“Autumn!” Aleksi growled my name. “Look on the bed, look at him.” He hissed and turned me to look at Nikolai. I let my eyes fall on Nikolai who seemed to be basking in the afterglow of being bitten. “Do you want him?” The question coming from Aleksi’s lips seemed… obscene.
“I…”
“Do you want to fuck him? It’s a simple question. But I can make it simpler for you. Would you like me to make it simpler for you?” I could feel the anger and the tension in his body. He spun me around again and yanked me down the hall by my arm and back into the master bedroom. He pushed me towards the door to the closet. “Open it.”
“I can’t.”
His answer to my protest was a glare and I turned towards the door and knelt in front of it. Holding my hand flat against the lock of the door I closed my eyes and focused on the little pins and cylinders inside. It was the first thing Aleksi had made sure I could do, unlock things. I barely had control over my telekinesis outside of psychic lock picking. The tumblers spun and the dead bolt slid back and I opened the door still kneeling in front of it.
What that worn spot on the poster of the bed suggested, the closet confirmed with undeniable certainty. The walls were covered in pegboard and from the pegs hung various sizes of canes and floggers, gags and handcuffs, strap-on harnesses and things I couldn’t even make sense of. There was also a small dresser.
“Open the dresser,” Aleksi commanded behind me. I swallowed and opened each drawer slowly, inside were dildos, plugs and vibrators of various sizes, as well as, roll upon roll of tape. In the bottom drawer was something I wasn’t expecting, needles in sterilized packages and knives. I quickly closed the drawer and turned around, I knew I was pale. “Overwhelmed?” I nodded. “Good, you should be. We didn’t even scratch the surface, Autumn.” It was like a scared straight program on steroids. I suddenly found myself content with my celibacy. Nikolai was the major leagues and I was still playing t-ball. I was disappointed, the frown that turned my lips hardened Aleksi’s mouth. “Elizabeta’s going to work with him on the weekends.”
“You’d give him to her?” My eyes narrowed.
“Yes, because he needs someone like her.”
“Yeah, like I need someone like you!” I yelled at him and stood.
“Exactly.” His voice was clipped and void of emotion.
“You’re just doing this because I don’t want anyone else to have me!” I gasped at my own little slip. And Aleksi softened. Nikolai walked into the doorway and Aleksi jumped when he saw him. It was probably like seeing a ghost. His mouth twisted and he walked over to Nikolai. A hushed conversation in Russian ensued with both of them constantly looking at me with that predatory heat that had me so cocky hours ago. Aleksi then left without another word to me.
After a few minutes Nikolai pursed his lips and stepped into the room.
“Would you like to go out to dinner?” He asked with a sad little smile.
“Would you like to tell me what he said?”
“He said he was going to rehearse, and I should take you out on a date tonight. And that I need to realize how important you are, but that under no circumstances should I allow you to top me. Then he asked me if I was the only one tied to the bed… and I told the truth. Galina had me…top her servant Dasha… often. To which he said good, and then left.”
“He never asked if you enjoyed it though.”
“I am large, I contain multitudes.” He snickered out with a lopsided grin. Those pale eyes of his flashed deviously.
“Whitman?” I raised a brow in surprise.
“It was Evan’s answer to everything. I thought it sounded smart, you seem smart…so I thought I’d try to impress you. Did it work?”
“A little.” I confessed with a small smirk.
The concept of dating seemed foreign to me. It had been almost a year since I had been on a real date. Aleksi and I only went on two, and since him there had been no one. Sitting down with Nikolai at an expensive restaurant for an early dinner made me realize this wasn’t exactly a normal dinner date. I couldn’t read the menu. I did stare at it for a while before setting it down and looking across the table at Nikolai whose eyes seemed to have lit up with delight.
“So I take it you’ll be ordering for me?” I asked tracing my finger over the side of the menu. He smirked triumphantly. The waiter arrived and they spoke in Russian and he gestured to me and said something. The waiter retreated and Nikolai bit his bottom lip.
“Yes. But only because I couldn’t think of a nice place with an English menu. But I know the wine you like, so I ordered that. Now you only need to tell me what you’re in the mood for.” There was a certain light in his eyes that made me question the innocence of this mistake. He took you here on purpose.
“And if I don’t tell you?”
“Then I’m afraid you’ll starve.” He snickered. “And end the night incredibly drunk because I got you your own bottle.” I giggled, I couldn’t stop myself.
“Fine, I would like chicken.”
He scoffed playfully. “Did your mother teach you no manners?”
“I would like the chicken, please.”
“Hot or cold?”
“Hot.” I blushed a little and pursed my lips.
“I’m sorry, were you raised in a barn?”
“Hot, please.” I chewed my bottom lip and couldn’t stop the blush from flushing my cheeks scarlet. He looked over the menu for a moment before closing it and folding his hands over it. There was something about his smile that made me look away from him. He looked too much like Aleksi, and I couldn’t take it. So I focused elsewhere, like how he could take control so easily. Weren’t masochists supposed to be submissive? Could someone really be a dominant and a submissive?
“You have a very intense gaze. I hope they’re good thoughts.” He flashed me that nervous little half smile.
“Curious thoughts.”
“Curious how?” The waiter returned with our wine and Nikolai ordered. I was silent until the waiter left. Nikolai practically snatched up his wine glass and sipped it slowly.
“The sort of thoughts you don’t share on a first date.” I bit my bottom lip and traced my finger around the lip of my wine glass.
“Well you’ve already seen me mostly naked, I think it’s only fair that you share. After all, you already know my dirty little secret, and I know so little of you. Not to mention, you did bite me earlier.” He set the glass down and sat up straighter. He does have a point.
“I was just thinking…about the closet…and how you can be so…” I grew silent and shifted in my chair. My fingers slipped over the hem of my dress.
“I’m a complex creature, Autumn.” He shrugged and took another sip of his wine. “Apparently switching is rare, especially when you lean so heavily in one direction as I do. But I feel the most stable when I can exercise both parts of myself.” He laughed nervously and sighed. “When I don’t, I get… self-destructive.”
“Is that what happened?” I regretted asking the question as soon as it left my lips. He pursed his and sighed taking another sip of wine. We both hid behind our wine glasses for a while after I dropped that one.
“It…let’s not talk about the past, let’s talk about the now.” He flashed me another one of those heart-stopping nervous smiles.
“O-okay.”
The rest of the night was filled with normal first date conversation. We laughed and joked with one another. And then on the cab ride back to his place things got disturbingly real.
“I want you to know that you have a say in this, Autumn.” His words were soft and somewhat slurred, the both of us had put back a bottle of wine a piece, so we were both a little drunk. “I know with vampires it can be overwhelming, and they can make think you don’t have a say when they dictate your life to you. But you have a say Autumn. I want you to know that I only want you with me if you really want to be with me. Not because I’m on some list of acceptable partners Aleksi has made for you.” With that we were quiet a
gain, all the way up to his apartment door. He paused as he took his keys out. “I’m sorry about that… my awkwardness reared its ugly head.”
“Don’t be.” I swallowed and found myself unable to look away from his mouth. I was able to forget for a moment that those small playful lips were similar to Colette’s. “I am intrigued by what I’ve seen so far.” I blushed and he took a half step closer to me.
“You’re intrigued?” He swallowed.
“Mhm.” I bit my bottom lip and he moved closer. We were close enough that I could feel the heat coming off of his body. The line of our bodies were drawn together like magnets and only our will kept them apart. My hands flattened against the soft wool of my coat.
“Good.” He leaned in and I released my bottom lip and the door opened.
“Oh, look. You’re back.” Aleksi’s voice made Nikolai jump back. He turned from me abruptly and I shivered. Aleksi loomed in the darkened doorway looking every bit the vampire. Even though his face was void of emotion, I could still feel his anger.
They actually stared one another down, with almost the exact same blank look on their faces. Nikolai looked away first. It was painfully clear how much nature was shared between the two of them as I witnessed the silent pissing contest. In a century or so Nikolai would probably be just as internal as Aleksi. But I was torn as I stared between them. Seeing me with someone else was hurting Aleksi. I didn’t know how to feel about it, but I did understand the distance he put between us. He had been trying to spare me as much as possible that pain I was now causing him so carelessly.
“Excuse me.” I murmured as I slipped under Aleksi’s arm and dipped into the apartment. I could feel that electric blue gaze follow me. I hung my coat on the coat rack and went into the master bedroom. Once I crossed the threshold there was a soft hissed conversation in Russian. I left the door open as I slipped out of my heels and pulled the sweater dress over my head, leaving me standing in my thigh high stockings, bra and panties.
Aleksi walked in a few moments later and smiled at me, paying little attention to my mostly nude form. I pouted, I couldn’t help it; I wanted him to gawk at me. He might not have stared, but he did wrap his arms around me. Pulling me against him in silence. It was a comforting embrace and not a sexual one. I heard shuffling and glanced up to find Nikolai standing in the doorway staring at me.
Aleksi nosed against the tendon in my neck and I instinctually presented my throat for him. His hand slid to my stomach and pressed me back against him, and he fed from me like he used to. The pain made me arch back against him and gasp. My vision blurred but I could still make out Nikolai standing in the doorway watching us. His lips parted, and I could watch the arousal darken his eyes. Knowing that he was watching made me press my knees together, but still I reached back and touched Aleksi’s hair. You’re turning into a slut.
“We’re going to bed. Join us?” Aleksi murmured to Nikolai as he took a step back from me. What? I was so confused. What did they say in the hall? I was clearly not the only one confused, Nikolai furrowed his brows.
“Let… let me change.” He disappeared down the hall. Aleksi stripped off his shirt and sat back on the bed.
“What are you doing?” I asked as I walked back to the bathroom and grabbed a makeup wipe out of my little pack.
“Trying to find a way that I can tolerate the two of you together.” He confessed with a rueful little smile. “Nothing sexual will happen. Even without the close relation he’s not my type. This is about comfort and bonding.”
“Self-loathing?” I asked hopping on the bed.
He practically snorted. “Maybe.” He slid off the bed and opened the bottom drawer of the dresser retrieving a pair of bright red flannel pajama pants. I raised a brow. Aleksi in flannel? Russia is fucking cold if you haven’t noticed. “He can have that side.” He gestured to the side of the bed nearest the door before disappearing into the bathroom.
While Aleksi was in the bathroom Nikolai came in wearing blue flannel pajama pants and a faded red shirt that had seen better days. I looked down at my state of undress and realized that I too should probably put on pajamas.
“This side of the bed is yours apparently.” I patted the bed and he sat down.
“Are you okay with this? If you aren’t I can leave.” He laid back on the bed and I furrowed my brows. Was I okay with it? Aleksi came out of the bathroom in just those bright red pajama pants and I lost all train of thought. “I’d sell my kidney for you to look at me like that.” Nikolai murmured but my eyes didn’t waiver from Aleksi.
“I’m sure she will one day.” Aleksi’s voice broke the spell he had on me. I slipped off of the bed and walked over to the dresser and dug around in the drawers for a while. “The red satin.” He ordered and I obeyed pulling it from the drawer before closing it. I started for the bathroom. “No, come here.” He beckoned me and I walked over to him. “Arms up.” I held my arms up and he stood taking the nightgown from me. He gathered it up and then slipped it over my arms and let it fall over my body. He turned me around and took off my bra. My eyes kept flitting to Nikolai who stared enraptured. “I missed this.” Aleksi confessed as he slid his hands up my thighs to my hips and hooked his thumbs into the waistband of my panties and pulled them down. I shivered and kept glancing between the two of them.
“Aleksi, I’m n—”
“I know.” He breathed softly as he slid the thigh highs off of me. “But for now, you’re more mine than his.” He doesn’t see Nikolai as anything more than a rival for you. And this is him marking his territory. He let my underwear drop in a pile next to the bed. “Doesn’t she look breathtaking?” Aleksi commented as I smoothed the slick satin of the nightgown over my hips and tried to not let too much of my leg show through the slit that stopped at mid-thigh on my right side.
“Yes.” Nikolai’s voice was tight.
“Nikolai, turn off the light.” Aleksi ordered as he helped me into bed. Nikolai obliged him, slipping out from under the warm comforter into the chilling room. He turned off the light and returned as Aleksi wrapped his arms around me.
I was surprised that Aleksi meant what he said, there wasn’t anything sexual about it. He wanted to hold me, and was content to have Nikolai there as well if I wanted. After a few moments Aleksi lifted my hand and reached it over Nikolai’s side and slid it over his stomach. Nikolai moved back against me so I was in the middle of a spoon sandwich between the two of them.
“How was rehearsal?” I asked as Aleksi tightened his grip on me. Nikolai slowly laced his fingers with mine.
“Difficult, I’d rather not say any more than that. I just want to lay here and hold you.” Aleksi murmured into my ear.
“So this is bonding?” I asked shifting a little between them.
“Mhm. Didn’t you ever cuddle with your mother when you were sick?” Aleksi whispered against my neck.
“You’re sick?”
“He’s stressed, frustrated and worried. And this is the only room he can be vulnerable in, we are the only people he can show vulnerability to.” Nikolai’s astute observation made me raise up a bit and look at him. He craned his neck around to look at me. “I’m very observant.” He flashed me that playful nervous smirk and I nodded slowly.
“Shh.” Aleksi hissed through his teeth. “Just go to sleep.”
We listened to him and fell into silence. Nikolai was the first to fall asleep, his deep breathing left Aleksi and I to sit alone in the nervous dark. My hand wrapped around his and he pressed himself against me.
“You really like him don’t you?” He whispered.
“I think I do. So we can hurt each other now?” I turned back and looked at him.
“Yes. But that’s what we have now—our pain, and moments like these. I have Charlotte and you will have Nikolai.”
“Does this mean at some time she’ll join us in this bed?”
“No.”
“Then why is Nikolai here?”
“Because…I look at him and I see myself wh
en I was mortal. My lips were fuller, and my eyes were darker but those are the only two differences. He even acts like I did. I was a very happy person, believe it or not. My first two years as a vampire destroyed that part of me. I can stop that from happening again, I can let… my son keep his happiness.”
“But you’re giving him to Elizabeta.”
“I said that to piss you off. It still hurts to know that I’m going to lose a part of you. I may be practical, but I’m not heartless. It hurt me to leave you, it’s not what I wanted.” He sighed. “He’s here because…he’s my son. I can’t explain it, hearing his heartbeat and breathing is calming. Part of me hates him, I’m not going to lie. Part of me does want to give him to Elizabeta because I can practically feel the bond forming between the two of you. But that part is at war with another part of me that’s in awe of the fact that I helped create this person who is so much like me. This talented, amazing person, I helped make that. I wish I could have been there for all of it. He hasn’t had anyone even pretending to be his family since he was nine. Yana—Pela’s progeny—raised him with the intentional purpose of sending him to a ballet school as soon as possible. He was eight when the Royal Ballet accepted him. Nine, the last time Yana returned one of his calls. Galina started in on him at eighteen. If I had only paid attention… we’ve been at the same gala before. I taught a fucking class he was in when he was ten, Autumn. I stood three feet from him and didn’t know.” The regret was thick in his voice and I felt bad for him. All of his temper tantrums were because he did feel something for Nikolai.
“The blame goes both ways, Aleksi. Colette didn’t tell you, and she knew… and she also knows what it feels like to be orphaned so…” My voice faded off. I could guess why Colette hid Nikolai from him, his reaction to Margot was probably what Colette expected. Oh, you know it’s more selfish than that. Aleksi sighed out a shaky breath.
Dark Awakenings (Danse Macabre Book 2) Page 4