by Nina Walker
I needed to become a guardian.
I didn’t fit in with them, true. But I was trying, wasn’t I? My mind flashed to the scene earlier with Brooke. Okay, I will try harder. But more importantly, the king wanted me initiated. Faulk had insisted I pass the required alchemy tests first, but when push came to shove, I was sure Richard would have his way. He was our king after all. He wanted me for nefarious reasons. It wouldn’t be long before he’d be calling on me to use my red alchemy.
I shuddered at the thought. It was like a stain I couldn’t wipe from my mind.
I quickly applied my usual amount of light makeup and pulled a hairbrush through my unruly locks. My hair was always a mess, especially wet, and despite the thick curls, I had what my mom called a “tender head”. I seriously hated to brush it after showering, and especially after swimming. All those chemicals wreaked havoc with it. I tried to focus on the task, but the pain of the movements did little to distract me from my anxiety.
Red alchemy was mostly unknown. I was only one of two alchemists in King Richard’s possession who had access to the magic. The other was the imprisoned officer, Thomas. Red was the color of tribe, family, and passion. I didn’t know everything it was capable of, but one thing I knew for sure, it could be used to control someone’s mind—pulling the red from their blood to complete the horrifying task—and I’d done it three times now. First with Lacey by accident, second with an unknowing Reed, and the last time was to an officer in training who’d attacked me. That time had been on purpose. Once I connected with her blood, it was easy. I told her to sit down and begin counting so I could get away. She’d done exactly what I’d said, trance-like.
Thinking about that moment brought out a dark side in me, a shadow self. Because, although I hated what I’d done, a small part was excited by the power. And thirsty for more. It left me breathless.
I shook the feeling away, reminding myself of the truth. Manipulating the color from blood had deadly consequences.
Thomas had used red alchemy to the point of utter destruction. Alchemists weren’t allowed to be officers, but he’d kept his magic hidden, using red to manipulate Queen Natasha. To get her to influence the king. Thomas went too far one too many times with red alchemy and killed Natasha. I’d seen it myself. The way she’d buckled under her own weight, the gray blood dripping from her eyes and ears. Being pulled away from the scene, watching the horrified look on Lucas’s face, it had rocked me to my core. Luckily, Lucas had quickly discovered the truth. Thomas was now locked up, awaiting execution.
Again and again, the “what if” scenarios haunted me. What if Lucas hadn’t figured it out? What if he still thought I’d killed his mother? My eyes burned.
And now here I was, training with the guardians to use my alchemy in service of the crown. The very crown that was killing its own people. That was the other startling reason I’d decided to join the GC—to help the Resistance take him down. King Richard was using the alchemists to interrogate people, control them, and in many instances, drain the color right out from their land and kill them. The memory of the shadow lands sent a chill through my body. It was wrong to utterly destroy like that. I didn’t care what Richard’s reasons were.
He had to be stopped, and I had to do it.
A soft knock on the door startled me from my thoughts. I quickly attempted to brush through my wet hair one last time. The brush literally got stuck. I cringed and pulled it out. Giving up, I moved to answer the door. Lucas stood in the entrance with his hands buried deeply in his pockets. He rocked back on his heels and stared at me, his signature smirk tugging at his lips.
“I heard you made quite the splash,” he said.
“Oh, shut up.” I laughed and opened the door wider. I adored that about him—his corny jokes and signature smirk. But I’d never tell. His ego would probably suffocate us all.
He peered around the hallway, making sure he wasn’t being watched by any guards, and stepped into the room. He usually had a few with him, but it was his palace, so he had a way of extending his freedom to be alone when he needed it. Lately, he’d been using that freedom a lot.
Closing the door soundlessly, he pulled me into his arms.
“You smell amazing.” He sighed. I snuggled into his broad chest. His own heady smell was equally intoxicating.
Since his mother’s death, he’d been coming to see me daily. We never talked about the Resistance, or her untimely murder. Instead, we spent most of our time kissing, pushing our nagging thoughts to the furthest corners of our minds as we got lost in each other. I had to admit, I felt guilty knowing that my feelings for him were so convoluted. It shouldn’t be so easy for me to want him.
I couldn’t seem to help myself. I wanted Lucas. The knowledge terrified me. But also thrilled me.
We had a deeper connection than anything I’d experienced. He attracted me into his world like a magnet. It certainly didn’t bother me that he was the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen. But he was also much kinder than he appeared on the gossip feeds. I didn’t know how to explain it, but he was just so different from what I’d expected. And Jasmine, my handler with the Resistance, wanted us together. So that made it even easier to justify my growing feelings.
It also made them more complicated…
I couldn’t forget who he was, no matter how hard I tried. He was a member of the Heart family. A prince. And his father was my sworn enemy. Could I still trust him? That was the question that kept twisting inside. It was no secret between us that Lucas wanted me to distance myself from the Resistance. He believed we could stop his father without them. He’d hated how the Resistance had used him. They brought him in without fully trusting him or giving him the information he needed, and in the end, it had backfired on them. They lost his loyalty. I was supposed to get it back.
I gripped his cotton shirt in my fingers, biting my lip. True, I felt a little guilty about that one.
And then there was the hard fact that his father had forbidden him from dating alchemists. After his relationship with Sasha, albeit fake, Richard had put his foot down. Richard believed that alchemists had no business wearing a crown. They were meant to serve the crown only, and the officers who swarmed the palace made sure that happened. Little did Richard know, his own son was an alchemist. Few people knew Lucas’s secret.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
I didn’t know what to say.
He held me like I was a life raft and he was stranded at sea. And I longed for it, despite my better judgment. Lucas wasn’t supposed to touch me, nor be alone in my bedroom with me. Holding me. Kissing me.
It was all so confusing!
Yet here we were again, wrapped up in each other. He pushed me against the door and bit down on my bottom lip. A rush of adrenaline pulsed through my veins. His hands moved to hold my hips, his fingers brushing against the exposed skin under my shirt, his body flush against mine.
I sighed and inched back, staring into his hooded eyes.
Sometimes I needed to put some distance between us, unable to handle the heat. I needed to clear my head—to stay in control. “How are you?” I asked, stepping back fully this time. I felt the distance like a knife.
A pang of sadness flashed through his eyes, and he ran his hands through his dark hair. God, I loved his hair. Even that movement attracted me to him, his hands so different from my own, so entirely…masculine.
Yup, I had it bad.
“I’m doing better. You make everything better.”
And I thought he did too.
I smiled, shyly. “You know I’m here for you if you ever need to talk.”
He nodded and paced to the window, visibly shutting down. I followed, a step behind. I wanted to comfort him, to ease his pain and the worry I had for him. He was using our relationship as his escape, and as much as I enjoyed our time together—maybe too much—I didn’t want him to feel alone in this. I wanted to help.
“I don’t know a whole lot about grieving,” I continued
carefully, “but I don’t think you’re wrong for not wanting to talk about it. I just want you to know, you can, if you want. Talk to me, that is. About…everything, or anything. Or nothing…” I gritted my teeth, annoyed with my rambling. Right about now would be a good time to shut your mouth, Jessa.
“I just want to get the execution over with. Thomas needs to pay for what he did.” He turned and locked eyes with me. I let the words sink in.
That wouldn’t bring Natasha back. I sucked in a breath. We both knew the execution wouldn’t change what happened. And I highly doubted it would even make him feel better. Still, I was sure if it had been my mother, I’d want retribution too. I needed to support him, even if the idea of an execution made me want to hide under my blankets.
“He will,” I said. “He’ll die, because he was the one who did this. He’s the one who did that to her blood. He pushed her too far, nobody else.”
Lucas shook his head and moved further away. “I shouldn’t have been so naïve. It was right in front of my face, in my own home.” He slammed his palm against the window frame. “And I didn’t catch it.”
“Don’t do this to yourself.”
“I can’t talk about this with you,” he replied.
“Okay. That’s okay. But let me just say one thing and then I’ll shut up, okay?” He didn’t move. “This. Is. Not. Your. Fault. And if you decide you need someone to talk to, all I am saying is I’m here.”
Did he blame me for what happened? I’d wanted to ask, but was too afraid of what it would do to our relationship. Had I been too much of a distraction for him? If he hadn’t been so wrapped up in my drama, in saving me from Faulk that day, maybe he really would have been able to save his mother. I sucked in a breath and pushed those thoughts deep into my soul.
He finally looked at me, his expression melting. “I know what you’re thinking. It’s written all over your face.” He strode across the small room in his usual swagger, placing his hands on my shoulders. The warmth of them automatically sent a wave of comfort through my body. I leaned in. “But if anyone’s to blame, it’s me, not you. If I had been honest with you from the start, you wouldn’t have left like that. You were only trying to help your family.”
The guilt attacked me then. I felt my chin quiver as I fought the urge to turn away. Honesty?
How honest was it for me to be with him when it was the Resistance who’d ordered it? When Jasmine had told me to be with him, I’d been upset with him at the time. I wasn’t mad anymore. So much had happened between then and now, and anger had left my heart. Still, how would he react if he knew our relationship was somehow part of the Resistance’s plans? No doubt he’d end it.
Only a few weeks ago, I was convinced he’d been too close with Sasha for my comfort. I swallowed, grimacing at my behavior. I’d always thought boys were confusing but maybe it was us girls who were the source of the trouble. It wasn’t long ago that I wanted nothing to do with him. Now, every time he sought me out, I easily allowed him to sweep me into his world, his arms, his scent, his mouth…
I met his pewter eyes and caught the flash that turned them dark. Unable to resist any longer, I pressed my lips to his.
The next morning came too quickly. I squared my shoulders and strode into the officers’ headquarters, central in the GC wing. I ignored the furtive glances of the underlings and stalked up to Faulk’s lair. Technically it was her office, but since I considered her the predator and me the prey, lair had a nice ring to it. There was little I could do to prepare today. Could they really judge loyalty using an alchemy test? No matter what faced me, I wouldn’t let them break me.
Upon entering the office, I bristled at the occupants waiting for me. Faulk stood along the back wall with two hulking officers. Reed lounged next to Lucas. And none other than King Richard sat on Faulk’s desk, his eyes trained on me.
“We usually leave blue for the end of the trials, but Faulk thinks we ought to get it taken care of quickly with your…situation,” Richard said. He looked the part of a handsome businessman, in charge and decisive. And most importantly, at the moment, he had the power.
His eyes narrowed further as I held his gaze. Show no fear. Show no fear. Show no fear… He had to believe I was under his control, but that didn’t mean I had to cower. He wielded his power darkly and would stop at nothing to gain more. But he couldn’t hold it forever. Eventually his people would see him for what he was, and he would lose everything.
I peeked at Lucas, who stood in the corner of the room. Somehow he fit in well with the surroundings, all glass and steel and modern. His expression was one of cool interest. It was an act, since the true nature of our relationship was a secret. Or maybe I was reading the situation all wrong. Maybe he knew any chance of my passing today was hopeless.
“Blue is an unlikely color for most alchemists to control. We don’t expect you to be able to do much with it.” Richard smiled. He spoke smoothly, unruffled by the situation.
“So why am I here?” I cocked my head.
“When we already know an alchemist can’t manipulate blue, we don’t just drop it altogether. How fair would that be? No, we test it in a different way.”
“I don’t understand.”
Reed stepped forward, smirking, and I suddenly understood. I understood all too well. He raised an eyebrow, and I groaned.
Blue was the color of communication. It was used to spy on conversations, to make arguments extremely persuasive, and it was incredibly useful for one other thing. My mind flashed to the memory of Reed in my bedroom, drilling me for information, and how easily I’d almost given it to him. The magic had gotten a hold of me, and I’d wanted to tell him everything. I’d been persuaded to open my big mouth and spill all my secrets. Luckily I’d been strong enough to hold off, and he’d gotten spooked and left without getting what he’d wanted.
But this time he wasn’t going anywhere.
This time the interrogation wasn’t a secret to anyone, least of all me. Could I convince them I was loyal? Icy fear prickled up my spine. This blue alchemy test was more than just a test of skill; it was a test to see if I deserved to keep my life.
“Have a seat, Jessa,” Richard said. “Let’s get started.”
2
Sasha
We had the same eyes, the three of us. Eyes an indecisive blue that shifted shades depending on arbitrary things like the light or clothing or if our hair was down. Bright, cheery sky blue one minute, dark, angry ocean the next. Every time I worked with Lacey, I stared at her eyes, those six-year-old versions of my own. So innocent. I’d search them out, and before long, I’d be analyzing our similarities and differences. Her hair was lighter than my golden blonde locks, also tamed like mine. Jessa’s hair had taken a different turn, raven dark and unruly. And yet we all had identical blue eyes and the same pale complexion. Traits that came from our father. Well, their father. I refused to consider him family.
“Are you ready to try again?” I asked Lacey. I’m here to do a job. I’m her teacher and that’s it. No more gawking.
“You promise it’s not going to hurt them?” She peered at the smattering of wildflowers growing at our feet.
“No, come here.” I sat in front of the flowers and patted the space next to me. She joined, tentative at first, legs crossed, eyes still etched with worry. “I’ll show you how to do it.”
I grabbed hold of a tall, green blade of grass. It was wild, scratchy, and dry between my fingertips. Without much effort, I maneuvered the color out. Green alchemy was as natural as breathing, but I was careful not to take too much and risk killing the grass completely. Once the perfect amount of emerald energy danced in the air, I turned my attention to the overgrowth. Winter was coming, and naturally the flowers were dying off. For the purposes of this exercise, I set my intention and used the green to heal a few of the neighboring flowers. They perked up, visibly rising, restored to perfect health.
Lacey smiled with the kind of fascination that only young children could pull of
f. “See? That wasn’t so bad,” I said. “Are you ready to try?” I’d taken hardly any green from the plant, leaving only a small patch of gray. Not enough to kill it, but I also knew it would never be the same.
They never were.
“Why does it look like that?” Lacey asked. She was nearly seven and observant enough to notice the trace of gray.
“There’s a price to pay for everything, kid.” I smirked at my dry humor. She didn’t get it. All right then, let’s try again. “In order to give to something, like making these flowers feel healthy again, we have to take from something else. This grass gave a little bit of its life so that the flowers can keep living. Do you understand?”
“Does it have to be that way?” She bit her lip, her small face pinched. Her worry over one blade of grass was so ridiculously cute; I had to hold back a laugh. I didn’t want to hurt her tender feelings, as innocent as they were.
“For what we do, yes. Alchemy is magic. And magic is never free. Taking color is the payment. But we can always try our best to make sure we don’t kill anything completely. And the grass doesn’t feel like we feel. It doesn’t hurt. Sound okay?”
“Okay.” She wrinkled her nose, not convinced. “But what if it does hurt?”
Okay, she was adorable, but we had to move on.
“It won’t hurt you and the grass doesn’t have feelings. Now, you try. In your mind, and with your feelings, I want you to ask the grass to give you a little bit of its color. Do you think you can do that?”
She nodded and reached her hand out to gently caress the wild stalks. I could hardly believe someone so young could hold so much power. It wasn’t fair that alchemy came on so strong in kids. It was too much responsibility. But I was just as young when I’d been discovered and taken to the guardians for training. I understood the daunting emotions she faced.