CHAPTER XIII.
THE RESCUE.
For a moment Jimmieboy could say nothing, so surprised was he at themajor's question. Then he simply repeated it, his amazement very evidentin the tone of his voice.
"Why did we desert you so cruelly?"
"Yes," returned the major. "I'd like to know. When two of my companionsin arms leave me, the way you and old Spriteyboy did, I think you oughtto make some explanation. It was mean and cruel."
"But we didn't desert you," said Jimmieboy. "No such idea ever enteredour minds. It was you who deserted us."
"I?" roared the major fiercely.
"Certainly," said Jimmieboy calmly. "You. The minute Spritey turned intoBludgeonhead you ran away just about as fast as your tin legs couldcarry you--frightened to death evidently."
"Jimmieboy," said the major, his voice husky with emotion, "any otherperson than yourself would have had to fight a duel with me for castingsuch a doubt as you have just cast upon my courage. The idea of me, ofI, of myself, Major Mortimer Carraway Blueface, the hero of a hundredand eighty-seven real sham fights, the most poetic as well as thehandsomest man in the 'Jimmieboy Guards' being accused of running away!Oh! It is simply dreadful!
"I've been accused of dreadful things, Of wearing copper finger-rings, Of eating green peas with a spoon, Of wishing that I owned the moon, Of telling things that weren't the truth, Of having cut no wisdom tooth, In times of war of stealing buns, And fainting at the sound of guns, Yet never dreamed I'd see the day When it was thought I'd run away. Alack--O--well-a-day--alas! That this should ever come to pass! Alas--O--well-a-day--alack! It knocks me flat upon my back. Alas--alack--O--well-a-day! It fills me full of sore dismay. Aday--alas--O--lack-a-well--"
"Are you going to keep that up forever?" asked Jimmieboy. "If you areI'm going to get out. I've heard stupid poetry in this campaign, butthat's the worst yet."
"I only wanted to show you what I could do in the way of a lamentation,"said the major. "If you've had enough I'll stop of course; but tell me,"he added, sitting down upon a cake of ice, and crossing his legs, "howon earth did you ever get hold of the ridiculous notion that I ran awayfrightened?"
"How?" ejaculated Jimmieboy. "What else was there to think? The minutethe sprite was changed into Bludgeonhead I turned to speak to you, andall I could see of you was your coat-tails disappearing around thecorner way down the road."
"And just because my coat-tails behaved like that you put me down as acoward?" groaned the major.
"Didn't you run away?" Jimmieboy asked.
"Of course not," replied the major. "That is, not exactly. I hurriedoff; but not because I was afraid. I was simply going down the road tosee if I couldn't find a looking-glass so that Spriteyboy could see howhe looked as a giant."
Jimmieboy laughed.
"That's a magnificent excuse," he said.
"I thought you'd think it was," said the major, with a pleased smile."And when I finally found that there weren't any mirrors to be hadalong the road I went back, and you two had gone and left me."
"And what did you do then?" asked Jimmieboy.
"I wrote a poem on sleep. It's a great thing, sleep is, and I wrote thelines off in two tenths of a fifth of a second. As I remember it, thisis the way they went:
"SLEEP.
Deserted by my friends I sit, And silently I weep, Until I'm wearied so by it, I lose my little store of wit; I nod and fall asleep.
Then in my dreams my friends I spy-- Once more are they my own. I cease to murmur and to cry, For then 'tis sure to be that I Forget I am alone.
'Tis hence I think that sleep's the best Of friends that man has got-- Not only does it bring him rest But makes him feel that he is blest With blessings he has not."
"Why didn't you go to sleep if you felt that way?" said Jimmieboy.
"I wanted to find you and I hadn't time. There was only time for me toscratch that poem off on my mind and start to find you and Bludgeyboy,"replied the major.
"His name isn't Bludgeyboy," said Jimmieboy, with a smile. "It'sBludgeonhead."
"Oh, yes, I forgot," said the major. "It's a good name, too,Bludgeonpate is."
"How did you come to be captured by Fortyforefoot?" asked Jimmieboy,after he had decided not to try to correct the major any more as toBludgeonhead's name.
"There you go again!" cried the major, angrily. "The idea of a miserableogre like Fortyforefoot capturing me, the most sagacitacious soldier ofmodern times. I suppose you think I fell into one of his game traps?"
"That's what he said," said Jimmieboy. "He said you acted in a verycurious way, too--promised him all sorts of things if he'd let you go."
"That's just like those big, bragging giants," said the major. "Theidea! why he didn't capture me at all. I came here of my own free willand accord."
"What? Down here into this pantry and into the ice-chest? Oh, come now,major. You can't fool me," said Jimmieboy. "That's nonsense. Why shouldyou want to come here?"
"To meet you, of course," retorted the major. "That's why. I knew itwas part of your scheme to come here. You and I were to be put into thepantry and then old Bludgeyhat was to come and rescue us. I was the oneto make the scheme, wasn't I?"
"No. It was Bludgeonhead," said Jimmieboy, who didn't know whether tobelieve the major or not.
"That's just the way," said the major, indignantly, "he gets all thecredit just because he's big and I don't get any, and yet if you knew ofall the wild animals I've killed to get here to you, how I metFortyforefoot and bound him hand and foot and refused to let him gounless he would permit me to spend a week in his ice-chest, for the soleand only purpose that I wished to meet you again, you'd change your mindmighty quick about me."
"You bound Fortyforefoot? A little two-inch fellow like you?" saidJimmieboy.
"Why not?" asked the major. "Did you ever see me in a real sham battle?"
"No, I never did," said Jimmieboy.
"Well, you'd better never," returned the major, "unless you want to befrightened out of your wits. I have been called the living telescope,sir, because when I begin to fight, in the fiercest manner possible, Isort of lengthen out and sprout up into the air until I am taller thanany foe within my reach."
"Really?" queried Jimmieboy, with a puzzled air about him.
"Do you doubt it?" asked the major.
"Well, I should like to see it once," said Jimmieboy. "Then I mightbelieve it."
"Then you will never believe it," returned the major, "because you willnever see it. I never fight in the presence of others, sir."
As the major spoke these words a heavy footstep was heard on the stairs.
"What is that?" cried the major, springing to his feet.
"I do not ask you for your gold, Nor for an old straw hat-- I simply ask that I be told Oh what, oh what is that?"
"It is a footstep on the stairs," said Jimmieboy.
"Oh, dear! Oh, dear!" moaned the major "If it is Fortyforefoot all isover for us. This is what I feared.
"I was afraid he could not wait, The miserable sinner, To serve me up in proper state At his to-morrow's dinner.
Alas, he comes I greatly fear In search of Major Me, sir, And that he'll wash me down with beer This very night at tea, sir."
"Oh, why did I come here--why----"
"I shall!" roared a voice out in the passage-way.
"You shall not," roared another voice, which Jimmieboy was delighted torecognize as Bludgeonhead's.
"I am hungry," said the first voice, "and what is mine is my own to dowith as I please. I shall eat both of them at once. Stand aside!"
"I will toss you into the air, my dear Fortyforefoot," returnedBludgeonhead's voice, "if you advance another step; and with such force,sir, that you will never come down again."
"Tut, tut! I am not so easily tossed. Stand
aside," roared the voice ofFortyforefoot.
The two prisoners in the pantry heard a tremendous scuffling, a crash,and a loud laugh.
Then Bludgeonhead's voice was heard again.
"Good-by, Fortyforefoot," it cried.
"I hope he is not going to leave us," whispered Jimmieboy, but the majorwas too frightened to speak, and he trembled so that half a dozen timeshe fell off the ice-cake that he had been sitting on.
"Give my love to the moon when you pass her, and when you get up intothe milky way turn half a million of the stars there into baked applesand throw 'em down to me," called Bludgeonhead's voice.
"If you'll only lasso me and pull me back I'll do anything you want meto," came the voice of Fortyforefoot from some tremendous height, itseemed to Jimmieboy.
"Not if I know it," replied Bludgeonhead, with a laugh. "I think I'dlike to settle down here myself as the owner of Fortyforefoot Valley.Good-bye."
Whatever answer was made to this it was too indistinct for Jimmieboy tohear, and in a minute the key of the pantry door was turned, the doorthrown open, and Bludgeonhead stood before them.
"You are free," he said, grasping Jimmieboy's hand and squeezing itaffectionately. "But I had to get rid of him. It was the only way to doit. He wanted to eat you right away."
"And did you really throw him off into the air?" asked Jimmieboy, as hewalked out into the hall.
"Yes," said Bludgeonhead. "See that hole in the roof?" he added,pointing upward.
"My!" ejaculated Jimmieboy, as he glanced upward and saw a huge rent inthe ceiling, through which, gradually rising and getting smaller andsmaller the further he rose, was to be seen the unfortunateFortyforefoot. "Did he go through there?"
"Yes," replied Bludgeonhead. "I simply picked him up and tossed him overmy head. He'll never come back. I shall turn myself into Fortyforefootand settle down here forever, only instead of being a bad giant I shallbe a good one--but hallo! Who is this?"
The major had crawled out of the ice-chest and was now trying to appearcalm, although his terrible fright still left him trembling so that hecould hardly speak.
"It is Major Blueface," said Jimmieboy, with a smile.
"Oh!" cried Bludgeonhead. "He was Fortyforefoot's other prisoner."
"N--nun--not at--t--at--at all," stammered the major. "Idef--fuf--feated him in sus--single combat."
"But what are you trembling so for now?" demanded Bludgeonhead.
"I--I am--m not tut--trembling," retorted the major. "I--I am o--onlysh--shivering with--th--the--c--c--c--cold. I--I--I've bub--been inth--that i--i--i--ice bu--box sus--so long."
Jimmieboy and Bludgeonhead roared with laughter at this. Then giving themajor a warm coat to put on they sent him up stairs to lie down andrecover his nerves.
After the major had been attended to, Bludgeonhead changed himself backinto the sprite again, and he and Jimmieboy sauntered in and out amongthe gardens for an hour or more and were about returning to the castlefor supper when they heard sounds of music. There was evidently a brassband coming up the road. In an instant they hid themselves behind atree, from which place of concealment they were delighted two or threeminutes later to perceive that the band was none other than that of the"Jimmieboy Guards," and that behind it, in splendid military form,appeared Colonel Zinc followed by the tin soldiers themselves.
"Hurrah!" cried Jimmieboy, throwing his cap into the air.
"Ditto!" roared the sprite.
"The same!" shrieked the colonel, waving his sword with delight, andcommanding his regiment to halt, as he caught sight of Jimmieboy.
BLUDGEONHEAD COMES TO THE RESCUE. PAGE 187.]
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"Us likewise!" cheered the soldiers: following which came a tremblingvoice from one of the castle windows which said:
"I also wish to add my cheer Upon this happy day; And if you'll kindly come up here You'll hear me cry 'Hooray.'"
"It's Major Blueface's voice!" cried the colonel. "Is the major ill?"
"No," said the sprite, motioning to Jimmieboy not to betray the major."Only a little worn-out by the fight we have had with Fortyforefoot."
"With Fortyforefoot?" echoed the colonel.
"Yes," said the sprite, modestly. "We three have got rid of him atlast."
"Then the victory is won!" cried the colonel. "Do you know whoFortyforefoot really was?"
"No; who?" asked Jimmieboy, his curiosity aroused.
"The Parallelopipedon himself," said the colonel. "We found that outlast night, and fearing that he might have captured our general and ourmajor we came here to besiege him in his castle and rescue ourofficers."
"But I don't see how Fortyforefoot could have been theParallelopipedon," said Jimmieboy. "What would he want to be him for,when, all he had to do to get anything he wanted was to take sand andturn it into it?"
"Ah, but don't you see," explained the colonel, "there was one thing henever could do as Fortyforefoot. The law prevented him from leaving thisvalley here in any other form than that of the Parallelopipedon. Hedidn't mind his confinement to the valley very much at first, but aftera while he began to feel cooped up here, and then he took an old packingbox and made it look as much like a living Parallelopipedon as he could.Then he got into it whenever he wanted to roam about the world. Probablyif you will search the castle you will find the cast-off shell he usedto wear, and if you do I hope you will destroy it, because it is said tobe a most horrible spectacle--frightening animals to death and causingevery flower within a mile to wither and shrink up at the mere sight ofit."
"It's all true, Jimmieboy," said the sprite. "I knew it all along. Why,he only gave us those cherries and peaches there in exchange foryourself because he expected to get them all back again, you know."
"It was a glorious victory," said the colonel. "I will now announce itto the soldiers."
This he did and the soldiers were wild with joy when they heard thenews, and the band played a hymn of victory in which the soldiersjoined, singing so vigorously that they nearly cracked their voices.When they had quite finished the colonel said he guessed it was time toreturn to the barracks in the nursery.
"Not before the feast," said the sprite. "We have here all theprovisions the general set out to get, and before you return home,colonel, you and your men should divide them among you."
So the table was spread and all went happily. In the midst of the feastthe major appeared, determination written upon every line of his face.The soldiers cheered him loudly as he walked down the length of thetable, which he acknowledged as gracefully as he could with a stiff bow,and then he spoke:
"Gentlemen," he said, "I have always been a good deal of a favorite withyou, and I know that what I am about to do will fill you with deepgrief. I am going to stop being a man of war. The tremendous victory wehave won to-day is the result entirely of the efforts of myself, GeneralJimmieboy and Major Sprite--for to the latter I now give the title Ihave borne so honorably for so many years. Our present victory is one ofsuch brilliantly brilliant brilliance that I feel that I may now retirewith lustre enough attached to my name to last for millions and millionsof years. I need rest, and here I shall take it, in this beautifulvalley, which by virtue of our victory belongs wholly and in equal partsto General Jimmieboy, Major Sprite and myself. Hereafter I shall beknown only as Mortimer Carraway Blueface, Poet Laureate of FortyforefootHall, Fortyforefoot Valley, Pictureland. As Governor-General of thecountry we have decided to appoint our illustrious friend, MajorBenjamin Bludgeonhead Sprite. General Jimmieboy will remain commander ofthe forces, and the rest of you may divide amongst yourselves, as areward for your gallant services, all the provisions that may now beleft upon this table. It is all yours. I demand but one condition. Thatis that you do not take the table. It is of solid mahogany and must beworth a very considerable sum.
Now let the saddest word be said, Now bend in sorrow deep the head. Let tears flow forth and drench the dell: Farewell, brave soldier boys, farewell."
> Here the major wiped his eyes sadly and sat down by the sprite who shookhis hand kindly and thanked him for giving him his title of major.
"We'll have fine times living here together," said the sprite.
"Well, rather!" ejaculated the major. "I'm going to see if I can't havemyself made over again, too, Spritey. I'll be pleasanter for you to lookat. What's the use of being a tin soldier in a place where even thecobblestones are of gold and silver."
"You can be plated any how," said Jimmieboy.
"Yes, and maybe I can have a platinum sword put in, and a real solidgold head--but just at present that isn't what I want," said the major."What I am after now is a piece of birthday cake with real fruit raisinsin it and strips of citron two inches long, the whole concealed beneatha one inch frosting. Is there any?"
CHAPTER XIV.
HOME AGAIN.
"I don't think we have any here," said Jimmieboy, who was much pleasedto see the sprite and the major, both of whom he dearly loved, on suchgood terms. "But I'll run home and see if I can get some."
"Well, we'll all go with you," said the colonel, starting up andordering the trumpeters to sound the call to arms.
"All except Blueface and myself," said the sprite. "We will stay hereand put everything in readiness for your return."
"That is a good idea," said Jimmieboy. "And you'll have to hurry for weshall be back very soon."
This, as it turned out, was a very rash promise for Jimmieboy to make,for after he and the tin soldiers had got the birthday cake and wereready to enter Pictureland once more, they found that not one of themcould do it, the frame was so high up and the picture itself so hardand impenetrable. Jimmieboy felt so badly to be unable to return to hisfriends, that, following the major's hint about sleep bringingforgetfulness of trouble, he threw himself down on the nursery couch,and closing his brimming eyes dozed off into a dreamless sleep.
It was quite dark when he opened them again and found himself still onthe couch with a piece of his papa's birthday cake in his hand, hissorrows all gone and contentment in their place. His papa was sitting athis side, and his mamma was standing over by the window smiling.
"You've had a good long nap, Jimmieboy," said she, "and I rather think,from several things I've heard you say in your sleep, you've beendreaming about your tin soldiers."
"I don't believe it was a dream, mamma," he said, "it was all too real."And then he told his papa all that had happened.
"Well, it is very singular," said his papa, when Jimmieboy had finished,"and if you want to believe it all happened you may; but you say all thesoldiers came back with you except Major Blueface?"
"Yes, every one," said Jimmieboy.
"Then we can tell whether it was true or not by looking in the tinsoldier's box. If the major isn't there he may be up in Fortyforefootcastle as you say."
Jimmieboy climbed eagerly down from the couch and rushing to the toycloset got out the box of soldiers and searched it from top to bottom.The major was not to be seen anywhere, nor to this day has Jimmieboyever again set eyes upon him.
THE END.
Transcriber's Note:
The use of capitalisation for major and general has been retained asappears in the original publication. Punctuation has been standardised.Changes have been made as follows:
Page 60 ejaculated the Paralleopipedon _changed to_ ejaculated the Parallelopipedon?
Page 74 should have been resusticated _changed to_ should have been resusitated
Page 85 he would pay him fifty cent _changed to_ he would pay him fifty cents
Page 131 For intance, a cousin of mine _changed to_ For instance, a cousin of mine
Page 159 to do but accept your propostion _changed to_ to do but accept your proposition
In Camp With A Tin Soldier Page 13