the guards. Both looked chastened. Ashamed, even. Good!
“What were you thinking? You could have set her off. Don’t forget, she’s deadly.”
Well, so much for chivalry!
Once my wrists were free, I gingerly rubbed at the tender bruises. I nearly jumped when Prince Lucas reached toward them. He stopped short, his expression unreadable.
“We’ll have someone take care of that,” he said, eyes still studying me, drinking me in.
Unsure of what to do or say, I stood motionless. He had just warned armed guards that I was dangerous, but he didn’t seem to fear me himself. At the same time, he seemed uncomfortable.
“Why am I here?”
“Excellent question. You and I need to have a discussion.” He nodded to the guards and added: “In private.”
Moments later, he took me to a nearby parlor room and motioned for me to sit down. From the ornate décor, I immediately knew we were in the palace.
I can’t believe this is happening!
Prince Lucas wasn’t someone I ever thought I’d set eyes on in the flesh. Certainly not so close. I could touch him if I wanted. Not that I would! But still, I could. Weird.
New Colony’s palace was more than just a royal residence. It was a huge set of connected buildings that housed the most exclusive government agencies, including the headquarters of the Guardians of Color.
Even though the elegant room had large oil paintings, plush rugs, and mahogany trimmings, it still managed to exude coziness. A fire crackled in the large fireplace.
Does he want me to remain calm?
Well, I was anything but calm. The hard sheath of material didn’t help the matter. I was still wearing the lavender ballet outfit from that night in the theatre. I looked ridiculous wearing a costume in here. At least it was back to its original color.
I frowned down at myself. The spattering of crystals across the bodice had rubbed at the soft insides of my arms. Did no one care enough to let me change out of this?
“I know who you are,” I said. I attempted to betray no emotion and ignored the nerves that bubbled inside.
He laughed. “And I know who you are, Jessa.”
So he knew my name. I could only conclude that Faulk, or one of the other officials, had told him all about me. Had they studied me? Followed me?
“Jessa, are you okay?”
I didn’t respond. Instead, I stared at the floor, breaking his eye contact. I didn’t know what to think of him. Was he also afraid of me? Did he think I was star-struck to meet him? Impressed because he was the crown prince?
I could feel him give me the classic guy once-over. I was slender, yes. But that shouldn’t be mistaken for weakness. I was strong and healthy. My long brown curls had come loose from my ballerina bun, returning it to its natural bird’s nest. I doubted that I looked very threatening.
“Jessa, are you hungry? Do you want some water?”
“Why do you care? But since you’re asking, yes, I’m hungry. I haven’t had much to eat in a while.” Placing a small hand across my stomach, I glared at him, as if this was all his doing.
Whoever was assigned to guard me obviously didn’t care about my stomach. Anger churned in my belly as I tried to figure out how long it had been since I’d had a meal.
He pulled out a very thin, very expensive slatebook and dialed a number. Within seconds, he ordered someone to bring in food and water. I continued to glare at him. He wasn’t going to bribe his way into my good graces.
“Send in a healer while you’re at it, please,” he added. We both stared uncomfortably at my chafed wrists. Somehow the bruises looked even worse now. “And some women’s clothing too, please.”
Finally, I can change from this ridiculous costume!
I still didn’t trust him. Why should I?
“Listen, we need to talk about a few things. I am not going to hurt you. Actually, I want to help you.”
“Am I supposed to thank you?”
“I—I don’t need any thanks,” he replied, faltering.
“Look, I know you’re the prince. What on earth would a prince want with me?”
He didn’t respond.
“No one will tell me what’s going on!” I jumped out of my seat. “Why are you even talking to me? I thought I was a prisoner. Since when do princes talk to prisoners? I just need someone to tell me the truth. Why am I here?”
He sighed and stood.
“Fine. If you want to do this now, then we can do this now. But you should be thanking me. Stop being so defensive. If it weren’t for me, you would still be stuck in that prison cell, probably for the rest of your life. First of all, you broke the law. Second, you put a whole building full of people at risk when you pulled that stunt at the ballet two nights ago. You could have gotten yourself killed.”
“It was an accident.”
Two nights ago? So I’ve been drugged for two whole days…
“It doesn’t matter. You don’t know how to control your abilities, and that’s dangerous. I don’t care what your reasons are for hiding the truth. You’re in a lot of trouble!”
I tried to stay calm but how could I? He didn’t get it!
“I didn’t know…it was an accident.” I tried to steady my voice. I frowned and sat back down. I was about to cry and felt sick at the thought. That was the last thing I needed right now.
Don’t cry. Come on, Jessa, get it together.
Lucas sat down next to me, putting his hand on my arm. I stiffened as a wave of heat rolled across my flesh before I pulled away. He was too attractive for his own good. I hated it.
Now is not the time to be acting like such a girl.
“I’m dangerous?” I asked, holding back the tears.
“Yes, but we can change that. That’s why I got you out of prison as quickly as I could. I want to help you.”
“Why?” I asked.
“I’ve been studying alchemy my whole life. I know dozens of alchemists and have worked with many on different projects. I’ve seen remarkable things, but none of their talent has even come close to what I saw the other night. Yes, you’re dangerous, but only because you’re untrained. With the right direction, you could become a huge asset. You could help a lot of people.”
I studied him and waited for a flicker of deception to cross his face. We sat in silence as I considered his words. Why did he care so much? What was in it for him? He was charming but I wasn’t sure I could trust him.
Then I asked the question I was pretty sure I already knew the answer to. The one that scared me the most. “Will I have to join the GC?”
The Guardians of Color were the only alchemists legally permitted to use their abilities. Those who didn’t qualify for the GC were usually incarcerated, and apparently some were drugged and strapped to tables. I could testify to that.
I didn’t know a lot about color alchemy. I did, however, understand that it was a delicate art that could quickly become deadly if it wasn’t controlled. Being a member of the GC was an honor. Only the best of the best were able to reach the level of skill necessary to join. And the ones that weren
’t up to par? I wasn’t sure what happened to them.
I was heartbroken to think about my prospects. Guardians were forbidden from having other careers. They didn’t live in normal society. They lived apart from their families. Did they even have children? Get married? I had never known an alchemist, so I knew they didn’t lead public lives. The GC had always been a foreign group. In my sixteen years, I had yet to meet a guardian. Alchemists were so rare.
“You’re not going home,” Lucas said. “We need you here.”
“And do I have a choice?”
His silence told me all I needed to know.
I didn’t know why he was here. Or what it was like to be a guardian. But I knew for sure that nothing would be the same. No more dinners with my family. No more sleeping in my bed or retreating to my room to be alone with my thoughts. I wouldn’t get to talk to Mom and Dad about my day or have arguments with them about normal things like homework and curfews.
I would be absent as my little sister grew up. I wouldn’t be there for the milestones, broken hearts, fits of laughter, conversations about school and which teachers to avoid. When the moments came that Lacey needed to confide in someone, just needed someone to listen to her fears and secrets, to console her through her first heartbreak, I wouldn’t be there.
Long ago, I promised myself I would never give up on my ballet dreams, but now I would never dance on stage again. Why would New Colony care to have a ballerina when they could have an alchemist?
My friends, my family, ballet, my life. They would all become memories.
“Just tell me. Do I have to become a guardian? Do I have to live here now?”
“It’s not so bad. It’s the highest civilian honor.”
A pain unlike any I’d felt before dropped into my chest.
How could this be?
My vision blurred.
Oh no, I can’t breathe. This can’t be happening to me. No!
Lucas was speaking, but I couldn’t hear him. I couldn’t process anything outside of my body. My fears were taking over, amplified.
Am I having a heart attack?
Did I even care? What would be the point of living now, anyway? Maybe it would be nice to die, to be free from all of this. If there were such a thing as an afterlife, would I get to visit my family? Maybe I would get to watch Lacey grow up, after all. I relaxed into the thought, allowing the darkness to spread through my vision, pulling me under.