by Parker, Ali
“So you going to tell me how things went with that woman?” Raymond asked keenly, and I grinned and shook my head.
“All right, I admit it. I had a good time,” I began, and his face lit up.
“Are you going out with her again?”
“No chance.” I shook my head. “Well, not as anything other than a friend anyway.”
His face dropped once more, and he furrowed his brow, keeping his eyes on the road.
“What do you mean?”
“That friend of Olivia’s friend you set me up with? Yeah, turns out she’s Hunter’s teacher—the one who gave me the chewing-out the week before about him being too solitary, you remember?” I finished up, and Raymond’s eyebrows shut up.
“Holy sh—” He trailed off, eyes going to Hunter in the back seat. “Holy snacks, Holden. You sure?”
“Certain,” I told him. “And I swear to God I was about to get up and walk out of there, but then she came over and said she wanted to apologize for how things had gone down between us, that she was wrong to confront me in front of Hunter and that she should have given us all a little space.”
“Well, that’s good news,” he remarked. “You said you had a good time anyway?”
“Yeah, I ended up having a really good time.” I smiled, remembering how fun that night had been once we had got past the initial difficulties. “I mean, it was a little awkward at first, but we rolled with the punches, and when the pressure was off, I wound up having a good night.”
“And what about her? What did she think?” Raymond asked.
“She seemed happy to have someone to work out her dating stuff on again,” I told him with a shrug. “I mean, say what you want, but both of us had been off the scene for a long time. I guess it was nice to hang out with someone else who was as useless as we were.”
“And nothing happened?” he asked, glancing at me incredulously in the mirror. “Nothing at all?”
“Nothing at all,” I replied firmly. I knew what he was angling for, but that was the truth. Sure, Autumn was cute and all, but she had made it pretty clear that night that we were about as far removed from each other as it was possible to be, and I wasn’t going to go and dissuade her of that opinion when it was so obviously true. She was a teacher, good with kids but not quite there with adults, smart and driven in a completely different direction from me.
“Hmm.” Raymond tapped his fingers on the wheel. “So, you said you might see her again?”
“I think I will,” I agreed. “She said she would keep an eye out for friends to set me up with, you know, now that we had the practice date out of the way.”
“Don’t get me wrong. That’s a very mature way to look at it,” he conceded. “But it sounds like you guys had a fun date together. What, was the physical chemistry just not there or something?”
“Oh no, she was—” I stopped myself before I came out with anything too lewd in front of my son, even if he was sleeping. “She was beautiful. But I don’t…”
I trailed off and tried to find the words to describe what was running through my mind. Raymond watched me for a moment as we pulled to a stoplight, and I could see a hint of amusement on his face.
“She’s not my type, that’s all,” I finished up. There, he couldn’t possibly need any more explanation than that. There was nothing you could do about a difference that fundamental, could you?
“Right.” He pulled the car away from the lights and raised his eyebrows. “Are you trying to convince me of that or yourself?”
I ignored him and turned the attention to fishing as we finally made it out of the city and headed down to our usual spot. It was a little cold at this time of year, but that meant it would be extra quiet around these parts, and we would get all the space and time we wanted to fish and chat and drink root beers together.
I woke Hunter up when we arrived, and he hopped out of the car and helped us get everything set up. He was well-practiced in this now, and every time we came down here, I would marvel at how much bigger and stronger he had gotten. I often forgot, seeing him every day, the changes he went through seemingly overnight sometimes. It was wild, noticing those changes come to fruition, how he could easily carry a cooler full of food or sling a couple of fishing poles over his shoulder when the same time last year, he would have struggled to even think of doing the same.
The place was as beautiful as it had ever been. Raymond and I had first come down here the week after I started the business, when I told him I needed nothing more than to catch a break from computer screens and stare at something beautiful for a while. He had taken me down to this lake he and his dad used to frequent, and I had fallen in love with it on the spot. Pine trees climbed up mountains around us, and there was a town on the other side that we sometimes stopped at for hot food if things were getting a little too chilly for my liking. The water was crisp and clear and rolled on for miles, and, in the pale, watery sunshine that was managing to come down that day, I just let it take me away. It was good to be out of the city. It had been a stressful week, for one reason or another, and I had sorely needed this break.
We headed down to the lake and took our normal spot there, Raymond and I sipping on a cheap beer and Hunter on a root one. I chatted to my son about what had been going on at school, and he filled me in on all the gossip I needed to know, who was friends with who, who had fallen out with who, who was having their birthday party where. It was fun, the small-stakes stuff, especially because Hunter treated it with such utter and deadly seriousness.
“Oh, hey, I think I got a bite,” Raymond told me suddenly, cutting me off midsentence as his line began to twitch erratically. I got to my feet and went to help him, but before we could pull anything up, it got away.
“Ah, well, maybe next time,” I said, slapping Raymond on the shoulder. He shrugged. The beer took the edge off any disappointment he might have felt for that, I found.
Hunter headed out to the edge of the water to inspect the stones and rocks there, and as I watched him, Raymond began to grill me once more.
“So you don’t have any feelings for this teacher of his?”
“I already told you no.” I glanced at him. “Why do you ask?”
“Because you spent this whole day asking him about school.” He nodded to my son. “You’re trying to find out if he approves of her.”
“All right, and where did you get your degree in psychology?” I shot back, glancing over at him. “I really don’t feel anything for her. Things aren’t that way between us. It’s that simple. I liked her, sure, but that was it.”
“What was her name?” he wondered aloud.
“Autumn,” I replied at once. “Autumn Becks.”
And I realized I was speaking the name with some kind of reverence, as though I was worshipping at the altar of the sound of it on my lips. I rolled my eyes, scolding myself for letting the beer get to me and conjure up feelings I was damn sure I didn’t have. I tossed one of the empty cans back into the cooler and decided that would be my last one. When I turned back to check on Hunter, he was standing a little closer to me than I thought—and he had probably heard me talking about going on a date with his teacher. To my surprise, instead of acting freaked out or weird, he had a big-ass smile on his face, as though all of this was somehow going exactly according to plan.
12
Autumn
“So, do I finally get the inside scoop on that date?” Zoe asked keenly, and I waved my hand and hooked it through her arm instead.
“Honestly, I don’t even think you’d believe me if I told you,” I admitted. “Can I get a coffee in me first? I feel like I’m going to need one to tell this story properly.”
“Oh, that good, huh?” she remarked as we headed down to our usual place. We were heading out to the mall, ostensibly because Zoe needed to get an outfit for a wedding she was attending with her family but really because it was a chance for her to grill me about that date she’d been itching to find out about since I got back from it.
We settled in at our usual table at the coffee shop, and she arched her fingers and looked at me over the top of them like she was a dastardly supervillain.
“Tell me what happened.” She smiled at me keenly. “Was it great? I bet it was great. You look like a woman who was on an amazing date in the near past.”
“Don’t strain something patting yourself on the back,” I warned her. “You’re not going to believe this, but you actually set me up with Hunter’s dad. You remember. The one I got into it with last week who wound up chewing me out about his privacy? That one?”
“Fucking hell.” She slapped her hand over her mouth and widened her eyes at me. “Are you shitting me right now?”
“Nope.” I shook my head. “I walked in, and there he was, waiting for me.”
“And what did you do?”
“Well, I went up to him, and said I was sorry for what happened when we first met,” I told her. “Which sucked because I hate having to admit I’m wrong. But then… I don’t know, we were chatting a little, and I decided to stay and eat with him.”
“So you actually did get your date after all?” She clapped her hands together. “See, I told you I could tell.”
“Well, the thing was, I’m not sure it was really a date.” I shook my head. “I mean, given how we met, I don’t think we could get over that. And we both hadn’t been out with anyone for a long time, so we decided we would treat it as a practice date.”
“A practice date?” She cocked an eyebrow. “And what, pray tell, is that?”
“Like, we would get all the awkward stuff out of the way so the next people we both went out with could be totally dazzled by our charm and wit,” I explained. “Not that I’m exactly jumping to go on another date again, but you get the idea.”
“Hmm.” She cocked an eyebrow. “And he agreed to this, did he?”
“Yeah, he seemed to like the idea.” I shrugged. “We spent the night together talking, and it was fun. I could for sure see the two of us becoming friends. He has a better sense of humor than I first thought.”
“Well, it couldn’t possibly be worse,” she conceded, cocking her head at me. There was something about the way she was looking at me like she knew something I didn’t. “So the two of you had dinner together.”
I pursed my lips, trying to figure out her point. She knew all this already. “Yeah.”
“And he said he wanted to see you again at the end of it? And that he had a good time?”
“Words to that effect.” I waved my hand.
“Are you sure he thinks this is platonic?” she wondered aloud, and I rolled my eyes at her.
“It is possible for men and women to be friends, you know,” I reminded her, and she held her hands up.
“Look, I’m not trying to say they can’t be,” she defended herself. “I’m just saying… give this a little thought, you know? Too many assumptions and all that.”
“Huh?”
“The most likely answer is probably the correct one,” she explained. “To me, it sounds like you have a man who wants to see you again, no matter what that entails.”
“Okay, now I’m certain you just want to have set me up on a good date,” I scolded her playfully.
“Yeah, well, I don’t like it when I’m wrong.” She held her hands up. “And I think it sounds like he actually likes you.”
“Well, maybe he does,” I said. “But he’s so far removed from my type. I mean, he’s a high-flying business… guy, that’s not exactly going to gel with me having a career all of my own, is it? Especially considering he has a kid.”
“You always liked Hunter,” she remarked playfully. “Maybe you could be a good stepmom to him.”
“And maybe you need to get your head out of your rear end and stop coming up with fanfiction about my life,” I fired back, raising my eyebrows at her pointedly. “Seriously, there’s nothing going on between the two of us. That’s all you need to know.”
“Yeah, right, sure.” She drummed her fingers on her chin. “When are you seeing him again?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “When I do, it’s going to be so I can get to know him a little better so I can find him someone more suitable to get him set up with.”
“Mm-hmm.” She sent me an incredulous look. “Right, yeah. Cool.”
I could tell she didn’t believe me, and pushing any further was going to prove her point inside that head of hers. I should have left it, but I couldn’t. I hated the thought of someone walking away from a conversation with me with the wrong idea.
“I think Hunter could use a woman around him,” I told her. “Not me but someone who can actually give him all the attention he deserves. Is that so bad?”
“Not at all.” She eyed me, clearly amused. “Not at all.”
With that, I decided to give up on the conversation and go on our shopping trip. Soon enough, I had forgotten all about Holden and Hunter and everything else. I forgot sometimes how fun it was to hang out with Zoe outside of work and how much fun the two of us had together. She made me laugh so much, strutting up and down in the changing rooms in a variety of terrible dresses that she was never going to buy but couldn’t resist trying out. Eventually, she settled on a flimsy green dress that clung to her figure in an almost scandalous fashion.
“You sure that’s the right choice for a wedding?” I wondered aloud as she headed to the cashier’s desk with it. She shrugged.
“It is if there’s someone there I’m trying to hook up with,” she told me cheerfully, and I laughed and followed her to the counter. If I could have found my way to a drop of her confidence, I wouldn’t have been in such a bad way with my dating life, that much was for certain.
I walked her back to her place and gave her a hug outside the door, where she pulled back and looked at me for a long moment. I knew what was going through her mind before it so much as came out of her mouth.
“Don’t even say it.” I lifted my finger to stop her talking, but she wasn’t having any of it.
“I’m just saying, be careful with Holden,” she told me. “It seems like… I don’t know, maybe there’s more going on there than you know, all right?”
“I know plenty.” I waved my hand, dismissing her concerns. “I’m a big girl, and I can take care of myself when it comes to stuff like this.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure you can.” She smiled at me. “I’m just saying. If he likes you, maybe that isn’t the worst thing in the entire world, is it?”
“Maybe so,” I conceded to get her to stop talking about it. “All right, I’ll see you at work, okay? Thanks for today. I needed it.”
“Anytime,” she replied and gave me another quick hug before she vanished inside her apartment building and left me to head back home by myself. I didn’t mind the walk, though, as it gave me a little time to ponder on what she had been saying.
Holden didn’t strike me as the kind of guy who held back when he knew how he felt. He wouldn’t have gotten anywhere in business if he had spent all his time dancing around the points in question and not coming outright and declaring what he wanted. He hadn’t been slow in telling me what he had thought of me when I had tried to intervene in things with Hunter.
But then, he hadn’t dated in a long time, just like me. Since Hunter had come along, he had told me. So maybe he was a little… nervous? Maybe he didn’t know how to express himself when he came across someone he liked. Maybe he needed a little guiding. Maybe Zoe was right, and he actually did like me.
I pushed that thought out of my head at once. Even if he did, I wasn’t sure anything could ever have worked between us. He had a kid, after all, and while I loved them, I wasn’t sure I wanted to step into the mother role at work and at home. And he had shown himself to be defensive before, a little sharp around the edges, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to work my way to find his soft center. Besides, he had told me it had been a practice date—and this was real life, not some fantasy where nothing was as it seemed, and nobody could just
come out and say what they really wanted.
When I got home, I checked my email and saw his address sitting in my book of recently-used contacts. It would be nice to see him again, just to put my mind at rest about what was actually going on with the two of us. And to get to know him better, so I could be sure that whoever I set him up with would be a good match.
I tapped out an email to him, suggesting that the two of us got lunch together. I made it clear that it was only platonic, as best I could, and hovered my finger over the send button for a moment before I hit it. I had nothing to lose, right? It would just be a nice way to spend an afternoon with a guy I thought was fun. Zoe was talking crazy when she had come out with all that stuff about how he was into me. He would have come out and told me. Kissed me. I found my fingers glancing over my lips as though I was mimicking the sensation of his mouth on mine and quickly dropped my hand back by my side. Man, I really needed to find someone to date properly, sooner rather than later.
I didn’t expect to hear a reply from him so fast, but a minute or two later, a response was sitting in my inbox. I hesitated for a moment before I clicked it open, feeling, for some reason, a little nervous at the thought of him turning me down.
“That sounds great,” he agreed. “But if you don’t mind, I’d like to pick your brains on something different. Shall we say Sunday, at one, at the mall off Bull Street?”
I grinned widely and bit my lip, wondering what on earth he needed to pick my brains about. Whatever it was, I was looking forward to finding out. I swiftly replied in the affirmative and sat back in my seat, grinning. This was going to be fun. I could feel it in my bones.
13
Holden
I waited for Autumn outside the mall, and my leg was jiggling nervously as I scanned the crowds and waited for her to turn up. I shouldn’t have picked such a busy day to meet with her. What, did I think I wasn’t going to recognize her or something? I remembered what she looked like. In fact, the image of her in that dress when she had walked into the restaurant was seared into my brain, and I found myself coming back to it a lot.