by Nina Walker
“I have to agree.” I nodded. “And the thing is, it won’t be long until Richard comes for you, too. If Faulk doesn’t kill you, what he’ll do will be much worse.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“What do you think it means? Think about it, Sasha.” I paused. “Frankie? He remembers you as that powerful alchemist. He’s going to get over his anger with you eventually. The way I see it, either Faulk kills you with one of these beat-downs, or Richard forces you to come out of this little hidey-hole and do his bidding.”
“Red alchemy?” she groaned. “No, I don’t do that anymore anyway.”
“So you’ve told me. But don’t you think he’ll try?”
Her eyes shut tight in annoyance.
“Yeah, me too.”
Her eyes popped open, and she cocked her head at me. “Fine. So what’s your plan, Lucas?”
“Go along with whatever Richard asks of you.”
She laughed. “No way!”
I shushed her. She really needed to keep her cool, and keep it down, just in case her blue magic was rusty.
“Yes,” I whispered. “It’s the only way we’ll be able to get enough leniency to get you out of here. I think I have an idea. I’m not sure of all the details yet. But when I come for you, you have to trust me and do as I say.”
She held my gaze, the silence stretching between us.
“Fine,” she finally grumbled and shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m agreeing to work with you, of all people.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m such a traitor,” I sighed. “And yet, I’m your best chance of getting out of here.”
“And what about Christopher and Jessa?”
“I’ll try to get him out with you, but I’m not sure about Jessa. Not yet.”
What I didn’t add was that I was too selfish to let her go. I wasn’t sure I could do that, even if part of me had accepted I might have to. I knew getting her out of here would probably be the only way she’d ever forgive me.
But then she’ll be gone. What did you expect?
I pushed the thought away to deal with at a later time.
“I need to go now,” I said. “If anyone asks about me being in here, tell them I threatened Christopher. That I said you needed to cooperate with my father in exchange for me looking out for your dad.”
“Fine.” She nodded. I reached out and she dropped the warm stone into my palm. “Good luck, Lucas,” she said. “I think you’re going to need a lot of it.”
I rose and slipped the stone into my pocket. “Me too.”
I didn’t want to count on something so fleeting as luck, but it was all I had left. I turned back to her just before I reached the door. “One more thing,” I said. I could barely make her out in the darkness now.
“What?”
“About my secret,” I said. “If I’m going to be able to help you, I’m going to need to keep it my secret.”
She chuckled sweetly, a stark sound against her ragged appearance. “No kidding.”
I smirked and shook my head. “No kidding.”
“Are you going to tell her, or should I?” My father leaned back in his chair and smugly placed his boots on the desk between us.
I’d come to him here with my latest idea. His study was filled with books, paperwork stacked neatly on the desk, and a map plastered across the wall. Little pins spread across it. A photo of Mom sat in the corner of one of the shelves and my eyes kept flicking to it, despite my efforts to ignore it. Seriously, being in here with him wasn’t something I was excited about, but I hoped my idea would help Jessa in the long run. I wasn’t sure she’d see it that way, but lately nothing I did would turn her on to my way of thinking anyway.
“Actually, you better tell her.” He threw back his head and laughed, gleaming white teeth reflecting the overhead light. “She’s going to have to learn that’s the way things are going to be in your relationship. You make the rules.”
I held in an angry breath but didn’t repeat the thoughts brewing inside my head. Richard didn’t seem to even notice, or if he did, he didn’t care. He just went about his business as usual, plopping his feet back down and returning to his paperwork. I was next in line for this job. Would the power consume me the way it did him? I shoved my hands into my pockets, shaking my head, just watching him.
After a minute, he stood from his oversized oak desk and restacked the already neat pile of papers. He gathered them into his hands, straightening them against the desk with a click.
“What are those?” My curiosity was piqued by the sheer amount of paperwork. I’d seen him labor over paperwork before, but never so much of it.
“The latest reports from the front lines,” he replied.
“Anything important?” I asked.
He raised an eyebrow as if carefully considering the question. “Everything was going well, but we’re at a bit of a standstill at the moment, neither side making a move. That won’t last long.”
Of course it wouldn’t.
“They’ll be expecting a retaliation,” I stated, matter-of-factly. They’d attacked us in our palace. Even though they’d failed, it was only logical they would be bracing themselves for the backlash to come.
Even I was bracing for it.
He nodded. “And they’re going to get it,” he said. “But not in the way they expect.”
I raised an eyebrow and waited for him to explain further, but he didn’t.
“Go tell Jessa the plan,” he said gruffly, changing the subject. “I want to get started on this immediately. Faulk will work out the details.”
I stood from the leather chair and left in search of Jessa.
I hated this part. I didn’t want to go along with any of this, let alone be the one to orchestrate it, but I had to think of the bigger picture. The endgame.
She was my endgame.
Brushing my balmy hands against the thick denim of my jeans, I willed myself to take on the persona of the old me. She’d liked the old me…
Since when did I care so much about what women thought of me? Since when did I bend over backwards for someone who didn’t do the same for me?
Since Jessa, you idiot.
I scowled at my internal battle and knocked on her door with a heavy fist. I was tired of it. Nothing I did would be good enough, so I’d just have to do what I thought was best and hopefully, in the end, she’d finally understand.
“Lucas.” Jessa swung open the door. The sound of my name on her lips buried me. Her cheeks flushed pink when her eyes met mine. Her lips quirked before she frowned. I wanted nothing more than to run my hand through her wayward curls.
“Why are you here?” she asked.
And that was the problem. As soon as I saw her, felt her presence, she changed me. The hard exterior I’d built during my walk over fell away in the space of a single glance of her cobalt eyes.
“Can I come in?” I asked.
She drew her eyebrows together but nodded and opened the door wider. A few days ago, she’d been moved back into the royal wing. Even though she was officially a Guardian of Color now, royalty took precedence.
Her suite was one of the nicest in the palace and was just next door to Celia. I hated that Celia was even still here, but my father wouldn’t even talk about the matter with me. It pissed me off. After Celia’s threat, she had no right to be here.
“Do you want to sit down?” Jessa asked, moving through the room in her usual dancer’s way, her limbs long and elegant. She sat in a striped, pale yellow armchair. It matched the rest of the room—a room almost sickly sweet in its decoration. Her black Guardian’s uniform stuck out with its practical uniformity.
I settled into the loveseat across from her. “You’re not going to like this,” I sighed.
She closed her eyes tightly. “Just tell me.”
“You’re going to start training the other alchemists in red.”
Her eyes popped open. “What? How?”
“Well, you’re going to try, anyw
ay. You’ll show them what you do and help them try to replicate it.”
She shook her head slowly from side to side. “I don’t think it will work.”
“I hope it won’t. In fact, I’m betting it won’t.”
We sat in silence, a silence so thick and awkward and long that a sudden urge to do something drastic overpowered me. Do something. Kiss her. Yell at her. Something!
I did nothing. I stared at the floor, like a coward, my hands fisted in my lap.
“Is that all?” she finally asked, her voice tepid. I looked up to find her also staring at the rug like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Like nothing we’d just talked about had an effect on her anymore.
No, that wasn’t all! I wanted her to fight with me like I had expected. In the past, if I had come to her and told her she would be doing something she didn’t want to do, something as dangerous as this, she would have challenged me. She would have gotten in my space, her eyes sparking, her temper flaring, and I would have met her there. She would have demanded something of me. But today she wanted nothing.
The loss sunk me. First, my mother. And now, Jessa.
“Yeah, that’s all,” I replied and excused myself from her room. She didn’t bother to watch me leave.
Had she really given up? Was she so done with me in all aspects that she wouldn’t even argue with me anymore?
The hurt suffocated me from the inside out. She might be ready to give up on me, but I wasn’t ready to give up on her. Or on us. And when will you be ready? The question lived in the back of my mind. Despite how many times I buried it, it was still there. Still asking. Still waiting for me to face it.
4
Jessa
Ice crystals crunched under our boots as we ventured outside. I tried to relax into the cold, but couldn’t hold back the shivers.
“It can’t be that bad, can it?” Callie asked with a friendly laugh as we walked further out onto the patio.
“Are we talking about the cold now or are we still discussing my sad lack of friends here?”
She quirked her lips. “It is that bad.”
“Yes, trust me. You’re the only alchemist left in this place that still willingly talks to me,” I said. “After you saw what the red can do, even I’m surprised. I don’t blame the others for avoiding me.”
“Hey, it’s not your fault.” She smiled. A fog had coated her glasses, hiding her caramel-brown eyes. She took them off and rubbed them against her top. “It’s not like you made the King do that.” She glanced around and then whispered, “That was crazy. And all on him. It wasn’t your fault what he made you do.”
She was right, of course, but I couldn’t allow myself to agree with her.
I bit my lip and looked down into the steaming mug of hot chocolate warming my fingers. I didn’t even know what the drink was. I had certainly never tasted it. After Callie had seen me wandering around the GC wing with nothing to do, she’d invited me to try what she called “heaven in liquid form”.
But first, she’d said, we would have to take it outside. Apparently, by her logic, I needed to be cold to get the full effect of the hot chocolate’s goodness.
“Ready?” she asked, nodding toward our mugs.
My mouth watered as I sniffed the drink. I took a small sip. It stung at first, the liquid hotter against my tongue than I’d expected, but the taste that washed through my mouth was equal parts calming and amazing.
I closed my eyes and let it warm me from the inside out.
“Well,” her voice teased. I popped open my eyes and grinned back at her. “What do you think? Good, huh?”
“It’s incredible,” I said. I wished I’d had something like this growing up. All those snow days, hot chocolate would have been something to make the freezing, wet cold totally worth it. But chocolate wasn’t easy to get for my family. Or really, any family that I knew. Our status allowed us enough money to buy the essentials. It was usually those of the Royal Court who had the best jobs and subsequently, the highest quality of life.
“One of the perks of living at the palace,” Callie added, as if to make my point.
I nodded. I didn’t know what to say to her that wouldn’t make me sound ungrateful. The palace was nice. It was beautiful, decadent, filled with magic, and parties, and more food at each meal than I’d ever seen. But I would trade it, hot chocolate and all, for one more normal day with my family.
The winter air that had been nipping at me was starting to eat me alive. “Okay, I’m officially freezing, let’s go back inside.”
“Wait,” Callie said, gripping onto my black coat. “I wanted to ask you a question.”
I studied her expression, careful to keep my own relaxed. So, this wasn’t about hot chocolate…
“What is it?” I asked.
“There’s a lot of rumors going around about you,” she said. I sucked in a breath. “Sorry, it’s not like that,” she rushed to add. “It’s just, I wondered if you’d set the record straight for me. Since we’re friends and all.”
I hoped we were friends. In fact, if we were, she was my only one, at the moment. But that didn’t mean I wanted to answer her questions.
Still, I slowly nodded.
“So, okay, you’re engaged to Lucas. No surprises there, the guy has been following you around since the day you arrived. But your sister is apparently Sasha—”
“I didn’t know about that until pretty much everyone else did,” I interjected. I didn’t want her to think I was hiding that because I wasn’t.
“And then you’ve got this crazy powerful, albeit terrifying red alchemy thing going on,” she continued, her eyes round orbs behind her thick glasses. I looked down on my friend with her wiry blonde hair framing her earnest face. I wanted to trust her, I did, but I was uneasy.
“Yeah, I didn’t know about that part either, until pretty recently,” I relented.
“Well.” She faltered, orb-eyes shifting around us. “I guess I’m wondering if you’re actually loyal to the crown. Like, do you even want to be a Guardian? I know you were initiated and all that, but something just doesn’t feel right to me, like there’s something you’re hiding still.”
“I don’t know what to say to that,” I croaked, hoping to sound calm, but I probably sounded guilty. “Of course I want to be a Guardian.” My stomach flipped as I forced the lies from my mouth, and suddenly the hot chocolate sloshing around in there didn’t seem so amazing.
“Because the thing is,” Callie continued, “I wouldn’t blame you, you know? That attack on the palace, the one Sasha was caught up in?”
“What about it?” I asked. My eyes flickered away from hers and toward the palace just behind us. This was a dangerous conversation.
“I can’t help but wonder if you knew it was going to happen. I mean, the way you reacted when Jasmine died.”
The image of Jasmine’s blood flashed through my mind, and I fought back the urge to scream.
“You were pretty intense. You really loved her, didn’t you? But if she was a traitor, why did you have such a visceral reaction to her death? It’s a little confusing.” Callie and I were standing side to side now, looking out at the snow-covered lawn. I wanted to shake her! This was not safe. But what choice did I have but to answer?
“She was my teacher and my friend,” I replied, my voice faltered. “She killed herself because of what I did.” I stepped back. I shouldn’t have to explain that to her.
“No.” Callie shook her head, turning on me. “She killed herself because she got caught, because she was about to reveal who else was working with her.”
Was this how all the alchemists interpreted that night? Just no big deal because Jasmine had turned out to have a traitorous secret?
“What’s your point?” I asked.
My body was so still, the cold penetrated deep into my bones. I wanted to run away, anything but deal with these questions and the burning shame they brought to the surface.
“I think there’s more to yo
ur story with Jasmine. And the thing is, I don’t blame you.”
My eyes shot to hers. “Be careful what you say here.”
She nodded. “I just want you to know, that if you ever need help with anything, I want to help. If you know something more about what happened to Jasmine, or who she was working for, you can tell me. It’s something I’ve been wondering about for a long time.”
I held back the urge to nod, to pull her into a tight hug and tell her everything. Unloading these secrets would be such a relief. But I couldn’t.
Reed had been a spy.
Even my old maid, Eliza, had been sent to spy on me.
Sasha was actually Frankie. Lucas was actually an alchemist.
No, I can’t tell her. I barely know the girl.
I cleared my throat and rocked back on my heels. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. “Let’s go inside. It’s too cold out here.”
She sighed, her eyes sparked with disbelief, but she followed when I turned away. Her energy, a static curiosity, circled me as we walked back to the dining hall to return our empty mugs. She wasn’t giving up on her theory, whatever her motives. And I was left to worry that either way, if she really did want to be part of the Resistance, or if she was another one of Faulk’s spies, I was about to lose my only friend here.
Their eyes followed me as I entered the classroom. The flurry of quiet whispers that followed was like an unexpected gust of wind. The other alchemists had seen me as a threat, at first. But their fear had settled over time and just when I’d started to fit in here, I’d shown them what I was truly capable of. It was no wonder they went right back to hating me.
I was so alone; even Callie couldn’t fill the void. And Lucas, he left me loneliest of all. He was always around, escorting me to dinners with his father and their friends, helping with the wedding planning, checking in on the ballet classes. But yet he was farther away than ever. He wanted me to forgive him, to force his way into my life, but it wasn’t that simple.