“What are we watching?”
“The Santa Clause.”
“Oh, I love this movie!”
She leans into me when I wrap an arm around her shoulders and we’re sitting just like that, watching the movie, when Dad comes home from work. He shakes his head at us. When I initially told him about how I invited Sydney up here, he didn’t seem all that happy about it. He thought it was crazy for her to come all this way to essentially see me and to lie to her folks about it. It doesn’t make sense to me because I know he liked her when she was last here. He thinks we talk too much, so maybe that’s why. He says hello to her like everything is all good and lets us know he’s going to cook dinner.
“Do you think we should help him?” Sydney asks.
“The movie isn’t over yet. He’ll be fine. Besides, you’re here to see me.”
“Well, my dad thinks I’m here to see him, so you’ll have to share me.”
“Sharing you is not my favorite thing to do,” I admit quietly. It probably makes me a dick, but I’ll tell her when I go out with girls. My thinking was that she’d tell me when she goes out with guys. Well, she did. I don’t like hearing about it, but it almost seems like she needs permission or that she feels like she shouldn’t go, and she should. Just because there’s a good possibility that I’m crazy about her doesn’t mean that anything is happening between us.
We’re in different states.
Soon, we’ll be in different parts of our lives because she’ll still be in high school while I’ll be in college.
After that, I’ll hopefully be playing hockey professionally and who knows where she’ll be.
I don’t know if we’ll ever work out, so there’s no need to be holding out for one another now. But that absolutely doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy our friendship and enjoy what time we do spend together.
Nothing more is said until the movie ends. It’s nice to be able to simply sit and hold her—a luxury we don’t otherwise have. During dinner, Dad asks Sydney enough questions that she spends the entire time talking. I don’t always have time to call her between homework and playing hockey, so we text more than anything, but I do try to call her every so often. It’s been heaven pretending to be her dad and talking to her more to convince her mom to let her come.
“What are you guys doing for the rest of the evening?”
“I’m taking Sydney to the rink if she wants to go.” Turning to look at her, I say, “A bunch of guys want to play and I thought maybe you’d want to watch?”
“Sure, sounds fun.”
“Awesome. She has to be home by eleven, so—”
“You’ll be home shortly after that,” Dad finishes, causing Sydney to laugh.
“Exactly.” He knows I’m not taking her home a minute before she has to be there. We only have this week together and I have to share her with her dad. I’m taking advantage of all the time I get.
Saying goodbye, we head for the rink.
“You can sit with Bruce’s girlfriend and the other girls if you want.”
“I’ll sit by myself. Logan and Carey both want me to call them, so I can do that while I watch.”
I get her situated in a seat before joining the rest of the guys to put my gear on.
“Holy shit,” Bruce says when he spots Sydney. She’s not on the phone like I thought she would be; instead, she’s surrounded by Bruce’s girlfriend and her friends. “She’s hotter than she was last time.”
“Yeah, I know. You have a girlfriend; keep your eyes on her instead.”
“Or, I can break up with my girlfriend and see if Sydney will give me the time of day.”
I laugh. “Good luck with that.”
“Let’s fucking play,” another friend of ours says.
We start playing and every so often, my eyes flick to where Sydney is. Something doesn’t seem right, but I don’t know what it is. There’s something about the look on her face that is raising a red flag. What are they talking about?
“Focus, Bruiser!” Bruce shouts when I miss a pass. It’s not like this is a serious game here. There isn’t but a handful of us playing.
“Ian!”
Everyone stops moving at the sound of Sydney’s voice. I skate over to her.
“What is it, gorgeous?”
“Take me to my dad’s.”
“What? Why?”
“He wants me home.” She shrugs.
“He said you had until eleven.”
“He changed his mind! Just take me home!” she yells.
What the fuck is happening here? I stare at her for a moment before facing the guys. “I gotta go.” To her, I add, “Let me change.”
The only thing obvious is that Sydney is upset about something. What has upset her, though? Or who? When I come out of the locker room, she has her arms wrapped around herself and she avoids looking at me. What the hell could I have done? I was on the ice. I place my hand on her back, but she steps away from me.
“What the fuck, Sydney?” I ask the moment we’re in my car.
“Why did you ask me here?”
Her question stuns me for a moment because I’m not expecting it. “What?”
“Why did you ask me to come, Ian?”
“So I could see you. Why?”
“That’s it?”
“Yes, that’s it! What’s your fucking point here, Sydney? Get to it already because I’m totally confused here. One minute, we’re fine and the next, you’re pulling me off the ice.”
She glances out the window and doesn’t say anything. I give her ten seconds before reaching over to squeeze her knee since she’s keeping her hands where I can’t easily get to them.
“Babe, spit it out.”
She closes her eyes briefly; the babe comment got to her. Good. “Do you tell Bruce about the things we say?”
My head is spinning from all the directions she’s coming from. “What?”
“Do you tell him about all the stuff we talk about?” she repeats.
“Will you tell me why you’re asking me all this shit?”
It pisses me off that she appears to debate telling me, but I stay quiet. Eventually, she says, “Bruce’s girlfriend said you told him that we would sext and that the only reason you invited me here was to see if I was any good in person, that you only invited me here to have sex with me. And I didn’t want to think about what she said, so I wanted to go home.”
I sigh. Do you see why girls suck? They talk too much and they like to stir shit up. Now, my girl is upset. “The first part is true, but that is not why I asked you to come. I only wanted to see you and hang out.”
“Good. Because I don’t know that I’m ready for that kind of thing and I’m...I’m...”
“You’re a virgin. I know. So am I.”
Her head turns so fast, I’m surprised she doesn’t give herself whiplash. “Really?”
“Yeah, I would’ve told you if I had sex with someone.”
“Oh my god, you’re such an ass,” she grumbles, shaking her head at me.
I shrug. “And you can be a bitch. Need I remind you of the first time we met? Are we over this entire fiasco now?”
“Yeah. Will you still take me home?”
“Of course.” I don’t want to, but I will. And I plan to give her one hell of a kiss before she gets out of my car. Hopefully, it’ll leave her thinking about that and not what happened with Bruce’s dumb girlfriend.
Thankfully, Ian didn’t ask what else Bruce’s girlfriend, Veronica, said to me. What I told him was the worst of it. Those are some mean girls, that’s for sure. I knew I should’ve been wary of what they said because I know Ian so well, but after the kissing and groping session at his house, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was any truth to it.
He made me feel better and then kissed the hell out of me before sending me on my merry way.
And now, I’m almost certain Dad thinks I only came to see Ian. Why? Because the next day when I ask if I can hang out with Ian, he tells me I have to
be home by dinner. He does the same thing the following day. Basically, I can only see Ian while Dad is at work.
For Ian to say he didn’t invite me here for sex, things keep heading in that direction. It’s my own fault, too! I kiss him first each time and then he takes over and we go a little further than the last time. I would love for my first time to be with Ian, but I don’t know if I want it to be now. I’m not sure that I’m ready. When we’re kissing and he’s touching me, I’m totally ready, but when we’re not, that’s when I second-guess everything. Therefore, I’m in a constant state of confusion.
It doesn’t help that he’s also started calling me babe. It’s not as often as gorgeous, but he’s said it at least once a day. I melt every time. It’s crazy. We’re just friends who kiss and he calls me gorgeous and babe. Insanity, I’m telling you.
He’s the only one who’s capable of thinking enough to pull away. Yesterday, after Ian stopped one of these kissing and groping sessions, he decided we should leave the house. He took me to town and showed me around. It was nice to see some of the places that he would mention hanging out. Next time he talks about it, I’ll be able to picture it in my head with better accuracy.
Today, we’re exchanging Christmas presents because tomorrow is Christmas Eve and Dad has already told me I won’t see Ian at all over the next two days. This is our last day together because I have to be at the airport first thing the day after Christmas to go home. It’s too soon. I’ve been sad all day because I don’t want to leave. This was a bad idea to come see him. It’s been better than last time.
“Are you ready for this?”
My heart hammers in my chest as I glance over at Ian. We’re lying in his bed on top of the covers, and my first thought is that he’s talking about sex. But no, Ian is holding up a small present that he just plucked from his nightstand drawer.
“Do you wrap them yourself?” I blurt out.
He laughs. “Yeah. Do you want to open our presents now?”
“Yeah, I guess. Grab yours.” I set his down on the floor at the foot of the bed earlier. Ian grabs it after handing over my present and the pair of scissors I’ll need to get it open. “You first,” I say. He flashes me a quick grin before ripping into the paper. I had to save all of the birthday money from this year in order to buy his present, so I really hope he likes it.
He opens the box and his eyes widen as he pulls out the jersey of his favorite hockey team. You can customize the back, so I put his name and current number there. His dream is to play professionally. I don’t know if it’ll ever happen since I know nothing about sports, especially hockey, and because Ian talks like it’s extremely difficult to make it. He makes it sound like it’s a far-fetched dream instead of something that could actually happen.
“Babe,” he whispers in awe. “This is the best present ever.”
I shrug off his comment. “I figured it could be a good motivator for what you want.”
He nods in agreement and then leans over to kiss me. He nearly tackles me, really. But just before he’s about to kiss a moan out of me, he pulls away. “Your turn.”
Right. I have a present, too. I unwrap it to find another piece of jewelry. “What is it with you and jewelry?” I curiously ask.
“You don’t like it?”
I quickly look up at him because Ian sounds nervous. “No, I do, but you’ve given me four presents and three are jewelry. Was curious as to why.”
Ian shrugs. “I don’t know why.” He’s quiet as I pull the bracelet from the box. It’s gold, like the rest of the jewelry he’s given me. Instead of a chain, it’s a bunch of infinity symbols interlocked with one another. “Because our relationship is infinite,” he explains.
Swoon.
Wordlessly, I hold out my arm and he clasps the bracelet around my wrist. “I’ll never take it off,” I promise.
His fingers graze over it before looking up at me. Ian pushes my hair out of the way to see my necklace, letting his fingers trail over it as well. Then, he leans down to lift my pants leg, pushes down my sock, and there’s the anklet.
“I think I buy jewelry because I hoped you would wear it all the time, and you do. It’s like there’s a part of me that’s always with you even though I’m not. That’s stupid, isn’t it?”
I shake my head. “Not at all. That’s why I wear it.”
Ian smiles. Once again, I think about how I won’t see him for who knows how long after today. He throws our trash onto the floor, carefully sets his jersey on the floor as well, and then pulls me into his arms as we lie down again.
“I’m going to miss you,” he says.
“I already miss you.”
That makes him laugh. “I was going to say that, but didn’t think it would make sense.”
“It does.” I sigh and decide we should pick another topic. “Have you picked out a college?”
“Yeah. I actually had quite a few scholarship offers.”
“That’s great. How did you decide?”
“I went with the one with the best hockey program.”
Of course. “When do you think we’ll see each other again?” I whisper. I can’t stop thinking about it. Going a year didn’t seem all that hard, but now that I’ve spent even more time with him, going another year before I see him sounds horrible.
Ian sighs. “I don’t know, Sydney. Something will work out.”
“Will you go to college and forget about me?”
He interlocks our fingers and wiggles our hands, which makes my bracelet shift on my wrist. “That’s a ridiculous question considering the present I just gave you and what it means.”
Well, that makes me feel bad for asking, but I’m worried.
“Look at me, gorgeous.” I lift my head as requested. “You’re my best friend, and I don’t ever want to lose you. High school, college, or a career won’t change that.”
That’s exactly what I wanted him to tell me. Hearing it catapults me forward to kiss him. See? It’s almost always me who starts it. Things are simple at first. We’re kissing. But you can never just kiss Ian Rhett. He’s magnetic, a fantastic kisser, and he makes you crave more. Any touch from him weakens me. His hand travels up my back, pulling me into him. I move even closer to deepen the kiss.
When Ian pulls away slightly, I’m disappointed.
“Be my first,” he whispers.
My mouth parts and I stare into those green eyes. Never did I think there would be a conversation. I figured it would either happen or it wouldn’t, but I didn’t think we would talk before it did or didn’t happen.
“If you’re ready and you want to be,” he adds.
“Now?” I dumbly ask.
“Now would be fucking awesome, but it can be whenever it is we see each other again, if you’re ready then.”
“You’d wait?”
“That’s what I said.”
Wow. I can’t believe that. Especially since he’ll be going to college next year. What if we don’t see each other before then? He’ll be surrounded by college girls. Who can resist that? Plus, according to Bruce’s girlfriend, he’s already been tempted by girls here. But Ian is saying he wants his first time to be with me, even if he has to wait for me to be ready.
I think my mind and heart just exploded.
My choices are to lose my virginity today or wait until whenever it is we’ll see each other again. I do believe that we will find a way to see one another some day in the future, but I don’t know how soon or how far away that will be. Ian is calmly watching me as I sort all of this out in my head. Before this moment, I wasn’t sure if I was ready, but now?
I can’t imagine saying no.
“Be my first,” I echo what he said. “Today,” I add.
The first thing Ian does is kiss me quickly and then pull away to remove his shirt. My breathing shallows. I’ve never seen this much of him. Oh, my goodness. I’m about to see much more, too. Ian reaches into his nightstand and I spot a box of condoms. My eyes widen. He has an entire box of condo
ms waiting in his nightstand? Which is good because I hadn’t even thought about protection and I’m not on birth control because I haven’t had that conversation with my mom yet. But an entire box?
Things are suddenly so much more real.
“Don’t get any ideas, babe. My dad bought these for me months ago because he thought I would need them, but I didn’t. Box hasn’t even been opened yet. I may be horny, but I’m not a horny idiot.”
I’m thankful because it’s quite obvious that between the two of us, I’m the horny idiot.
My hands start shaking. God, I can’t believe this is about to happen. What is it going to be like? What is he going to look like? What will he think when he sees me naked? Why does it have to be daylight because now we can’t do it in the dark! Is it going to hurt? How badly?
Ian tosses the condom on the bed and grabs my hands, squeezing them. “Are you sure, Sydney?”
“Yeah. Just nervous.”
He kisses my forehead. “Me too. Do you know how not to be?” We move so I’m on my back and he starts kissing my neck.
“How?”
“We’re going to kiss for a long time, until you can relax and you’re comfortable and ready. But if you change your mind, say so. That’s totally cool, too. I wasn’t expecting this today. And we’ll go slow.” His hands are on my hips, but he’s not trying to take my shirt off yet.
Relaxing into his pillows, I take a deep breath. “Then kiss me.”
Ian grins and a moment later, his mouth is pressing against mine. Ian keeps his word. We kiss until my body is writhing under him. My shirt disappears and we kiss some more. Ian’s pants and underwear are next to go. For a long time, I’m speechless because it’s too much. Too much skin, too much to see, too much to feel. And I’m feeling it because Ian grabs my hand and with his over mine, we stroke him.
I didn’t even know people could groan like that! He curses frequently and before I know what’s happening, he’s come all over our hands and my stomach. My brain short-circuits. Ian looks a little embarrassed as he cleans us up with his T-shirt, and then we’re back to kissing again. I’m the one who ends up pushing my pants and panties off. Ian seemed to be in heaven for those few seconds when he was coming. I want that. And I want to feel him more than I just did.
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