He responded: What kind of deal?
A deal for the intel because Killian was really his informant? Or an agreement to let him know who he’d gotten the surveillance pictures from because Killian was nothing more than a dupe being used by The Anemoi to rattle Leo’s cage?
An expensive one. Hahaha! Killian’s response told him nothing.
See you tomorrow, Leo replied, then put his phone back in his pocket.
He joined Alex and Zoe in the living room. The desire to talk about the texts he’d gotten from Killian itched like an insect bite under his skin. But his admiral had promised the informant total anonymity. He couldn’t risk blowing his informant’s cover.
Even if it turned out to be Killian.
They sat and Alex briefed him on what the media was saying about the event and why they thought the best course of action was to take advantage of the media buzz around him and Zoe.
Leo still needed a second pair of eyes with him at the event, and also apparently now an excuse to get out of the bachelor auction Nigel had signed him up for. Having an attractive woman on his arm, who the media had already linked him to, who was also incredibly talented at both surveillance and combat fighting was a no-brainer. Leo would make it very clear to Nigel that he wasn’t about to be auctioned off as a bachelor, but that he would still attend the event. Zoe would pose as his date. When it looked like anyone wanted to speak to Leo alone, he could count on Zoe to make herself scarce, to protect the informant’s identity. The plan made a lot of sense. In fact the only thing stopping him from fully embracing the plan was his attraction to her.
“She’d be hidden in plain sight,” Alex concluded. “No one is going to suspect she’s anything but your date. We’re taking this curveball Killian Lynch tossed at us and using it for our advantage. You’ll have backup, cover and a second pair of eyes. Everything you needed and hired us for.”
A warm breeze ruffled the curtains. Zoe was sitting opposite him on an ottoman, her elbows on her knees and her eyes looking everywhere but his face.
“I think it sounds like a really smart idea,” Leo said, after a long moment. “Tactically speaking. But, first off, just to be clear, I really had no idea that tomorrow’s event was a bachelor auction. None at all. All I told Nigel is that I was putting up a nice meal and tickets to a show. I never agreed to be anyone’s...date.” He floundered for words, then shrugged. “If I’d known that’s what he had in mind, I never would’ve agreed to it. So, I’m sorry I laughed when you told me, Zoe. I was just shocked.”
“No problem.” Zoe looked up. She wasn’t smiling, but she wasn’t frowning anymore, either.
“Second,” he went on, “now that I know it’s being pegged as a bachelor auction I definitely won’t be taking part. I agree that it would be a security nightmare. Not to mention it will be much harder for my contact to approach me if I’m caught up in a circus like that. I’ll call Nigel tonight, and tell him to pull my name from the auction. So, don’t worry. You won’t have to bid on me.”
He smiled, very slightly. So did she.
“Good. I only have two thousand, four hundred and twenty-eight dollars in the bank anyway, and I was saving up for a new car.”
His eyebrow rose. “And you think a date will go for that much?”
“Probably not.” Her smile grew larger and he could tell she was teasing him. “But I wouldn’t want to risk it.”
The room fell silent again. But the crackle in the air from before still seemed to linger.
“Right.” Alex stood up. He looked from Leo, to Zoe, and back again. “I need to make a phone call. I’ll give you two a minute.”
He excused himself and headed through a door to the kitchen, leaving Leo and Zoe alone. The door clicked behind him. Thunder rumbled far in the distance. The smell of impending rain deepened in the air.
“What’s your take on this new plan?” Leo asked.
“I think you’re right,” she said. She frowned. “It’s a smart plan.”
“But you don’t like it.”
“I didn’t say that.”
She didn’t have to.
“Be straight with me,” Leo said. “Are you up to it?”
“Am I up to it?” Her eyes flashed with that familiar fire he was almost beginning to get attached to. “Are you seriously sitting there asking me if I’m up to doing my job?”
“No.” He stood. “I’m asking you if you’re okay going to a very fancy party, posing as my date tomorrow night? Because you don’t look happy about it. Not at all. You don’t survive commanding a boat full of people very long if you can’t figure out when someone’s feeling mutinous.” She cut her eyes at him. Her frown deepened. “I’m sorry, that was the wrong word. What you look is frustrated.”
“You think I’m frustrated?” she practically spluttered.
He could tell that she meant it rhetorically. But he decided to answer her anyway because he could see a deeper question lingering there in her eyes.
“Honestly?” He fixed his eyes on her, almost daring her to look away. “I think you’re frustrated at the idea of being arm candy. In fact, something about that really bothers you.”
She leaped to her feet. “Do you have any idea how insulting it is?”
“To be called arm candy?” His arms crossed. “No, of course not. I don’t have a clue what it’s like for you to be treated like some pretty little sweet thing, instead of seen for your intellect, courage or combat skills.” He pointed his finger toward the top of the stairs, in the direction of where his girls now were somewhere between giggling and sleeping. “But I do know I’m the father of two incredible daughters, and it really matters to me that I don’t raise them like that. I want to raise them to be strong, and confident, and smart, and to feel like they can take on the world. I want to raise them to be like you and I don’t know how. Right now, I don’t even feel like I’m succeeding at being a half-good parent. Ivy still isn’t talking to me. She seems more upset at me than ever and it’s hurting Eve, too. I wish they hadn’t lost their mother. Because, despite all the problems we had in our failed, sad, hollow shell of a marriage, Marisa was a great mother who understood them, listened to them and could’ve helped them learn how to handle this world.”
He dropped his arm again and looked down at Zoe. She was standing in front of him, in his own living room, her breath rising and falling quickly in her chest. And it suddenly hit him that he’d finally admitted to another human being what his marriage to Marisa had really been like. She hadn’t been happy. Neither had he. Their marriage had been a hollow shell of what a relationship should be.
“I do miss Marisa,” he added. His voice dropped. He hadn’t meant to blurt all that out to anyone, ever, let alone in a moment of frustration, and yet it also felt like he’d just let go of something heavy he was tired of carrying. “It wasn’t a romance. Our marriage was a failure. We were separated when she died. But she was a really caring mother. She would’ve done anything for Ivy and Eve. And I wish the girls hadn’t lost her.”
He swallowed hard. Zoe’s eyes teemed with unspoken words. But she didn’t say anything. She just stood there, listening.
“I can’t begin to pretend to know what it was like for you growing up in the media spotlight,” he added. “And I still haven’t read up about you online, because I want to get to know you, not what other people wrote about you. I promise you that no matter what the tabloids print or what people might think when we step out together, I for one will always know who you are and why you’re really there with me. I promise you that. All right?”
“All right.” She met his gaze and held it. The air seemed to crackle between them like electricity. Thunder roared louder.
“I’ve really got to go close the girls’ bedroom window.” Leo stepped back. Alex was standing behind them in the doorway, like he wasn’t sure whether to come in or go out. “
And I’m guessing you two need to get going.”
They said their goodbyes and he showed them both out. Then he stood there, for a long moment, his hand still on the door handle. Had he made the right decision? Was it a mistake to agree to go to the auction tomorrow with Zoe on his arm?
He had to be strong and build reinforcements around his heart. He had to remind himself that no matter what he thought and felt when Zoe was there beside him she would never be his. He’d let his guard down around her twice. The first time he’d pulled her into his arms and almost kissed her. The second he’d admitted the truth about his failed marriage with Marisa.
He couldn’t let it happen again.
* * *
Zoe chose a purple dress for the party. It was a deep, rich color somewhere between indigo and the summer night sky. She ran her fingers through her hair, twisted strands around her face, tweaking them this way and that. She frowned. Was the dress too simple? It was a cocktail dress and she imagined most women would be in gowns. But gowns were impossible to run in and hard to modify for undercover work. Not to mention she’d pretty much destroyed her only good long dress for covert operations in the castle fire.
She carefully hid the bruise on her cheek with foundation. Then she added a touch of gray and gold to her eyes, then another light shimmer of color to her cheekbones, highlighting her natural tan. Was it enough makeup? Too much? Her mind still recoiled at the gobs of paint and glitter she’d been expected to wear on her face while doing gymnastics, and remembered the relief she’d found in doing martial arts where nobody cared how pretty someone was as long as they got the upper hand on the person attacking them. But now, she cared and didn’t like thinking about why.
This wasn’t a date. They’d both made that clear. No matter what kind of moment she’d thought they’d shared in the alley when he’d rescued her. Or what had flipped in her chest when their eyes had first met. Or what she’d felt roaring inside her last night, in his living room, when he’d told her that he’d understood her.
No matter what her own heart kept whispering to her.
Lord, why would You let me long for something I can never have? I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Why is the first man I’ve been attracted to this way someone I can’t ever be with?
“Ready for your big night?” Alex called from the small living room of their two-bedroom hotel suite.
“Just about.” On a whim, she spun around, watching the shimmering fabric rise and fall around her like a fountain. Eve would probably have loved it. She joined her brother in the living room. They took the elevator down to the ground floor and walked to the van. She hopped into the passenger seat. “Just to be clear, the only reason I’m not fighting you for who gets to drive is because I hate driving in heels.”
“I know.” Alex got in the driver’s side. He started the van.
“And tonight is not a date,” she said.
Alex’s eyebrows rose. “I never said it was.”
He didn’t need to. They’d been best friends since they were kids. Probably even before the ink had dried on their parents’ marriage certificate. But since they’d left Leo’s house last night, there’d been this weird, awkward silence, accentuated by the feeling that when they were talking Alex was choosing his words so carefully it was like he was afraid she was a hand grenade ready to blow. The nondescript black van drove smoothly through the Ottawa streets. The beautiful château hotel where the auction was being held glittered ahead of them, copper and gold against the night sky. She punched her brother in the shoulder like she did when they were kids. “Talk to me. Something is clearly bothering you.”
Alex stared straight ahead through the window. “You made it clear you don’t want to talk about the Leo situation.”
“Because there is no Leo situation—”
“Will you stop telling yourself that? Twice now I’ve walked in on you two staring each other down like you were each fighting some private battle in the other’s eyes. But you’re both too stubborn to admit it.”
“I’ve told you it doesn’t matter,” Zoe said. “As my brother, you’ve always had my back, respected me and never once pushed me to talk about something I didn’t want to talk about.”
“Well, if you don’t want me to get involved as your big brother, then let me talk to you as a colleague,” Alex said. “You and I helped found Ash Private Security. We’re the ones who convinced Josh to join the team. We made Ash Private Security what it is, and Commander Leo Darius is the biggest, most prominent client we’ve ever had. Daniel initiated a conference call between Josh and I this morning to ask if we thought you should be pulled off this assignment. He put it to a vote.”
Her colleagues met behind her back to vote whether she should be pulled off an assignment? Anxiety climbed up inside her throat and when she spoke she felt her words coming out so sharply they could cut glass. “And?”
The light turned red in front of her. Alex braked. Then to her surprise he chuckled under his breath. “Do you think for a moment any one of us voted against you, sis? We know you. None of us could ever vote against you, Zoe. It was unanimous. We all back you. One hundred percent.”
“Oh.” She sat back against the seat, feeling slightly foolish and relieved by the reminder that her team was behind her. The light changed. Alex kept driving.
“But that doesn’t mean we don’t think your judgment is compromised.”
“Nothing is ever going to happen between me and Leo,” Zoe interjected.
“And you think that makes you less emotionally compromised, Zoe? You think pretending your heart doesn’t exist keeps yourself from caring about someone? Because believe me, it doesn’t. I’ve been through that with Theresa. Josh went through that with Samantha. It never works. It just tears you apart silently from the inside out.”
Sudden tears brushed the edges of her eyes. Lord, I don’t know why I can’t admit he’s right. But thank You that he understands.
The Ottawa hotel loomed above them. A surge of press crowded behind a red velvet rope. Limousines and luxury cars pulled up slowly, dropping off glamorous guests. They drove past them, into an alley and down a nondescript service delivery ramp to the parking garage where they’d go over the plan and meet up with Leo.
“So,” Alex said. “After tonight is done, you and I are going to sit down and talk this through, just like we used to in the old days when something was bothering us. Or, if you’d rather, schedule a long talk with Theresa, pronto. She’s not just your future sister-in-law, she’s a really good psychotherapist and she loves you.” He slowed as the ramp grew steeper beneath them. A rolling metal door rose ahead of them. He eased the van through, down another ramp and into a deserted cargo bay next to the service elevator. Then he cut the engine, and looked at her. “Talk to someone. It doesn’t have to be me. But whatever it is going on inside you, you need to stop treating it like some secret battle you’ve got to fight all alone. We’re all here for you. No matter what.”
Sudden tears of gratitude rushed to her eyes. She didn’t let them fall. How could she admit to them that it felt like she had some hopeless crush on some man who she couldn’t have a future with? That she didn’t feel good enough for him? That she didn’t feel good enough to be the mother his amazing daughters so desperately needed?
“Okay.” She smiled weakly. “Tonight, after this whole shindig, after Leo leaves to go up to Cedar Lake, you and I can drive across the bridge to Quebec, go find some all-night poutine place and hash this out over a mountain of fries, cheese curds and gravy.”
Alex squeezed her shoulder. “And pulled pork and bacon.”
She laughed. “And whatever else the first all-night poutine place we find puts on fries. We’ll talk this whole thing out, until I get all this nonsense off my chest and out of my heart, and then after that, maybe we’ll decide that I need to back off from this assignment.�
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It was the conversation she’d been dreading having. But it was a conversation she knew she needed to have. And maybe it would help.
“In the meantime,” she added, “let’s just focus on the mission for tonight and stop worrying about me. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not quite fine, but you will be.” Alex’s smile was gentle. “I have infinite faith in you.”
There was a gentle tap on the window. She turned. Leo was standing outside the van.
Alex leaned past her. “Hey, Leo. You ready to roll?”
“You bet.” The commander smiled. “Let’s get this over and done with.”
Leo took a step back and opened Zoe’s door. He was in dress uniform again, the crisp dark lines making him look every bit the very handsome and commanding hero that he was. No wonder women had bought tickets to tonight’s event in the hopes of winning a date with him. She felt his gaze sweep over her from the top of her carefully fluffed hair to the tips of her stiletto shoes, and felt like a teenager on her first date.
Focus on the girls. Focus on Eve and Ivy. She told herself. Remember that those girls need their father to come home to them safely.
He reached for her hand. She let him take it and hopped down.
“You look fantastic,” he said. “Nobody would ever guess that you’re my secret weapon.”
She laughed. “Well, that’s kind of the point.”
“So, you two good to go?” Alex asked.
“Of course,” she said. “Yeah, we’re good.”
She glanced back. Alex was holding out Leo’s earpiece waiting for him to take it and she realized that she and Leo were still holding hands. She pulled away, stepped aside and waited while Alex fitted Leo with an earpiece and cuff link microphone.
“I’m hoping we can keep this job short and simple,” Leo said. He adjusted his cuff. “A couple of hours, maybe less. We’ll walk in through the service entrance to avoid the press. I’ll circulate the room and wait for my contact to approach. Zoe keeps her eyes out for The Anemoi or for any other interference. We go in, we get out, everyone goes home safe. I head up to Cedar Lake to meet up with my girls, taking the intel with me. All good?”
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