“Lace,” he prompted. His brown eyes were warm, but he cocked his head to the side as in wonder that I hadn’t tackled him in enthusiastic acceptance.
“Yes.” I nodded instead, smiled tremulously, and held out my hand. War slid the pear shaped diamond ring on my finger, pulled me into his arms, and kissed me long and hard. Being engaged to War would give me the security and respectability I craved. I knew he loved me, and I knew him. He wasn’t Martin. There wouldn’t be any surprises. War wasn’t cruel. Why then did I feel so unsettled and unsure?
He’d completely caught me off guard. I hadn’t been expecting anything like this, that’s for sure. There hadn’t been any hints leading up to it. And he’d been acting a little weird, distracted and checking his cell a lot since Bryan left the Morris party. I didn’t know what was up with him. I couldn’t read him like I used to be able to do. And why did I have this niggling suspicion that the Morris deal had something to do with the timing of his proposal?
War pulled back from me and smiled confidently. “We should celebrate.” He moved to the safe and pulled out the leather pouch. He dumped the contents on the desk, immediately placing a brown blob on a two by two piece of tinfoil. He held a lighter underneath the foil and heated it up. “You sure you don’t want at least a little hit tonight?”
I shook my head though my mouth went dry with longing as the heroin liquefied and I inhaled the familiar fumes. My hands shook as I turned away. “No. I’m ok.” I stood with my back to him and looked out the window. The lights of downtown Atlanta were softened by the coming dawn, but there wasn’t anything soft about my heart. It was pounding its way out of my chest with desire for that, ‘little hit.’
Behind me, I heard each one of War’s practiced movements. I knew without looking when he reached the point of drawing up the seductive liquid to a syringe. My resolve rapidly dissolving, I turned around.
“Change your mind?” War’s eyes met mine.
I nodded. What did it matter anyway? I closed my eyes as if that would keep me from seeing what I’d become. Chin down, I crossed to him and held out my arm.
He lifted my chin, his gaze moving across my face. “It’s just a tiny dose. I’ve been lowering the amount each time just like you wanted.” He tied off the tourniquet. His eyes were already heavy lidded as he bent over my arm. He’d already had his dose. Anticipation swirled in my belly as I watched the needle enter my skin. The effect was almost immediate. My brain detached from the world around me as I felt the warm euphoric haze descend. I didn’t even notice when War removed the needle.
When I woke up later I was curled up on my side, War sprawled out on his stomach in a pair of black boxers on the bed beside me. I glanced at the bedside clock. Six a.m. The dose must have been really small. I’d only been out a couple of hours, but War was snoring, indifferent to the world around him.
He didn’t even stir when I moved to the bathroom. I stripped out of my clothes and looked at myself in the mirror. I’d lost twenty pounds over the past year. Food, fashion, passion, music…all were losing their appeal, everything in my life taking second place to my desire to get high. Disgusted with myself, I turned from the harsh truth that stared back at me from the mirror.
A junkie.
As bad as my mother had ever been.
My life that once had so much potential was circling the bottom of the drain. If only I had refused that first hit when Martin offered, maybe things would’ve turned out differently. But I’d been too weak. It had been so much easier to give in to the belief that I was as worthless as my mother had always made me feel than to fight the battle for my self-respect.
I showered and dressed, pausing for a moment to glance down at the sparkling gem on my left hand. I’d made my decision. Hadn’t I? Yet after only a cursory glance at War, I found myself tip toeing quietly out of the hotel room and heading downstairs for my rendezvous with Bryan.
On the elevator ride down to the workout room, I used a rubber band to twist my hair back into a sloppy bun, but avoided looking at my guilty reflection in the mirrored wall. When the doors finally opened, I sighed heavily.
Avery.
Great. She was the last person I wanted to see right now. And besides, what the hell was she doing down here on the workout level with Bryan anyway?
“Good morning.” The redhead took a step back to let me out. She let the doors close without getting on. “I heard you sing last night.” Avery’s hands twisted on the handles of a jump rope. “You were really good.”
“Thanks,” I muttered, eyes narrowing. “Did you have a good workout this morning?”
“Yeah,” she replied, completely oblivious to the double entendre. “I like to jump rope while Marcus does the treadmill.”
“Oh, really?” I peered over her shoulder. “Where is your fiancé?”
“He’s finishing up. Why?”
“No reason.” I shrugged.
Avery stared at me for a moment, her head angling to the side. “Where’s War?”
I didn’t answer.
“I’m surprised to see you down here. You both seemed pretty messed up last night.”
“We had a couple of drinks. It was a party. Anyway, who are you to talk?” Her lips pursed in response to my biting sarcasm, but I wasn’t done. I had better than that. “I seem to remember some internet video of you being pretty smashed yourself at some hotel bar in Phoenix.”
“I wasn’t referring to alcohol.” Avery’s emerald eyes flared. “I’d keep those sleeves of yours pulled down if I were you.”
Sanctimonious bitch.
“Listen, you don’t like me for some reason, and that’s fine. You’re not exactly my favorite person, either. There’s been a lot more tension on the tour since you arrived. But your drug use really concerns me. My brother went down a similar path. It will destroy you. And hurt those who care about you.” She sighed. “I really don’t want something bad to happen to you. Especially if there’s something I can do to prevent it.”
“Oh, please,” I interrupted. “Save the Mother Teresa act for the fans. I don’t need your help or anyone else’s.”
“Hey.” Marcus walked up and kissed Avery’s cheek. “I’m done. You ready to go up?”
“Yeah, I guess.” Avery stood back while he pushed the elevator call button, and then leaned into him. “Think about it, Lace.”
I walked past them without responding. I’d had enough of her highhandedness. But though I tried not to let them, Avery’s words had hit home. I nervously twisted on my engagement ring as I continued down the hall. I inserted my key card and took in a calming breath before I entered the small exercise room.
Sleeveless exercise tank wet with sweat, Bryan was lying on a bench, tatted muscles flexing under an impressive load of free weights. “You ok, Lace?” He racked the bar as soon as he saw me. “You look a little pale.”
I put my shaking hands in my hoodie pockets. Avery Jones had rattled me more than I cared to admit.
“I’m glad you came.” My eyes met his. Reaching for one of the folded towels, he wiped his forehead. “I did a lot of thinking after the Morris party.” He stopped talking as a woman entered the room. “Let’s go somewhere where we won’t be interrupted.”
Hand warm and insistent against the small of my back, he guided me down the hall. He opened the door to an empty massage room. He flipped on the light and closed the door as soon as I was inside. I heard the lock click. My gaze fluttered nervously to his. My blood pressure shot up in response to the intensity of his grey green gaze.
“Bry?” I took a step back. “What are you doing? I thought you said you wanted to talk.”
“I do, and we will.” He took another step toward me, and when I stepped back my bottom came into contact with the counter behind me. I was trapped. He closed the remaining distance between us, his warm hard body, all of it, pressing into mine. I put my hands up to his chest, intending to push him away but my traitorous fingers didn’t get the memo. Instead they pulled him closer.
The smell of his spicy cologne surrounded me.
“I’m done, Lace,” he declared. “Done hiding what’s between us.” I’m sure my face registered my shock before his head lowered and he kissed me.
How many times had I wanted him to say something just like that?
A million and one at the very least. Thoughts gave way to sensation as his talented firm lips moved expertly against mine while his hands slid down to my ass. He grabbed me, pulled my hips into his, and pressed against me. He felt delicious, better than anything in the world, and I wanted him so badly. I shivered, allowing him to coax my lips apart. His tongue entered my mouth and slowly slid across my own. My pulse began to beat wildly as his fingers opened and closed massaging the soft flesh of my ass.
He lifted his head, repeated my name, and trailed hot open mouthed kisses down my arched neck. I was just going to slide my hands underneath his shirt when he caught them and brought them to his lips. Suddenly, he froze solid. “What the hell’s on your finger, Lace?” he bit out.
My passion hazed brain took a moment to process his question.
“You’re fucking engaged, aren’t you?” His voice was deadly quiet, but his expression was so wild and wounded that I took a step back.
“Why, Lace?” Bryan scrubbed his face with both hands. When he finally looked at me, his eyes had a tormented glint to them. “How could you do this to me? To us?”
“What us is there, Bryan? Prom was a long ass time ago. War wants me. He’s makes our relationship a priority. When have you ever done that?”
“When could I possibly do that?” Bryan pulled his hair through his fingers. “There was always someone else for you. But I can tell you this. If you were mine, I’d love you better. I’d love you enough to tell you when you’re wrong. The drugs, Lace, they’ll bury you alive. Like they did your mother.
They’re keeping you from seeing the truth that’s right in front of you. How incredibly strong you are. How much you have to give. How much you mean to the people who really care about what happens to you. Like your brother. Like me.”
“War cares about me.” My eyes burned at his harsh words. I recognized the truth in them. It had me digging my fingernails into my clenched palms. But his declaration was too little and too late. War was the safer choice, the wiser choice. I’d taken a risk on Bryan before and look at the downward plunge my life had taken afterward. “It’s really admirable how loyal you are to him, and you’ve been a good friend to me, too.” I peered up at him through my lashes. “That is, when I remember to keep my distance, but that’s hard to do. I guess there’ll be a little part of me that’s always going to be in love with you.” I sighed. “I don’t think anyone ever gets over their first.”
“Lace, don’t,” he whispered, voice low.
“You know how I always wanted a Prince Charming to come and sweep me off my feet?”
“I remember.” His gorgeous face was intense as he focused on me.
“What I’ve been looking for is a man to take me away from my shitty life, a man who would do everything in his power to keep me safe, a man who would put my happiness above his own. War’s that man. I was just too young to see that before and I… I made a lot of mistakes. I don’t deserve him. I’m certainly no prize, but most of the time he treats me like I am. We’ve got to stop doing this, Bryan. I’ve made a commitment to him.”
We were both still, the room completely silent but for our quiet breathing. Bryan’s fingers curled into my upper arms. “Alright, you’ve had your say. Now, it’s my turn.” His eyes glistened. “You say you’ve decided War’s the fucking one.” His voice was quiet but harsh. “How the hell can that be, Lace, when he’s giving you heroin? Some knight in shining armor. That’s bullshit. That’s not putting your happiness above his own.”
I shook my head in denial.
But he was hard to resist. The truth of his words, the pull of his personality, and the warmth and sincerity in his grey green eyes weakened my resolve and that was before he gently skimmed his knuckles down my cheek. “You need to ask him about the Morris deal, Lace. Then you need to open your eyes and see who really loves you. I always have. I always will.”
“What about Avery, then?” I threw out, too afraid to believe what I had wished for so long was true.
“Avery was never more than a friend. What little was there was destined to fail, and the truth is I didn’t want it to succeed. You are the only woman I’ve ever cared for, the only one I’ve ever made love to, the only woman I’ve ever loved.”
“Stop.” I begged. “Why are you telling me this now?” Tears gathered in the corner of my eyes, but I blinked them away. “It’s too late. You make me want to believe in a happily ever after for us, but that’s not reality. That’s a fairy tale. That’s something the woman I once was believed in, but I’m not that woman anymore.”
“That’s not true. That woman is still here. I’m looking right at her. You have more than enough faith for both of us. You’ve just lost your way.” He reached for me, but I drew away. “Talk to War,” he said grimly, “and then you’ll see. He’s the one who’s changed. He’s the one who’s not who he used to be.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
* * *
Bryan
The bus ride from Atlanta to Orlando turned into six and a half hours of living hell. I didn’t see Lace at all, but thoughts of her in the back bedroom with War wearing that ring on her finger made me want to tear the hair out of my head.
I let out a loud sigh of frustration. Now that I’d decided to give up everything for her, she wouldn’t let me. If only I could just grab her and take her away, away from War, and away from the deception and drugs, maybe then I could convince her.
As hour bled into hour, I remained alone in the front lounge, settling for killing digital zombies on the bus game console, instead of going back and doing real harm to Lace’s drug enabling fiancé.
When the bus pulled up to the Contemporary hotel, I headed for my room without stopping to make small talk with anyone. The happiest place in the world my ass. It was jammed with parents, children, teenagers, and tons and tons of strollers. Fortunately my boots kept my feet from being maimed by errant wheels as I wove my way to the elevators. When the doors opened, I had to squeeze sideways to fit in. Though there was barely any room to breathe, it wasn’t half as crowded as my brain was right now. Crammed with thoughts of her. Of us.
But what more could I do? I’d said my piece. Lace knew where I stood. Now I had to wait, but I was not a patient man.
She’d better talk to War soon.
I cursed my bad luck that there wasn’t even a real concert to keep my mind occupied tonight, just a short set inside the Magic Kingdom that Tempest and Brutal Strength were obligated to do for one of the tour sponsors who had rented out the entire park for an afterhours affair for their employees.
Once I was inside my room, I dropped my guitar case on the floor and threw my sunglasses and bag on the white duvet that covered a king bed. A quick scan revealed an earth toned interior with modernistic décor similar to the lobby. Nothing to provide any real distraction. I crossed to the sliding glass doors and looked out at the view of the lagoon. I watched a parasail drift back down to the water before sliding my cell out of my pocket and dialing home. It picked up on the first ring. When she said hello she sounded out of breath.
“Hey, Mom. Did I catch you at a bad time?” I asked.
“No, sweetheart. I just came in from work and was cleaning the kitchen.”
I heard the sound of running water being shut off. “Are Miriam and Ann ok?”
“They are. Both made the honor roll again, but we’re all looking forward to the winter break. What’s up with you? I haven’t heard from you in a couple of days? You’re in Orlando, now, right?”
“Yeah.” I turned from the window and flopped on the bed.
“How’s Disney World?”
“I just got here. It’s a little surreal, I guess. Not exactly a rocker kind of place wi
th all these rug rats running around.”
“I can imagine.” She laughed. “How’s Lace?”
Shit. She always had an alarming ability to zoom right in on whatever it was that was bothering me. “She and War got engaged last night,” I stated softly.
“Really?” The line was silent. “I would’ve thought that relationship would have run its course by now.”
I barked a humorless laugh. “Apparently not.” I rubbed a hand over the ache in my chest. “I love her, you know,” I admitted in a quick rush.
“I know.”
“How could you? I never said anything. Was it that obvious?” I worried.
“It was to me, but I’m your mom.” She sighed. “Seems like this has been building for some time. What are you going to do about it, Bry? Have you told her how you feel?”
“Oh, yeah, but it didn’t go over quite the way I’d hoped.”
“Well then, she’s not as smart as I thought she was.” A short pause. “I’m sorry, Bry. Maybe you should consider just letting her go.”
I’d been trying for the past two years.
“There are other girls out there. Any one of them would be lucky to have you. You’re a real catch.”
“Thanks, Mom. I’m glad you think so.” I glanced at my watch. “Hey, I’m sure you’re tired after your shift. I’d better let you go.”
“I’m ok. It’s great to hear from you, Bry. I’m so proud of you and all that you’ve accomplished, but I’ll be glad when you actually get to come home.”
“Me, too. Love you, Mom.”
After ending the call, I threw my cell down on the comforter and stalked to the minibar. After a quick examination, I slammed the door. Figured all this place would have was granola bars and healthy shit. I needed a drink.
***
An hour later, my left elbow was propped up on the bar at the Outer Rim. I looked out over the lagoon from inside the large open air atrium as a monorail whooshed through the building on the track above me. The bar was small and concave. It only sat four but all the seats were filled as were the couple of low loungers by the windows. Apparently being happy was easier with a little liquid lubrication. For me it was gonna take a helluva a lot.
Rock Star Romance Ultimate: Volume 1 Page 103