by Nina Walker
“It’s not a bad idea, actually. But don’t try anything.”
I nodded. But was Sasha really okay with this? On the one hand, she was laughing about our situation. But on the other hand, her ego was obviously bruised. I watched as she took her socks and shoes off and walked over to the bed. She lifted the heavy black comforter and climbed inside.
“Coming, honey?” she asked sarcastically.
Deciding I didn’t want to make her any more uncomfortable than I already had, I grabbed one of the pillows and tossed it on the floor. “I’ll sleep down here.”
She just looked at me for a long moment before rolling onto her side with her back to me. I lay down on the hardwood floor with only the pillow for comfort.
That night, my thoughts spun circles in my head. I stared into the ceiling. I questioned, not for the first time, what I was doing here. Why did I have such a complicated life? Who was hurting my mother and why? It was something I thought about often. When Sasha had explained what red did, I knew that had to be what was happening to my mother. They were controlling her mind and wiping away the memories. Someone had access to red, but they must be hiding it from Richard. Unless he knows about it.
Could he be the one hurting her? His own wife? I hated to even entertain the thought, but it kept creeping back up. Sure, he was a bad guy, but he wasn’t abusing his own wife, was he? I didn’t think it was him. I would have seen something. And it’s not like he’s an alchemist. He would have to be using a guardian. There wouldn’t be a good enough reason for all of that. Right?
No, someone else was behind this. Someone lurking in the corners, hiding their access to red. I needed to do a better job of watching out for my mom. I was letting her down every time I allowed myself to forget what was at stake.
But there was so much on my mind these days. Like, how was I going to stop Richard? When was the Resistance going to let me in on their secrets? How were we going to help Jessa and her family? It was all too much to handle. But I had to handle it. And, despite the various important things I needed to worry about, I couldn’t get Jessa out of my mind. She danced through every moment. Every memory I had of her played itself out, again and again, of the girl with stormy, ocean eyes.
17
Jessa
The pain seared through me, scorching me from the inside out. I was sure it was going to kill me. I’d jumped out the window, knowing it wasn’t high enough to kill me. Instead the fall broke both of my legs.
I gaped at the bones that punctured through my skin, raised up like jagged knives from the surface. My thin pajama bottoms were hiked up to my thighs, exposing the gruesome state of my body. I bit down against my forearm as I screamed, muffling the agony. Everything in me wanted to call out for help, but despite the shocking pain, part of me still knew what I had to do. Part of me remembered why I had made the third-story jump in the first place.
You need to heal yourself Jessa. You must get moving,
Trying to slow my hurried breaths, I lay back against the cool grass. Tears pooled in my ears as I tried to focus. I looked up into the dark sky and found the pinprick of a star. It drifted in and out of focus, but it calmed me just enough to clear my mind. I placed my palms on the cool earth and willed myself to concentrate.
The grass curled around my fingertips as I clawed my anxious hands into it, digging for relief.
I can do this. I have to do this. Now!
I squeezed my eyes tightly shut against the darkness and trusted that the green would make its move. That these weeks of training would pay off. That I could heal myself, and all the pain would fade away. But the more I willed it, the more I knew I needed to relax. I needed to find some balance, to clear my mind, so the healing could happen. I caught a memory and focused.
The candles flicker playfully atop the birthday cake, ten winking opportunities for my wish to come true.
“Happy birthday to you!” Mom and Dad finish their booming rendition of “Happy Birthday,” holding the “you” just long enough for me to take a deep breath and blow hard.
“What did you wish for?” Mom asks, turning on the kitchen light. The magical atmosphere of anticipation is lost with the sudden brightness. Still, I don’t mind.
“Don’t tell,” Dad says. “Or it might not come true.”
So I nod, keeping my mouth shut, but my eyes can’t help but move to my mother’s swollen belly. The baby’s due date isn’t for another week, and for months now, I’ve been worrying it would come on my birthday. I never said anything because I didn’t want to sound selfish. But the truth is I am used to being an only child and I am nervous that the baby might hijack my special day. But considering the baby is obviously still in Mom’s belly and the day is almost over, I am starting to relax.
“Laura, should we give her the present now?” my father asks over his shoulder as he rummages through one of the drawers. He pulls out a silver spatula and a knife, and winks at me. “Or should we have cake first?”
That is a hard question to answer. Cake is usually reserved for birthdays, and Mom’s recipe is the best. She carefully prepared it after coming home from work after her secretarial job, despite the protruding belly that had been getting in her way so often these days.
“Let’s do the present first,” I decide, wanting to keep the yellow iced cake in one pretty piece just a little while longer.
Mom sits down in the chair across from me and closes her eyes for a moment, a pained expression on her face. But as soon as she sees me looking, she smiles.
“Here you go!” Dad carries in the box wrapped in newspaper and tied with purple ribbons.
I only hesitate for a moment before ripping into the paper, pulling open the box. Inside the box rests the most beautiful pair of pink ballet pointe shoes I’ve ever seen.
I scream in delight. “I get to start dancing en pointe!”
They laugh and explain how they filed paperwork to receive more money for my activity. Every child in my neighborhood gets to participate in one activity. But since mine started becoming more expensive as my talent grew, we needed the kingdom’s help to keep me moving forward.
“Thank you!” I jump up and hug my father. When I move to my mother to give her a hug, I see another look of pain on her face. “Are you okay?”
After a few seconds, she relaxes and opens her eyes.
“You better hurry and eat your cake, sweetie.”
Dad jumps up and looks anxiously at my mother. “Is it time?”
Mom nods. “The contractions are three minutes apart now. We need to go to the hospital soon.”
Her voice rung through my mind as the memory faded away. All at once, a burning heat prickled my body. It rushed through my broken legs and began to numb the area, inch by inch. I exhaled in relief and sat up to watch the magic happening, careful to leave my palms against the grass.
The green mist of energy was hard to see in the darkness. But even the darkest night couldn’t hide the alchemy. The energy was so alive that it almost glowed. It threaded its way through my legs, filling every pore.
I watched and felt the healing flow through my body in fascination. It was so intense that it was as if I were in two places at once. The energy was coming from me, and from the life source of the grass. It was as if each individual blade held within it a whole universe, teeming with energy. It burst from the grass to aid me in my healing. Every bit of me was focused on my healing. Within a few minutes, my legs looked and felt as if they’d never been broken at all. The bones fused back together, the ligaments and tendons mended, the swollen skin smoothed, and the pain that was once razor sharp was now barely a dull ache.
I pushed myself from the ground and stood, moving with ease. I looked up at my open window and the dark bedroom beyond. Had I really just jumped from there? Anyone watching would say I was crazy! And maybe I was. But when someone had a strong enough reason to jump into the void, they would do it. I was proof. Really Jessa, you should have thought of this earlier!
I surve
yed my surroundings. It was the dead of night, but that didn’t mean I was alone. There were probably palace guards on patrol. Plus, the wall that surrounded the grounds was meant to keep people out. Could it keep me in? I’d thought jumping from a third-story window would be the hard part, but maybe I was wrong. I’d come too far to turn back now.
Slowly, I walked away from the edge of the palace to get a better look at where I was. There was an open space of about a hundred feet—I had to pass through it before getting into the cover of the gardens. The lawn was well-kept. It would probably be easy to sprint across, if I was fast.
I decided I didn’t want to push my luck any farther by hesitating. I couldn’t see anyone, so I set off. The lawn pounded beneath my feet. I was sure each footstep echoed. At any second, I’d be tackled to the ground and cold, hard handcuffs would be tightening my arms behind my back.
The corner of the hedge was so close now. It was all I could focus on. After a few more deafening strides, I ducked beneath it. Catching my breath, I looked back at the lawn. It was still dark. Still quiet. And still empty.
I took a deep breath and slowly made my way through the gardens. I stayed as close to the insides of the paths as I possibly could. I caught sight of a few guards farther out, closer to the palace. I stilled and watched them until they moved out of my sight. I needed to move carefully. As I walked the acres of gardens it would take to get to the wall, I thought about the memory I’d conjured up after the fall.
My tenth birthday had ended in Lacey’s birth. At the time, we didn’t know if Mom was having a girl or a boy. The whole pregnancy was a surprise, and Mom liked the idea of keeping the gender a secret. But ultimately, I was used to being an only child. The few times I asked for a little brother or sister, my parents had always agreed they wouldn’t have another child. That never made sense to me, but my life was a happy one, so I didn’t mind too much.
And then Lacey came, a squishy pink ball. I’d been so mad that I would have to share my birthday. But as soon as I held Lacey and looked into her knowing sapphire blue eyes, I completely forgot about why I was so angry before. This baby, this tiny girl, was my sister. My mother had given birth to a girl! The wish I’d blown on those candles had come true.
I still believed that, somehow, Lacey had known all along. She had planned to come on my birthday. She knew how much we’d love each other, how fierce my commitment to her would be. It was only fitting.
Somehow, I didn’t cross paths with another human being as I made my way to the garden’s edge. I thought of Lacey the whole way. I knew that she needed me, that something was wrong, that my dream had been my wake-up call.
The palace wall was tall and smooth, made from gray stones. Each fit perfectly together, like a jigsaw puzzle. I looked up to the top and guessed the wall had to be at least fifteen feet tall. How was I going to get over it? There were no trees close enough to climb. There were no footholds. My fingers couldn’t manage any significant grip on the edges where the stones met. I panted with frustration as I slid against the wall and sat down hard. How could I have been so stupid? I jumped from a third-story building, broke and healed my legs, and had just assumed that would be enough.
I shook my head. I failed my family. I failed myself. Angry thoughts coursed through my mind, dark and insistent. The pain of weeks without contact mixed with the fear of what could really be going on with my family. I couldn’t hold my anger in any longer. In a rush to let it go, I slammed my fists back against the wall with as much force as I could manage.
So what if you break your hands? The pain of broken limbs can’t compare with the pain of losing your family.
Again, my fists slammed into the solid wall, pounding even harder.
Something shifted.
I jumped away from the wall and studied it. There was a dent in the stone. Cracks reached out like a spider web from the imprint of my fist. I held my hand in front of me, sure I had broken it, but it looked and felt fine.
What just happened?
This had to be the effect of color alchemy. There was no way I could have done that on my own. I was strong from my years of dancing, but I wasn’t superhuman. And the dent in front of me looked like it had been made with a sledgehammer.
I studied my surroundings, wondering if I could figure out what color I had connected with. But in the darkness, it was hard to tell. What had I called on to help me? Looking down, I realized I was sitting in a rainbow spread of flowers.
I quickly thought about the energy centers. Yellow had to be around here somewhere, right? I remembered reading that yellow connected directly to the ability to heighten the physical. By now, I’d memorized the basic properties of each color. The pounding of my fists had come from the fear and anger I had about my family, and if I had yellow alchemy in me, those punches would have been stronger than ever.
I decided to figure out how to use this new revelation to my advantage. I stayed in the flowerbeds, kneeling in front of the dented wall. I placed my hand against it, conjuring up the same angry feelings as before.
The stone shifted.
This couldn’t be safe. What if it fell on me? But the image of Lacey in my dream, calling out for help, flashed through my mind. I pushed against the stone as hard as I could and gritted my teeth, hoping with everything in me that my life didn’t end here.
The stone broke apart, crumbling at my fingertips. I smiled when I realized it was only one of the square stones used to build the wall that had actually been affected. I hurriedly pulled at the pieces, clearing out the space. It was probably only about two feet wide and eighteen inches tall. But I knew I could squeeze through the space if I cleaned it out well enough.
The time for second-guessing was over. I had to move forward.
My goal was to make it home before sunrise. We lived on the edge of the capital city—so knowing I wasn’t far made it easier. The problem was that it took twenty minutes and three train stops to get to my neighborhood. And that was on the high-speed train. It would take a couple hours by bus, or most of the day to walk. What would be the least risky? I had to make a decision.
I didn’t know what time it was, but since I woke up around 2 A.M., it had to be at least four. The train station would be opening at five. It would be my quickest route. I would just have to blend in with the early-morning commuters as best as I could, even though I was still wearing pajamas.
Why didn’t I think to change my clothes?
I peered around the sleepy unknown neighborhood and made a beeline for the closest train station sign. I would have to take the risk. The most valuable thing I had on my side was time. I figured that no matter where I was, I was going to look suspicious. I needed to move quickly. I could change clothes when I got home, and then my family and I would be high tailing it out of the city.
And I would have to forget all about my alchemy training. There was no way I could return to the palace. Ever.
The urgency of my situation hit me, and I started to run. Even if the train station wasn’t open yet, I wanted to be the first one inside that building. Every atom of my body pulsed with the need to be on that train heading away from the palace.
I arrived just as the attendant was opening the doors. She ignored me as she lifted the metal gates with a clatter that echoed down the city street. Like most people I knew, I didn’t have any extra money. I couldn’t buy a ticket. I would have to sneak through.
My pajama bottoms, which were a delicate heather gray, now had blood and grass stains on them. My sneakers were dirty from the gardens. And I was wearing a light blue cotton t-shirt with no jacket. Luckily, the warm nights of summer had stuck around. I hoped I didn’t look too out of place.
The train station was mostly deserted at this early hour. A few morning commuters, dressed for business, began filtering in. I watched the attendant, waiting for her to get distracted. But nothing was changing. She just stared at each passenger that walked through the gates. Finally, someone approached her window. It was now or never
. I hurried and jumped the barrier, crossing my fingers that she was too distracted to notice me.
I hurried down to the platform with the other passengers. We all stood in a row, waiting for the train. They all seemed to ignore me, lost in their own routines. I looked around for security guards, royal officers, or even worse, guardians—but I didn’t see anyone. As far as I knew, no one had realized I was missing yet. I wasn’t scheduled to eat breakfast for another two hours. By the time my new maid arrived with food at 7 A.M., I would have already left home with my parents and Lacey.
The sound of the approaching train pounded through the tunnels. I stepped inside quickly with the rest of the glassy-eyed people, and waited.
Twenty minutes. It was only twenty minutes until my stop. Could I make it? So far, I’d gotten here without being caught. This was the final test. Once I got to my stop, I knew I could exit the station quickly and then weave my way through a few backyards before getting to our house. No one would see me. I would get in, get my family, and get out. We’d find somewhere to hide. We’d find a way to be safe. I had no plan, but I was sure we’d think of something. We had to get away from the alchemists.
We made it through the first stop with no fuss. A few people got off, more got on, and the train kept moving. I tucked myself away in my seat, head ducked. The city beyond the windows flew by in a whirl. The sun still wasn’t up yet. But I knew it would be making its appearance soon.
At the second stop, almost all of the passengers got off. I exhaled a breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding.
The train started moving again, and I looked up to lock eyes with a young girl. She was staring at me. Panic set in when I realized I recognized her. How? Where from? Then I remembered: the face belonged to one of the girls from my old high school. I didn’t know her name, and we’d never talked before. But the spark of recognition lit her eyes, as well. She was trying to place me.