by Nina Walker
“Would you like to help out here for a few hours?” Lucas leaned in and asked conspiratorially in my ear.
“I would love to,” I replied.
We started by reading to the younger ones and then helping a few of the older ones with math homework. That didn’t last long for me because I hated math.
“Are you hungry?” the older lady, who I’d learned was called Mistress Grace, asked. My stomach pinched at the mere mention of food.
The large dining hall had been set with plates for the forty-three children and eight adults who lived here full-time. We dined with the kids, laughing at all their childish jokes.
“Are you two getting married?” Joey’s little voice rose in disgust. “Do you kiss and stuff?”
My cheeks burned.
“I’ll let you handle this,” I whispered to Lucas who’d turned on me with a wicked grin.
“Yes.” He leaned toward Joey. “We are getting married.”
“So do you love her?”
My chest throbbed when Lucas nodded and said, “Yes. I do.”
The conversation changed as dessert was served, but I felt Lucas’s eyes heavy on me for the rest of the meal.
Soon it was time for us to go. The sun had set hours ago and I couldn’t fight the tiredness any longer. Maybe I could sleep on the drive back. I hugged the children tightly and had to pinky-swear promise most of them that I would return after the wedding. It was a promise that came with a stab of regret, because if I had it my way, I wouldn’t be keeping it.
We walked quickly back to the car, huffing in freezing air, and climbed inside. The heater was a welcomed friend, and my body softened against my seat. Exhaustion overtook me, and my eyes fluttered closed.
Lucas sat beside me, and even with my eyes closed, I could feel him watching and waiting.
“Okay, you win,” I said softly. “That was worth it. Thank you for taking me here. Those kids are wonderful.”
We were alone in the car this time. One of the security team had climbed up front but the partition window was up so it was just the two of us. Was that Lucas’s doing?
I peeked open my eyes to see his turned on me, two shining orbs in the darkness. A hint of light cut an outline against his cheekbone and forehead. He was so unbearably handsome that I had to hold my breath. “Those kids used to live somewhere that wasn’t very nice,” he said. “Let’s just leave it at that.”
“And you convinced your father to let them take over one of his residences?” I asked, though I already knew the answer. “Wow.”
He nodded. “Mom loved the idea,” he said in a choked voice. “Really, she was the one to convince Dad. This was about four years ago. We hadn’t been up here in a while and after a trip to the old orphanage for a charity thing, I brought up that this place was probably collecting cobwebs.”
“Good for you, Lucas. You did a good thing,” I said earnestly. I shifted away to watch the world rush by outside the window. My breath created a circle of fog on the glass, and I resisted the urge to reach up and doodle in it. As a kid I wouldn’t have thought twice.
“I didn’t bring you here to boast about something good I did years ago. I brought you here so that you could see the kind of thing we can do once we’re King and Queen. We can do so much good, Jessa. We can fix things.”
And how long will it take? Richard wasn’t going anywhere, certainly not anytime soon.
My hand rested against the seat, and Lucas placed his on top. His thumb ran the length of my hand, and my chest burned. His touch warmed my frozen fingers, which only served to anger me.
“I don’t want to talk about this,” I snapped, pulling it free.
“When will you talk about it? Because like it or not, the wedding is only three weeks away.”
“Don’t you think I know that? I don’t need a reminder.”
He stiffened as he replied in an icy tone, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry about how this all played out. I’m sorry about Jasmine—you have no idea how sorry. I can keep saying it and it will still be true. But we’re here now, we’re engaged, we love each other, so why can’t we just find a way to be happy?”
I gaped at him. “You think it’s that easy? You broke my trust, Lucas. And not in some small, insignificant way, either, in case you forgot. You got my mentor killed. Because of you, my father and sister were locked up. My dad still is. And my mom and sister are who knows where.”
“But Sasha got out.” He leaned close, his jaw popping.
Seriously? Had he not heard anything else I said? “No. Just no. I’m not talking about this again. I’ll marry you because I must, because your father has commanded it and I have no choice. But that’s it, Lucas. Don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s real.”
“But it is real,” he sighed. “I know you love me as much as I love you.”
“My love was destroyed. You destroyed it!” I yelled. There was a long pause as the air between us crackled. “I will play house with you in public, but I won’t pretend behind closed doors. I won’t open my heart to you ever again. You would be better off to end our engagement and find someone who will give you what you want.”
His expression hardened as he shook his head, and turned away. My heart ached, beating a steady rhythm of liar, liar, liar, as it pushed my angry blood through my veins. I did love him. The second I’d said I didn’t, the lie nearly choked me. But I refused to take it back. It was time I grew up. I was finding a way back to the Resistance and a way out of this palace. It was either that, or I had to turn on the royals and use my magic against them. Jasmine would have loved that. That’s what she’d wanted all along, wasn’t it?
Either way, it would be what was best for me. Not for Lucas. Not for us.
I shifted away as well, pressing my body against the door and staring through blurry vision out into the deadened night. I imagined doodling in that fogged up window once again. As a child I loved to draw hearts. Much like the children at the orphanage, I’d only seen the good in people, the light in the world. The love. But tonight, that drawing would no longer be a whole heart, but one left in pieces. One broken and battered and looking for revenge.
I wasn’t trying to be cruel. I wanted him just as much as he wanted me. It killed me to be so cold, colder even than the frozen tundra outside. But I had to do what needed to be done. I had to step up, even if it meant giving up my first love.
At the agreed upon time, I retreated to my room and used purple alchemy to reach out to Madame Silver. Nothing happened.
Either she didn’t hear me, or I couldn’t hear her reply, but the attempt proved fruitless. Frustrated, I tried it again and again. Fifteen more minutes ticked by before I gave up, deciding to wait until our next appointment to see if she heard anything. And then, if she agreed, we’d keep trying.
In the meantime, I had another class to teach.
I quickly found myself standing in the corner, bored, counting down the minutes until we could be done with this. I observed the students, each having zero success with red alchemy. Faulk had started the class by trying other red sources, to no avail. Now the students were attempting again with blood. It was a waste; the sight of it made my stomach churn.
“You could at least pretend to try,” Faulk said with a sneer, her boots clipped the floor as she walked over.
“What’s the point?” I asked. “Seriously, it’s not working. Nothing is working. Maybe we should just give it up and focus on a color that actually matters.”
“Red matters. Or haven’t you figured that out yet?”
I gulped. Oh, I had.
“Fine,” I muttered, scooting from the wall. I strolled around the room, giving encouragement and tips to the students. They weren’t very receptive. They ignored me or rolled their eyes, some even made sarcastic remarks.
“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Callie was working with her two best friends, Tessa and Sam—the trio was normally together. I could tell Callie wanted me to be part of their pack, but Sam seemed indifferent either wa
y, and Tessa hated me. “It’s not like anyone actually expects this to work,” Callie continued. “It’s just one of those things, I guess.” She shrugged and returned to her red flower, which didn’t have a speck of color missing.
The trio had pushed their desks together and were chatting before I’d interrupted. Sam watched me with equal parts expectancy and curiosity, waiting for me to add something to the conversation. And Tessa ignored me, healing a small cut on her hand, her face twisted in disgust.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I wish there was more I could do to help.” Another lie. I wished red alchemy didn’t exist; my opinion was probably obvious.
Tessa huffed. “Whatever. I’m going to the bathroom.” She rolled her eyes and left. Sam watched her go and then turned back to me.
“Is there any other way?” he asked. “Maybe something we haven’t tried yet.”
“If there is,” I said, “then I haven’t thought of it, yet.”
He nodded pensively and went back to twisting the petals of the poor flower. The room was full of plants. A bushel of colors sat atop each desk, the large red exotic flower blooming in the center of each.
Are you still with us? a male’s voice echoed through my mind.
I blinked, peering around the room. The voice sounded familiar, but also muddled somehow. And it was most definitely coming through with telepathy. My eyes shot to Dax, the boy who’d already revealed his talent for this kind of alchemy. But he was joking around with his friends, not even paying attention to me. And his voice sounded nothing like the one I’d just heard. I turned around in a full circle, looking for something out of place, someone staring at me, perhaps.
After Jasmine, you can understand how I’ve decided to keep my identity from you a secret, the voice said.
I bit my lip, attempting not to look startled. If this person was using purple alchemy to talk to me, I should be able to respond.
Who is this? I asked, pushing the question through the bond.
Like I said, it’s best for you not to know my identity. But I was a friend of Jasmine’s before she died.
You’re Resistance?
I am, the deep voice said. And I wanted to know if you’re still part of our mission.
I paused, considering my options.
At this point, my only mission is to get out of this palace before I’m married off.
That’s a shame. You’re closer now then you ever were before.
Jasmine had urged me to turn my red alchemy against the King, to bring him into their control. But it was too dangerous. Wasn’t it?
You want me to control the royals? I asked.
Who better than the red alchemist engaged to the prince?
My heart raced and my fingers tingled. He was right. Who better?
I’ll think about it, I finally replied, but I can’t make any promises.
I continued to search the room, trying to catch the eye of someone who could be communicating with me, but nobody seemed fazed, let alone like they were in the middle of using powerful telepathy magic.
Who are you if you can’t follow through? Jasmine died to save you, died so you could do this.
It felt as if a bucket of ice was being poured down my back. I surged for the door, ready to face whoever this man was. I whipped my head back and forth, looking up and down the hallway, but there wasn’t a soul.
How can I find you again? I asked desperately. We should meet.
The voice didn’t respond.
10
Sasha
I met Mastin at the door, hand on my hip, my head cocked casually to the side, but a fire burned low in my belly, one I refused to extinguish. “Let me go with you.”
It was the third morning in a row that I was being forced to stay back in the house while the men went off to trainings and meetings, and I was beyond sick of it.
“I’ve said it to you the last three days and I’ll say it to you again,” he replied with the same flash of annoyance I’d learned to ignore. “No.” He wasn’t dressed in his typical khaki. He looked sharp in a military suit, and it seemed to me he was meeting important people today.
“You won’t even give me a chance,” I huffed.
“Only because the entire reason you’re here in my home instead of somewhere else is to protect you.” He eyed me wearily. “Did you forget that people hate you in this country?”
I laughed. “Right? Like you think that ever stopped me before?”
He shook his head and squared his wide shoulders. The sunlight hit his eyes, turning them emerald. Honestly, he looked better than ever, and it was starting to get on my nerves. I wanted to train, to fight, and to help with the cause, not to crush on this idiot. If Mastin doesn’t see my value, well, that’s his problem, not mine.
“Fine, I gave you a chance, but you leave me no choice.” I brushed past him. I strode into the kitchen where I knew his father would be finishing breakfast before leaving for the day. We ate dinners in the elegant dining room, but the rest of the food was shared in here.
“Hello dear,” Melissa said with a warm smile. “Are you still hungry? Would you like some more?” She held up a heaping bowl of scrambled eggs in one hand and a plate of bacon in the other.
She placed them on the table and patted her husband on the back.
“No, thank you,” I replied, pulling out the chair next to Nathan and sliding in.
His gaze flicked to me, guarded, and he gave me the rise of thick eyebrows. Although they didn’t look alike, the action reminded me so much of his son that it almost slowed me down. Almost.
But then again, I’ve never had any trouble giving Mastin hell before, have I?
“I want to help,” I said, leaning forward and meeting his glower with one of my own. “I’m used to being on the inside. I’ve worked with the Resistance, hand in hand, since I was ten years old. I went undercover for them when I was seventeen and spent two years at an outpost before making my way into the palace.” My heart raced as I continued, “I know more about New Colony than most of your operatives, even your spies. There’s no point in having me here, in your home, on this military base, no less, right where you could use me, only to lock me up in a guest room.”
He stared at me, considering. I took a deep breath and continued, “I have friends and family back in New Colony, so I have more on the line than most. I’m an alchemist, yes, but you should use that to your advantage instead of ignoring the opportunity you have right in front of you.”
He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms across his bulky chest. Mastin had come to stand behind him, glaring down at me. I shook my head, not quite finished.
“You think King Richard won’t use alchemy to destroy you? Because he will, he is, and there’s a lot you who need to learn about alchemy if you’re going to fight it.”
“Sasha,” Mastin cut in, “that’s enough.”
“I’m not talking to you,” I spat, turning back to General Nathan Scott.
“Did you know you gave King Richard your alchemists? Yup, that’s right, he recruited all the people you’d sent to the slaughter in some foolhardy attempt to assassinate him. They are being wined and dined, trained, and turned into weapons.”
“And what would you have me do about that?” Nathan finally said, his jaw tensing.
I laughed. “I think it’s about time you invite me to come along to whatever it is you have planned and put me to good use. He recruited your alchemists? So, you recruit his.”
“Father, I’m sorry,” Mastin said. “She’s not used to civilian life.”
Nathan held up a hand to shush him and studied me for a long moment. His face had slowly darkened to a deep red as I’d gone off at him. He was either going to agree with me, or punish me.
“Anything else you’d like to add?” he asked darkly.
“You will have no idea what I’m capable of if you don’t try me,” I replied.
There was another long, stretched-out pause, and the color drained from his face. Yup, I�
�m right, old man. Deal with it.
“She does have a point,” Melissa said, strolling over and placing her hands gently on her husband’s shoulders. She began to rub his tense muscles. “If you want to win this war, you should know everything you can about your enemy and Sasha could be the answer you’ve been searching for.”
“Mel,” Nathan replied, shutting his eyes. “You really think this is a good idea?”
“No!” Mastin interjected. “It’s not a good idea. It’s too dangerous for her.”
I shot him a glare, annoyed and also a little hurt. Hadn’t I proven myself to him by now?
“I think it’s a great idea,” Melissa replied, then she patted him on the back, picked up his empty plate, and began cleaning up the kitchen as if everything we were dealing with wasn’t as important as keeping her house clean. But I liked her for it; she had a happy nurturing quality that I certainly didn’t have myself. I didn’t envy it. I liked who I was.
Nathan stared at the table for a while before he finally nodded. A surge of triumph rushed through me. “Fine, Sasha, you win. We’ll start today.”
I wanted to turn to Mastin, stick out my tongue, and yell I told you so. But I was twenty, I reminded myself. Be cool. Instead I smiled at his father and leaned back in my chair. “Trust me, sir, you won’t regret this.”
He shook his head and stood from the table. “Trust is a mighty big word for such a little girl,” he said. I froze, ignoring the impulse to jump up and smack him. Oh, I’d show him what this little girl was capable of, with or without his support.
“Okay, you wanted your chance,” Nathan said. “Let’s see what you can do.”
The morning sun beat through the clear blue sky. Several long rows of soldiers were lined up on one of the vast lawns. No kidding, probably three or four hundred soldiers stared at me like I was an alien, an evil demon, or something. Each stood at attention, camo-style green-brown pants and tops like a second skin over taut muscles. They eyed me warily, but stood at attention for their General.