“You’ll vacillate between loving being part of such a close-knit clan and wishing you had a bit more privacy.” Shannon smiled over at Phillip. “Do I have that right?”
“Perfectly said.” Phillip set his cup back in its saucer. “I grew up in an orphanage and wished for a family more than anything. I certainly got my wish. Truthfully, I’m grateful every day.”
“What about you, Shannon?” I asked. “Do you enjoy being a Barnes?”
“Me too, of course. Did I wish Flynn had kept my pregnancy sickness more to himself? Probably. It’s embarrassing. Plus, the girls and Mrs. Barnes came out the very next day to check on me. All I wanted was to be left alone in my misery.” If she felt ill, she didn’t show it on her pretty face. She glowed. Flushed from the heat and her dark curls framing her round face. The gowns this season were drop-waisted and loose, hiding any signs of her pregnancy. Next to her, I felt pale, listless, and uninteresting.
Phillip chuckled and picked up his plate of pie. “If you asked one of them, however, they would have no understanding of why that detail shouldn’t have been shared. Your absence had to be explained one way or the other.”
“Yes, true. That’s what we mean,” Shannon said. “As far as the infamous sibling chats, they will happen at almost every family dinner. You can expect that they’re talking about one of us or one of them and trying to solve some problem. They usually include three of them fussing over one of the others.”
Shannon nodded. “Yes, yes. They always talk in threes.”
“Like witches,” Phillip said.
“Then you’ll go home and have to hear all about who said what and who thought this or that.” Phillip smacked the arm of his chair. “Oh, and never ever make the mistake of sharing what you’re thinking of naming a baby.”
They laughed uproariously. “Unless you really want everyone’s opinion,” Shannon said once she’d collected herself.
“And remember, we’re here if you ever need to talk,” Phillip said.
“What do you think they’re talking about tonight?” I asked.
“That’s easy,” Phillip said. “You and Theo.”
“Or maybe Cymbeline and Fiona being at the club,” Shannon said. “Quinn came by earlier and mentioned it to Flynn that Theo was upset.”
“Did she know what happened to Cymbeline last night?” I asked, alarmed. Had Cym told her parents? Or had Theo? No, not Theo. He was a man of his word. I trust him, I thought next. With everything. A sense of the rightness of it all came over me. I belonged with Theo. I might even belong in this family.
Both sat slightly forward in their chairs. “No, what happened?” Shannon asked.
“Is she all right?” Phillip asked.
“I don’t think I should say.” I was already regretting having mentioned anything. “It’s not my place.”
They exchanged a knowing glance. “We understand,” Shannon said. “I think the entire family can agree on one thing, and that’s our worry over Cym.”
“It must be terrible to be the problem child,” I said, thinking out loud. “Knowing what everyone thinks might make her feel more rebellious.”
Shannon nodded in agreement. “Particularly a girl like Cymbeline.”
“One thing you can say about the Barnes siblings. No two are alike,” Phillip said.
“Even our favorite twins,” Shannon said with a laugh. “Or should I say, especially our favorite twins.”
All through the evening, I’d been struck by how different they were. Flynn was brash and loud, Theo reserved and thoughtful. How I’d ever been attracted to the wrong twin for me, I couldn’t say. I knew now with certainty that Theo was suited for me and I for him.
***
The next evening before dinner, Theo and I strolled the gardens. We came upon the rose garden and lingered. The scent of the roses was almost dizzying. “They didn’t smell this way in the morning,” I said, thinking out loud.
“It’s the sun on their petals,” Theo said. “Brings out their scent.”
Flowerpots filled with daisies, lilies, and peonies lined one end of the rose garden, strategically placed to give them as much sunlight as possible. I knew from staying here that Cymbeline cut flowers from the pots and the meadow for the house. Quinn arranged them in vases for the dining table and sitting room. I’d seen her doing so this morning on the sunporch as I’d walked by. I’d been struck by the beauty of the woman and the flowers. Fiona’s piano music had come through the open windows, spilling out into the quiet morning. A deep sense of sadness had filled me. I couldn’t explain why, other than feeling as if I would always be an outsider. One who observed but didn’t fully participate.
Now, bees were still doing their work, buzzing from flower to flower. A hummingbird flew by, hovering in the air to get a good look at us before dancing away as quickly as he’d arrived.
Theo let go of my hand and reached into the inner pocket of his jacket to pull out a pocketknife. “Which do you like the best?”
“Of the roses?”
“Yes. Or any of the flowers from the pots.”
I took a good look around. The roses were in varying shades: light pink, deep red, soft yellow. I was drawn to the pink, as the color reminded me of a baby’s cheek. “There,” I said, pointing to one of the pink buds.
He stepped closer, peering at each of the blooms. “This one?” He cradled a bud still tightly closed. “That way you can watch it open over the next few days.”
“Yes, please.”
He knelt and clipped the stem with his knife in one quick movement. After that, he deftly removed each of its thorns. When he’d rid it of its pointed weaponry, he turned back to me, bowing slightly. “A pretty rose for a pretty woman.”
“Thank you, Theo.” I took it from him and brought it to my nose, inhaling the sweet scent. The green part of the bud wrapped around the petals. Would I be like the rose, slowly opening to Theo and his family?
“You were quiet last night on the drive home,” Theo said. “Was something on your mind?”
“Not really.” I caressed the silky petals of the bud with my thumb. “I wondered if your sister and brother disapproved of me. Of our marriage.”
He hesitated a second too long, which told me my suspicions were correct.
“Do they think I’m trash?”
“No, not at all. They’re worried I’m being rash. Which is funny because I’m the least impulsive of our entire family.”
“Did their doubts give you any?” I asked.
“Not a one.”
Gratitude rose in me as I turned to him. “Let’s get married this summer. I don’t want to wait.”
“This summer? So soon?” His eyes sparkled as the idea played around in his mind. I’d learned from my time with him that he needed a moment to think through a question or suggestion.
“I don’t want to wait any longer to start my life with you.” I wanted to be a Barnes. I wanted to be Mrs. Barnes.
“I’ll want to ask your mother for her blessing,” Theo said. “Do you think I could talk to her before supper?”
“Yes, I’ll tell her you’re coming by and make myself scarce for a bit.”
“My entire family will be here for supper. Shall we announce it to them?”
“If you want to.” I immediately filled with self-doubt. Would they approve? There was only one way to find out. I must face it all with bravery. After all, Theo was risking his own happiness by agreeing to marry a woman uncertain of her abilities to be a good wife. The least I could do was be by his side when he told them our plans.
***
Mother was sitting on the window seat in the cottage when I came out of my room dressed for supper. After Theo had come by to talk to Mother, I’d wandered out to the back porch. Fiona had been there with a giant pile of peas to shell. I’d happily pitched in, glad to have a task for my nervous energy.
Now my mother stared out the window with an expression of such bleakness that my stomach plummeted to the floor.
<
br /> “Mother?” Had she told Theo no? What was wrong?
She startled at the sound of my voice. “Hello, dear.” She reached out to me with her hand. I went to sit beside her.
“Are you feeling unwell?” I asked.
“Missing your father.”
“Oh, Mother, I’m sorry.” The pain of his absence hit me all over again. “I miss him too.”
“You gave him a lot of joy. I hope that gives you comfort.”
“It does. I was blessed to be the daughter of such a good man.” I shut my eyes as a vision of my real father came to me. His breath had always smelled of cheap, stale whiskey. His skeletal face still came to me in my dreams.
Mother took a second, seeming to corral her thoughts in a different direction through sheer will. “Theo came to see me. I can see how much he cares for you. He’ll make a good husband. If only your father could be here to see all his dreams for you coming true. You’re sure, though, right?”
It was ironic that I’d had to come home to fulfill my father’s dream for me. We could have saved all the money they’d spent on school if we’d known Theo was the one for me. Now that I knew Theo the way I did, I couldn’t imagine it being anyone else. Who else would understand me the way he did?
Was this love?
“For your wedding day, I’ve something old for you.” Mother held out her hand, which contained a delicate lace handkerchief. “I sewed this years ago. It was a part of my mother’s wedding gown. I’ve carried it with me most of my life for good luck. Now, God willing, it’ll give some to you.”
“Won’t you miss it?” She’d often told me how much it comforted her to touch the lace during times of trial.
“No, I don’t need it anymore. I’m at the end of my life, not at the beginning as you are. My luck has come and gone.”
The finality of her statement scared me. Was she giving up on life now that Father was gone? They’d been around fifty when I first came to live with them, which meant she would be sixty-four. Wasn’t that too young to leave the earth? Ye Mother seemed to be deteriorating before my eyes. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her too. “Mother, are you feeling all right?”
“Yes, perfectly fine. If not a little sentimental. But I’m going to skip dinner tonight and go to bed.”
“Can I get you anything before I go?”
She lifted her wrinkled cheek. “Just a kiss, darling girl.”
I did as she asked, taking in the familiar scent of talcum powder and rosewater. “I love you, Mother. I hope you know how much.”
“I do. You’ve been the best surprise of all.”
***
Dinner that evening in the Barneses’ formal dining room started out in the usual way, with a prayer. During which, Alexander asked that he give Mother strength. The threat of tears kept my head bowed for a second after the chorus of amens. This family might be loud and interfering, but I loved them for their kindness and thoughtfulness. Someday soon I hoped to feel more like I belonged.
The maid served us all the first course, a cool cucumber soup so delicious I had to count in between bites or risk embarrassing myself.
The entire family was seated around the table, including Josephine and Phillip and Flynn and Shannon. Talk meandered from work updates to gossip from town, including those who were against Phillip and Flynn’s clearing of part of the forest for another ski run.
“Why are they against it?” Cymbeline asked.
“A couple of reasons,” Flynn said. “One is the noise and confusion of the logging.”
“The other is a fear that our town will be overrun with visitors,” Phillip said.
“Commerce is never a bad thing,” Papa said.
“I, for one, am happy about the new run.” Cymbeline sliced the air with her butter knife as if it were a sword. “This is going to be one for real skiers, not city folk.”
Quinn laughed. “Dear, be kind.”
“She’s right, Mama,” Flynn said. “We’re hoping to attract more serious recreational skiers. If we can become known for the best skiing in the country, it’s all the better.”
“I do hate to think of the mountain losing more of its trees.” Fiona’s brow wrinkled. “And what about the birds and animals?”
“They’ll find other places to nest.” Flynn lifted a glass of red wine to his mouth, his eyes dancing with amusement. “Unless you’d like to go out and rescue them all, little sister.”
“I’ll go with you.” Delphia’s blue eyes had filled with tears. “What if the babies get separated from their mothers?”
“No, love,” Papa said. “The animals know what to do.”
“Instinctually,” Cymbeline said with an indulgent glance toward Delphia. “Don’t worry.”
“Are you sure?” Delphia asked.
“I’ll take you out there to see for yourself,” Flynn said.
“I’m not sure that’s a good place for a little girl,” Shannon said. “The men who’ve come to help can be rough.”
“Rough how?” Delphia asked, seeming to forget her worry over the animals as interest in this new tidbit drew her attention.
“Never mind that,” Quinn said. “Let’s change the subject. Shannon, how’s your mother feeling? Have you been to see her today?”
“She’s feeling almost back to normal, thanks to Theo,” Shannon said.
“How clever you are, Theo,” Quinn said.
He was clever. I filled with pride as everyone congratulated him.
“Theo, I’m very proud of you,” Josephine said.
“Thanks, Jo. But wait and see if she continues to improve,” Theo said modestly.
“Well done, Theo.” Phillip grinned. “It’s more and more obvious that leaving me here to help with the business despite my inferior intellect was a wise decision.”
“Nonsense,” Theo said. “Your business mind is far superior to mine.”
“That’s true,” Flynn said in a teasing tone. “Seriously, well done, brother. You’ve eased my wife’s mind considerably. I guess that fancy education’s paying off.”
“Education is only what you make of it,” Papa said. “I agree, Theo. Well done.”
I reached for Theo’s hand under the table but found his muscular thigh instead. He covered my hand with his own.
“Any news from Alma?” Quinn asked Shannon.
“She’s well,” Shannon said. “Her husband’s thinking of running for congress in Ohio.”
“How exciting,” Quinn said.
“I’d rather have them here,” Shannon said. “But she’s enjoying being a wife and mother. I miss her, though.”
“You have us now,” Cymbeline said. “We’re more than enough family.”
Flynn laughed. “Whether you want us or not.”
“I do want you all,” Shannon said. “I’m grateful to be a Barnes.” She let out a merry, tinkling laugh. “Even though there are so many of you.”
“We love having you as part of our family,” Papa said as he raised his glass. “To better health for you and your mother.”
We all lifted our glasses. I took a small sip of the red wine that had been poured with the second course, a pastry stuffed with shredded beef, but set it aside. Wine tasted terrible.
Theo set my hand back on my own lap, then stood. “I have an announcement.” He raised his glass. “Louisa and I are going to marry by the end of the summer.”
Stunned silence greeted us. All eyes turned to me. His announcement had clearly taken them all by surprise. Were they against the idea? I studied the food on my plate and burned with shame. They didn’t want me as part of the family.
“You’re all invited,” Theo said, joking, as he sat back in his chair.
The table broke out in excited chatter, everyone talking at once, asking for a date and other details of which we didn’t know the answer.
Alexander tapped his glass. “Here, here, quiet down. We need a toast. Congratulations to Theo and Louisa.”
“Congratulations,” Quinn sai
d, echoing her husband. We all raised our glasses. I drew in a shaky breath, relieved that it was only surprise that had rendered them silent.
“Before year’s end,” Theo said, sounding defiant as well as resolute. A shiver ran up my spine. The man had strength he didn’t display all the time, yet it was there under the surface of his quiet ways.
“Will Aunt Annabelle make your dress?” Delphia asked. “She makes the prettiest dresses.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’ve not even thought of it.”
Addie’s wan face lit up with delight. “You’ll be a very pretty bride, Louisa.”
“Thank you, Addie.” A lump formed at the back of my throat.
“I say we open champagne and have a toast,” Alexander said. “I’ll have Jasper grab a bottle from the cellar.”
“Apparently Prohibition doesn’t include us,” Cymbeline said, sounding happy.
19
Theo
* * *
Louisa was sitting on the fence by the horse pasture when I came home from work that evening. She was hatless, and her hair blew around her face, lifted by the breeze. She looked so fetching in a worn cotton dress that butterflies seemed to dance in my stomach.
I parked and got out of the car rather stiffly. It had been a long day. I’d spent most of it helping a woman give birth to twins. I’d been thankful when I’d been able to get both little boys out safely and still had time to get home for dinner.
Louisa jumped down and ran to greet me. “Theo, welcome home.”
“Hello, beautiful.” I pulled her into my arms for a light kiss. “Where is everyone?”
“They’re all in the back having drinks before dinner, but I wanted to wait for you here.”
“That’s nice,” I said.
“I’ve been thinking.” She took both my hands in hers. Without gloves, her hands seemed small and pale.
“Yes?” I held my breath, afraid of what she might say.
“I want to get married right away. Let’s not wait.”
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