“Smart girl. You may rise.” He clipped out to me, and I obeyed, pulling myself off of that frigid tile.
Behind me something else started to happen. All I heard was shallow splashes and the rubber sole of a shoe squealing against the floor. Somehow those sounds snapped my attention around. Nikolai’s body which had stilled completely by the time I was forced in front of Vlad, was starting to twitch. Vlad grumbled and sighed.
“Tristan, take Colette to the cells.” Vlad barked as he stepped passed me and turned his attention back to Nikolai.
“Sire, she’s my second. She is… a prominent figure, people will notice that she’s gone.” Tristan stammered.
“She’s also my daughter, and has lost her mind if you haven’t noticed. Might I add that her madness is partially your fault. You cannot bind blood to blood, Tristan, and he’s her blood many times over. You knew this.”
“Fine. As you wish.” The tightness in Tristan’s voice was unexpected, as long as I had known him he was always cheerful and amicable. Evan pressed himself to the back wall as he watched on Nikolai’s twitching body while Tristan made his way to Colette who was no longer sobbing. She sat in the blood, wide eyed and confused. When he knelt in front of her, she said something in French and they prattled on for a little bit before she finally stood and wiped her blood drenched hands on that pretty pink dress. They left down the hall like nothing had happened, Colette’s eyes seemed vacant and surprised.
“The connection between them was broken. She’ll be disoriented for days if not weeks. With luck it will fade… but it always gets worse before it gets better.” Vlad murmured, his voice once again full of sadness.
“W-what d-d-did y-y-you… what did y-you m-mean b-by—” He shut me up with hard glare.
“If you cannot say it clearly don’t speak at all. I am not Aleksi. I don’t find your crippling nervousness endearing. To me it just reads weakness.” See. His harsh criticism sent my eyes to floor and then to Nikolai’s twitching form. “I’ll answer your question if you can ask it without tripping over your tongue.”
“What…did… you mean…by… him being her…blood many times…over.” I finally got out, I practically had to pause for a handful of seconds every word.
“I made a mistake. Neither of them knew but they should have suspected. I watched my family from a far for years…I watched as my blood was bred thinner and thinner; and I had dynastic intentions so I did something about it. At the time it seemed perfectly logical to me. I found the last remnants of my line…I found Colette’s mother first I bedded her and compensated her well when I found out she was with child. I was only mildly disappointed when I found out it was a girl. Then I found Vivienne. I should have turned her. It's very rare to look into someone’s eyes and see their intelligence, but it was there in spadefuls. She played stupid, but there was always that sparkle in her eyes that said she knew exactly what was going on.” He paused and took a slow breath as Nikolai started to move more, it was like watching someone relearn to use their limbs.
“I was reluctant to bed her I think because in her I actually saw a glimmer of myself. There was nothing like that with Colette’s mother—I can’t even recall her name. But Vivienne put everything together on her own. What I was, who I was… and who I was to her. The moment she found out she was pregnant she cut all ties, refused our money. And… we lost Aleksi for a while. So Aleksi and Colette are both cousins and brother and sister…Elizabeta didn’t even know. I let her have her fun with them because I thought it would teach them humility. I spent my own youth as a hostage with the Turks. I looked at it as something similar. Colette came out of it sparkling like a diamond…and Aleksi.” He fell silent. “He hated us all. And when we turned him, he kept hating us. When I named him as heir I thought that hatred would fade—it never did.”
Nikolai slipped in the blood as he tried to pull himself from the floor. The change was obvious—the healed gashes aside—that healthy tan of his diminished, those tattoos of his stood out in stark contrast on his now white skin. He gave up on standing and settled on kneeling in his own blood, his expression one of sadness. I couldn’t bear to look at him, so my eyes drifted away. You’re disappointed! For all of your guiltiness you were glad he was dead, and now that he’s not you’re disappointed. Aren’t you a horrible little creature?
“And he’ll hate you too.” I smirked up at Vlad. That was stupid. Smack. His hand connected with my cheek again and sent me to my knees.
“My how you’ve changed. Is it your grief making you so foolishly mouthy?” He stared into my eyes for a moment as I held my throbbing cheek. It felt like he was looking into my very soul, like he was trying to search out what I was thinking. “Take her to her room before his thirst gets the better of him.” Vlad barked after a moment, turning his attention to Evan. “And… get her some ice for her cheek.” Vlad added as an afterthought as Evan rushed from the wall he had flattened himself against to my side. He whisked me away from Vlad and the rising Nikolai before I could breathe another breath. I clung to him as we made our way through the labyrinthine halls.
Even when the doors to the room had been open I still felt like I wasn’t far enough away from Vlad. Evan waited outside in the hall nervously glancing at his feet. A small smile crept over my lips as I remembered Evan from the night before; how confident and playful he was outside of Crimson Hill, and away from other vampires. I pulled him into the room and closed the door behind us.
“He’s right… you’re recklessly grieving.” Evan’s pale brows knit as his lips twisted into a frown. The soreness in my body and the hangover had faded, but I still felt utterly exhausted. He’s right you know.
“And?” I tilted my head to the side as I stared down at my bloody hand. “I’d rather grieve recklessly than sit around and cry over him.” I called over my shoulder as I walking into the bathroom to wash the blood off of my hand.
“I don’t think either is… very healthy at the moment.” He chuckled softly. “I’ll ring for someone to bring you ice…and come by in a few hours to take you home.”
“And if I want you to stay?” I asked drying my hands on those bright red towels.
“Have you cried, Autumn?” What? “Since Aleksi…have you cried? I’ve seen you try your hardest to smile… I’ve seen you…drink. I’ve seen you scream…even try to kill someone but not really cry. I’ve seen tears fall but you don’t make a sound when you do. Have you really cried?”
“Yes, Evan, I’ve cried. I’m just…I’m done crying.”
“It’s only been two months, Autumn. And Nikolai, even with what he did… fuck almighty, Autumn, you just watched him die.”
“He’s a vampire now.” I shrugged.
“I wished someone would have mourned my mortality…but that’s neither here nor there. Half of the time you’re not reacting, and the other half you’re not yourself, Autumn.”
When my hands were dried I left the bathroom and sat on the bed. Slipping out of my shoes I tried to put out of my head what Evan said. Maybe he was right, but there was little I could do about it. I crawled to the top of the bed and pulled down the comforter.
“That is the bed Aleksi died in, Autumn. You’re just going to lay in it?”
“Yes.”
“Sweet dreams, Autumn.” He reached for the door.
“You’re not going to stay?” I tilted my head to the side.
“No, I’m not. I can’t…I’m going to go mourn Nikolai…someone should.” Had it been anyone else they would have slammed the door, but it was Evan. He pulled the door hard and then at the last moment gently closed the door, leaving me alone in the dark, sitting on the bed Aleksi died his final death in.
Sleep refused to find me in that dark room. Instead I gazed at the white ceiling and thought about everything. Evan was right. I wasn’t coping with what happened. I forced myself to move on before I had really been ready to. I was quick to put Nikolai in the villain category, maybe too quick. He betrayed my trust, he killed Aleksi, but h
e felt something for me and I turned my back on him entirely. Maybe I was spiraling out of control a little. A little? You had a threesome with your ex and one of your closer friends.
After giving up on sleep I left the room barefoot. The halls seemed less threatening with Vlad awake. The entire building somehow felt lighter. But the shadows still felt heavier, and darker than anywhere else. The building had finally let out the breath it was holding with Vlad’s slumber, but still it felt like it had one last sigh to breathe. For a moment I wondered where Colette was and if she would ever be normal again. Soft sobbing drifted down the halls and drew me in; I followed it and found the tall doors to the hall of mirrors cracked open.
Inside Elizabeta was dressed as stylishly as always with her hair wrapped in a delicate chignon. Vlad had clothes on finally, he wore all black; a black button down shirt with little pewter dragon cufflinks and black slacks. She cried in his arms, sobbing in earnest as he held her and kissed the top of her hair. It was hard to imagine Elizabeta as vulnerable, but she was in his arms, and that was probably the only place she was safe to really open herself up. Nikolai wasn’t in the room, so I closed the door silently to give them some privacy. As terrified as I was of both of them they deserved a few quiet moments to themselves.
My feet carried me further down the hall as I followed faint piano music. I recognized the door when I reached it. It was the dance studio. Through the thick wood I could hear muffled voices… Evan and Nikolai. They won’t want you in there. Ignoring Miss Manners I opened the door. Nikolai was huddled in the corner and Evan was standing over him. They didn’t even look up as I closed the door.
“It could be worse…he could have left you dead.” Evan said with a sad little chuckle.
“I…I can hear her. Is it always like that?” Nikolai looked up, and I gasped. Somehow that dye had worn off of his hair and that normal shade of dark blonde glittered with highlights of gold, and those once alice blue eyes were almost the same color as Aleksi’s and Colette’s, but a half a shade or two paler.
“Niki.” I choked, taking half a step forward and then… I stopped myself. Evan turned around and his brows knit.
“Autumn…ar-are you okay?” Evan asked as he stood, rushing to my side. I tilted my head to the side and he ushered me to stand in front of one of those massive mirrors. On the right side of my face was the imprint of an entire hand—Vlad’s hand—and it was bruising. Evan’s reached up and his pallid fingers traced the outline with feather light skittering caresses. “I should have stopped him…said something. It wasn’t even red when I left you.” Evan winced as he tilted my chin to the side.
“I-I’ve h-h-had worse.” I stuttered out with a little smile. Liar. Nikolai had stayed in the corner. His hair was wet, and his body wrapped in a thick black robe. Those almost too blue eyes were red rimmed and his face still wet with tears. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to tell him that I shouldn’t have shut him out. Don’t you fucking dare. I swallowed and cast my gaze at the shiny, pale wood floor. “Niki, I’m…” my voice came out small and still managed to fall into nothingness. “I-I kn-know…I kn-know… y-you only—”
“Autumn, don’t.” Nikolai practically whispered as I watched him pull himself up in the reflection of the floor and walk over to me. He stopped about a foot from me. “I want to say sorry for… Aleksi.”
“Niki… th-thank you.” I let myself look up at those sad eyes, he nodded slowly. There was something endearing about how frightened he seemed. To think you used to crawl across the bedroom floor for him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, but at the same time… part of me still wished he was dead on that marble floor. Admittedly, that part was much smaller than it had been before.
“You…you need to get out…I don’t want to see this hap-happen to you.” Nikolai started crying again. He reached for me but let his hand fall away, and I had to shut my eyes hard and flinch away from that gesture. The Déjà vu was painful.
“She can’t. Vlad made it very clear, either she is ours or she’s dead.” I turned and stared at Evan as he spoke. Hearing it from someone else’s lips really drove that sense of being trapped home. “Autumn, would you…would you mind helping me?” Those soft accented tones made me jump.
“Y-yeah… sure” I swallowed nodding a little too fast. Evan walked over to stand by the barre.
“Niki, come here.” Evan instructed, in that warm soothing tone. Nikolai did as told, and he stood there as Evan grabbed the sash to that black robe and tugged it off before pushing that plush fabric off of Nikolai’s pale shoulders, leaving him pale and mostly nude before us. The only thing Nikolai wore was a small pair of black boxers. “Now grab the barre.” After staring at the wooden barre for a handful of moments like it was an utterly foreign object he grabbed the barre with one hand. “Both hands.” Evan corrected as he placed Nikolai’s errant hand next to the one on the barre. “Autumn?”
Padding over to them I stopped short of Nikolai and looked at Evan. What’s he getting at? I suspected what it was. There was an anxious pause and the air was thick as Nikolai and I waited expectantly for the next order to be given.
“Closer…” Evan stepped behind me, and positioned my shoulders like I had seen him do a million times as repetituer to Leslie or Colette. His hands slid gracefully down my arms and placed my palms on Nikolai’s shoulders. A soft moan broke the new vampire’s lips. “When I was turned I would have sold my soul for someone living to just hold me…but Colette didn’t let me have mortal contact for two years.” Evan swallowed as he leaned back against the barre. “I know he might not be your favorite person in the world, Autumn. But nothing makes you feel quite as alone as death.” I almost didn’t hear Evan’s voice as my eyes locked on that tattoo of a tree inches from my face. The orange and red leaves were striking against that now alabaster pallor.
Nikolai didn’t feel the same. This was the first time I had touched someone I had known before and after they became a vampire. My contact with Kendra after Aleksi sired her was brief. But I had touched this skin before. There wasn’t as much give to it as there once was. He was also cooler; his natural temperature not fully up to that soft heat it once was. Hours ago he was dying on the floor, laying in a puddle of his own blood, and now he was… he wasn’t breathing, and there was no faint frantic heartbeat coming from his chest. A simple thought that should have been a given coaxed a sob from my throat and tears from my eyes as I pressed my cheek to his back. That heart in his chest would never beat with that familiar strong cadence again. My arms wrapped around him pulling him closer. I didn’t lower my lips to kiss those lines of ink like I used to, but I held him close and let this cool flesh leach warmth from my own. Holding him was as sobering for me as it was comforting for him.
It was easy to forget vampires were dead creatures. That was until you knew someone before and after their turn. I pitied Nikolai. I had heard him breath his last breath, and I watched him twitch his way back into…whatever existence a vampire is… undeath? I raised my gaze to Evan who was watching us in quiet sadness. I couldn’t help but to wonder who he had wanted to hold him close after his change. Evan yawned and pushed from the mirror.
“I have to baby sit him… and it's bedtime.” Evan smirked out, but that playful smirk never touched those sweet gray eyes. I didn’t move from Nikolai, it actually felt good to hold him. How? How is that even remotely possible? There must seriously be something wrong with you.
“I’d… I’d… ra-rather not…” I pursed my lips and reluctantly removed myself from Nikolai. “I’d r-rather not s-sleep alone.”
That was how I found myself in Evan’s bed, tucked between him, and Nikolai who was cuffed to the headboard with his back facing me. The silence in the room was almost unnerving but I could still feel when both of them had gone to sleep. I hugged Nikolai to me like he was a life size teddy bear and he didn’t seem to mind. But I couldn’t shake the memory of sleeping between Aleksi and Nikolai while we were in Moscow and the lazy conversations that would acco
mpany our dozing off. Needless to say I cried myself to sleep. And then…
“Autumn…” Something crooned my name softer than the whistling, warbling, spring wind outside of the window. I twitched in my sleep. “Autumn…” That voice from nowhere repeated, tugging me from the depths of a fretful slumber. “Autumn…”
With a groan I propped myself up on my elbow and looked around the room. In my fatigue induced haze I almost missed the shadow lurking at the foot of the bed… almost. My eyes scanned over the room and its pale pastels once before snapping back to that opaque figure. At first I panicked, was it Vlad come to hurt me again? That’s a stupid idea, I doubt he’d bother with that shadow trick now that he’s awake. So much weird stuff had happened that I just accepted the shadow at the foot of the bed and slowly drifted back to sleep. In my dreams, black mist rolled through Crimson Hill, a mist with a mind of its own and my name whispering from its depths.
9
BEAUTIFUL LIES
MY FACE ACHED, AND FOR A MOMENT AS MY EYES BLINKED OPEN I forgot everything. Slowly the room sunk in, the soft pastel colors looked like a baby blanket or an Easter egg had exploded. Everything had soft pale ballet pink filigree; the dresser, the trim around the room, the tables, all of it. It had to have been Evan’s room. Pressure pulled me back against a hard room temperature body. Evan had a pale freckled arm draped around my waist, clinging to me. In front of me laid Nikolai with his wrists still handcuffed to the headboard. My hazel gaze fell on that tattoo on his back; the tattoo of my name under the ornate tree with falling gold and orange leaves. His body twitched and fought against the cuffs that held him to the bed—someone wasn’t asleep anymore. He was fighting to turn around but there was something about the way he moved… and then everything crashed in on me like a ton of bricks. Vlad waking, smacking me around, turning Nikolai… poor Nikolai. I touched his cold shoulder and he growled. That sound was nothing short of animalistic. I moved to snatch my hand back but I was too close. He twisted his hips, slipped one of those long legs under mine and flipped me over his body so I was facing him. Fuck ballet for making him so flexible. Language!
Dark Awakenings (Danse Macabre Book 2) Page 16