Sitting appropriately distant, Emma shared a log with Viktor. Isak and Nora sat similarly on a large rock.
Chatter was quick and lively. Isak had seen a moose in the woods near their property earlier that day and described him to the rest of us. Viktor expressed dismay that he hadn’t seen him, then Isak teased him that even if he’d been around, he probably wouldn’t have spotted him. “Now that you’ve gotten all citified.”
Viktor tossed a stick at him. “I’ve been educated, not citified.”
“All I know is you look like one of those New York types in your suit,” Isak said.
“You look very handsome in your suit,” Fiona said. “We’re all proud of you. Don’t listen to your brother.”
“Thank you, Fiona,” Viktor said. “My brother’s jealous because I don’t have a fine layer of flour coating on my hair like he does.”
“Speaking of my fine baking,” Isak said as he reached into a bag at his feet. “I’ve brought my latest experiment with sticky buns. Who wants one?”
“Me please,” Cymbeline said.
Isak placed one in her outstretched hand, then passed the bag to Viktor. When he offered the bag to me, I declined, too full from dinner. Anyway, I didn’t want to be sticky in case Louisa let me hold her hand later.
Emma and Neil accepted a bun, but Fiona declined, saying she would have a bite of Cymbeline’s. “Lizzie’s fried chicken filled me up.”
Li declined, not wanting to risk getting anything on his guitar.
“None for me either,” Louisa said when I offered the bag to her.
“Good Lord above,” Viktor said as he held a half-eaten bun in the air. “These are better than the last batch.”
“Thank you. Too kind.” Isak grinned. “What do you think, Nora?”
He caught her just as she was taking a second bite. She pointed to her full mouth.
“I’ll ask her later,” Isak said, laughing.
“What made you decide to become a baker?” Emma asked.
“The war,” Isak said.
“To bake?” Emma asked. “But whatever for?”
Isak smiled. “Before we left Sweden, we lived next door to a bakery. I’d wake to the smell of baking bread or treats. I always thought that must be the best way to live, surrounded by delicious smells and making something that gave happiness. I figured if I got out of there alive, I’d come home and do what I’d always wanted.”
“Good for you,” I said.
“What about you?” Emma asked me. “Did you make a promise to yourself if you got home?”
“I did, actually. When we were over there, I had a natural aptitude for helping the injured. I knew then I wanted to become a doctor.”
“It’s your calling,” Isak said. “Just like my brother here with his big brain working with numbers all day.”
“You’re all lucky to have a calling that you can act upon.” Cymbeline’s obvious bitterness made her tone sharp. “Women are supposed to be quiet and have babies.”
“You can have a calling and still have babies,” Fiona said softly.
“If your calling’s music, like yours is,” Cymbeline said. “If its athletics or competition, then no. I wasn’t allowed to do any of the things I wanted because I was a girl. I still can’t.”
“What do you want to do?” Viktor asked.
“I don’t know. Race someone down a slope or across the ice. Like in one of those winter competitions.”
In addition to the summer Olympics next month in Paris, there had been news recently that winter sports would have their own Olympics.
“You’d be magnificent,” Viktor said. “If there was such a thing as a competition for women.”
“I’d have liked to beat you just once,” Cymbeline said. “But like most things I want in life, it’s not meant to be.” Cymbeline and Viktor had competed every winter at our frozen pond in town for as long as anyone could remember. Why Cymbeline thought she could beat a boy taller, stronger, and several years older than her was beyond anyone’s comprehension. What made even less sense? The outcome of their races actually made her angry. Since they were young, she’d referred to Viktor as her nemesis.
Viktor had thought the races were just fun between friends. Cymbeline had carried it into academics as well, trying with all her might to beat his scores in math. On that, they’d come out in a dead heat. My sister’s efforts had earned her nothing at all. It wasn’t fair.
“I’d have let you beat me if I thought I could get away with it.” Viktor gave her a lazy smile. “But we all know how that would have ended up.”
Fiona tittered softly. “Wise man.”
Cymbeline shot Fiona a scathing glare before turning back to Viktor. “If you’d ever done that, I would never have forgiven you.”
“Then thank goodness I didn’t.” Viktor gazed back at her.
“Isn’t it strange how we’ve all come home?” Louisa asked. “Despite our time away.”
“Not surprising,” Viktor said. “This is the best place on earth.”
“True,” Cymbeline said.
“What about you, Li?” Viktor asked. “Did you miss home when you were away at school?’
Li, who almost never made noise unless it was through one of his instruments, looked up from tuning his guitar. “I missed home, yes. And all of you.”
“We missed you too,” Cymbeline said. “Fiona especially. Even her piano sounded lonely without your violin.”
Li and Fiona shared a smile.
Li had recently returned to Emerson Pass, having spent several years in Chicago studying music. Because of Li’s Chinese heritage, he’d assumed he wouldn’t be able to attend university. However, Papa had connections at a conservatory in Chicago and had succeeded in securing a spot for Li. After graduation, Li hadn’t been able to find work with an orchestra. He didn’t say why, but we all knew the reason. No one would hire a person of Chinese descent.
Papa had advised him to come home. He could earn a living through giving music lessons and playing at parties, town festivals, church, and weddings.
“I am very grateful to your father,” Li said. “As so many of us are.”
“Papa helped Li with music school,” Fiona explained to Emma and Neil.
“And what about you, Fiona?” Emma asked. “Will you go to music school next year?”
“I don’t think so,” Fiona said. “I shouldn’t like to leave home and my family. Anyway, Li and I like playing together. We have a whole town to perform for.”
“They taught themselves how to play the piano.” Cymbeline directed her gaze at Neil instead of Emma as she explained the origins of Li and Fiona learning to play piano. “From some book Fiona found in the piano bench.”
“Papa thinks the book belonged to his mother, but no one knows for sure,” Fiona said.
“Fiona played first.” Li looked up from the guitar with a faraway look in his eyes. “I heard her playing one day and found the music very beautiful. I actually came upstairs without permission.”
“You didn’t need permission,” Cymbeline said.
“My grandmother didn’t like me to go up without being invited,” Li said. “She always said staff belonged downstairs.”
“Jasper always says that too.” Cymbeline rolled her eyes. “We live in America, not stuffy England.”
“You were our friend and always welcome,” Fiona said. “But I understand your grandmother’s ways. She saw it as disrespectful.”
Li tweaked one last string on the guitar. “Fiona was only a little thing, and her fingers flew over the keys.”
“I could see on his face that he wanted to play, so I scooted over to make room.” Fiona smiled at the memory.
“Then she opened the book to page one and helped me to learn the basics,” Li said.
“He caught up to me very soon. We’ve been in competition ever since,” Fiona said.
I looked over at the Hartman siblings to see if our old family stories had bored them to tears. Right as I did, Emm
a stifled a yawn.
“No one cares about all this,” I said. “We’d enjoy some music, though, wouldn’t we?”
A chorus of affirmations went around the circle. I got up to toss a few more pieces of wood onto the fire.
I knew the rest of the story. After he learned the piano, Li had asked his grandmother for a violin. She’d been unable to afford one, but Papa had ordered one from a store in Denver. A year later, Fiona had asked for a guitar for Christmas. Soon, they’d taught themselves to play it as well. There were many afternoons before the war that the sound of their practicing filled the house. Sometimes, it was hard for me to tell which of them was playing at the piano.
Now, Li accompanied and Fiona sang. It was music I’d never heard before. Fiona said it was folk music that Li had learned while in Chicago.
“There’s no kind of music they can’t play,” Cymbeline said in my ear. “Jazz, blues, classical.”
Where had she heard them play jazz or blues? I’d follow up on that later. Right now, I was only interested in holding a certain fair-haired girl’s hand.
12
Louisa
* * *
On the way home, I couldn’t stop smiling. Having the gang back together, or most of us anyway, had reminded me of the bond we’d all shared back in school. In a matter of minutes, it seemed no time had passed since we were all youngsters in Miss Cooper’s very first class.
The night air was crisp. Theo had given me his jacket, which kept me warm as the roadster rumbled down the dirt road toward the Barneses’ property. The collar smelled of him. I’d have liked to wear his jacket for the rest of my life. That way he would always be close to me.
“Do you remember how your sisters shared their lunches with me?” I asked. “During those first months of school?”
Theo’s profile was in shadow, but I could still see his mouth turn upward into a smile. “I do. They asked Lizzie to start adding an extra sandwich to their lunch boxes.”
“You were all so kind to me. As much trouble as I’ve had in my life, most people are good.”
“I believe that too.”
“How many of us were there in that first year of school?” I asked.
“I believe close to twenty,” Theo said. “I’ll ask my mother. She kept journals from those years.”
“It was awfully nice to see everyone tonight.” I stretched my arms overhead. The air felt good against my skin. “This car is really the bee’s knees, isn’t it?”
“I have to agree. Papa surprised me with it as a graduation present. At first, I wasn’t sure I wanted it—worried it seemed ostentatious. However, my base instincts have won over.”
A car as a gift. What a strange idea. If not for the Barnes family, Mother and I were homeless and uncertain of where our next meal would come from. Alexander was able to gift his son a car with no thought to cost. How would Theo and I seem like a match in his eyes? Would he discourage Theo from pursuing me? I didn’t want to think he or Quinn would think such a thing, but who knew? They knew me when I was a ragged child in need of rescue. Would they ever be able to think of me as their son’s wife?
I was getting ahead of myself. Theo hadn’t proposed marriage. Not after two dates.
“Poppy’s smitten with Neil. Why hasn’t she ever married?” I asked out loud, as if Theo would know.
“She’s a strong woman.”
“She needs a strong man,” I said.
“Like you.”
“Me? No, I’m a mouse. A nothing.”
“Absolutely not true.” Theo took my hand and kissed my fingertips before letting me go. “And anyway, I meant you needed a strong man. Your strength is undeniable.”
I breathed in his idea of me. Would I ever feel strong? Run, mouse, run.
I pushed aside the memories. Think of the good times instead. Think of tonight. Think of this man sitting beside me.
By the time we reached the Barneses’ garage, the moon hung high in the starry sky. He killed the engine and then came around to assist me. I breathed in the scent of oil and gasoline emanating from the car’s engine.
After he gathered up our basket and blanket, we made our way across the driveway toward the cottage. When we came to the edge of the lawn, he set aside the basket and reached for my hand and pulled me around to face him. “Thank you for allowing me to take you out tonight.” Theo skimmed the side of my face with the back of his index finger. “Did I pass the test? May I take you out tomorrow?”
“There’s no test you couldn’t pass. You’re not the question here. I’m the one who might not pass.” I’d long since taken off my hat and now held it in my dangling hand. The ribbon fluttered in the breeze and tickled my wrist. “I’m the broken one.”
Light from the moon shone in his dark eyes. “You’re not broken. Cracked perhaps, but put back together with the strongest glue. I’ll remind you of that every day of my life if you’ll let me.”
“Every day of your life? You want to marry me?” I clamped my hand over my mouth. Why had I said that? He hadn’t said he wanted to marry. Or had he? What was wrong with me? Two glorious nights and I was already imagining what it would be like to be a Mrs. Barnes.
Theo smiled down at me. “I know how I feel. How I’ve always felt. I would marry you tomorrow if I could. But I’ll wait for however long you need. We can have the longest courtship in the history of man if you need one.”
“Why me, Theo? Of all the girls in the world, why me?”
“It’s always been you.” Theo brushed my cheek with his thumb. “Only you.”
I lifted my face toward the sky. The man in the moon was obvious tonight. As a child, I’d seen him on nights such as this and felt less alone. Now, here with Theo, it seemed the moon shed magical dust over me, covering me in a sheen of possibilities.
“What will your family say?” I asked. “What if they don’t approve? Will you change your mind?”
“They will approve.”
“I have nothing to offer you,” I said. “They’ll know that.”
“You would be enough. Just as you are.”
“Do you think everyone in town would wonder why handsome, rich Theo Barnes would want to marry Louisa Kellam?”
“Louisa Lind,” he said gently. “You’re not a Kellam. And so many questions.”
“Doubts and fears.”
My mind sped forward and forward, tumbling as fast as the tumbleweeds I’d seen in Nebraska as the train barreled toward Colorado. Where would we live? Would I be able to let him touch me? Could I share a bed with a man?
Not a man. Theo.
Then I thought of Mother. Of her fragile health. How she’d taken me in and loved me as her own. I thought about Father’s secrets and his foolish mistake to take all his savings and spend it on a school for me with that being the only hope of a good marriage. This was a chance for both of us. Theo loved me. I could love him in time. If I didn’t already.
Theo gestured toward the pasture. “Beyond there is the spot of land I’ve always wanted for a house. I’ll build one that has a room for your mother.”
He tapped the area where his heart beat so gallantly. “I have hope, Louisa, that someday you might love me.”
“To risk your happiness? The joy you might find with someone else?”
“You’re worth every risk, every gamble, every moment of the rest of my life in service to you.”
I looked down at my hat. A long courtship only to discover that I was not able to be the wife he needed. What if I could give myself to him? What kind of children would we bring into the world? They would be made from the same blood as my Pa. He was a terrible man. Would any of that be passed on to our offspring? He should know the full extent of Pa’s crimes. “Theo, there’s something I want to tell you.”
“Anything.”
“It was my father who took me to the man. He sold me to him.” I held my breath, waiting to see what he would say.
Theo’s chest rose and fell. His fists balled at his sides. “How many
times?”
“Just once. Your family found me on the side of the road after it had happened. I’d gone home looking for money to buy food.” Finally, I’d just collapsed, too tired and hungry to go farther. The next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and saw Quinn. “After that, the Linds took me in.”
“Do you remember where the house was?”
“No. We walked there. That’s all I know. The details are blurry.” I peered up at him. “But Theo, it was ages ago. The man was older. He wouldn’t even be alive.”
“I want to kill them both with my bare hands.” Theo hung his head. “Louisa, I don’t know what to say.” He returned his gaze to me. “How could you ever trust anyone again? No wonder you’ve not been able to let anyone in. Your own father. My poor girl.” A lone tear dripped from his eye and down his cheek.
“It was Pa who was bad. The man too. Not most people. Most are good, and some are spectacular like you and your family.”
“I’ll never hurt you. Do you understand?”
“I understand.” My eyes filled. I dabbed at my cheeks before tilting my chin upward. “You may kiss me now if you wish.”
He put his hands on the lapels of his jacket, which was still draped over my shoulders, and brushed his lips against mine before pulling away. This was not the wild storm of last night’s emotional kisses—more like the promise of spring in a warm breeze during the deep midwinter. “Now, let’s get you to bed. Your mother will be worried if I keep you out any later. I’ve got work in the morning as well.”
I nodded and let him guide me toward the cottage. My mother had left the light on that hung over the door. Inside, I could see a lit lamp behind the curtain.
“When it comes time and you’ve said yes, I’ll ask your mother for her blessing.” Theo pulled me against him. “I’ll give you a good life. I promise no one will ever hurt you again.” He kissed me again, this time with a passion that made my legs tremble.
I’m not afraid, I thought. Not of Theo.
***
Mother was in a chair knitting when I came inside the cottage. The room was dim with only one lamp lit.
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